Els Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) Honestly, the way he's going about this just makes him sound like an entitled child. I mean, lying there with his eyes closed "urging you to do something"? When he wants food, does he lie there with his mouth open asking you to feed him, too? As for frequency... I personally feel that there is no "right" answer for what the frequency of sex "should" be (nor do I personally think that frequency is the end-all-be-all or even the major indicator of a good sex life, but I digress). There is only what works for each couple. Ideally, a couple would be roughly compatible on what degree of frequency they desire. A lot of people here would be leading you to think that everyone's having sex every day, twice a day, three times a day! And that may be true for them. But it doesn't apply to a lot of other people, and it doesn't have to apply to you. The entire point of dating is to find someone compatible. I agree with the poster who said that frequency is the secondary concern in your case, though. It's the way he's going about it that's the issue. A passive man who just lies there and makes lots of demands and no effort is just a turn off. If he has all that time and energy for sex, surely he can expend some of it on seducing you. When you actually do have sex, what does he do to make it good for you? Or does he just focus on getting himself off? Edited July 27, 2017 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
Tamari Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 (edited) If I had to hazard a guess (and I will), I'd say 1-2X per day is the frequency that most men would prefer, especially early in a relationship. So I don't see him as unreasonable, but, at the same time, I think he's being a little immature in the way he's approaching it. I get where he's coming from. I used to do the same thing. On days my W and I didn't work and were home together, my day didn't really start until we had sex. I'd put everything on hold waiting for her to be "ready" to have sex. Most women are lower drive then men, and have no idea how pressing the desire is to have sex when you're attracted to someone. I've been with my W for 14 years, if she told me tomorrow that "as many times as I wanted because she's horny" I'd probably go for it 3X a day. It's the valuable to most men and some women. There's really nothing to compare it to, but perhaps a reasonable analogy is the way you feel when your starving and out with friends, and everyone keeps deciding to go to the next store to shop instead of out to eat. The only thing you can think about is food, until you get it, you won't be able to enjoy the shopping or really anything else. It's not because your fat, it's not because you're a glutton. It's because your hungry. That's as close as I can get to describing the male sex drive, it's always there, it's always pressing on us, and it does, to a very large extent, control our actions. My suggestion, offer up something else. Sex is really not that big a deal; it doesn't take that long, it feels good, and it should be, if nothing else, fun and relaxing. Or move on to find someone who's lower drive. But look at the posts here, the drive that your man is showing isn't "off the wall". It's pretty normal. A high drive guy (me) might want sex 3-4X per day. A low drive guy maybe 3-4X a week. But no man I've ever met meets the criteria for "low drive" that a lot of women seem to meet (a few times a year would be perfect for a lot of women). That's just not us, it's not in our make up. Overtaxed: really? What planet do you live on?? I am a woman in a long term relationship and in love. It's not my first LTR and in more than half of them I would say I had the higher drive. My partner is often very tired from hard work and has even, on the odd occasion, literally FALLEN ASLEEP during love-making! Not very nice I can tell you. For the rest he's content with 1 x week unless he's rested in which case it's my lucky week but even then never more than once a day, and that would be rare. Plus... in my experience he's not alone. As for me I'm fit and well... yeah, I get plenty of male attention, shall we say. But I love him and we get on great for the rest so I don't complain. Edited July 28, 2017 by Tamari Link to post Share on other sites
hammyy2k Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 okay, how about masturbation, men do it all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
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