I'm pregnant and he's inconsistent

[MyHeart1]

My boyfriend and I planned to have a baby long story short things didn't turn to be great but instead we all we do is fight and argue and sometimes I get it's the hormones and other times I just feel he's taking me for granted. It got to a point where he ignored me and wasn't re responding to my messages nor calls. It was very frustrating and painful and I felt so alone. this is my first child and my ex already has a baby momma. Here's my story

 

 

My boyfriend told me he has a baby with a woman who's with someone else and who doesn't know that the child isn't his but my boyfriends. (My boyfriend says he didn't know she had a man) anyway my boyfriend found out she has a man when she got pregnant and she denied saying that the baby isn't his, my BF now went and did some test cos he knew it was his child and when the results came back they proved he was right. *Long story short*

 

The woman's man still doesn't know the baby isn't his and the child is 5 years now. Now for those five years my bf has been supporting the child financially, school fees, clothing, food you name it. bUT this woman won't let him see his child, she always has excuses I dunno I think it's cos she's scared her man might start questioning and obviously the child is 5 and she'll start talking and also asking questions. My ex sees the child every once in a while like in year I'd say 5 times. This is hurting him and he spoke to her all she does is make empty promises.

 

He keeps complaining to me and he says one day he'll go to court and I told him to hang in there for now and see what happens, the child will grow and as long as he's supporting the child and that eventually the truth has a Way of coming out. Anyyyyway to cut the long story story short. ( I knew all of this before I got in the relationship with him)

 

My problems begins when in that one month of him and I not communicating apparently he's been sick, he called and asked to come see me the day before yesterday and I agreed. He told me that he was sick and I asked what's wrong and all he said was that he's worried about his child. He says this lady has been promising him all the right things but still doesn't deliver, guys please don't get me wrong I totally understand where he's coming from but I feel that it's unfair on me, he neglected me, ignored my texts, my calls and all because of his past. He'd write emotional statuses. I don't understand why is he breaking down now and why I gotta suffer for all this, I mean for this whole 5 years this woman has been acting the was she is now and why is he suddenly so hurt to a point where I'm shut out while pregnant with his son. I can't help but feel that maybe he still loves her and he's still got hopes of them ever fixing their relationship or something, I mean all these years and he still doesn't have a solution to his problem?? He's 40 this year by the way so he's mature enough to know what to do, I just feel that he still has feelings for her and that if he goes to court he'll ruin their relationship or something.

When he came back the other day he pretended like nothing was wrong between me and him, he kept calling me baby and all he could say was " I see you calm" so basically he doesn't see anything wrong with neglecting me, I've been so emotional and lonely, I gave up on us and I had made peace with him not being there for me.

 

Truthfully after he came by that day I thought things would change that he'd treat me better, the following day he didn't even text me to check on me or ask how I'm doing ( I didn't either) he texted me today saying "morning and how are you" part of me didn't want to respond but I did because I really love him but I also feel that he's being unfair and emotionally abusive, I don't want someone who's inconsistent in my life, I can't keep waiting for him texts me or call me or treat me right. It hurts knowing that he's doing all this to me because he's hurting over what this woman is doing. Why do I have to suffer for it??

 

I need advice, I want to tell him that I can't deal with him being inconsistent with me, and watching him change his statuses to emtional sad statuses because of another woman, I want to ask him to stop texting me and checking up on because every time he does he takes me back. I was learning to live without him, I was starting to accept that he doesn't want me and now he texts me and is on and off. I also wanna tell him that I'll let him know as soon as I give birth so he can come see his son, but for now I also need inner peace, I too need to move on. Although I love him but this is hurting me, I don't get why now, were things good between them and he thought maybe he'd get back and then suddenly she dropped him for her man again?? And now he's broken again because of her it is it really because he doesn't see his child much?

 

I can't wait to give birth and just have my baby born and have my life back and maybe I'll stop caring about him

[preraph]

You need to put all this emotional confusion into a box and look past it and do what you know is going to be necessary, which is go to court and get him paying child support right now. It won't be up to him. You won't have to worry if he likes you or not. If you are in the U.S., the state will take his money and give it to you. So stop worrying about the emotional things and take care of you and your baby now.

 

If you're not in the US, most places will still take child support.

[stillafool]

 

 

 

I need advice, I want to tell him that I can't deal with him being inconsistent with me, and watching him change his statuses to emtional sad statuses because of another woman, I want to ask him to stop texting me and checking up on because every time he does he takes me back. I was learning to live without him, I was starting to accept that he doesn't want me and now he texts me and is on and off. I also wanna tell him that I'll let him know as soon as I give birth so he can come see his son, but for now I also need inner peace, I too need to move on. Although I love him but this is hurting me, I don't get why now, were things good between them and he thought maybe he'd get back and then suddenly she dropped him for her man again?? And now he's broken again because of her it is it really because he doesn't see his child much?

 

I can't wait to give birth and just have my baby born and have my life back and maybe I'll stop caring about him

 

Then tell him the above. It does seem like he is emotionally stuck on the other woman and not just because of his son. Go NC for your own health and that of your baby.

[Space Ritual]

I am going to be blunt here.

 

 

What guy gives all this financial support of a child without this other guy knowing that he is paying these support bills.

 

That simply does not make sense.

 

Nor does most of your boyfriend's story.

 

Which should lead you to understand that you are just going to have to bite the bullet and take care of your child yourself. Having the piss poor track record your boyfriend has already, how you would ever think he would step up and take responsibility of yet another child is beyond comprehension.

 

I am not being harsh in order to be mean, I am doing so because it is in your and your child's best interest to not expect much if anything from this guy, and to start planning accordingly. He is pretty much worthless, and will remain so. So dial down any dreams of you 2 being a couple and living in Rainbow Skittles Unicorn Fartland.

 

I would suspect he will probably have a third woman knocked up by the end of the year. Do yourself a favor and see a lawyer, and get a schedule of child support from him. Whether or not he actually comes through is debatable, but at least it will be a good step for you to learn you will probably be doing the child rearing in your own.

 

I am very sorry. This guys sounds like a piece of work...one that should be put into a dumpster

[ExpatInItaly]

I am going to be blunt here.

 

 

What guy gives all this financial support of a child without this other guy knowing that he is paying these support bills.

 

That simply does not make sense.

 

Nor does most of your boyfriend's story.

Which should lead you to understand that you are just going to have to bite the bullet and take care of your child yourself. Having the piss poor track record your boyfriend has already, how you would ever think he would step up and take responsibility of yet another child is beyond comprehension.

 

I am not being harsh in order to be mean, I am doing so because it is in your and your child's best interest to not expect much if anything from this guy, and to start planning accordingly. He is pretty much worthless, and will remain so. So dial down any dreams of you 2 being a couple and living in Rainbow Skittles Unicorn Fartland.

 

I would suspect he will probably have a third woman knocked up by the end of the year. Do yourself a favor and see a lawyer, and get a schedule of child support from him. Whether or not he actually comes through is debatable, but at least it will be a good step for you to learn you will probably be doing the child rearing in your own.

 

I am very sorry. This guys sounds like a piece of work...one that should be put into a dumpster

 

That was my initial reaction, too. Something just doesn't add up.

 

Why does the mom need support money if her current man believes he is the father? Would he not be paying the same bills and expenses, thinking he's just doing what dads do?

 

I would not plan a future with this guy, OP. He is not reliable and, I believe, not honest. Speak to an attorney immediately about pursuing child support and a legal custody agreement once the baby is born.

[smackie9]

Ah the choices we make. You can't do anything for him or his situation. His issue is he never manned up and took her to court. Why? maybe he still hoped they would get back together who knows.

 

Your best bet is to have that conversation with him.....for him to get his crap together and get this stuff straightened out...but he is going to have to go at it alone while you take care of yourself and your baby. Then proceed to explain that he is not off the hook for the pregnancy. If he doesn't comply with his duties as the father of your child, then you will be taking legal action.

[sandylee1]

I think you made a poor choice for the father of your child.

 

I agree with Space Ritual that the story of him paying child support is a yet the other man not knowing, doesn't make sense.

 

Perhaps the other woman /baby mama is lying to him, but it doesn't add up.

 

What stopped him taking it to court once he did the DNA test? He's not a very sensible 40 year old and I'd just block him until you have the baby.

 

You choose to have a baby with a man you weren't in a stable relationship with, so you need to make the best of your situation now.

 

This isn't meant to sound harsh... But you had the facts before hand and you still proceeded to plan a baby with him.

 

I hope you son will have a decent male role model in his life.

 

Seeing your child once a year is poor. I know some women can be awful by withholding access, but he's done nothing in 5 years to fight it.

[smackie9]

The OP has left the thread....you are posting to a dead space.

[misspalmy]

your bf needs get a dna test for the 5 year old