How do I deal with the fact knowing that I'll never have a girlfriend?

[the_lost_1]

Either it's suicide or give me suggestions.

 

Thanks.

[BaileyB]

Call a suicide hotline and get some counselling.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

1) Self improvement through therapy, continuing education, hobbies, or volunteering to feel more connected and involved in your community.

 

2) Focusing your attention on pursuing other dreams or goals that involve a lot of planning, such as travel or a new life experience that is outside of your comfort zone.

 

Basically whatever it takes to either distract you from negative thoughts or at least remind yourself that your life does have meaning and purpose. Everyone has a different journey through life, but if things become too overwhelming don't be afraid to ask a professional to help.

[Cookiesandough]

Hello Glad you reached out here. I wonder how you can know you will never have a girlfriend? A lot of things happen in a lifetime, though they don't often happen on the timeline you expect.

 

I do think you are in crisis and need support. It would be best to seek the help of a counselor in person...especially if there is a chance of you harming yourself, do so immediately. Everyone gets overwhelmed and discouraged - sometimes to extremes where we need assistance.

 

I have no doubt that lack of meaning outside of finding a gf is they biggest hurdles to finding one. Joining a club, do volunteer activities, getting out in the world and participating in what you are interested in really does help. Just make sure you are passionate about it. Not only will you feel happier and more confident , you will project kindness and confidence which is very attractive. Once your life is more meaningful and rich, you will find a companion with much more ease it

Edited July 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[the_lost_1]

Well I don't expect to live very long, and that's fine. I've thought suicide all my life and I'm no stranger to it. I have attempted many times yet so poorly. I'm tired of failures, I'm tired of everything, I'm tired of people giving up on me. I'm stuck with speech impediment, accent, and hearing device. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, this is worse than cancer at any rate.

 

I'm unemployed, and can't find work. I have been seeing this girl who seemed to be interested, who told me "I don't need break from you" and after meeting me for the first time, tells me "tbh you're too much" and "that's not the relationship or friendship i want".

 

Love it.

[grays]

Any idea what she meant by "too much?"

[basil67]

I'm stuck with speech impediment, accent, and hearing device. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, this is worse than cancer at any rate.

 

STOP.RIGHT.THERE

 

I know you're hurting, but that does not give you the right to belittle the experiences of others who are going through much worse than you.

 

I parent of a disabled child, I have many friends who have significantly disabled kids and I have worked in the disability sector. And let me tell you, there are many people who have it a whole lot worse than you. Having a hearing aid and deaf accent don't even begin to compare with, say, having to have someone change your diaper each time you poop. Or not being able to communicate your needs. Do you have it worse than those who's skin is so painful that they suffer blisters every time they touch something?

 

Worse than cancer? My friend died of cancer two years ago and left her 12yo son an orphan....you REALLY think you have it worse than them? Have you any idea how offensive your words are to someone who loves life but is dying of cancer? Or to someone who is suffering the loss of someone they loved to cancer?

 

Go and see that psychiatrist - your words are not the reflections of someone who is emotionally healthy. The hearing aid and deaf accent is the least of your problems.

[darkmoon]

find a girl in the deaf/ish community then

[Cookiesandough]

Hi I think you are in crisis and need to get help immediately if you are contemplating suicide. What your friend said is very hurtful. It's devastating when people we thought understood say they cannot. But it is probably true that your friend doesn't have the tools necessary to help, feels worried and overwhelmed because they care. It is crucial to seek help from people who do.

 

 

The things you mention may seem like insurmountable obstacles. But from the outside, they are clearly not at all. But it is understandable because you have been suffering so long with depression. Depression is a real condition that needs to be treated before you can tackle other things like job and getting a girlfriend.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[the_lost_1]

Any idea what she meant by "too much?"

 

she thinks i'm being obsessive over her i just thought we liked each other

[the_lost_1]

Hello ��Glad you reached out here. I wonder how you can know you will never have a girlfriend? A lot of things happen in a lifetime, though they don't often happen on the timeline you expect.

 

I do think you are in crisis and need support. It would be best to seek the help of a counselor in person...especially if there is a chance of you harming yourself, do so immediately. Everyone gets overwhelmed and discouraged - sometimes to extremes where we need assistance.

 

I have no doubt that lack of meaning outside of finding a gf is they biggest hurdles to finding one. Joining a club, do volunteer activities, getting out in the world and participating in what you are interested in really does help. Just make sure you are passionate about it. Not only will you feel happier and more confident , you will project kindness and confidence which is very attractive. Once your life is more meaningful and rich, you will find a companion with much more ease it��

 

I know this because I'm 29 and I have never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, nothing. It's obvious that God hates me, he made me lose my hearing when I was just 2 years old. I never asked for it. I worked hard to be able to speak to people, to talk and it's still not enough.

[the_lost_1]

People give up on me all the time. Weeks ago I was interested in this girl who later unfriended me from fb and I liked being her friend too and she just wouldn't text back to explain why.

 

I'm tired of it.

[Bastile]

Either it's suicide or give me suggestions.

 

Thanks.

 

Wait until you get one. That's when you will be needing time alone in a dark room

 

It's what you don't have that you put such importance on. Rather than being grateful for what you do.

[elaine567]

she thinks i'm being obsessive over her i just thought we liked each other

 

Well that had nothing to do with your hearing or your speech, did it?

Few people like being "obsessed" over.

Clingy, needy people are not appreciated by anyone, male or female.

YOU need to learn how to chill out and just be natural around women.Take your cues from her, slow down and just enjoy things and let them happen naturally.

Trying to "force" things tends not to work.

[BaileyB]

Indeed, you need to think about the way you interact with women if your perception is that "you like each other" and she feels like you are "obsessing"...

 

Coming on strong and "obsessing" will scare almost every girl off...

[BaileyB]

I know this because I'm 29 and I have never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, nothing. It's obvious that God hates me, he made me lose my hearing when I was just 2 years old. I never asked for it. I worked hard to be able to speak to people, to talk and it's still not enough.

 

I have a dear friend and coworker who completely lost her hearing after she had meningitis when 3 years old. She is one of the most beautiful people - inside and out - that I have ever known. She is married and she has a beautiful daughter who is hearing. She never complains about anything, always has a smile, and she works with children who have lost their hearing to help them learn. If she heard you say that God hates someone because they lost their hearing, she would be heartbroken for you, that you feel that way.

 

Life is what you make of it, my friend.

[the_lost_1]

I wish I could hear like u, life would have been easier.

 

If I could hear like u, I would have been a successful man by now and possibly have a beautiful wife and kids and professional career.

 

But no, this is what God wants me to be in this situation.

[Blanco]

I wish I could hear like u, life would have been easier.

 

If I could hear like u, I would have been a successful man by now and possibly have a beautiful wife and kids and professional career.

 

But no, this is what God wants me to be in this situation.

 

Yes, blame it all on someone else.

 

Your life is what you make of it.

 

Every year, my old university hosts a weekend athletic event for the physically disabled. For two days, the campus is packed with people who have been dealt a bad hand: Wheelchair bound, missing limbs, etc. All of these people could feel angry at the disadvantage they have been placed in. Instead, I see so much positive energy. So many warming smiles. So much bonding. It's infectious, and it usually puts things back into perspective for me.

 

Yes, life would be easier if we were all born without flaws of any kind. But that's not life, and we must learn to adapt to what reality is. Your attitude shows that you have not done this. You are stuck in victim mode, and I can't imagine that this doesn't permeate the real-life relationships you have with other people.

 

Get counseling. Address these issues. Stop playing the victim. Live your life.

[the_lost_1]

Why do you say 'your life is what you make it'? This doesn't make any sense at all, I can't force everything I want it to be, I can't force someone to like me, I can't force myself to be fully, naturally hearing.

[Cookiesandough]

I know this because I'm 29 and I have never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, nothing. It's obvious that God hates me, he made me lose my hearing when I was just 2 years old. I never asked for it. I worked hard to be able to speak to people, to talk and it's still not enough.

 

You are just 29! We all go at different paces. Some go faster and some slowerS Some men have married, been through divorce, and lost so much already by that she and some are just beginning ?

 

There are so many things that can seem to hold us back in life if we focus on them and only look at the negative aspects. We don't ask for any hardships, but when they befall us we can still overcome them. We don't have to resign ourselves to "I can't" and "never". That is what depressive thinking does. It's a pattern of negative thought

 

 

Congratulations on your hard work. I know it can seem unfair, and it is, that you have these extra challenges. But you have advantages too that some others don't. Plenty of people cannot speak and find love, success, happiness. There is no reason why you can't.

 

 

As for your girl - when you are manic or desperately want something it can seem obsessive to the other person even though it doesn't seem that way to you. She is just one girl. Perhaps not the one for you. Counseling would help with that too

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wish I could hear like u, life would have been easier.

 

If I could hear like u, I would have been a successful man by now and possibly have a beautiful wife and kids and professional career.

 

But no, this is what God wants me to be in this situation.

 

I agree. This is what God wants for you.

 

Now. How can you figure out how to make the best of it and stop being such a defeatist?

[Blanco]

Why do you say 'your life is what you make it'? This doesn't make any sense at all, I can't force everything I want it to be, I can't force someone to like me, I can't force myself to be fully, naturally hearing.

 

Of course it makes sense. It doesn't make sense to you, because you want people to excuse your bad attitude and feed into your victim mentality.

 

It's not a new saying, and I feel it's not complicated. It just means that life is what you make of your circumstances.

 

Yes, it'd be great if you could hear perfectly, though I will point out that your belief that it would solve ALL of your problems is unrealistic. Plenty of people hear well and still have trouble with dating and finding love.

 

The reality is, you have a hearing disability. Now, you can continue to feed into your self-pity about how no one in the world has it any harder than you, a mindset that I promise you others around you pick up on and are repelled by. Or you can work to figure out what steps are necessary to change your life based on the hand you've been dealt.

 

You've already said you don't want to date anyone with a hearing impairment, which I think is not only short-sighted, but also hypocritical. You say you won't do counselling because you think doing so would be an admission that you're crazy (it's not). Again, you have options that may lead toward a better quality of life. But you are so determined to wallow in your supposedly horrible life that you resist these options.

[her2]

Hello dear, you seem to be going through a difficult moment. Even though I don't know the actual situation, I am absolutely sure that suicide is not a solution for it. The fact that you may not have a girlfriend now does not mean you are going to stay without one forever. I propose you search for possible solutions and I pray you have the strength to work through this. I will also be praying that you keep an optimistic attitude. All the best, HER

[Mysterio]

Suicide is never the answer. I think work on raising your spirits first before getting involved with a woman romantically.

[basil67]

Why do you say 'your life is what you make it'? This doesn't make any sense at all, I can't force everything I want it to be, I can't force someone to like me, I can't force myself to be fully, naturally hearing.

 

I will give you a different phrase with the same meaning. "Life is 5% of what happens and 95% of how you react to it". Perhaps you can make sense of this?

 

I know people who have been dealt all kinds of rubbish in their lives, but they still live a happy and fulfilling life. And there are others who have had a few things go wrong and fall into a crumbling heap. It's not about what goes wrong, it's about one's attitude to the problem.