confused_gf Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Hi all, So about a month ago I was in a program receiving treatment for mental health issues when I met this guy. I was immediately drawn to something about him, he was very handsome, intelligent, shy, and sweet. Initially, I was led to believe he had a drinking problem. I gave him my contact info but before I left the program we hooked up and things got physical pretty fast. I wasn't sure whether to get my hopes up about seeing him again, but he did end up messaging me about a month later and we got together for the day. Unexpectedly (for me), our first time hanging out we had sex four times without protection. It was then that I saw he was smoking something and trying to get me to smoke it too. The next day he was acting very strange (paranoid/hypersexual/not sleeping), I finally put together that he didn't just have a drinking problem. I had to threaten to call the cops to get him out. Even though he was technically banned from coming over, I was still emotionally attached and continued talking to him/having him over late at night. He talked about moving away with me to get clean and starting a new life with me elsewhere (which had its appeal since I want to leave as well). He also wanted me to forgo taking plan b and was very enthusiastic about the idea of having kids with me. I love kids so this idea pulled on my heartstrings and the next day I had a panic attack before I finally just popped the pill in my mouth. Two nights ago we had a conversation and he basically told me he had strong feelings for me, we made plans for him to come over, but he never came. For the past two days he has been calling me repeatedly and at odd hours but my intuition has told me something is not right. He admitted to me today that he has already hooked up with another girl (although he said it meant nothing). When I was telling him to get help and how the drug makes him act crazy he hung up on me. I still feel very guilty about taking the plan b as it goes against both mine and his beliefs. I don't know why but my intuition told me not to take it, but reasonably it seemed like the only thing to do. I feel completely devastated over it. In any case their is still a small chance I may be pregnant. I know its crazy but I wanted all the plans we made to be true. I really do want a family and a quiet life somewhere else. I guess a part of me feels like if I didn't take the pill it could have been a possibility. I just hope I did the right thing and I hope he gets help Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I still feel very guilty about taking the plan b as it goes against both mine and his beliefs. I don't know why but my intuition told me not to take it, but reasonably it seemed like the only thing to do. I feel completely devastated over it. In any case their is still a small chance I may be pregnant. I know its crazy but I wanted all the plans we made to be true. I really do want a family and a quiet life somewhere else. I guess a part of me feels like if I didn't take the pill it could have been a possibility. I just hope I did the right thing and I hope he gets help If you can't take Plan B then at least use protection. For goodness sake. You can't in any sort of healthy mindset believe that bringing a child into this situation is the right thing. I think you need to keep working on yourself because there's something not right that after one month of knowing an addict you're fantasizing about a family, children, a white picket fence and a dog in the backyard. There are so many red flags and you're completely oblivious and almost in some sort of love fog. Move on from this guy. Change isn't coming around anytime soon. And please wear protection. You are making bad choices for yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/addiction-recovery/364377-guy-i-m-falling-cocaine This is another thread from you. Why do you keep attracting these type of men and "loving" them? Learn from your past and let those lessons keep you from making bad decisions for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I still feel very guilty about taking the plan b as it goes against both mine and his beliefs. But having unprotected sex, with a drug addict that you have known for a month is part of your belief system? Girl PLEASE please please please get yourself to a doctor. Drug addicts and prostitutes are the absolute riskiest people you could choose to have sex with - and UNPROTECTED?!?! *faints* You know this man gets around (look he already had more causal sex) he is out of his mind on drugs... and now you have exposed your body to all the women he has been with, and their risky histories. Look - HIV is back on the rise, and its practices like this that cause it to spread. You have VERY HIGH RISK sex. I know its crazy but I wanted all the plans we made to be true. I really do want a family and a quiet life somewhere else. I guess a part of me feels like if I didn't take the pill it could have been a possibility. I just hope I did the right thing and I hope he gets help You did the right thing. This is NOT how a "quiet life" with a happy family starts. Not for a freaking moment. Neither of you are responsible or healthy enough to take care of yourselves, let alone a vulnerable, innocent life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 I haven't been with anyone for about a year and 7 months now. I've tried to stay to myself for the most part because I tend to attract "wounded birds" so to speak and it probably has to do with issues I have myself. I gave him my contact with the hope of having a friend (I'm new to this area and don't know anyone), maybe at most a friends with benefits? It was him who brought up having kids and I realized for the first time that I actually would like to have them. In the past I had no issue taking plan b with my first BF, but this time it was very difficult. Also before this, I never really had to worry much about protection with partners. It was always just sort of unspoken that we didn't want to have kids and protection was used or the guy would at least pull out. By the time me and this guy got "to that point" I was just astonished that he didn't pull out, didn't want me to take anything, and kept talking about having kids. I'm not looking for anyone to condone my actions, its just been sort of a whirlwind the past few days. I already told him that the best I can do for him is be a support if he wants to get sober. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 But having unprotected sex, with a drug addict that you have known for a month is part of your belief system? No, it's really not. But at the time I slept with him I was unaware that he was a drug addict or sleeping around. He told me upfront that he was not the type to sleep around, and yeah, I bought it. It was only until two nights ago that I really put together that he wasn't being truthful with me. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Also before this, I never really had to worry much about protection with partners. It was always just sort of unspoken that we didn't want to have kids and protection was used or the guy would at least pull out. . Are not the least bit concerned about HIV, herpes, cancer causing HPV, infertility causing chlamydia etc? You are putting yourself in the high risk catagory. "Unspoken".... Ugh, this is not a responsible attitude towards sex, not in the slightest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I haven't been with anyone for about a year and 7 months now. I've tried to stay to myself for the most part because I tend to attract "wounded birds" so to speak and it probably has to do with issues I have myself. You recognize this and yet you chose to have unprotected sex with someone like him? What did you think bringing a child into this world would entail? You see a train wreck heading your way and you stand infront of it? You need to keep working on yourself and avoid dating or relationships. I don't believe you have any boundaries or standards for yourself, and it's because you don't see value in yourself -- therefore settle for just about anyone to fill that need/void in you. I gave him my contact with the hope of having a friend (I'm new to this area and don't know anyone), maybe at most a friends with benefits? It was him who brought up having kids and I realized for the first time that I actually would like to have them. In the past I had no issue taking plan b with my first BF, but this time it was very difficult. I don't think you are in a healthy place to even have a friends with benefits situation. There is no way you could manage a sex only arrangement. You chose to have unprotected sex with someone you didn't even know, who turned out to be an addict, who is sleeping around. And in a month you want to build a family with him? You want to make friends? Then venture down a more positive path. Also before this, I never really had to worry much about protection with partners. It was always just sort of unspoken that we didn't want to have kids and protection was used or the guy would at least pull out. By the time me and this guy got "to that point" I was just astonished that he didn't pull out, didn't want me to take anything, and kept talking about having kids. Good god. It's time to put the "pull-out" method to sleep and start using protection. Educate yourself. What about STDs? You are your own worst enemy. You were astonished? You didn't know how to say no? You couldn't make any decision for yourself but just go with everything he said? You have no desire to protect yourself? You have no ability to think and make smart choices for yourself? I'm not looking for anyone to condone my actions, its just been sort of a whirlwind the past few days. I already told him that the best I can do for him is be a support if he wants to get sober. You focus on your own mental issues. Stop supporting others when you yourself are in need of it. And the next time you have sex, please use protection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Yeah, I'll be getting tested as soon as I can. I've already been tested recently and everything is/was fine. So hopefully that is still the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 I mean yeah, sex is a high risk behavior. Humans wouldn't engage in it at all if we didn't enjoy it so much and I enjoy it a lot. I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes logic and rational goes out the window when attraction comes into play, then you throw in the fact that he is using meth which I didn't know until now makes you like a sex demon. I had no intentions of having a kid. Got the plan b as soon as I could. Yeah, I mean I want to make better choices in the future and I appreciate the concern. But yeah, I'm not gonna take a walk of shame or anything - that's pretty outdated too. I should also mention I've taken a lot of courses on human sexuality and I'm only concerned at this point with HPV. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Hahaha this isn't about $ shaming....this is about being wreckless and irresponsible. Look, I love sex too. I understand heat of the moment and passion.... And I also know how very easy it is to get condoms, and how easy it is to get guys to use them if you care at all about your health. Really, I am the last person who is going to tisk tisk casual, or even NSA sex, as long as people are being smart and safe about it. You are being neither. The guy is a drug user. Do you have any idea how many meth users also use intravenously? Or the other drug addict girls he was probably sleeping with? Really, you have no concerns about HIV or hepatitis C after having unprotected sex with high risk partners? Only HPV, which you have most likely already been exposed to, like the majority of the sexually active population. Maybe it's time for a few more sexuality classes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I mean yeah, sex is a high risk behavior. Humans wouldn't engage in it at all if we didn't enjoy it so much and I enjoy it a lot. I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes logic and rational goes out the window when attraction comes into play, then you throw in the fact that he is using meth which I didn't know until now makes you like a sex demon. Any guy you meet, regardless if he's a meth addict or the sweet guy next door, use protection. Even when your emotions are running high, the priority is always protecting yourself. I should also mention I've taken a lot of courses on human sexuality and I'm only concerned at this point with HPV. You should be concerned with STDs, period. There's no reason to be selective about diseases. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Look, I love sex too. I understand heat of the moment and passion... Clearly, you don't... The guy is a drug user. Do you have any idea how many meth users also use intravenously? Or the other drug addict girls he was probably sleeping with? I have no idea and I was lied to about that/he masked his addiction. Maybe it's time for a few more sexuality classes. Preaching to the choir. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Any guy you meet, regardless if he's a meth addict or the sweet guy next door, use protection. Even when your emotions are running high, the priority is always protecting yourself. You should be concerned with STDs, period. There's no reason to be selective about diseases. I'll do better next time. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 Clearly, you don't..... No, I do. But I love myself enough to use my head before allowing some random guy to raw dog me. To me it's a BIG DEAL. I was wise enough to insist on safe sex practices as a teenager, and I sure as heck still do as a grown woman. There is always a 7-11 a few blocks away. Because I don't want to be diseased. I don't want children, I don't want to take plan B, I don't want to have an abortion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 No, I do. But I love myself enough to use my head before allowing some random guy to raw dog me. To me it's a BIG DEAL. I was wise enough to insist on safe sex practices as a teenager, and I sure as heck still do as a grown woman. There is always a 7-11 a few blocks away. Because I don't want to be diseased. I don't want children, I don't want to take plan B, I don't want to have an abortion. Wow. I get it. You're so much better than me. I'm impressed with your basic, boring ass sex life. Are you gone now? Link to post Share on other sites
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