Why it is all about OLD now, do people even do things the natural way anymore ?

[MonkeyLogic]

Basically there are two way to meet people to date and for a possible relationship:

 

1. People you know. From school. From your social circle. From clubs / sports etc. These are people you've met and gotten to know and grown a mutual attraction over time.

 

2. Strangers. These are people you meet at bars or at the grocery store or OLD.

 

Basically as you get older, and live in a city, the opportunities for (1) become less so meeting strangers is more likely. But expectations have to be realistic. You won't be compatible with most strangers, so it's a numbers game.

[CptInsano]

Guys don't really flirt or interact with each other much unless they know each other where I'm from. They make eye contact, then flinch away like they were caught doing something bad. I was at school awhile back in the commons area, and in walks this GORGEOUS girl. She had these HUGE yaknows and ahem I was like O.O. I'm straight but I needed to pick my jaw up off the floor. But I'm curious, because I notice most of the guys are staring, some giggling, so I watch not even the boldest says hi to her the whole time she sat by me with her friends. Seriously, what even is that?

 

Many reasons, the most obvious one that she was with a group of friends, which is simply not the easiest to approach. Also, it might have been the middle of the day, and guys might have had other things on her mind. I also don't know if she seemed approachable or not. Some women have a negative vibe.

All I'm trying to say is that there are tons of factors that contribute to whether a guy talks to you or not.

Edited July 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Gaeta]

It's very far from "the same".

 

You remember each of those three guys that had the balls to approach you years after the event. You'll likely never forget it, either. How many guys do you remember simply from an initial approach online that went no further than that?

 

As a man, I can get a number from a few approaches. I'm talking the most attractive women in the street. Do you think I could do that in a couple of right swipes on Tinder? lol

 

And when it often goes nowhere, I have had so many great connections on a human level with people. You don't get that on OLD.

 

It's also one hell of a buzz.

 

In OLD there is no value in the process itself. None.

 

I was not interested in the process. I was interested in meeting a compatible companion.

 

I didn't care about collecting 'great connections' again I was interested in meeting a compatible companion.

 

I have had plenty of first meet from online that I was completely blown away by the chemistry. I don't feel I have missed out on anything.

 

Online still gave me what I was looking for : A loyal companion I fell in love with.

[Chilli]

Yeah def' agree with the look thing.

Unfortunately and l've known women like this, friends or whatever but some do have an unapproachable face, whether it be stuck up, or a bit hard, but funny, often they aren't like that at all and have truned out even gentler than most.

It's just been some unfortunate look they seem to have but are unaware of it until l've mentioned it when they ask why guys are a little stand offish.

So l've had a few nice surprises with people like that but normally, l can read faces very well, not all though and what l see is what l get type thing.

Edited July 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Art_Critic]

Isn't OLD now the natural way ?

 

I did OLD dating at the beginning of smart phones so most of it was done on the computer thru webpages but I found my wife on match and have been married 10 years this coming Sept.

 

I worked a ton of hours and on the weekends I found myself up in the mountains at my cabin, throw in that I'm a nondrinker and I don't go into bars as well as I'm an employer so I can't date coworkers my social life sucked till OLD came along.

 

I didn't have any problems dating with OLD, I had a good honest profile and showed my humor in all interactions online.

 

I had many relationships lasting 6 months to a year or so till I found my wife..

 

While OLD is somewhat different today I don't think I would have a problem dating online if I found myself single again.. sure beats trying to find someone when there is no time in your busy life to fit in trying to find someone at your neighborhood get together..

[knabe]

OLD works for people who understand how to connect in the way mainstream society connects within the confines of general emotional intelligence. This is also what works in real life.

 

In other words, if you are an outlier, and you become an outlier who uses it to prove a point with a chip on your shoulder, OLD won't work any better than real life.

 

People who exude negativity and bitterness and who seemingly disdain the other sex while simultaneously expecting to have sex with them are not going to do well in ANY dating venue. And they will never look at THEMSELVES, so it won't change. OLD just kind of masks it for awhile, while in person makes it more obvious, so their willingness to change might happen sooner.

[OatsAndHall]

It's basically the nature of the world we live in at this point. Most aspects of our lives revolve around the convenience of technology and people are used to it and comfortable with it. It has become ingrained in society's way of life.

 

Think about it; how many times have you walked into a coffee shop or restaurant and see five people sitting at a table with their phones in front of them. No conversation going back and forth whatsoever; just texting away and messing around on social media. It is something that I run across all the time. Hell, at work, adults in sit in the break room over lunch and text and message without a word passing between them. Unless they are talking about something they saw on Snapchat..

 

I think that technology is making people socially inept as well. I have run into more and more people that simply cannot communicate face to face or over the phone. They struggle to hold a conversation as they have grown so accustomed to the technological space. They either lack a brain-to-mouth filter as they're used to saying whatever they want behind the comfort of a screen or they simply cannot string together a few sentences. I believe that perpetuates the OLD scene as well. I have had several OLD dates where a woman who could chat via text for hours couldn't actually converse over coffee. And, I have experience dating and am pretty easy to talk to.

 

I used OLD out of convenience as my schedule is pretty busy. But, I grew weary of it for several reasons. One, their just wasn't much return for the time I put in. I'd sit down, fire off many, many messages, get a few responses and then a couple of dates out of those responses. At one point, I realized that I had put in over eight hours worth of time in a week (shooting messages, chatting with women) and only ended up with one exceptionally bad date. Also, I have just experienced too much strange behavior via OLD. I chatted with a woman for awhile, we planned a date and agreed to talk over the phone before the date. She never called me and when I tried to get a hold of her, she had blocked me via OLD and had blocked my phone number. Very odd given that the last message I had from her said "I am really looking forward to talking to you!".

 

I have been much happier finding dates in RL. I strike up a few conversations with a woman, see if I can get a laugh out of her and then ask her on a date. I have gotten far more dates that way without being glued to my phone. And, the dates have been more fun and meaningful.

[Chilli]

l fear for myself a little from hear on now.

 

The problem is, there's only been two women in my life l care to even think about out of all. My real women are rare, rare as hens teeth,even if l've known dozens.

The sort of thing l like in a girl is not everyday stuff, not by a million miles.

My ex w , 19yrs, who was an absolute 1 in millions. Sadly marriage and the life we'd lead took it's toll though and here l am.

But then insanely , after getting through all that and going for a little dabble on date sites, and damn near throwing the computer at a bus in disgust, walking away, somehow ,l met my italian gf.

l sensed her and she sensed me, we were both from this same bizarre mold and instant.

We're both very very unusual people, in just about everything, one offs but in mostly the same ways which again is also one off stuff.

Things about her, with her, l couldn't even begin to explain here,there just isn't a way, but she was my one in 10million, even more so than ex w. Which was incredible in itself really considering l'd already been lucky enough to meet ex w in this lifetime even if it ended.

But sadly, it did have problems, distance, but gf also had problems, serious things that l sort all kinds of help trying to deal with but in the end it was just undoable anymore.

But the rest of her will be no doubt , the most incredible and most unusual person, most bizarrely irreplaceable person, so me, l know l'll ever meet now.

 

So the thing is, there are just two amazing one in millions in there that mean anything .

And the problem is , l need a women like that but having been more than lucky twice in life now, l fear l couldn't possibly find anyone to measure up.

And l'd feel bad for her because even if l love again , she might know that she can't.

l know l could meet some lovely new girl, heart of gold , wonderful person, maybe even crazy sexy, that might love me to bits, but there just wouldn't be another out there of what l really need, not that l could possibly be lucky enough to find yet again .

 

And l know you can;t look at the past , you can't find that again , it has to be new and different again.

But really , in all honestly , l fear anyone l meet from now on , ever , could only be settling and deep down , just disappointing but make do.

l know that's no way to think , and certainly no pressure to put on someone new , but that is my fear.

[Chilli]

I was not interested in the process. I was interested in meeting a compatible companion.

 

I didn't care about collecting 'great connections' again I was interested in meeting a compatible companion.

 

I have had plenty of first meet from online that I was completely blown away by the chemistry. I don't feel I have missed out on anything.

 

Online still gave me what I was looking for : A loyal companion I fell in love with.

 

 

Great stuff G, l'm happy for ya.

[Chilli]

Isn't OLD now the natural way ?

 

I did OLD dating at the beginning of smart phones so most of it was done on the computer thru webpages but I found my wife on match and have been married 10 years this coming Sept.

 

I worked a ton of hours and on the weekends I found myself up in the mountains at my cabin, throw in that I'm a nondrinker and I don't go into bars as well as I'm an employer so I can't date coworkers my social life sucked till OLD came along.

 

I didn't have any problems dating with OLD, I had a good honest profile and showed my humor in all interactions online.

 

I had many relationships lasting 6 months to a year or so till I found my wife..

 

While OLD is somewhat different today I don't think I would have a problem dating online if I found myself single again.. sure beats trying to find someone when there is no time in your busy life to fit in trying to find someone at your neighborhood get together..

 

Ahh nice one AC , love a happy ending haha.

[Chilli]

OLD works for people who understand how to connect in the way mainstream society connects within the confines of general emotional intelligence. This is also what works in real life.

 

In other words, if you are an outlier, and you become an outlier who uses it to prove a point with a chip on your shoulder, OLD won't work any better than real life.

 

People who exude negativity and bitterness and who seemingly disdain the other sex while simultaneously expecting to have sex with them are not going to do well in ANY dating venue. And they will never look at THEMSELVES, so it won't change. OLD just kind of masks it for awhile, while in person makes it more obvious, so their willingness to change might happen sooner.

 

 

l remember seeing a lot of that on there in women.

No doubt women saw a lot of it on there in men too,

[SevenCity]

It's basically the nature of the world we live in at this point. Most aspects of our lives revolve around the convenience of technology and people are used to it and comfortable with it. It has become ingrained in society's way of life.

 

Think about it; how many times have you walked into a coffee shop or restaurant and see five people sitting at a table with their phones in front of them. No conversation going back and forth whatsoever; just texting away and messing around on social media. It is something that I run across all the time. Hell, at work, adults in sit in the break room over lunch and text and message without a word passing between them. Unless they are talking about something they saw on Snapchat..

 

I think that technology is making people socially inept as well. I have run into more and more people that simply cannot communicate face to face or over the phone. They struggle to hold a conversation as they have grown so accustomed to the technological space. They either lack a brain-to-mouth filter as they're used to saying whatever they want behind the comfort of a screen or they simply cannot string together a few sentences. I believe that perpetuates the OLD scene as well. I have had several OLD dates where a woman who could chat via text for hours couldn't actually converse over coffee. And, I have experience dating and am pretty easy to talk to.

 

I used OLD out of convenience as my schedule is pretty busy. But, I grew weary of it for several reasons. One, their just wasn't much return for the time I put in. I'd sit down, fire off many, many messages, get a few responses and then a couple of dates out of those responses. At one point, I realized that I had put in over eight hours worth of time in a week (shooting messages, chatting with women) and only ended up with one exceptionally bad date. Also, I have just experienced too much strange behavior via OLD. I chatted with a woman for awhile, we planned a date and agreed to talk over the phone before the date. She never called me and when I tried to get a hold of her, she had blocked me via OLD and had blocked my phone number. Very odd given that the last message I had from her said "I am really looking forward to talking to you!".

 

I have been much happier finding dates in RL. I strike up a few conversations with a woman, see if I can get a laugh out of her and then ask her on a date. I have gotten far more dates that way without being glued to my phone. And, the dates have been more fun and meaningful.

 

A friend of mine said he was rejected by a girl online only to run into her in person a while later and got a date. She didn't even remember him from OLD.

 

IRL is so much better than OLD, the problem is that IRL only happens when you have compatible women around you.

 

The one benefit to OLD is that everyone is (supposed to be) single. IRL you can chat up a woman only to find out she is involved already.

[niji]

PS

wtf is a GIGS everyone keeps talking about anyway ?

 

Grass is Greener Syndrome Never knew there was so much of it out there until I went on LS.

 

And good luck to you too. I'm so glad I'm out of the dating game. Wanted to deactivate my profile after 2-3 weeks due to the many creeps that messaged me every day, but hey, it was worth it. Offline or online, dating is what you make of it anyway

 

OLD works for people who understand how to connect in the way mainstream society connects within the confines of general emotional intelligence. This is also what works in real life.

People who exude negativity and bitterness and who seemingly disdain the other sex while simultaneously expecting to have sex with them are not going to do well in ANY dating venue.

 

Spot on. OLD isn't any magical vehicle that enables you to be a better partner, for me it purely increases the probability. In my case, the statistics was in my favor.

 

Niji has a nice story (sans the 6 year part!) but stories like that don't happen everyday. I related to a lot of it as I'm an introvert as well and prefer an introverted woman (though I am quick to action if I see a girl I like).

 

I was so naive when I first started old. I thought it was just a collection of people like Niji who didn't have much opportunity to meet others. I was sadly mistaken.

 

Ya bet; I still consider myself incredibly lucky. Before my SO messaged me, every single one who did was either 1) a creep looking for ONS, some were so out of my search criteria that I was tempted to say, "I'm telling your mom you're on here instead of paying attention in class" , or 2) incredibly insane as in "I see that you're a great person and I want a serious relationship with you". Before even meeting me! My SO actually was the FIRST person who messaged me and sounded like someone I would talk to in real life. He asked me out to coffee so we could discuss one of our mutual interests, and I was swept off my feet. Someone who actually read my brief profile and wants to meet up for coffee, hell yes! Would ya believe that!

 

Like knabe said, it seems like the majority of people on OLD are those unable to find meaningful relationships in real life and went online hoping people won't be able to see their flaws behind a screen. And then, a small portion is those who just had no time/opportunity to see people offline so they went online to expand their statistics. I bet that as long as you're patient, you'll eventually bump into one of these.

 

The one benefit to OLD is that everyone is (supposed to be) single. IRL you can chat up a woman only to find out she is involved already.

 

Yes yes yes. Every man I was interested in IRL turned out to be taken already. It was about time I fell for a gay man so I could complete the prophecy.

[Gaeta]

l fear for myself a little from hear on now.

 

The problem is, there's only been two women in my life l care to even think about out of all. My real women are rare, rare as hens teeth,even if l've known dozens.

The sort of thing l like in a girl is not everyday stuff, not by a million miles

 

Here is your issue.

 

We are the stories we tell ourselves.

 

To find an amazing person to spend the rest of your life with you have to 'believe' in it...and you don't. You have convinced yourself that compatible women are extremely rare and it's possible you won't find another one, which is untrue. There are hundreds and hundreds of women that would make a wonderful companion to you but you have to believe it to find her.

 

I spent 3,5 years online (on and off) and met close to 200 men. I never doubted once I would meet someone, I 'believed' in it. While people were on here complaining about not finding someone after 1 month online I was booking my 150th date and kept on going...because I believed in it.

 

I went through all the BS people talk about on here, been played, lied to, stood up, etc. Did I concentrate in that? nope! because it does not matter what people do or why they do it, what mattered was me, what I wanted, and what next I could do to get it.

Edited July 21, 2017 by Gaeta

[Bastile]

I was not interested in the process. I was interested in meeting a compatible companion.

 

I didn't care about collecting 'great connections' again I was interested in meeting a compatible companion.

 

I have had plenty of first meet from online that I was completely blown away by the chemistry. I don't feel I have missed out on anything.

 

Online still gave me what I was looking for : A loyal companion I fell in love with.

 

I know. That's what I'm saying. OLD is merely a means to an end.

 

I don't like dating in that way. It's not my cup of tea.

[Cookiesandough]

Gaeta!!! Your post is great. Agreed, don't give up hope. Most of us have felt that "we're never gonna get this again" feeling about someone. My ex was my first and only everything so far and that was at 25 , it did not last and after I thought 'I'm just weird, I was 25 before I found him and it didn't last. I should probably just be alone' I tried everything, but I realize this is just who I am and I can find a great partner. I can find someone I feel excited about and since then, I have been on a couple dates with some guys I 'd click with better than him(but it didn't work out for one reason or another)

 

Anyway, point is that it really is your mindset and putting yourself out there to fall again

[OatsAndHall]

A friend of mine said he was rejected by a girl online only to run into her in person a while later and got a date. She didn't even remember him from OLD.

 

IRL is so much better than OLD, the problem is that IRL only happens when you have compatible women around you.

 

The one benefit to OLD is that everyone is (supposed to be) single. IRL you can chat up a woman only to find out she is involved already.

 

I live in a small, sparsely populated area and I have crossed paths with many women that I have gotten "read-deleted"-ed. A parent of one of my students introduced me to one of them at a basketball game and she had no idea who I was. She asked me if I wanted to attend a particular social function the next night but I declined as I was seeing someone.

 

And, yes, it can be difficult to find compatible women. Especially if you live out in the middle of nowhere like me. But, I do the best I can with the women in the area and it's worked out. Seriously, if I can get dates in this friggin' wasteland, than guys in metropolitan areas shouldn't be whining about their dating woes.

Edited July 21, 2017 by OatsAndHall

[Chilli]

Thanks G , and Cookie , and Oats to actually that's encouraging , your area sounds the size of mine.

 

But nah , l'm not blocked , as a matter of fact l know someone new is coming l can feel her and l've been told about her. It's not that.

It's just that l also know enough of life and people to know too that sadly though nah, l won't meet another like in particularly gf, they only made one of her.

She'll be totally different and it has to be that way and l know l'll have to accept that.

[Chilli]

Of course l could be wrong they could be wrong too but l guess my point is my fear that no one will measure up and l won't be able to except that.

[SevenCity]

Of course l could be wrong they could be wrong too but l guess my point is my fear that no one will measure up and l won't be able to except that.

 

That has been my experience over the last 10 months - and I've been through quite a few. It's hard because when you are still in pain from the breakup you can't help but remember the good qualities and use them as a measure of comparison. That may be why people say you need to totally heal before dating. I don't subscribe to that.

 

Eventually, the specifics about the last RL will fade and you'll meet someone who appears to be the best in your eyes and even better than the last. I've heard it said you only meet this type of woman every 2-3 years on average. It's important you make your dating mistakes as soon as you can by getting out there asap.

 

Then, when she does come along you'll be ready for her having learned from mistakes with lesser women, and mistakes you made from your last RL.

[Chilli]

Makes sense , thanks sc.

 

Wound up gong out for a drink last night, brother came down from interstate.

lt was nice , good night , joint was full of lots of little lovelies so that was really encouraging for this area .

That towns only 10mins over from my new town so that was even more encouraging.

 

lt was damn nice to be out there in the real world playing some pool and having a few beers and a real pleasant surprise at who came and went through the night.

[Cookiesandough]

I honestly don't know how people can online date for extended periods without losing their will to live. Just speaks to the strength of the human spirit.

[Imported]

From the title, yes. All the time. I don't online date.

 

If you think online dating is a problem, you'll probably fare worse with how I do things.

 

If you think online dating is bad, don't do it.

[Chilli]

Don't worry about me l fair just fine but l've never really done things, they've just sorta happened but you really got me curious now.

So how do you do things ?