What am I doing wrong? [OLD]

[Cookiesandough]

Hi. I decided to start back up online dating again and would like the perspectives of those who use it or have tried it. I am struggling getting a DATE. Yet I see people here getting dates left and right

I long for the day I can come here to complain about the guy who "hit and quit it". I am mostly using online dating for some practice /experience anyway because I have such little dating XP.

 

The last guy I met online, I almost met up with him but I just wasn't feeling it and that's a common problem for me. So far it's mostly guys I'm not interested in who message me. This is the most stressful part of online dating. I can tell I am one of many girls they have messaged, but I end up talking to them for awhile because I don't like ignoring people = waste of time.

 

I have nothing written in my profile, but I highly doubt that is the issue. What's wrong with just saying "hi" to start a conversation? I had a guy berate me for this, but I don't understand why my first message to a guy has to be a witty reference to his 'special snowflake' profile. Am I wrong here?

 

I haven't used the search feature yet, these are just guys who pop up on my matches. When we match 1/2 time I may message them. I used to not pursue guys but I have lately but not much luck

 

The conversation typically goes nowhere. And that's not my fault. I can hold a conversation just fine. A lot of them don't seem all' there'. Not very engaged/interested. Endless small talk and just dull. The best strategy I've had so far is to just responding entirely for awhile (1-2 weeks) and they often come back and straight up if I'd like to meet. Unfortunately most of the time by then I'm not interested.

 

 

Another thought occurred to me is that maybe I'm too picky/specific with my type and need to lower my standards. But I don't want to date someone I don't think is a match for me and I'm pretty sure I'd share little common ground with. Is that nuts? I don't have really stringent criteria but I have to be attracted to them....

 

 

Lastly, I find myself most drawn to men with very artsy/professional profile pictures regardless of what they look like. My pics are not professional photography and I'm wondering if it's useful to have that done (for those who have tried it)

 

Thank you!

 

(Is there a consolidated thread for OLD?)

Edited July 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[normal person]

I have nothing written in my profile, but I highly doubt that is the issue. What's wrong with just saying "hi" to start a conversation?

 

You're essentially just messaging someone and making them do the work. If you want their attention, the onus is on you to get it, not them to give it to you. "Hi" translates to "I want to talk to you, so I'm going to make you think of something interesting and say it to me because I can't be bothered." If you want to talk to someone, they have something you want, you have to work for it, not make them do it. You can't give them dull small talk.

 

The conversation typically goes nowhere. And that's not my fault. I can hold a conversation just fine. A lot of them don't seem all' there'. Not very engaged/interested. Endless small talk and just dull.

 

So you have nothing written in your profile, so even if a guy wanted to take the bait and ask you a unique, interesting question about something personal (which you want him to do to prevent having a dull conversation), he'll have a hard time because you don't have anything written about yourself. Now in addition to blaming him for small talk, you've got to make him also ask trivial questions like "what do you do for work?" and "what do you do for fun?"

 

So you don't write anything about yourself, you send small talk messages, and get mad when guys give you small talk. So if online dating profiles are paintings, yours is basically a blank canvas that you've opted not to paint anything on, and you're mad that no one wants to look at it or say anything interesting about it.

 

My advice is to put some effort into it. If you want guys to message you something insightful, give them something insightful to ask you about in your profile. You can't put nothing in their and then complain that you get bad messages. That's as if you don't put any bait on your hook and get mad that you aren't catching any decent fish. Also, if you message someone, put some effort into that as well. Read their profile. Think of something interesting to ask them. Don't just say "hi" and make them do the work for you. As a guy, that's a huge turnoff -- it shows laziness and a lack of judgment. For me to respond to a girl who just says "hi," she's got to be drop dead gorgeous, and even then I'm not entirely excited because I'm sure I'm going to be bored to tears by her.

 

You seem perfectly articulate so I'm sure you shouldn't have any trouble adding some detail and personality to your profile. What's different about you? What makes you unique? How are you different than the other girls on there? Highlight those qualities and stand out. Don't stand in. Best of luck.

[Cookiesandough]

You're essentially just messaging someone and making them do the work. If you want their attention, the onus is on you to get it, not them to give it to you. "Hi" translates to "I want to talk to you, so I'm going to make you think of something interesting and say it to me because I can't be bothered." If you want to talk to someone, they have something you want, you have to work for it, not make them do it. You can't give them dull small talk.

 

Thank you so much. Well, to me, when I say hi all I expect is hi back, is that asking too much? I take it from there. I mostly get hellos back from guys, but it just threw me off this guy started to lecture me out about not having a profile and not looking at his so I blocked him. I just don't see what's wrong in saying "hi" TO START. Then depending if the reject it or accept it I can go write a thoughtful message.

 

 

So you have nothing written in your profile, so even if a guy wanted to take the bait and ask you a unique, interesting question about something personal (which you want him to do to prevent having a dull conversation), he'll have a hard time because you don't have anything written about yourself. Now in addition to blaming him for small talk, you've got to make him also ask trivial questions like "what do you do for work?" and "what do you do for fun?"

 

Yes that's exactly where the conversations go!!! So you really think a lot of it is my lack of profile...

So you don't write anything about yourself, you send small talk messages, and get mad when guys give you small talk. So if online dating profiles are paintings, yours is basically a blank canvas that you've opted not to paint anything on, and you're mad that no one wants to look at it or say anything interesting about it.

 

My advice is to put some effort into it. If you want guys to message you something insightful, give them something insightful to ask you about in your profile. You can't put nothing in their and then complain that you get bad messages. That's as if you don't put any bait on your hook and get mad that you aren't catching any decent fish. Also, if you message someone, put some effort into that as well. Read their profile. Think of something interesting to ask them. Don't just say "hi" and make them do the work for you. As a guy, that's a huge turnoff -- it shows laziness and a lack of judgment. For me to respond to a girl who just says "hi," she's got to be drop dead gorgeous, and even then I'm not entirely excited because I'm sure I'm going to be bored to tears by her.

 

You seem perfectly articulate so I'm sure you shouldn't have any trouble adding some detail and personality to your profile. What's different about you? What makes you unique? How are you different than the other girls on there? Highlight those qualities and stand out. Don't stand in. Best of luck.

 

Imnot really. I'm just a person looking for another person. And even if I was really different, how on Earth do you articulate that without seeming like you enjoy waxing poetic about yourself?

 

 

I really think this is a "my standards are too high for this place" situation which is sad because there is no remedy to that. I don't find the majority of men on there attractive and it seems like the majority of men on their find the majority of women "attractive enough" Very difficult situation. I wonder if it helps to do searches and message who you like, ignoring the people who message you? Professional pics?

[Imajerk17]

I agree with normal_person. You have to put out *something* in your profile. Why would the type of guy you'd want to meet (e.g., someone with options) put the effort to get a conversation going with a random pretty face whom he knows nothing about (except that she seems too lazy even to fill out her profile or put any effort into this). Your competition--other women--ARE filling out their profiles. Those are the women you are competing with to get the guys you could be interested in.

 

And you do need to say more than "hi". We guys don't get our "hi"s returned to us either, so...

 

This is all feedback that you have already gotten before, the last time you were doing OLD. You didn't take it though

Edited July 20, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Cookiesandough]

Thank you//What I don't get about how so much weight is put into profiles is that I've been reading profiles for a long time, and if I wanted to, could probably categorize everyone's profile style into 5 categories and profile content into no more than 10 ( with maybe a few outliers but they are strange and not in the good way) . I put very little stock into a guys profile because of this, rarely read them. Bad?

 

 

Styles

1. Guy with comprehensive basic info about himself/job/life

2. Guy with witty anecdote(s) which segue or somehow tie into himself/job/life

3. Guy with disjointed random facts/non sequiter junk about himself/Job/life

4. Guy with couple sentences

5. Empty profile

 

Then the "content" or should I say "people" to sound more humane..

 

1. Jock/bodybuilder

2 military duder

3. Country boy/blue collar

4. Indie/hipster

5. Suit and tie

6. Average guy ( in that doesn't fit into an subculture except is the average man of whatever area you are from

7. Metal/grunge

8. Nomad/traveler

Etc

 

 

People aren't really as special and unique as they seem to think they are, even with a profile ....[i mean they are but they cannot articulate that in a profile. It's impossible. There are too many facets to a human being!!! You must have an actual conversation +++ [/b]]

Edited July 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Imajerk17]

So much weight is put into your profile because at that thing it is the only thing the guy has to go by at this point. A profile with nothing in it plus just "hi" says to many a guy, that this a woman who thinks her looks should be enough to get her by.

 

Here is an analogy. You are out. A guy walks up and tries starting a conversation with you. He basically has nothing to say seems kind of nervous, and doesn't hold very good eye contact. Are you going to be looking forward to hanging out with him?

 

I mean, he could be the most interesting guy in the world but how could you even know that. All you have to go by is that short awkward interaction.

[Cookiesandough]

But when guys walk up to girls they don't have any of that info. They don't have a list of her favorite movies, music, etc. but for some reason before the advent of social media profiles people were amazingly still able to mate

 

 

Thanks...perhaps you are right .. I guess I'll try it. I've got nothing to lose by making one any way, but I really don't feel it's the crux of my problem

 

Ty:)

[Imajerk17]

But when guys walk up to girls they don't have any of that info. They don't have a list of her favorite movies, music, etc. but for some reason before the advent of social media profiles people were amazingly still able to mate

 

 

Thanks...perhaps you are right .. I guess I'll try it. I've got nothing to lose by making one any way, but I really don't feel it's the crux of my problem

 

Ty:)

 

And few relationships ever started by cold approach. MOST people met via social circle, even back in the day.

 

And even besides that, when you meet someone in person, you can pick up their energy that you just cannot from a picture. You also get to see that person from multiple angles. I'll cold approach someone I see attractive even not knowing anything, because the payback is much greater--I already have a much better idea on whether I could be attracted and we get to see, right then and there, if there is chemistry--instead of having to set up a time to meet. "Approaching" someone online, with only a headshot? No thank you.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Imajerk17

[BluEyeL]

If something isn't working change what you're doing instead of arguing as of "why". You need a smarter profile and a less lazy approach overall.

[Cookiesandough]

Yeah yeah... you guys are right. Thanks. But I hate to think I'm not interested in any of the guys on online dating until I get rejected or something. . I've only seen about 5 men in the past half year I thought worth messaging/some interest in.

 

Edit: and the attraction/interest changes rapidly ?

 

Is that normal for a woman?

 

 

 

Im working on a profile but hit with writers block. It's good to know a large portion of the future generation will have great literary skills at least.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

If you don't read the profile how do you know are you attracted to the guy? Just by the pictures?

 

I'm personally only responding to profiles that look like your 1) (rarely 3)). I usually don't even check all pictures until we exchanged 23 messages (I just skim through profile picture - age - body type - height, that's it... he can have 50 pictures I wouldn't even bother looking at them).

 

Also what do you expect the conversation to be if there is no info in your profile and you're just saying 'Hi'? I have had very interesting exchanges these days in OLD about science, spirituality, foreign countries, politics, home improvements, landscaping and what not. But it is some topic that either they pick from my profile or I pick from theirs. E.g. if I see the guy is a lawyer I won't go into discussion about crawling amoebae (my favorite stuff if the guy is from my field but will likely bore to death anyone else)

 

Thank you//What I don't get about how so much weight is put into profiles is that I've been reading profiles for a long time, and if I wanted to, could probably categorize everyone's profile style into 5 categories and profile content into no more than 10 ( with maybe a few outliers but they are strange and not in the good way) . I put very little stock into a guys profile because of this, rarely read them. Bad?

 

 

Styles

1. Guy with comprehensive basic info about himself/job/life

2. Guy with witty anecdote(s) which segue or somehow tie into himself/job/life

3. Guy with disjointed random facts/non sequiter junk about himself/Job/life

4. Guy with couple sentences

5. Empty profile

 

Then the "content" or should I say "people" to sound more humane..

 

1. Jock/bodybuilder

2 military duder

3. Country boy/blue collar

4. Indie/hipster

5. Suit and tie

6. Average guy ( in that doesn't fit into an subculture except is the average man of whatever area you are from

7. Metal/grunge

8. Nomad/traveler

Etc

 

 

People aren't really as special and unique as they seem to think they are, even with a profile ....[i mean they are but they cannot articulate that in a profile. It's impossible. There are too many facets to a human being!!! You must have an actual conversation +++ [/b]]

[No_Go]

OP, forget about the writer's block - OLD is not a place to compete in writing skills. Maybe just say: what is your personality like? what inspires you? what do you do when you have free time? what do you like to do in the near future? what do you look for in a partner?

 

Just one simple sentence to each (or some) of these will give enough meat to your profile. It shouldn't take more than 10-15 min to do... If it is more - you're overthinking it and it will show as such (I can spot from a plane professionally written profiles and avoid them).

[Cookiesandough]

If you don't read the profile how do you know are you attracted to the guy? Just by the pictures?

 

I'm personally only responding to profiles that look like your 1) (rarely 3)). I usually don't even check all pictures until we exchanged 23 messages (I just skim through profile picture - age - body type - height, that's it... he can have 50 pictures I wouldn't even bother looking at them).

 

Also what do you expect the conversation to be if there is no info in your profile and you're just saying 'Hi'? I have had very interesting exchanges these days in OLD about science, spirituality, foreign countries, politics, home improvements, landscaping and what not. But it is some topic that either they pick from my profile or I pick from theirs. E.g. if I see the guy is a lawyer I won't go into discussion about crawling amoebae (my favorite stuff if the guy is from my field but will likely bore to death anyone else)

 

Thank you, no_go. It helps to hear from other women experiencing OLD.

 

Yeah I'm just looking at the pictures. Especially if it's artsy and/or has an attractive backdrop(except Machu picchu ) Jeez, that sounds horrible, but honest.

 

Wow, I can't believe that level of conversation sprouted from your profile(s). That sounds dreamy. It'd be great to make a connection like that online. I promise I won't plagiarize, but what does your profile begin with? Like how does it start "I'm a ..." or "I'm into..." ? "Welcome to my page of thoughts miscellany!" ?

 

Is it pretty lengthy? I'm only doing free sites now (okcupid) I wonder if that is an issue too?? People aren't as invested as the paid ones? They all at least have something written.

 

 

Thank you so much, guys. I need a profile and get out my claws for the competition and start getting serious with this stuff.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[tetrahedral]

It's normal to not be attracted to 9/10 profiles you see. Not 99/100.

 

Sounds like you're looking for a fantasy, on a site which people use to arrange dates.

 

You're asking what you're doing wrong. Most people aren't looking for what you're looking. If they were looking to get with one of 5 men in a metro area, they'd invariably decide it's a failure too.

 

Here's how life comes at most people (of both genders). Enter a relationship with someone you thought was perfect, better define perfect, repeat.

 

It's pretty normal to become less "picky" about appearance as you get older. Most of us find new things that we care about, or value more.

 

But you're so picky... that you haven't even gotten a chance to be let down by how picky you are.

 

What does your life involve? What things do you do for fun, who are your friends, what talents do you have, etc.?

[bluefeather]

I have nothing written in my profile, but I highly doubt that is the issue.

 

I used to block/unmatch/hide all profiles that don't have words in them, regardless of pics. You talk about special snowflakes writing their profiles, but there are special snowflakes out there who think they are the only ones too good to write anything. Or all they say is, "Wanna know something, just ask." It sounds so obnoxious.

 

Also, it comes off as a fake profile.

Edited July 20, 2017 by bluefeather

[MonkeyLogic]

1. Know what you want. Seriously, what are you looking for out of dating? Marriage and kids? Excitement? Friends with benefits? Buckle down and figure out what you really want. Then write about it in your profile.

 

2. Know your core values. Seriously. Figure out what you are all about. What kind of partner do you want to be? Then write about it in your profile.

 

3. Date a lot (including multidating). Dating strangers is a numbers game. You need to date a lot of people to find someone compatible.

 

If you follow those steps you'll succeed!

[NuevoYorko]

Do you think men should be interested in you only because you have a cute picture posted?

 

There are a lot of other women who have a cute picture along with some info about them that makes them appealing to some guys.

 

Honestly, I find reading this thread and your last one exhausting.

 

OLD is basically nothing. Give it your best shot with good pictures and a profile that gives an interesting look at who you are. See what happens. Also look for guys who interest you, contact them, and see what happens.

 

That's it. Otherwise carry on living your life to the fullest. Having a profile on a dating site shouldn't be taking up even a fraction of this headspace.

[Cookiesandough]

It's normal to not be attracted to 9/10 profiles you see. Not 99/100.

 

Sounds like you're looking for a fantasy, on a site which people use to arrange dates.

 

You're asking what you're doing wrong. Most people aren't looking for what you're looking. If they were looking to get with one of 5 men in a metro area, they'd invariably decide it's a failure too.

 

Here's how life comes at most people (of both genders). Enter a relationship with someone you thought was perfect, better define perfect, repeat.

 

It's pretty normal to become less "picky" about appearance as you get older. Most of us find new things that we care about, or value more.

 

But you're so picky... that you haven't even gotten a chance to be let down by how picky you are.

 

What does your life involve? What things do you do for fun, who are your friends, what talents do you have, etc.?

 

 

And ii have had plenty of chance to be let down by my inflated standards. I have been on 3 dates in the last year with 3/5 guys I found interesting on there and it crashed and burned each time. I guess I was exaggerating when I said I can't get a date, but not by much. I just find that even the ones with great profiles, outside of a profile they lack social skills or something. A profile isn't everything.

 

Are we seriously supposed to talk about our friends on there? And to be honest with you guys, I don't think 9/10 men even read the profile. They just look at pics and if you are doable they message back. It's a sad reality, but it's a reality nevertheless. It pains me to say, but I think I truly do not think it will make much difference in receiving messages with a profile written, but I shall take the advice here and report back. Thank you ?

[No_Go]

I'm on OKC as well. For me it works better than the paid ones (Match, eHarmony) because the crowd is different. I'm mostly into nerdy guys and they tend to be stingy to pay for Match haha, I guess at least (I'm on match as well btw but the messages that I'm getting there are less interesting so far).

 

My profile right now is super simple. It starts 'I'm ... [personality traits]. I like [things that I like - not hobbies but a bit more philosophical]. I kept it relatively short.

 

I think you're just into artsy/traveler type - go for it! Target yourself to be attractive to them - maybe put an artsy / travel picture yourself?

 

I targeted for my preferred type and I'm having a BLAST. I'm not kidding - even if I'm not attracted to any of these guys in person and I don't get a bf from this experiment, I won't be disappointed, I just had so interesting, thoughtful, exciting exchanges! It was a delightful week, each of these few guys that I selected took the effort to share a snapshot of their very interesting lives. What else to ask for

 

Thank you, no_go. It helps to hear from other women experiencing OLD.

 

Yeah I'm just looking at the pictures. Especially if it's artsy and/or has an attractive backdrop(except Machu picchu ) Jeez, that sounds horrible, but honest.

 

Wow, I can't believe that level of conversation sprouted from your profile(s). That sounds dreamy. It'd be great to make a connection like that online. I promise I won't plagiarize, but what does your profile begin with? Like how does it start "I'm a ..." or "I'm into..." ? "Welcome to my page of thoughts miscellany!" ?

 

Is it pretty lengthy? I'm only doing free sites now (okcupid) I wonder if that is an issue too?? People aren't as invested as the paid ones? They all at least have something written.

 

 

Thank you so much, guys. I need a profile and get out my claws for the competition and start getting serious with this stuff.

[Bastile]

Honestly, I find reading this thread and your last one exhausting.

 

...got to admit that I find it kind of funny (in an endearing way)

 

I did the same online. No real profile, selfie pictures (some shirtless). Although I did make an effort in the text-game (not just "hi").

 

I honestly didn't give much of a crap. My thinking was that I get IOI's all the time in real-life, so I would just kill it online.

 

Didn't happen (at least nowhere near like I thought).

 

If online is your game, and your only outlet, then you really need to take it dead serious. It's something unto itself that needs to be respected.

 

For goodness sakes, you are a clever person. Apply it. Focus it on the one area, and you will do great.

 

Look at No_Go's thread. She basically has taken a scalpel to it.

 

You'll do fine. Perhaps it won't be as comical to read, but it'll be good in a different way.

[No_Go]

:lmao:

Bastile you're cracking me up with your references - but you must admit my method works. I just set a date with guy N3 and it has been only 4 days of total activity for me so far.

 

Cookies has an unique outlook and if she let's it shine - her OLD experience will be great. If we're seeing her in the profile here - she's a very pretty woman so nothing to worry about on that front.

 

If online is your game, and your only outlet, then you really need to take it dead serious. It's something unto itself that needs to be respected.

 

For goodness sakes, you are a clever person. Apply it. Focus it on the one area, and you will do great.

 

Look at No_Go's thread. She basically has taken a scalpel to it.

 

You'll do fine. Perhaps it won't be as comical to read, but it'll be good in a different way.

[Cookiesandough]

I'm on OKC as well. For me it works better than the paid ones (Match, eHarmony) because the crowd is different. I'm mostly into nerdy guys and they tend to be stingy to pay for Match haha, I guess at least (I'm on match as well btw but the messages that I'm getting there are less interesting so far).

 

My profile right now is super simple. It starts 'I'm ... [personality traits]. I like [things that I like - not hobbies but a bit more philosophical]. I kept it relatively short.

 

I think you're just into artsy/traveler type - go for it! Target yourself to be attractive to them - maybe put an artsy / travel picture yourself?

 

I targeted for my preferred type and I'm having a BLAST. I'm not kidding - even if I'm not attracted to any of these guys in person and I don't get a bf from this experiment, I won't be disappointed, I just had so interesting, thoughtful, exciting exchanges! It was a delightful week, each of these few guys that I selected took the effort to share a snapshot of their very interesting lives. What else to ask for

 

 

 

Thank you so much ? Your positive online dating experience is encouraging. I think I'm just at the stage where I'm more attracted to good photography and beautiful scenery than the men on there. That is a good prompt!!! I'm going to start by listing off my personality traits:) The most fun I'm having here are the quizzes

 

 

I wanna redact what I said before. I'm not even sure if they look at the pics. You probably don't need one

[No_Go]

Pictures are never to be underestimated -

most men are visual and it is your chance to shine (selecting not only good ones but relevant ones).. Just don't leave it to pics only and you'll be fine.

 

Thank you so much ? Your positive online dating experience is encouraging. I think I'm just at the stage where I'm more attracted to good photography and beautiful scenery than the men on there. That is a good prompt!!! I'm going to start by listing off my personality traits:) The most fun I'm having here are the quizzes

 

 

I wanna redact what I said before. I'm not even sure if they look at the pics. You probably don't need one

[clia]

You are way overthinking the profile. It doesn't have to be complex, overly detailed, or purport to tell everything about you. It just has to be enough to provide a glimpse of who you are, to enable a guy to decide if he might want to meet you.

 

Include two or three clear, recent pictures, and some information about you that you think is important for them to know. For example, if you absolutely love to travel, then say that. A guy who doesn't like to travel might see that you aren't compatible. If you are passionate about anything (or absolutely love some band, TV show, or movie), that's good information to provide as well. IMO, for most people, pictures are the most important thing. Some guys may read the profile, some guys may not. But having nothing there makes you look lazy, and it also makes it look like a fake profile, as someone else mentioned above.

 

Honestly, it's kind of funny that you put nothing in your profile and are only messaging guys with "Hi" and are wondering why you aren't getting any dates. And yes, you might have to weed through some guys who are socially awkward or have other issues. That's just part of the process. When you see that, just move on to the next one.

[normal person]

Yes that's exactly where the conversations go!!! So you really think a lot of it is my lack of profile...

 

Well you can at least bypass that whole part of the conversation if you mention what you like to do for fun, and what you do for work ahead of time. Then, instead of the whole song and dance of "what do you do?" you can skip right to "so what's the best part about doing _______? I imagine it's the (funny thing)"

 

 

Imnot really. I'm just a person looking for another person.

 

But if that was the case, you wouldn't be so upset with small talk. You don't just want anyone, you want the right person. And the less effort you put into the process, the harder it's going to be for you.

 

And even if I was really different, how on Earth do you articulate that without seeming like you enjoy waxing poetic about yourself?

 

You might not be the most unique person in the world, but everyone has idiosyncrasies and things that set us apart in different ways. Even if what you say doesn't make you that "different," you at least need something to characterize you, to show a bit of personality, to show that you're not just a faceless robot. I'm honestly really impressed with a lot of girls' profiles I come across these days, especially on aps like Tinder and Bumble where it's the norm to write a few sentences at most. Even just a funny statement or two can show personality and be good bait. I've seen things like "I'm much uglier in person," "I'm only here for dog pictures," "Let's both swipe right and never message each other," etc. While those don't say much about a person's life, they at least radiate a sense of humor and I know that if I talk to one of those girls, she's not going to come at me with "hey." They give invitations to learn more. I think "this girl's funny and has a lot of humility, I want to talk to her."

 

I really think this is a "my standards are too high for this place" situation which is sad because there is no remedy to that.

 

What is "this place," exactly? Is it a city with a ton of people? Because otherwise, OLD is not going to be easy in general. You'll likely need a large pool to pick from, especially if you're picky. If you're really in a small city with not many available men, that is a legitimate roadblock. You might simply just need to go where there are more men.

 

Are we seriously supposed to talk about our friends on there? And to be honest with you guys, I don't think 9/10 men even read the profile.

 

But you don't want those 9, you want the 1 who's actually going to read it. And currently, you don't have anything written, so you're in his 9 of 10 that isn't worth messaging because you couldn't be bothered to make a decent profile.