BluesPower Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I thought this was supposed to be a non judgemental support group. Lily... Non judgmental does not mean that you cannot tell the truth. You see, we all know how you feel, but the problem is you really don't understand is or what situation you are involved in. You put pressure on him after having sex in his marital home. As the mistress you are not allowed to do that in his mind. You are not the #1 girl, his wife is. The reason that you feel like everyone is being judgmental is that you think that he loves you. You want to be with him. You hope you have a future with him. But you don't realize that you never will have a future with him. You are the side chick. And that is all you will ever be. The people here are telling you the truth so that you can begin to understand where you are at, and get out of and stay out of it. You are in for mostly pain and heartbreak if you stay in this affair. And yes he will contact you again the next time that he wants to have sex with you. Because in reality, that is all you really are to him, extra sex... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) I think you got confused. You're his mistress. It's not a relationship in the normal sense of the word. You're not allowed to get angry or have feelings you're just supposed to make him happy in bed and stroke his ego. Once you start getting all emotional and acting like you should be treated with respect you're going to get dumped. So you need to decide if you want to be a mistress or if you want to be a girlfriend. If you want to be a mistress shape up and start acting like one. You're gonna need to lower your standards and expectations for respect a lot. If you want to be a girlfriend that can demand respect and have expectations for caring then dump this loser and find a single guy Indeed. And if you ever want it to be your picture on the wall, you should dump this married man and find a single man to marry and have your own family. If you are under the illusion that he will leave his wife and someday your picture will appear on this man's wall... think about the fact that another woman will be staring at your picture someday, while he has sex with her in YOUR home. How disrespectful would that feel? Perhaps, you will want to reconsider a few of your own decisions. Edited July 21, 2017 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 So after a really long time , me and MM made love at his place. It just happened. And what happened after It was horrible. I saw their pics at home. And I felt weird. I had gone to his place a lot.of times but I always avoided looking over where the photos had been kept. And this time by mistake it happened and I saw it. I felt weirdbut somehow I curbed that Feeling. I just couldn't do it for long and after around 4-5 hours I bursted. I told him I was jealous. And he yelled at me that I was playing with his feelings. That I was acting weird when he had just made love a few hours before. All I wanted him to do was convince me or soothe me down like he used to before. But he said I'm a player and I play with his feelings and I don't respect his feelings. That I purposely fight all the time. That I do drama even after knowing Everything. That I exhibit my feelings even after telling that I won't disturb u. I know I shouldn't have done that. But I felt what I felt. And now he is gone. And I'm back to square one feeling pathetic. He hasn't called or texted. I guess he will move on. Its easy for him. He has a wife an all. Its not like me, lonely and stuff. Unfortunately you have got yourself mixed up with a MM cheating on his wife. All the rules you learnt about single dating do not apply here. YOU say you were good friends, but that is often how MM recruit women to accept the OW role. Good friends that end up in bed together. The OW is NOT a gf, and she must never step out of her place. Her place is in a nicely compartmentalised bespoke box. Crafted by her MM to perfectly suit his circumstances. Her job is to provide whatever he wants, with no complaints, no drama, and to always be a good little girl... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 You obviously have a conscience and are conflicted about this. Otherwise, you wouldn't care if you saw her pictures or not. It might not seem like a huge deal right now, but you are not being true to who you are at your core. That may well end up eating away at you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 So after a really long time , me and MM made love at his place. It just happened. And what happened after It was horrible. I saw their pics at home. And I felt weird. I had gone to his place a lot.of times but I always avoided looking over where the photos had been kept. And this time by mistake it happened and I saw it. I felt weirdbut somehow I curbed that Feeling. I just couldn't do it for long and after around 4-5 hours I bursted. I told him I was jealous. And he yelled at me that I was playing with his feelings. That I was acting weird when he had just made love a few hours before. All I wanted him to do was convince me or soothe me down like he used to before. But he said I'm a player and I play with his feelings and I don't respect his feelings. That I purposely fight all the time. That I do drama even after knowing Everything. That I exhibit my feelings even after telling that I won't disturb u. I know I shouldn't have done that. But I felt what I felt. And now he is gone. And I'm back to square one feeling pathetic. He hasn't called or texted. I guess he will move on. Its easy for him. He has a wife an all. Its not like me, lonely and stuff. Ok, you are not a player. That is so ridiculous and twisting on you that it is not funny. You were normal to feel weird and jealous. He was the abnormal one. He put it on you. It's not easy for him. He is married and has cheated. Trust me, it's not easy. Actually you have it easy, you can just move on and not look back. You are single, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 How long have you been involved with this guy for and how did the two of you meet? Do you know if he has cheated on his wife before in the past? Do you want to have an exclusive relationship with him? How likely do you think he would be to cheat on you if he did eventually leave her for you? These are all important questions that could help to clarify what's going on, how you feel, and what to do going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Zolatola Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 You're dating a married man. You don't get to be jealous of the pictures of his wife and kids. If you want that, you date someone single who wants marriage and kids. If you pick an unavailable man, expect to have an unfulfilling relationship 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily14 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 I wanna move on . We were together for 3 years. I'm struggling to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Zolatola Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I wanna move on . We were together for 3 years. I'm struggling to move on. It's not going to gain until you go no contact and stay that way. Getting over him is like getting over anyone else. You wish him well, you cut the ties and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I wanna move on . We were together for 3 years. I'm struggling to move on. If 6 years go by ...you might still be struggling every year that you stay with him is a year wasted while his life is moving on . No man should be given that kind of power and choice . Sometimes it's better to make the action then deal with The emotions that catch up ..the struggle will be atleast temporary ..may be tell his wife ..see where his love and caring stands then ...maybe she will do one Good on you and dump him ...as years go by this three some does not get easier it's only gets harder . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I wanna move on . We were together for 3 years. I'm struggling to move on. I wish you the strength that you need to leave. I hope that someday you get your own pictures in the wall... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I wanna move on . We were together for 3 years. I'm struggling to move on. OK but things have changed and so you have to reassess exactly where you stand in this man's life. YOU don't just stay as it has been 3 years, you stay because he makes you happy and makes you feel valued and you see a good future for you ahead... If he is not ticking those boxes, then you need to leave and seek out someone else who will make you happy. TOO many stay in miserable relationships that are going nowhere, make sure you are not one of them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) I wanna move on . We were together for 3 years. I'm struggling to move on. In order to move on, you have to get used to accepting this for what it was. You can start by realizing you were not "together" for three years. You were used for three years when his wife wasn't around. You were left on the sidelines for three years while his family got his priority. This wasn't a relationship. It was an affair. You may have been thinking about him 24 hours a day but he was not thinking about you for the same amount of hours. He was your priority and you were just one of many options to him. Get it through your head that this wasn't a relationship and something will click and you will be able to move on quicker Edited July 22, 2017 by aileD 4 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I thought this was supposed to be a non judgemental support group. It is supposed to be. Folks after looking at some of the replies here I'm going to leave this reminder that this was properly placed in the Other Man/Woman forum. That being the case let's consider it safe to assume that the OP is aware of her circumstances and does not need to be reminded of them and instead is seeking advice and support for her current situation. If you have none to offer, there are plenty of other threads on Loveshack that could use your input. ~T 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ClassyTaste Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I wanna move on . We were together for 3 years. I'm struggling to move on. In order to move on Lily, stand up and set him straight. Give him a list of your demands for this relationship to continue. He the poster board cheating MM. You will discover the true wolf lurking behind the less hairy one. He will not do anything for you or change the situation. You can then tell him you are better than he is and that you can do much better, leaving him in the clouds of dust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily14 Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 It is supposed to be. Folks after looking at some of the replies here I'm going to leave this reminder that this was properly placed in the Other Man/Woman forum. That being the case let's consider it safe to assume that the OP is aware of her circumstances and does not need to be reminded of them and instead is seeking advice and support for her current situation. If you have none to offer, there are plenty of other threads on Loveshack that could use your input. ~T Thanks a lot!!!! Thanks for backing me up....!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 He put you in a no win situation and got mad when you broke- not cool. Remember that when he calls- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I wanna move on . We were together for 3 years. I'm struggling to move on. I'm not sure if this will help or not. I have often heard that one way to get over a relationship that didn't work out is to pretend the person in question has decided to travel to Mars. That may sound silly, but in a way, it makes sense. There is no way to contact the person to ask questions or "get closure" ( whatever that means)and you know that any phone calls, messages, letters, emails, notes, texts, etc. will never reach him, and he will not be coming back. Just like the AA prayer, it's about accepting the things you can't change, recognizing the ones you can and being able to tell the difference. The A is done, and all the angst in the world won't change that...besides, based on your posts, being in an affair doesn't sound true to who you are. hat sort of internal conflict doesn't sound like it will help you find happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 I do wish you could see, for your own sake, how awful he was being to you. Basically, he was saying: You KNEW what you were getting into with me. You KNEW I was married. You KNEW there would be pictures here. And you willingly had sex with me in my home. And NOW you are upset?? You have NO RIGHT to be upset with me. And this guy took it a step further and tried to claim that YOU were manipulating HIM. Now that is a class act. That is a tactic. A way to get you to stop doing those things. I don't know how aware he is of his own behavior. He could be manipulative in his M too. But maybe you can start to remove him from his pedestal a bit. He is full of entitlement, expecting not only two women to love him, but for you to remain perfectly well-behaved and never remind him of what he's doing either. Tough stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 (edited) I do wish you could see, for your own sake, how awful he was being to you. Basically, he was saying: You KNEW what you were getting into with me. You KNEW I was married. You KNEW there would be pictures here. And you willingly had sex with me in my home. And NOW you are upset?? You have NO RIGHT to be upset with me. And this guy took it a step further and tried to claim that YOU were manipulating HIM. Now that is a class act. That is a tactic. A way to get you to stop doing those things. I don't know how aware he is of his own behavior. He could be manipulative in his M too. But maybe you can start to remove him from his pedestal a bit. He is full of entitlement, expecting not only two women to love him, but for you to remain perfectly well-behaved and never remind him of what he's doing either. Tough stuff. It's the push-pull of the relationship. He gets upset with you and he shifts the blame to you so that you feel badly for him. You feel responsible for making him feel bad and and then... you are back in his bed because you want to resolve the conflict and appease him. And bonus - you won't make the mistake of getting upset or demanding anything again for a while because he has managed to put you back in your spot... where you are feeling grateful to have him back and you are reluctant to rock the boat again... and he can continue to enjoy the fun, no-strings attached sex for a little while longer... All's well that ends well... At least from his perspective. If I was you, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Edited July 24, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 So after a really long time , me and MM made love at his place. It just happened. And what happened after It was horrible. I saw their pics at home. And I felt weird. I had gone to his place a lot.of times but I always avoided looking over where the photos had been kept. And this time by mistake it happened and I saw it. I felt weirdbut somehow I curbed that Feeling. I just couldn't do it for long and after around 4-5 hours I bursted. I told him I was jealous. And he yelled at me that I was playing with his feelings. That I was acting weird when he had just made love a few hours before. All I wanted him to do was convince me or soothe me down like he used to before. But he said I'm a player and I play with his feelings and I don't respect his feelings. That I purposely fight all the time. That I do drama even after knowing Everything. That I exhibit my feelings even after telling that I won't disturb u. I know I shouldn't have done that. But I felt what I felt. And now he is gone. And I'm back to square one feeling pathetic. He hasn't called or texted. I guess he will move on. Its easy for him. He has a wife an all. Its not like me, lonely and stuff. lily14, Your MM, sounds immature, and immaturity lacks empathy. This would explain his reaction to your need for reassurance. This is not to imply that he isn't capable of telling you what you need to hear to acquire what he wants.He just doesn't want you, to need more ,than he is willing and or possible of supplying you. If you were to need more, and realize this, you might end this A, before he's found a replacement, or ready to move on. I'm not saying this to upset you, but I've been where you are and in my experience with an immature MM, this is what you are also dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts