Boogs16 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 So I met this girl in March, and we got together at the end of June as I was going to be in her city visiting family (3 hour drive).. We had a great time together, kissed immediately after dinner the first date. Have been talking and texting here and there.. Came forward with her in July saying do you want to keep it casual or do you want to get something on the calendar together? She said she can't make me a priority right now as she trying to get into med school, and her next few weekends were booked... Mentioned that I liked her but she wants to keep talking to me. I'm 32 and she's 25 FYI I understand she is currently busy, and I am not needy towards her (I might have been at the beginning). She reaches out to me first more than I do with her now. But I just got off the phone tonight with her and I was like "listen, are you interested in me? I'd rather spend time with you in in person than get to know you on the phone, and I spend time thinking about you". She was kind of stand offish at first, or maybe even a little shocked I brought it up again (actually mentioned we already talked about this), but I have a date with her again to see her in August.. It just felt really awkward hanging up, as the conversation wasn't happy or fun like it usually is. I'm not sure if she just wants to hang onto me for "girl purposes meaning being bored" or if she really is interested in me... Maybe I'm reading too much into it and just need to let a couple days pass before contacting again, but I know she obviously thinks about me and her last relationship was long distance as well... I really like this chick, and with long distance, just looking for a little commitment on her end Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 unfortunately she said she cant make you a priority right now. This translation: I like you but I am now off the hook when I hurt you in the future. I told you I cant make you a priority. This doesn't mean that she doesn't want to see you, she will string you along to get her needs met, on her terms. and she wont feel bad about it because she told you that you are not a priority. As long as you keep it light, walk on eggs shells, and shove your needs aside, you will have a relationship that works. Go for your needs and she will begin to pull away. Just my 2 cent Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 What commitment can she give right now? She's three hours away and about to enter med school. She was nice enough to tell you the truth up front. Being pushy and demanding about her time sends the wrong signal. If you really care for her, be supportive and understanding. Find a way to show you care without putting additional stress on her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 She did tell you she can't make you a priority. I don't know why you have a date arranged in August, but it seems pretty clear that you are on two totally different pages. She likes you well enough, but she's not interested in the same way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boogs16 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Alright not trying to disagree with any of you... But wtf? If you are interested in someone even remotely close to getting to know, wouldn't you make an effort to see that person even if they are not a priority? So I sent a text last night saying "I hope you didn't take our discussion too seriously, I'd just rather try than not with someone I'm interested in"... Woke up this morning to "No I understand you" And I've been flirting with her a little today by texting, she's been laughing so I feel like some anticipation is being built now on both ends... I'd rather shoot the basketball than not shoot at all... You miss every shot you don't take Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Its not a question of shooting the ball vs not. Your shooting in a non regulation hoop. Its the size of a tennis ball. What you have to look out for is she likes you. Likes you a lot probably. But if she is not ready to make the relationship a priority, in will eventually become imbalanced. Slowly over time, your expectations will grow, your feeling will grow and hers will stay the same. Its sometimes hard to see in the beginning. She will enjoy your time but that's all it may be for her. She telling you, so try and be objective There are so many posts here that tell the story of someone being told that the girl is not ready but they persist, lets just have fun, only to be hurt a year from now. Then they fell mislead, used. But they were told, the relationship was not a priority. Just be careful with your feelings man. Tread lightly. I really wish success for you. just presenting another side 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boogs16 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) @stagger - no I appreciate the comment, honestly. I'm more relaxed now that we have a date on the calendar than before. I'm not pushing her in a direction of dating exclusively, or more than what a second date should be. Just I'd rather spend my time elsewhere knowing, than wondering that I should have tried. I'm going to have my guard up, but just want to have fun with her in person. I have a lot going on right now with hobbies, work, and my social life, and she's aware of that, in fact I think it's a reason why she likes me is I'm not glued to her and have other stuff going on, kind of a mystery. And she's been opening up more to me slowly... Any good second date ideas with the distance? She unfortunately lives with family, and I'll be staying with mine so "alone time" isn't going to happen which is another question I have with being more intimate with her.... Edited July 22, 2017 by Boogs16 Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I like to get my dates out of their comfort zone a bit to try new things. Only you know her so you kind of have to guage it by her personality. I tend to date, gravitate towards more outgoing, high energy women. Women who are not afraid/shy So with that said, I have had lots of positive reaction taking a women to the OTB or track. Spend time on two or three races, they love the horses, teach them how to place a 2.00 bet and watch them cheer their horse around the track. throw in a beer or two and then grab a bite. Lots of fun Link to post Share on other sites
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