ClassyTaste Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) These are the men who have the most affairs. The ones who do not have affairs usually have another addiction, porn...you name it. I am baffled at all the article that are pro emotionally avoidant men and the need to accept them for who they are. Why this is not listed as a psychiatric disorder is beyond me. When women act in these ways she is said to be sick, crazy, or borderline. Taken from one such article: The REAL Reason Your Man Is Emotionally Distant (He Can't Help It!) Your man feels cold and distant? It turns out he can't help it. Here's why ... You're hoping to spend time together, but he'd rather go out with the guys. He finally calls you back, but then wants to hang up after 10 minutes. He's a passionate lover, but then leaves or goes right to sleep after sex. He wants your love at his beck and call, but gets angry if you expect the same of him. When you ask for anything he says you're too needy and too dependent. And when that comment hurts you, he says you're too sensitive. Is he just a jerk? Is it something about you or something you did? Does he treat everyone this way? Trust me, it's nothing you did. Your man is "emotionally unavailable." That's just a common phrase we use to describe a real issue your man likely suffers from called Avoidant Attachment. As frustrating as his behavior is, if you can understand what Avoidant Attachment is, you'll better understand why he does all of those emotionally unavailable things. Then you can accept him for who truly he is. They are never affectionate or answer any questions in marriages or relationships shifting blame back onto partner. Edited July 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Where does it come from ? Genes? Childhood trauma? Chemical imbalance? Either way, it's not fun being their partner! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Some men are taught from a young age that emotions are weak. Crying is weak. Sadness is weak. Think about how the worst thing a little boy can hear is "you're a sissy" or "don't act like a girl" "boys don't cry". It's a horrible way to teach boys about life. Having feelings is not weak, it's human. It's weak and wrong to not give boys the tools to deal with emotions. Not being able to cope is not manly at all, it's the epitome of weak. Terrible things happen in life, and being resilient and getting through those things is how you grow and survive. My wh was taught that only happiness and anger were acceptable emotions to have. He then stuffed everything down in order to always look like he was in control and was praised and flattered for appearing that way. But he only appeared to be strong, he just shoved everything in a box and ran away from it. And it blew up in his face. It makes dealing with twists and turns very difficult. Being authentic and genuinely 'feeling' makes for a rich life. Culturally, we need to think about the messages that boys get. (And yes I know that females get the short end of the stick more than males but I'm addressing the OP question). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 What is this? Are we having a little misandry party? We all have mental illnesses or addictions now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ClassyTaste Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 What is this? Are we having a little misandry party? We all have mental illnesses or addictions now? No, it is not. It actually shows the misogyny against women who have the same maladaptive problems as the men above but are not granted articles after article for men to kiss up to their problems of adjusting in relationships. These problems stem from the childhood problems above or worse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 yes and no if you ask me. Few comments. First one l have is as l do with any of the so called articles ALL OVER the net, that ANYONE , can write, os who wrote that. There's just a name, contributer , who the hell is contributer ? But for a start we aren't as emotional as women. We just aren't. full stop. It's no big mystery. Women go way way over to me personally as a guy , it can literally drives me nuts. Especially if you've been trying to be patient with it for a yr ,10yrs, 20yrs 3/4 of the what is to us , garbage a lot of women go on about or delve into non stop or whatever, and often our own women , quite often we feel nothing for and couldn't care less about , it's often just as simple as that, It's often nothing whatsoever to do with our dads or how we were raised. l must have heard 100 guys, more , going on about their wives or gf's , going on about something. They don't have a problem , they just couldn't care less about that bs, simple and it can seriously drive a guy bananas . Your your own man when you grow up , YOU decide or feel whatever you feel. Quite often we just don't feel for the same crap women go on about. Guys and affairs , yeah well some guys are just hornier than others , very very simple. Some women are just hornier than others and can't keep their hands off either, Maybe what's at home isn't enough and there's a helluva a lot of girls out there shaking it up , that's one of the hardest things about staying in a relationship for a lot of guys, keeping your hands off. Very simple. He's bored on the phone in 10 minutes, hello, maybe she bores him , it happens. l could talk to my gh 24 hrs a day, but l'm lucky to last 2minutes with many others, simple. l've also got 6 sisters, and 5 brothers, and believe me ,, none of the guys could give two sh@t about 3/4 of the crap the sisters go on about , l've actually often wished we didn't have the damn sisters. They've been a nightmare since we were kids , and still are. men are mars women venus , right, it's often just as simple as that . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 i took a look at the author's website, and I have to say, I'm not overly impressed. She's at about the "dr. Phil' level of pop psychology, and is self promoting her new novel. She also seems to be really hung up on how our culture "shames" just about everybody (according to her). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaylorW Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) Men and woman can be avoidant attached. Actually 25% of the population is and being avoidant doesn't make you a jerk and a cheater. If you are interested in the subject read 'Attached' by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. It's a real eye opener and it is based on scientific research. My view on dating and relationships really changed and it answered a lot of questions I had about relationships and people in general. Edited July 23, 2017 by TaylorW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Without "emotionally avoidant" men, society as you know it would not exist. You would not have electricity in your home, an automobile to drive to work, or a cell phone which you're holding in your hand. Einstein, Newton, Tesla, Capernicus...all were emotionally avoidant. They had to be. You cannot devote so much time to science and subjects which take all your concentration...and still be in tune to emotions. Isaac Newton said it best: "I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodjes, but not the madness of people." Was Newton emotionally avoidant? Well, he never married. Some say he died a virgin. But I'm thankful he was. Otherwise you wouldn't even know what GRAVITY is and the space shuttle might not have been made. I wonder if there were women who fancied Newton that called him avoidant and pathological. I bet there were. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaylorW Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I used to be emotionally avoidant (because thats how I was brought up) and I must say it sucks for yourself and for your BF/GF. And at one moment or another your going to feel lonely even if you have a lot of friends because you can't relate to other people on a deeper level. It took me a lot of self-insight, learning, putting my ego aside and having friends who are open about their emotions and communicate them in a effective way helped a lot. Also letting go of the stereotype about how you should act as a man was really helpful. I don't have a problem being vulnerable and being open about my feelings anymore. My relationships with other people are really better now. I wouldn't date an emotionally avoidant person though because that would be way to much work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamari Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 yes and no if you ask me. Few comments. First one l have is as l do with any of the so called articles ALL OVER the net, that ANYONE , can write, os who wrote that. There's just a name, contributer , who the hell is contributer ? But for a start we aren't as emotional as women. We just aren't. full stop. It's no big mystery. Women go way way over to me personally as a guy , it can literally drives me nuts. Especially if you've been trying to be patient with it for a yr ,10yrs, 20yrs 3/4 of the what is to us , garbage a lot of women go on about or delve into non stop or whatever, and often our own women , quite often we feel nothing for and couldn't care less about , it's often just as simple as that, It's often nothing whatsoever to do with our dads or how we were raised. l must have heard 100 guys, more , going on about their wives or gf's , going on about something. They don't have a problem , they just couldn't care less about that bs, simple and it can seriously drive a guy bananas . Your your own man when you grow up , YOU decide or feel whatever you feel. Quite often we just don't feel for the same crap women go on about. Guys and affairs , yeah well some guys are just hornier than others , very very simple. Some women are just hornier than others and can't keep their hands off either, Maybe what's at home isn't enough and there's a helluva a lot of girls out there shaking it up , that's one of the hardest things about staying in a relationship for a lot of guys, keeping your hands off. Very simple. He's bored on the phone in 10 minutes, hello, maybe she bores him , it happens. l could talk to my gh 24 hrs a day, but l'm lucky to last 2minutes with many others, simple. l've also got 6 sisters, and 5 brothers, and believe me ,, none of the guys could give two sh@t about 3/4 of the crap the sisters go on about , l've actually often wished we didn't have the damn sisters. They've been a nightmare since we were kids , and still are. men are mars women venus , right, it's often just as simple as that . Hey Chilli, I'm a woman and a pretty typical one I'd say... emotionally expressive etc etc and, on the whole, I would agree with you! I am interested, though, in what makes you be able to potentially talk to your gf 24 hrs a day... what makes that connection different? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 all oomforting excuses to soften the fact that he does not love her, not much anyway Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 "I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodjes, but not the madness of people." Was Newton emotionally avoidant? Well, he never married. Some say he died a virgin. But I'm thankful he was. Otherwise you wouldn't even know what GRAVITY is and the space shuttle might not have been made. The bolded is the key. He was probably smart enough to know he'd not be a good partner with all the things he needed to do and be, so he didn't drag a woman into it. Same goes for women. if you do not have the emotional capacity and connectivity to be a partner....stay single. Easy peasy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 No, it is not. It actually shows the misogyny against women who have the same maladaptive problems as the men above but are not granted articles after article for men to kiss up to their problems of adjusting in relationships. These problems stem from the childhood problems above or worse. No, it shows you taken one webpage written by one writer for the sole purpose to click bate the domain another .5 cents and let it rattled you. There are plenty of male websites that support female bad behavior who click bate men as there are websites that approve male bad behavior. Im sorry, but almost all disorders with the exception of histronic and borderline are mostly recorded under the male gender. What you see in popular culture and what is real are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Without "emotionally avoidant" men, society as you know it would not exist. You would not have electricity in your home, an automobile to drive to work, or a cell phone which you're holding in your hand. Einstein, Newton, Tesla, Capernicus...all were emotionally avoidant. They had to be. You cannot devote so much time to science and subjects which take all your concentration...and still be in tune to emotions. Isaac Newton said it best: "I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodjes, but not the madness of people." Was Newton emotionally avoidant? Well, he never married. Some say he died a virgin. But I'm thankful he was. Otherwise you wouldn't even know what GRAVITY is and the space shuttle might not have been made. I wonder if there were women who fancied Newton that called him avoidant and pathological. I bet there were. Dont forget Steve Jobs... he took LSD, washed his feet in the toilet at work, dumped his GF and kid. Oh by the way no one bats an eye at his obvious disorders. Link to post Share on other sites
I AM HERE Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Why this is not listed as a psychiatric disorder is beyond me. When women act in these ways she is said to be sick, crazy, or borderline. Because they would have to admit that misogyny is a psychiatric disorder. From the research and the "over" reaction that I got on this subject last year, it has a lot to do with being exposed to porn at an early age. Link to post Share on other sites
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