2much4 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 To sum up the situation: my boyfriend is still friends with his ex, which I'm not too bothered by. Its still a pretty new relationship so I dont have much say anyway. She is organising a party I'm not invited to and since she lives about an hour and a half away he plans to stay the night. I'm bothered by the fact he's staying over AND the fact he didnt even bother to ask if I was ok with that. I don't think there's anything going on between them as he discribed her as unenthusiastic and boring in bed. Personally, I'd have better things to do than to cheat with someone I find boring in bed. I still find this situation pretty disrespectful. I think it would be appropriate for him to go home even if it's an hour away. They broke up about three years ago and haven't been in touch until about six months ago. How would you guys handle this? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 So wait a second, they broke up three years ago and haven't been in touch until six months ago..what exactly does that mean? Six months is a long time, a very long time plus you were not invited, presumably during those six months he told her he had a girlfriend, if they were just good pals surely she would invite you or even if she doesn't know you, which I assume she doesn't because it doesn't seem like you've met, surely as a dude I'd first tell me lady about the party I'm staying all night for and I'd invite my girl to go with me because she's still an ex girlfriend so there's nothing to worry about right? His explanation is pure BS pardon my language and it sound like tho dost protest too much..boring and enthusiastic is supposed to mean she's not worth my time banging, except for the fact IT WAS A THREE YEAR relation, plus the fact it's a free lay and a familiar lay (because lord know after three years and 6 months of communication who knows she now might be an enthusiastic and exciting lay) Is he 12? Why can't he find a hotel or better yet come back home? Anyway it's not important what anyone but yourself thinks, if you think it's disrespectful then that's your right, you tell him, if he chooses to still go you can't stop him but usually the lure of a free lay means he'll rush to go then come back and be the world's best boyfriend and try to make it up to you..but as the saying goes love should have brought your a** home last night. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2much4 Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 To clarify: they only dated for a few months, not three years... they dated three years ago, lost touch and then reconnected. I never met her, but then again she lives several hours from my hometown and I have better things to do than travel three hours to meet his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I don't think there's anything going on between them as he discribed her as unenthusiastic and boring in bed. ...and you believe him? Really???? NEVER ever get involved with guys who are still mixed up with their ex, as invariably you will be the one who gets very hurt... YOU are being naive if you think he is not interested in her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 To clarify: they only dated for a few months, not three years... they dated three years ago, lost touch and then reconnected. I never met her, but then again she lives several hours from my hometown and I have better things to do than travel three hours to meet his ex. Makes it even worse, so a few months, not talked in three years but good enough friends to be invited to a party you're not invited to by both parties and he's going to sleep over.. Like I said three years is a long time, he's says she was unenthusiastic well maybe that's a challenge to him, he wants to get her off or maybe during the 6 months of communication she's indicated she's changed during those three years..either way it's curiosity and you're still not invited. It's like having a model with a banging body whose not acting like a porn star during sex (according to him) imagine how much better the sex would be for him if she was now into him or it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Hi 2much.. Easy fix !. Tell him NO he cant stay the night. Because I know for sure, he will also say no, if the tables were reversed. Second, do you drive ?. If so, say YOU will pick him up and bring him back. See, easy.. He has NO excuse. If he does, there's something more. No if, or butts !. Oh, and tell him, there will be TWO people going that night.. One, his himself going to the party, and TWO, your going away permanently. Smells like a fish market !!. If he doesn't respect how you feel now, it will be worse later. This is the time to make each other comfortable with yourselves, and show how much your both willing to compromise to make the other happy. You compromised by allowing him to go, so he should also do the same by NOT staying over for your sake. Ted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Standards and boundaries. You have to know what's acceptable, unacceptable, and what you will tolerate. Have the courage to verbalize them and stick to them. He and she know this is disrespectful and inconsiderate. They know. They just have the gall to try it and see what you're going to do. It's your move. Just know once you're a doormat it's hard to get off the floor. I wouldn't argue about this. Wouldn't raise my voice or get upset. Just calmly let him know he has a choice. He can choose to build the trust and respect in the relationship or he can damage it. What he does will impact the future of your relationship. That's not a threat. That's simply the truth. Then watch what he does. That'll let you know what you need to do. I have low tolerance for disrespectful, inconsiderate, and untrustworthy behavior. Get rid of problem people quickly. Early. That allows the law of attraction to work for you. We tend to get what we expect and allow. It starts with setting high standards and appropriate boundaries. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I stopped reading after the words "She is organising a party I'm not invited to". The rest is really not so important. If I'm invited to a party, my gf is always invited automatically, otherwise I won't show up. I my gf (my wife now) would tell me that there's a party i'm not invited to, and she still intends to go without me, so unless it's a special case like a work event with no spouses invited, I'm not sure I would want her to still be my gf anymore. The first question you want to ask - Why aren't you invited? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Your BF is being rude to you for even considering attending a party you are not invited to. I get why he would want to stay over because of the distance but to go to an EX GF's house without your new GF tells you exactly where his priorities are & you don't make the list. He needs to chose: that party or you. But if he goes, you need to break up with him because he doesn't care about you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Tell him you've been invited to a party of your Ex next month and will be staying the night, as you don't want to drink and drive, plus you'll be too tired. See how that goes down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Tell him you've been invited to a party of your Ex next month and will be staying the night, as you don't want to drink and drive, plus you'll be too tired. See how that goes down. I have a feeling that he may not actually be too worried what the OP gets up to, unfortunately... I'm bothered by the fact he's staying over AND the fact he didnt even bother to ask if I was ok with that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Give him an ultimatum??.....not worth it if he already is disrespecting you like this. Dump this chump. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 How would you guys handle this? By finding another person to date. Certainly, you cannot be this naive, OP. Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) She is organising a party I'm not invited to and since she lives about an hour and a half away he plans to stay the night. I'm bothered by the fact he's staying over AND the fact he didnt even bother to ask if I was ok with that. You are either a couple or you are not. If you are a couple, then why is he OK with you being excluded to a that others will be attending as a couples? Similarly, if they are supposedly just friends, why is she excluding you from the party instead of wanting to meet you? Throw in him sleeping over to avoid a very doable drive, and you are a fool if you believe that their intentions are purely platonic. This is a date pure and simple with someone that he has been romantically involved with before. Deal with it accordingly. You should dump him right now. When he asks you why, tell him the other women's name, and say that if he needs you to elaborate, that he is just not good boyfriend material. Edited July 23, 2017 by Try 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 To sum up the situation: my boyfriend is still friends with his ex, which I'm not too bothered by. Its still a pretty new relationship so I dont have much say anyway. She is organising a party I'm not invited to and since she lives about an hour and a half away he plans to stay the night. I'm bothered by the fact he's staying over AND the fact he didnt even bother to ask if I was ok with that. I don't think there's anything going on between them as he discribed her as unenthusiastic and boring in bed. Personally, I'd have better things to do than to cheat with someone I find boring in bed. I still find this situation pretty disrespectful. I think it would be appropriate for him to go home even if it's an hour away. They broke up about three years ago and haven't been in touch until about six months ago. How would you guys handle this? I think it is extremely disrespectful too, and I am a guy. Look OP, part of being faithful to someone is not putting yourself in situations that even LOOK bad. Even if your boyfriend sleeps on the couch (yeah right!) what he is doing is still (at best) disrespectful. I agree with you that 90 minutes to drive each way isn't that far. Your boyfriend just needs to make it a point to limit alcohol intake. You'd be correct to dump. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 To clarify: they only dated for a few months, not three years... they dated three years ago, lost touch and then reconnected. To clarify: since "they only dated for a few months", you are not being excluded because this is a party of people they knew for many years as a couple. This is a party where you are being exclude because he is being introduced to her friends as someone that does not have you as a girlfriend. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
rushed Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Its still a pretty new relationship so I dont have much say anyway. No, girl. This is exactly the time when you get your say! This is the time to let him know what you are and aren't okay with. This is when you tell him that you're hurt you weren't invited and that he didn't ask if he could bring you. And that him going to this party and spending the night at an ex's who just recently got back in touch with him is something that you aren't comfortable with, especially since you were excluded. You can't control him and you can't tell him what to do. BUT you can let him know how you feel about things, and see what he does, and then act accordingly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 sounds like he could cheat, hes wont say shes great in bed as it would upset you, making her out is borning could be way to let him get away with it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2much4 Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 So we talked. He didn't argue much, he's not going. I think he knew it was innapropriate. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Bang !.. You hit it girl !. Let it be a lesson for others in the same situation. If you don't like something in your relationship, air you issues with your partner. If there is no compromise, you need to re evaluate where you both stand.. Ted Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 So we talked. He didn't argue much, he's not going. I think he knew it was innapropriate. He should have known already and it did NOT need to have regressed to this point. This guy simply does not understand what a boundary is. I still say you are better off putting the Kibosh on this relationship as this WILL rear it's ugly head again in the future. He didn't argue much? He should have never even considered going without you in the first place. Get....Rid...Of...Him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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