I fell in love online and now I am scared to death

[Flavour]

Hi everybody and thenk you in advance. Sorry for my mistakes but English is not my mother tongue.

 

I met this guy on an online forum for survivors of abusive relationships. He answered on a thread I wrote and I wrote him a PM to thank him, as he wrote something really nice. We started writing emails to each other, than Whatsapp. We became Facebook friends and then we started phoning. After a while it was clear there was something more going on. We told it to each other and ....we just started loving each other. Any free time is spent chatting.

 

But I live in Europe and he lives in the US. I am 49 and he is 52. I thought I was too old for this stuff. Too old for everything. But I am desperately in love with him. We are both believers, we love reading, we seem never get enough talking to each other nd sharing experiences. And sexting. Just words......no pictures. How did I end doing stuff like this? But it sounds good and it sounds true.

 

we have scheduled a meeting for December. I can't go before that date. And I am scared to death. He keeps telling me I am beautiful but all he saw are carefully selected pictures on FB. I am old and it shows. I told him already. But I think he is stuck in a dream and when he will see me he will be so disappointed.

 

He is not that handsome-not at all. But I am attarcted to him for many other reasons. I really like him in spite of his physical appearance.

 

But he is a man and even if he keeps telling me he loves me for different reasons than physical appearance I am so scared and I feel so tortured for that.

[Sloppyseconds]

you don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with, and that includes meeting in real life. However, if it is just your own insecurities you've probably nothing to really worry about. if the fear goes deeper and you feel unsafe in meeting him, then by all means, feel free to have someone meet him with you or not meet him at all. Whatever you decide is your own choice, but don't not meet this possible beau simply because you feel you're not desirable. Just as you think you're less than expected, he might love the things you hate. He too may also be attracted to your personality just as you are to his over his looks. A beautiful person is more than surface deep.

[Flavour]

Just as you think you're less than expected, he might love the things you hate. He too may also be attracted to your personality just as you are to his over his looks. A beautiful person is more than surface deep.

 

I don't know how to thank you for these words. Thank you<3

[ExpatInItaly]

Why not arrange a video chat? Skype of FaceTime?

 

It is important to see each other in real time, to speak live. You need to get a sense of how you two interact and communicate when speaking face to face, and you can both get a better sense of what each other looks like. This minimizes the chance of such surprises when you finally meet in December.

[Chilli]

Love these stories because l went through it myself.

We met in a forum to but a divorce forum. Sadly we couldn't make it work though in the end due to a few big things but not to discourage you in anyway.

 

But yeah just skype , be yourself and then he sees you as the yourself and that is that.

We skyped most days for a few hours and talked or text the rest but slype is very real and instant,you can walk around , show each other around , any time day or night so you see each other every which way for real. before meeting.

We'd shown plenty of pics before we finally skyped but when we did , we clicked even more than ever and the same happened when we finally met in person.

But it could have gone the other way too we knew that.

So for you , l'd skype now and it's either going to work and keep going or it's not but at least you'll know.

 

Give it a go.

Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

Flavour

 

 

I wish you well, truly. That said, I'm going to be a wet blanket.

 

 

Right now you are "in love" with the man you think he is. You have absolutely no idea who he is in person. For your sake I hope he's the guy you think he is, but you don't know that. Dial it back. At this point, I don't care how many e-mails you have exchanged, he's a stranger.

 

 

Skype a few times on different days & at different times if possible before booking anything.

 

 

Talk about finances & expectations before you book. At a minimum, pay for your own ticket & your own hotel room. Do not stay with him. If you take his money or agree to sleep under his roof you ratchet up the expectations. Try booking a hotel you can cancel; if you get here & everything is glorious, cancel the last few nights of the hotel & stay with him. But you need your own space for safety & just to keep a lid on the intensity of everything. Have it set up that you will check in with a friend back home everyday just so that somebody will alert the authorities if there is a problem.

 

 

Also do some serious background research on this guy. Make sure he lives & works where he says he does. Make sure he's not on a predator's registry. Check that he has no criminal background. Unlike the UK, you can find some of this stuff out for a few dollars through a private eye with his name & date of birth. I wouldn't get on a plane without this stuff.

 

 

Be careful. Your safety has to be paramount & your emotional well-being the next most carefully guarded part of all this.

 

 

Best wishes but please be smart, cautious & just a bit suspicious before taking this leap of faith.

[Flavour]

Flavour

 

 

 

 

At a minimum, pay for your own ticket & your own hotel room. Do not stay with him. If you take his money or agree to sleep under his roof you ratchet up the expectations. Try booking a hotel you can cancel; if you get here & everything is glorious, cancel the last few nights of the hotel & stay with him. But you need your own space for safety & just to keep a lid on the intensity of everything. Have it set up that you will check in with a friend back home everyday just so that somebody will alert the authorities if there is a problem.

 

 

Also do some serious background research on this guy. Make sure he lives & works where he says he does. Make sure he's not on a predator's registry. Check that he has no criminal background. Unlike the UK, you can find some of this stuff out for a few dollars through a private eye with his name & date of birth. I wouldn't get on a plane without this stuff.

 

 

Be careful. Your safety has to be paramount & your emotional well-being the next most carefully guarded part of all this.

 

 

Best wishes but please be smart, cautious & just a bit suspicious before taking this leap of faith.

 

You are right. I paid my ticket and my hotel room, even if he insists I stay with him. My son , who is 16, used his sister (29)credit card (with his sister's consent) to pay for a reasearch about him and he told me "Okay mum you can go". I think he used Truthfinder and a couple of other sites.

 

Thank you. You are perfectly right and I will be careful. Thanks, really.

[Flavour]

I have been in a long distance marriage because of the nature of my job, my husband cheated on me a whole lot of times but since I wasn't around to get him caught in the act I decided to hack his cell phone to get all the data activities on his cell. I got in contact with :

[email protected]

 

through the head of the IT department in my workplace.According to him,this hacker is the best in the game right now. After I got in contact with him,we made a deal and i paid him. In 24hours,I got access to my husband's cell phone activities,I don't know how he did it but it looked like magic.

I got access to his Snapchat messages,WhatsApp,instagram,Facebook,call logs ,video chat ,etc all in one swipe.

he is definitely the right man for you.

Do not hesitate to contact him because his offer might be limited.

Best regards.

Terrie

 

I wish I could do it but it's illegal.

 

There is only one reason why I could be tempted doing this: his ex wife. I would like to check if it's really over.

[Flavour]

So for you , l'd skype now and it's either going to work and keep going or it's not but at least you'll know.

 

Give it a go.

Good luck.

 

I am scared to death by this too. But I will try. Maybe. With all the lights off

[d0nnivain]

You can contact the courthouse where he was divorced & ask for a copy of the divorce degree. That is a public record. The government will charge you a fee but you can get it. You can't get the property settlement agreement & the order for divorce won't tell you if he's emotionally over her but you should be able to glean that from how he talks about his EX.

 

 

Don't turn the lights off when you Skype. He will assume you are up for cyber-sex. Bright lights, from your kitchen table. If you cyber-sex before you arrive, he will expect actual sex straight away.

 

 

I suspect that Terrie50 is a spammer. I reported that post to the Moderators as violating the rule of LS.

[Flavour]

You can contact the courthouse where he was divorced & ask for a copy of the divorce degree. That is a public record. The government will charge you a fee but you can get it.

Don't turn the lights off when you Skype. He will assume you are up for cyber-sex. Bright lights, from your kitchen table. If you cyber-sex before you arrive, he will expect actual sex straight away.

 

 

I suspect that Terrie50 is a spammer. I reported that post to the Moderators as violating the rule of LS.

 

Can I really do that from Europe? Is it really possible?

 

I would turn the lights off just to hide wrinkles

[d0nnivain]

You simply need to know the town & state where he lives. Use Google to ascertain the county & then write to the Courthouse. They will tell you how much their copying fees are. You send them a check. They send you the documents.

[Chilli]

Well , there was no doubt in any of that other stuff with us we were together all the time anyway , even if we weren't together. Work , nights,waking up , driving, shopping , anything everything , heaps of fun. pics and selfies and chitter chatter all over the place.

 

So you don't even have skype first up, just start sending snaps of the moment. That'll just be you .

lf he runs he runs, better now than later with fights and motels and spending money.

[healing light]

Don't hide your wrinkles. Send more honest photographs and Skype before you spend hundreds or thousands on planes and hotel rooms. Why hide those features that you are convinced may make a difference in his attraction if he will see it immediately in real life?

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, if you are so insecure that are actually worried he might see some wrinkles on Skype, how on earth are you going to be able to meet him in person?