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Cannot support my sisters affair

Lishy

By Lishy,
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BaileyB

BaileyB

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The reason we fell out is I arranged a night out for her birthday and invited her daughter and friends and later in the night we went i side the bar and he was sat at the bar .... she had arranged it!!

 

So they ignored each other as it was a game and my niece who has no clue about any of this was stood next to the guy who helped split her family in two

 

I had at go at my sister and she told me if I don't like it leave .... so I did ... I walked home alone at midnight and she didn't care that i walked 2 miles alone at midnight

 

She initially had a go at me the following day by text say I was wrong but she later apologised by text when I told her it was her fault and disgusting for making her daughter look a fool but I have ignored her as I am too upset to talk to her and may say stuff i will regret

 

So now for over a week we have not spoken and she goes on holiday with him tomorrow to another country

 

Its all a huge mess ... The sister I thought she was has gone

 

It's hard when the people we love make decisions we don't like and disappoint us. But, she may still realize the error of her ways and make it right. Give it some time.

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Lishy

Lishy

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It's so hard to watch and even harder when you know in your heart it's going to end terribly

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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We are still not talking and I hate it ... I keep thinking how much she will think I have let her down

 

when this all blows up and the sh.t hits the fan, be there for her. Love and support her..

 

Right now her choices are bad and deep down she knows this too.

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Lishy

Lishy

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It's been 3 weeks since we have talked ... she went on holiday and her adult daughter guessed something was up and asked me !!! I told her to call her mum and she did ... my sister told her she was there with a guy and to not say anything and now my niece feels as awful as i do!!!

I do not know where this will end up but I feel done with my sister until she sees sense

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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It's been 3 weeks since we have talked ... she went on holiday and her adult daughter guessed something was up and asked me !!! I told her to call her mum and she did ... my sister told her she was there with a guy and to not say anything and now my niece feels as awful as i do!!!

I do not know where this will end up but I feel done with my sister until she sees sense

 

She told her own daughter about the OM? Wow, she certainly has made things worse by doing this, putting not only you in the tough spot but her own daughter.

 

Now is the time to really think about if telling your brother in law the truth since their daughter knows.

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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It's been 3 weeks since we have talked ... she went on holiday and her adult daughter guessed something was up and asked me !!! I told her to call her mum and she did ... my sister told her she was there with a guy and to not say anything and now my niece feels as awful as i do!!!

I do not know where this will end up but I feel done with my sister until she sees sense

 

Well, at least you don't have to feel badly about keeping this secret from your niece anymore...

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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I really do think this is close to being brought out in the open ��

 

Your sister took it too far by telling her own daughter!

 

The fallout will be big and painful but really your sister has brought this all on herself. She can't blame you or her daughter for any of it now.

 

Just such a shi.tty situation and sorry that you (and your niece) have to deal with this.

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Lishy

Lishy

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She told my niece that I didn't know and I didn't want her to know that I was aware st this time

 

Damn this is a massive mess

 

My family is torn apart with these lies

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Lishy

Lishy

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The thing that worries me alot is that I have basically turned my back on my sister and maybe I have lost her forever!! Maybe this guy is perfect for her and they will both hatexnr for making life so difficult for them !!!!

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beatcuff

beatcuff

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The thing that worries me alot is that I have basically turned my back on my sister
well you did. decisions made by emotion is often wrong (did you really mean what you said in that other thread?). you drank the BS kool-aid and overlooked, discounted or otherwise refused to follow my suggestions (#88). of course the A was wrong but that is done, you are dealing with the results. YOU need to decide if you want to be right and lose her or be pragmatic and have her in your life (a/k/a we all make mistakes).

 

what was never discussed in this thread is: why and when does her happiness matter. the 'why' should have you see what she did, more than likely her M was not so 'perfect' and her happiness: well if your sister came on this board (pre A) and said she was miserable the overwhelming response would be 'leave him life is too short'.

 

maybe I have lost her forever!!
the cool thing with (most) families is the bond is strong enough time will heal. you can accelerate this by saying you are sorry. you are apologizing for reacting before you got the WHOLE picture.

 

Maybe this guy is perfect for her
i think we all know this is doubtful but he is what she wants now.

 

reach out to her.

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kgcolonel

kgcolonel

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The thing that worries me alot is that I have basically turned my back on my sister and maybe I have lost her forever!! Maybe this guy is perfect for her and they will both hatexnr for making life so difficult for them !!!!

 

Actually she turned her back on you by becoming a person that most people with morals and ethics (including you) can't support or respect. Don't let her turn this around to be your fault..if so, at what point would you be able to say to her, "that's too far".???

 

I think personally, her husband deserves to know the truth...maybe he won't care as he already knows her or maybe he'll leave but either way, it's not your fault....she's doing what cheaters do...

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kgcolonel

kgcolonel

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What ever you do, do not let your cheating sister define who you are....she is manipulating you and your niece and everyone else in her family just so she can get her jollies with her OM while betraying the person she took vows to love honor and cherish....what a piece of ......

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ztmymmy

ztmymmy

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What ever you do, do not let your cheating sister define who you are....she is manipulating you and your niece and everyone else in her family just so she can get her jollies with her OM while betraying the person she took vows to love honor and cherish....what a piece of ......

 

QFT

 

well you did. decisions made by emotion is often wrong (did you really mean what you said in that other thread?). you drank the BS kool-aid and overlooked, discounted or otherwise refused to follow my suggestions (#88). of course the A was wrong but that is done, you are dealing with the results. YOU need to decide if you want to be right and lose her or be pragmatic and have her in your life (a/k/a we all make mistakes).

 

what was never discussed in this thread is: why and when does her happiness matter. the 'why' should have you see what she did, more than likely her M was not so 'perfect' and her happiness: well if your sister came on this board (pre A) and said she was miserable the overwhelming response would be 'leave him life is too short'.

 

 

Her 'happiness' involves playing games with her own daughter and leeching off her husband.

 

The marriage may have not been perfect, but nothing justifies what she did and continues to do.Period.

 

Also, according to OP, she simply wanted to bang someone other her hubby:

 

She started talking to a man online a year or so ago and decided that she wanted to know how it would feel to have sex with another man as the only person she had been with was her husband - So she did - He is married too and they met in hotels for sex

 

Fast forward 6 months and he has left his wife and kid and she has left her husband blaming him for being abusive, he was abusive to her because he smelled a rat and knew she was playing away

 

the cool thing with (most) families is the bond is strong enough time will heal. you can accelerate this by saying you are sorry. you are apologizing for reacting before you got the WHOLE picture.

 

Yeah... don't do that.Lishy's sister is the one who owes a whole lot of apologies.To whole lot of people.

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