In a LDR, anxious to get married

[Novz]

Hi, everyone. I am new here. I would like to share with you something that bothers me for months now.

 

I stopped asking my Fiance about our wedding plans.

 

I am in a 7 year-old-long-distance- relationship. We became official in 2010. I live in the Philippines, while he lives in Illinois.

 

Within 7 years, we only spent time together 2 times. The first in 2012 and the second one was last year, in 2016. It was on his last vacation in the Philippines that he asked my hands from my parents.

 

Ever since, I kept asking him about it. Although he shared his plans of petitioning me eventually, but I ended up feeling anxious on when will he start applying the papers.

 

I am really anxious to get married, most of all to become a mother. However, I also want to spend time with him first before starting making a family. That's what I have been missing being in a LDR.

 

Is asking my fiance about his wedding plans not good? I am afraid that I am putting so much pressure on him that's why I decided to stop asking about it. The reason why I became too anxious, because we have been in a LDR for 7 years and it makes me sadder to think that I'll need to wait another year just to be with him. What to do?

 

I would love to hear your advice on this. Thank you

[Els]

I.... don't even know what to say. How is it that you only met TWICE in 7 years??? I get that the Philippines and Illinois are far apart, but that's one visit every 3.5 years. How long was the time that you spent together each time? Have you ever met his family, friends, or co-workers?

[Novz]

Hi!

 

This thread is about my long distance relationship and I believe those who are in this type of relationship could relate with my story best.

 

Like most of us today, Me and partner got connected through Facebook

He was a US immigrant in 2009. While I was living in the Philippines.

 

Through a common friend on FB, he found his way to my account after I posted a birthday greeting to our common friend.

 

He started messaging me first quarter in 2010. After 3mos of chatting, he finally added me on Facebook and we became official in May 2010.

 

He made an effort to make a long distance call every other day. For me, that was the sweetest already.

 

Days turned into Months.

Months into Years.

 

The Long distance call and FB Chat became Skype. So, maintaining the relationship went easier for us until his family decided to came home in 2012 for a 3-week-vacation.

 

Finally, in October 2012, Me and partner spent many of our first together. First Meet-up, Date, Kiss, Meeting with parents, 1st wedding attended, etc. I was the happiest lady in the world then.

 

After a 3 weeks, they left and return to the United States.

 

My bf and I, had a happier discussion on skype. We were ecstatic reminiscing. We were contented. From 1 year, it became 2 years.

 

I was already anxious. I kept asking him when was he coming home. But, his work made his schedule so tight that vacation was not possible until January last year.

 

He came home for me in 2016. I remember everything we did! The trips we took, the set of dates we had, the places we visited. 2016 was the most memorable, specially because he proposed to be that year

 

YESSS! We got engaged in 2016. Waiting for him for 3 years was so worth it.

 

I miss him so much. I started missing him so badly. I hope to be with him again. I cry at times because I feel so lonely not having him next to me.

 

If only following him to US is that easy.

If only he filed my petition soon.

If only we were not living poles apart.

If only he was near.

If only

 

But,just when I feel I could not take it anymore. The greatest news came.

He kept it from me that he applied for a vacation leave.

Guess what?

Yup!

His vacation leave was approved.

IT MEANS?

YESSS! He is coming home this year!!! I don't need to wait that long because he is coming home in 2 months! God is sooo good.

 

I can't wait! I will make sure to have the most memorable 28 days with him.

 

To those who are in a LDR, hang-in there. I know it's terrible to be away from the man that you love. I know how it feels. We barely spent 50 days together in 7 years. It is soo hard. If not for his sincere love for me over the years, I would have stayed. But the man I am with in this journey is the most loving, understanding, genuine, hardworking. He made me a better person. His love made me patient. In short, I see my future with him & I know life will be happier and easier to live with him by my side.

 

Yes, it has been so hard for the both of us. But, it is worth it. I chose to endure with him no matter the hardships because I love him with all that I am.

 

I am sending all the best to you in your journey, too. I want you to endure and never give-up to love.

 

[clia]

After 7 years, I think you are well within your rights to find out his plans for closing the distance and being together. I find it very strange that you got engaged last year, but he still has not filed a K-1 petition to bring you over. What discussions have you actually had about the future? How much do you even know about his life in the US?

[Novz]

I appreciate your reply! Yey! My first reply

 

Yes, I met his family many times. His mom came back four times now since 2012, so, I got to spent so many days with her and the rest of the family. I also get to visit his two sisters whose left in the country because they have their own families here.

 

But I saw and talked to his co-workmates in the 4 jobs he was in over the years. I got the chance to talk with them whenever my partner is on break and we video chat.

 

His vacation in 2012 was like 25 days, but we spent i guess 15 full days only.

While he spent 30 days in 2016 (excluding the travel time)

 

We barely have 50 days of being together. That made me more anxious to be with him.

[Novz]

After 7 years, I think you are well within your rights to find out his plans for closing the distance and being together. I find it very strange that you got engaged last year, but he still has not filed a K-1 petition to bring you over. What discussions have you actually had about the future? How much do you even know about his life in the US?

 

 

That's a relief. I thought I was being demanding about it.

I understand that his work made it too difficult for him to arrange file it.

 

He told me to prepare the requirements, and I did. I have been waiting for his update. But it's been almost a year but he has not filed it. I asked him many times this month about it and realize that he has no time filing the paper. He told me to wait some more.

 

But I understand that his reason for the delay was due to the citizenship that he only acquired in January this year.

[Novz]

I.... don't even know what to say. How is it that you only met TWICE in 7 years??? I get that the Philippines and Illinois are far apart, but that's one visit every 3.5 years. How long was the time that you spent together each time? Have you ever met his family, friends, or co-workers?

 

I appreciate your reply! Yey! My first reply

 

Yes, I met his family many times. His mom came back four times now since 2012, so, I got to spent so many days with her and the rest of the family. I also get to visit his two sisters who remained in the country because they have their own families here.

 

But I saw and talked to his co-workmates in the 4 jobs he was in over the years. I got the chance to talk with them whenever my partner is on break and we video chat.

 

His vacation in 2012 was like 25 days, but we spent i guess 15 full days only.

While he spent 30 days in 2016 (excluding the travel time)

 

We barely have 50 days of being together. That made me more anxious to be with him.

[clia]

That's a relief. I thought I was being demanding about it.

I understand that his work made it too difficult for him to arrange file it.

 

He told me to prepare the requirements, and I did. I have been waiting for his update. But it's been almost a year but he has not filed it. I asked him many times this month about it and realize that he has no time filing the paper. He told me to wait some more.

 

But I understand that his reason for the delay was due to the citizenship that he only acquired in January this year.

 

Okay, well the delay makes more sense since he just got his citizenship seven months ago. But still, the delay since then is a little concerning. I understand that he's busy at work, but pulling together the information for the application doesn't take that long. Maybe 3-10 hours at most, depending on how organized he is. Has he hired a lawyer or is he planning to file it himself?

 

I just think it's a little concerning that he couldn't find the time to file that paperwork for you over the past 7 months. The sooner he files it, the sooner the two of you can be together.

[d0nnivain]

He's only been a citizen for 7 months. When did you send him whatever paperwork he needs to file for you? If it hasn't been that long, try to take a deep breath. If it's been more than 6 months, I think you're fine to ask again. Ask what if anything you can do to expedite the process.

 

 

Immigration is a hot button issue in the US right now. This is going to be a long process. Best to get started as early as possible.

[Chilli]

Great story Nov , thanks for telling it.

Sadly ours didn't work out for different reasons but l'll forever have a soft spot now for others going through it and their the courage.

 

All the best for your life and love together and the future , not long to go now eh and it can all begin.

Good luck to you guys.

[d0nnivain]

When he comes hopefully you can iron out whatever needs to be done for your immigration status: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/getting-married/630827-ldr-anxious-get-married

[Novz]

Okay, well the delay makes more sense since he just got his citizenship seven months ago. But still, the delay since then is a little concerning. I understand that he's busy at work, but pulling together the information for the application doesn't take that long. Maybe 3-10 hours at most, depending on how organized he is. Has he hired a lawyer or is he planning to file it himself?

 

I just think it's a little concerning that he couldn't find the time to file that paperwork for you over the past 7 months. The sooner he files it, the sooner the two of you can be together.

 

 

Hi, Clia. I don't see any problem about it because he never fails to spend his time with me daily via messenger. I literally know what he does everyday because he never failed communicating with me since. Probably because of priority? Maybe not yet? But I believe in him. Maybe I just grew tired without his updates.

 

No he won't, but plans to file it himself.

 

I feel comforted by your words.Thank you

[Novz]

He's only been a citizen for 7 months. When did you send him whatever paperwork he needs to file for you? If it hasn't been that long, try to take a deep breath. If it's been more than 6 months, I think you're fine to ask again. Ask what if anything you can do to expedite the process.

 

 

Immigration is a hot button issue in the US right now. This is going to be a long process. Best to get started as early as possible.

 

 

Hi, Don. Right. I only prepared for the requirements, I have not sent anything yet because I know I will only will start processing my papers once he file the petition papers. I agree. I will take your advice to take a deep breath. Thank you! Really appreciate it.

 

I feel hopeful now. I actually suggested him going home and living here in the Philippines instead, but he believes we will make a more secured life there than here. So, I have been expecting about following him as that's our only choice.

[Novz]

Great story Nov , thanks for telling it.

Sadly ours didn't work out for different reasons but l'll forever have a soft spot now for others going through it and their the courage.

 

All the best for your life and love together and the future , not long to go now eh and it can all begin.

Good luck to you guys.

 

 

Hi, Chilli. aw Indeed, empathy! If not being in this relationship, I won't be able to understand why it did not work with you either.

 

But I appreciate you leaving positivity in my thread! Thanks Chill!

[Els]

 

His vacation in 2012 was like 25 days, but we spent i guess 15 full days only.

While he spent 30 days in 2016 (excluding the travel time)

 

We barely have 50 days of being together. That made me more anxious to be with him.

 

But...but... WHY??? What is the reason for him not being able to see you at all between 2012 and 2016?!?!

 

I am not against LDRs. I have been in a LDR. I understand LDRs. I cannot understand a LDR where the supposed partners only see each other twice in 7 years. Unless you two are from North Korea and South Korea respectively or some extenuating circumstance of the same vein, there is just no reason for this. I mean, you've met his mother more than you have him!

 

Are you sure you want to leave your friends, family and job to move to a new country to be with a man whom you have only met twice?

[Novz]

But...but... WHY??? What is the reason for him not being able to see you at all between 2012 and 2016?!?!

 

The reasons were work and in a way, their family was focused last 3 years in petitioning their 2 younger brothers. There was a lot of money involved in processing them. I was also studying that time while working, did not realize 3 years quickly passed by until finally he got.a chance in 2016.

 

I am not against LDRs. I have been in a LDR. I understand LDRs. I cannot understand a LDR where the supposed partners only see each other twice in 7 years. Unless you two are from North Korea and South Korea respectively or some extenuating circumstance of the same vein, there is just no reason for this. I mean, you've met his mother more than you have him!

 

 

Of course, I understand your sense of sympathy. I am not really offended, after all I am here for sympathy. If only US & Ph is real real close and is a cheap vacation away? why not? if only my salary would suffice going to US to visit him, I would have done it but all I had was contentment in our daily chat conversation. You are right to say that I mire time with his mom/ dad/ sisters than him. haha

 

 

Are you sure you want to leave your friends, family and job to move to a new country to be with a man whom you have only met twice?

 

I am. My parents talk to mu fiance aleady. I am in the stage where I really want to be married and become a mother. I have given a lot of time with him. We may only met twice but we are together every day for the last years (minus physicallity) on video chat and messenger.

[Els]

I am. My parents talk to mu fiance aleady. I am in the stage where I really want to be married and become a mother. I have given a lot of time with him. We may only met twice but we are together every day for the last years (minus physicallity) on video chat and messenger.

 

What was his reason for only coming to see you once every 4 years?

[Novz]

The reasons were work and in a way, their family was focused last 3 years in petitioning their 2 younger brothers. There was a lot of money involved in processing them. I was also studying that time while working, did not realize 3 years quickly passed by until finally he got.a chance in 2016.

[taiko]

The reasons were work and in a way, their family was focused last 3 years in petitioning their 2 younger brothers. There was a lot of money involved in processing them. I was also studying that time while working, did not realize 3 years quickly passed by until finally he got.a chance in 2016.

 

Getting this far I was expecting the petitioning of the older adult brothers as that would have fit the scenario that I was building. How old are you two anyway?

[Novz]

Getting this far I was expecting the petitioning of the older adult brothers as that would have fit the scenario that I was building. How old are you two anyway?

 

 

Hi, Taiko! I am turning 27 this year, while he is turning 29.

[taiko]

Okay if I am following this right mom probably married an American and brought your fiance with him before he aged out while his younger brothers stayed in school or had their father refuse to let them go. When they became old enough they were too old and went on a waiting list.

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

You are living in Dreamland. You do not have any relationship other than a fantasy one.

 

To claim otherwise flies in the face of common sense. No one and I mean NO ONE 13 time zones apart is worth wasting that much time on

 

Go find someone local to date. If you have been strung along for Seven years, you'll be strung along for Seven more.

 

Please stop being so naive. You think he hasn't screwed women here in the States?

[taiko]

Hi, Taiko! I am turning 27 this year, while he is turning 29.

 

So he should be at the point no matter what his familial responsibilities to at least be able to pull together the $2000 to start the petition process. While the Philippines may not be as bad as China in this situation you are rapidly reaching the local "marry by" age and your options with Filipino men are about to get more limited.

 

Just saying a spousal visa is a much easier process than getting on the waiting list and doing what is needed for bringing adult children using family reunification standards

Edited August 13, 2017 by taiko