Recent break up - Can I still get her back?

[dsprimal]

It really frustrates me to see her on tinder the week after the break. I'm almost positive she went on a sex spree within the past month. That is disgusting and shows how much I really meant to her. But once again here I am defending her and saying on her side I treated her poorly and she dealt with it as long as possible so maybe she did this as a way to try distracting herself from me?

[MarvelFan1]

It really frustrates me to see her on tinder the week after the break. I'm almost positive she went on a sex spree within the past month. That is disgusting and shows how much I really meant to her. But once again here I am defending her and saying on her side I treated her poorly and she dealt with it as long as possible so maybe she did this as a way to try distracting herself from me?

How do you know she was on Tinder, unless you were on it too... Or maybe a friend conveniently saw it?

 

Erm, you were messaging women dirty messages, behind her back, and now she's single and maybe sleeping around (as you're assuming), suddenly, that's not okay... That is the pot calling the kettle black, at least she did it while being single.

 

Anyway, you aren't together, so she can do what she wants. You need to stop playing this 'poor me' card and playing the 'did I mean nothing to her' speech. You messed up, you broke the trust, you brought this on your self. Own it.

 

If all the above about her has irked you, then there is no way in hell taking her back will work, on top of all the other issues that came before.

Edited August 24, 2017 by MarvelFan1

[trustyourself]

It really frustrates me to see her on tinder the week after the break. I'm almost positive she went on a sex spree within the past month. That is disgusting and shows how much I really meant to her. But once again here I am defending her and saying on her side I treated her poorly and she dealt with it as long as possible so maybe she did this as a way to try distracting herself from me?

 

Are you serious? YOU betrayed her trust and the relationship ended. Stop glossing over the fact you cheated and ruined it.

 

And you are complaining about her rebounding?

 

That is pretty self centered dude.

Edited August 24, 2017 by trustyourself
added words

[dsprimal]

Idk what to do i'm torn. Should I respond to what she last said? Should I be genuine and say i will always love her too and that i will always cherish the good times we had. She poured her heart out to me in those texts and its hard to not think about asking her to try it again with me as a couple.

 

Should i remain silent and continue moving on? I feel bad not saying anything to this girl after what she said about forgiving me and loves me and ill always be her first love.

[Been]

Why it isn't going to last. You know it and so does she. I would just move on and cit ALL ties with her.

If you get back with her the same result will happen again-already happened twice. Why waste time on something that is broken?

[usa1ah]

Sounds like the two of you need to have a serious face to face about what you both need.

 

You need to focus on her if you get back together and leave other women alone.

[Steve51]

Some women keep their exes on the hook as a safety net should things not work out with a new guy. You are her safe harbor and if it is OK to have her ship come and go with the tides, then take her back. If you want someone to dry dock in your life, then tell her no and find another boat.

[Goodguy05]

I don't think ur listening to any of the posters on here. Should u contact her lol well u ****ed it dude u cheated and u want our sympathy lol common dude

[SpecialJ]

I think you should respond to her. Don't leave her hanging. But I think what you should say is you really appreciate her opening up to you like that and it was very brave of her. However, even though you love her too, you broke up for a reason -- and that reason didn't get magically fixed after a month. As long as you two are the same people you were a month ago, you're going to end up in the same place again if you try a third time. She's young and deserves time to explore and not worry about the trust issues you both have right now (you were emotionally cheating, you don't feel good about her hooking up during your break). Any real change is a long ways away and will take work, and you shouldn't be in touch or try again until you both heal independently, decide if you want to change, and then take steps to do it. Anything else is going to lead right back to breaking up, especially since she's only 20.

 

I know that's heavy and probably not what you want to hear, but if you want to do right by both of you, that's a good way to think about the situation. Good luck.

[dsprimal]

Even after her last "goodbye" text she still continues to reach out. she viewed my snapchat story of me at a soccer game and she called me moments after the game ended. I did not pick up the phone. What do I do? Does she want me back? i'm so torn

[kgcolonel]

Clearly you two are not done with each other....call her, meet for coffee and make a final decision on where the two of you go from here...then stick to the plan.

[dsprimal]

My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. I cheated on her (not physically) but the trust issues from this caused a lot of fighting and toxicity. We were dating for 8 months. She is 20 im 30. She broke up with me. The week or so after there was lingering. She would reach out every now and then saying she misses me etc. I eventually said my final piece to reconcile with her but she wasn't having it. So I went no contact. A solid NC for the past month and she crumbled. She unblocked me on social media and started liking my pictures at first but eventually reached out and said she cant get over me. she loves me. im her first love. she hates how she cant get over me.

 

I've been going out living it up having a great time. she stalks my social media and see's it and its obviously got to her that i'm moving forward. She has been dating and is on tinder again since the week after we broke up. So i took that and ran with it. said no more and moved on myself. she obviously hasn't....or at least tested the waters and realized she still loves me.

 

I want to be done with this once and for all. I feel like her motives to reaching out is because I have cut all signs of contact for her and her ego is probably hurt that she did the dumping but yet I refuse to chase. I do love her and miss her and the companionship. But she is young and I can't see us lasting long term. So just from that I will refuse to hurt myself by trying to work out with her.

 

What would be a mature thing to say? I don't want to get to emotional and say the things I would if we were still together. But I also want to be stern and get the point across but yet still tell her I care for her. Is there a medium I can go with to telling her off?

[elaine567]

Is there a medium I can go with to telling her off?

 

YOU are going to tell her off, for what?

[dsprimal]

I do miss her and I want her back. But I know it is not in both of our best interests to get back together. Unless she can FULLY trust and forgive me. Then maybe we can go back to the good times we had. But I don't believe that will happen. So I want to tell her this is not right for her to keep reaching out and letting this linger. She needs to deal with the breakup herself since she is the one to break things off in the first place. I am feeling great being single....although at times I do miss her. But when she reaches out like this it is preventing me from going further with myself in life. It's like a constant reminder when she does this.

[1fish2fish]

Unless she can FULLY trust and forgive me. Then maybe we can go back to the good times we had. But I don't believe that will happen.

 

What have you done to earn her trust back? You cheated on her, remember? (Emotional or physical...doesn't matter.)

 

Do both of yourselves a favor and stop all communication with her. Block her if you have to. She deserves better.

[ExpatInItaly]

You want to tell her off?

 

Dear me. The arrogance.

[preraph]

Say you're sorry it's never going to work out but that you are moving on and getting off her social media, and then block her.

[Goodguy05]

My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. I cheated on her (not physically) but the trust issues from this caused a lot of fighting and toxicity. We were dating for 8 months. She is 20 im 30. She broke up with me. The week or so after there was lingering. She would reach out every now and then saying she misses me etc. I eventually said my final piece to reconcile with her but she wasn't having it. So I went no contact. A solid NC for the past month and she crumbled. She unblocked me on social media and started liking my pictures at first but eventually reached out and said she cant get over me. she loves me. im her first love. she hates how she cant get over me.

 

I've been going out living it up having a great time. she stalks my social media and see's it and its obviously got to her that i'm moving forward. She has been dating and is on tinder again since the week after we broke up. So i took that and ran with it. said no more and moved on myself. she obviously hasn't....or at least tested the waters and realized she still loves me.

 

I want to be done with this once and for all. I feel like her motives to reaching out is because I have cut all signs of contact for her and her ego is probably hurt that she did the dumping but yet I refuse to chase. I do love her and miss her and the companionship. But she is young and I can't see us lasting long term. So just from that I will refuse to hurt myself by trying to work out with her.

 

What would be a mature thing to say? I don't want to get to emotional and say the things I would if we were still together. But I also want to be stern and get the point across but yet still tell her I care for her. Is there a medium I can go with to telling her off?

 

 

 

Well firstly dude I don't think ur owning ur part in all this I don't know what u did cheating wise but u cheated and broke her trust. The fact she even gives u consideration and reaches out is a miracle.

 

She'll eventually get the message if u don't respond i think u responding will give her a false sense of security in reconciliation just don't respond and she eventually give up and stop

Edited August 30, 2017 by Goodguy05

[dsprimal]

Hi all my ex of 8 months broke up with me about 2 months ago. she is 20 and i'm 30. I have gone no contact but she continues to reach out. She drunk texted me last night saying how she loves me. How I was the only one she actually cared about. How I don't deserve it but she still loves me. She broke up with me cause I cheated by texting multiple girls dirty texts. I never physically cheated. But cheating is cheating. I apologized for the millionth time and she still cant see past it and continues to play victim.

 

Should I continue to ignore and NC? or should I say something nice to make her feel better about her decision even tho I shouldn't be the one to help her since she broke up with me but i still care for her? or should I make it entertaining and say "what do you want to do?" and see if she says she wants me back or whatever.

[knabe]

Hi all my ex of 8 months broke up with me about 2 months ago. she is 20 and i'm 30. I have gone no contact but she continues to reach out. She drunk texted me last night saying how she loves me. How I was the only one she actually cared about. How I don't deserve it but she still loves me. She broke up with me cause I cheated by texting multiple girls dirty texts. I never physically cheated. But cheating is cheating. I apologized for the millionth time and she still cant see past it and continues to play victim.

 

Should I continue to ignore and NC? or should I say something nice to make her feel better about her decision even tho I shouldn't be the one to help her since she broke up with me but i still care for her? or should I make it entertaining and say "what do you want to do?" and see if she says she wants me back or whatever.

 

She's not playing the victim - she IS the victim of your cheating and insensitive cluelessness. For her own benefit, please continue to stay NC. She deserves better.

[elaine567]

I apologized for the millionth time and she still cant see past it and continues to play victim.

.

 

She isn't "playing the victim", she IS the victim here...

[Zahara]

Hi all my ex of 8 months broke up with me about 2 months ago. she is 20 and i'm 30. I have gone no contact but she continues to reach out. She drunk texted me last night saying how she loves me. How I was the only one she actually cared about. How I don't deserve it but she still loves me. She broke up with me cause I cheated by texting multiple girls dirty texts. I never physically cheated. But cheating is cheating. I apologized for the millionth time and she still cant see past it and continues to play victim.

 

Should I continue to ignore and NC? or should I say something nice to make her feel better about her decision even tho I shouldn't be the one to help her since she broke up with me but i still care for her? or should I make it entertaining and say "what do you want to do?" and see if she says she wants me back or whatever.

 

You cheated on her multiple times. There have been several break-ups. It seems her self-esteem is damaged to keep wanting to return to you and a toxic relationship.

 

It doesn't matter that she wants to come back -- what matters is the fact that this is broken and you both should go separate ways. Let her go. What you both have has nothing to do with love. It has everything to do with two people linked together by dysfunction.

 

She's young. She's impressionable. She's making bad decisions for herself. Do the right and mature thing by letting her go since she is not able to make that healthy choice for herself.

[d0nnivain]

If you want her back, hear her out.

 

 

However if you do not intend to stop dirty texting other women, don't waste this girl's time.

[dsprimal]

I have pleaded with her so many times and said I have stopped doing what I have been doing. obviously the trust is not there anymore and she can't see past it. so she continues to play victim instead of forgiving and working things out. so she continues to say the same things over no matter what I tell her she wont believe me. but yet she still contacts me? i feel like shes asking for problems by contacting me even knowing i did her wrong.

[d0nnivain]

I have pleaded with her so many times and said I have stopped doing what I have been doing. obviously the trust is not there anymore and she can't see past it. so she continues to play victim instead of forgiving and working things out. so she continues to say the same things over no matter what I tell her she wont believe me. but yet she still contacts me? i feel like shes asking for problems by contacting me even knowing i did her wrong.

 

 

When she contacts you again, take the call & ask what she really wants. Explain you are willing to work but if she isn't interested in reconciliation she really needs to stop bothering you. It's not fair.