Cookiesandough Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yes, need to be more direct. He initiated last few dates, go ahead and ask him ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 He could but he picked up an academic path (postdoctoral) so it is like half of what it would be in industry. On my side I gave up on academia and made the six figures ... like selling my soul for money damn... maybe that's what he thinks about me . He's mid thirties I'm early thirties for that matters. Btw, the bolded is so funny 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Guys, I understand I'm not direct enough. If I hadn't made it clear I'm just as shy and awkward as he is, just lucky to be born a (reasonably attractive) female so I moved along in my dating life with the help of my outgoing / pushy dating partners . He did the same seems like - his 2 past partners were in performing arts - i.e. most likely extroverts. It is not that I'm trying to play games, I stretched way past my comfort zone with all the initiation of conversations, home invite etc. Usually I'll be there 3 months in (although I always have had sex super fast - it was because my partners were super pushy, it wasn't initiated by me at all....) I'm a little desperate - I now think this is the awkward dynamics of 2 shy people more than any push-pull games... Or I at least hope so I'd try to initiate in a straightforward way tonight/tomorrow unless he does it faster..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) Btw, the bolded is so funny If you knew how many nights I contemplated on that you'd laugh and then cry Edited August 14, 2017 by No_Go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Guys, I understand I'm not direct enough. If I hadn't made it clear I'm just as shy and awkward as he is, just lucky to be born a (reasonably attractive) female so I moved along in my dating life with the help of my outgoing / pushy dating partners . He did the same seems like - his 2 past partners were in performing arts - i.e. most likely extroverts. It is not that I'm trying to play games, I stretched way past my comfort zone with all the initiation of conversations, home invite etc. Usually I'll be there 3 months in (although I always have had sex super fast - it was because my partners were super pushy, it wasn't initiated by me at all....) I'm a little desperate - I now think this is the awkward dynamics of 2 shy people more than any push-pull games... Or I at least hope so I'd try to initiate in a straightforward way tonight/tomorrow unless he does it faster..... Since he cooked last time, maybe it's your turn to cook for him at your place 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yes, his 2 ex-gfs were in performing arts - making me think they were far from shy... I almost want to give an outdoor date in the interim before getting him back in my place. Somewhere to talk over 'where we're going' without pressure of intimacy - does this make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yes, his 2 ex-gfs were in performing arts - making me think they were far from shy... I almost want to give an outdoor date in the interim before getting him back in my place. Somewhere to talk over 'where we're going' without pressure of intimacy - does this make sense? But don't you want to have just a bit of kissing and making out before having the talk? I just thought it's a little "odd" to have this convo when you guys are acting like platonic friends. Others please chime in. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I almost want to give an outdoor date in the interim before getting him back in my place. Somewhere to talk over 'where we're going' without pressure of intimacy - does this make sense? No, it does not make sense (to me). But don't you want to have just a bit of kissing and making out before having the talk? Others please chime in. I agree; I'd say more than a bit of kissing actually. How can you discuss where you're going, when you don't even know where you are? From my perspective you appear to be little more than acquaintances at this point. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Guys: facts are 1) I have never initiated a kiss/date in my lifetime (had 3 super pushy LTR partners and one guy I kissed because he pushed) 2) He had 2 pushy (LTR) gfs that I'm guessing from descriptions were doing all the work... barely dated in the past 2 years 3) I'm insanely infatuated and therefore acting awkward as heck 4) He's acting awkward / super chatty around me as well 5) We've done the bench/couch/grass sitting next to each other for hours and hours with no success (towards physical intimacy) 6) I can't take him to a bar because I don't drink and it is weird 7) We have very compatible characters - almost disturbingly similar 8)................... I'm fine with losing dignity if this will help - just give me a strategic advice how to proceed, help ! Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Are you just shy, or is there a chance you might feel resentful down the road that you end up being the one to make a major move physically? Guys: facts are 1) I have never initiated a kiss/date in my lifetime (had 3 super pushy LTR partners and one guy I kissed because he pushed) 2) He had 2 pushy (LTR) gfs that I'm guessing from descriptions were doing all the work... barely dated in the past 2 years 3) I'm insanely infatuated and therefore acting awkward as heck 4) He's acting awkward / super chatty around me as well 5) We've done the bench/couch/grass sitting next to each other for hours and hours with no success (towards physical intimacy) 6) I can't take him to a bar because I don't drink and it is weird 7) We have very compatible characters - almost disturbingly similar 8)................... I'm fine with losing dignity if this will help - just give me a strategic advice how to proceed, help ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Are you just shy, or is there a chance you might feel resentful down the road that you end up being the one to make a major move physically? Yikes now that you said it................. maybe! I don't know I haven't been in such a situation (except one guy but I deeply friendzoned him after 4th date with no action... In that case I wasn't attracted to him though... that's the main difference now!) Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I don't blame you. I'd want a guy to lead on that front too 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yikes now that you said it................. maybe! I don't know I haven't been in such a situation (except one guy but I deeply friendzoned him after 4th date with no action... In that case I wasn't attracted to him though... that's the main difference now!) But didn't you mention he said it text that he's going to do some physical stuff and apologized for the lack thereof at your place? In any case, I think you should initiate the next date, even if you don't want to be the one to make a move physically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 He was at first apologizing for lack of action . Then about how we enjoyed yesterday. And then something very specific we were talking he'll do and he did in great detail Yeah I was thinking he was saying all the diff positions he's going to take you in here but maybe I have a dirty mind and wishful thinking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yeah he apologized for being tired and something like this - just don't want to cite it here but the physical reference was indirect but there I am spinning of what the next date should be.... Still not sure on the in home/ outside part? But didn't you mention he said it text that he's going to do some physical stuff and apologized for the lack thereof at your place? In any case, I think you should initiate the next date, even if you don't want to be the one to make a move physically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 If it was reference to something physical and you want it to go there...home! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Or you could do something outside and take it home. But definitely home. Sorry I keep spamming your thread 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yeah I was thinking he was saying all the diff positions he's going to take you in here but maybe I have a dirty mind and wishful thinking. same here 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yeah I was thinking he was saying all the diff positions he's going to take you in here but maybe I have a dirty mind and wishful thinking. Clothes off topics doesn't count, right? He was making nonsexual references though... or I'm an idiot for taking it that way. I can be slow understanding flirting because I kind of never do it, I mean never do it intentionally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 OMG he's back but with another story not plans - my last question was about plans a bit implicit... Shall I try again or roll with his story? Seriously today I woke up so frustrated I don't know how to roll hmmmm, wondering if he is trying to build and connection and add you into his life, and you are only seeing it as a "negative" because he is not moving things forward with concrete plans. And if you two had plans, let's say next Friday, but he went somewhat silent until then, would you think it's a bad thing? I don't think any of it's bad. He might be getting a bit more comfortable where he knows you like him so no need for a textathon. He might be really ramping up for career type stuff to feel more equal to you. He also might feel a bit embarrassed and gun-shy that he couldn't pull the trigger last Friday. I think it's not helpful to keep letting the mind go to "why doesn't he like me and what will go wrong/what is going wrong?" Sounds like he just moves slower than you do. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 OMG he's back but with another story not plans - my last question was about plans a bit implicit... Shall I try again or roll with his story? Seriously today I woke up so frustrated I don't know how to roll Roll with his story. Let him chase you. If you been setting the pace or nudging it along, it's good to flip things. Plus you want to see how this guy really will be in a relationship then RESPOND to what he presents and evaluate him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yeah not necessarily bad. He initiated the past 4 dates, I was though organizing logistics for 2 of them and lots of nudging in between. I'm definitely the faster pace one from the two, I think he works methodically and I work in bursts if that makes any sense. Rolling now, I'm curious will he reciprocate. I can wait asking him out (if at all) for another day or two ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Hmmmm.... I sent another 'feeler' message hoping if he responds I'd ask him out... But if he's not responding tonight - I won't ... It shows me low interest at best Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Just to clarify, when he apologized for the lack of action, how did he explain it? And then he actually got suggestive? But didn't, um, do anything? What did YOU say when the "action" issue came up? B/c that seems....weird. In that, by apologizing for it, he seemed to be subtly signalling that he wanted to remain in control and you should not take matters in your own hands. I find the lack of even a kiss, by this stage in a rel-ship, off. I mean, the guy is 36. Not a a teenager 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) No he just apologized for not being present because of tiredness, the rest was separate sequence of messages. I don't know what to think. He's getting colder and standoffish - maybe he's not attracted and that's why the awkwardness I'm giving it another 24h before giving up. He's so remote now that I feel weirded out to ask him out EDIT: he responded while I was writing it. It is me, not him... I'm too p*ssy to ask him out or at least tell him that I'm interested in him not just his stories that's what it is.... Just to clarify, when he apologized for the lack of action, how did he explain it? And then he actually got suggestive? But didn't, um, do anything? What did YOU say when the "action" issue came up? B/c that seems....weird. In that, by apologizing for it, he seemed to be subtly signalling that he wanted to remain in control and you should not take matters in your own hands. I find the lack of even a kiss, by this stage in a rel-ship, off. I mean, the guy is 36. Not a a teenager Edited August 14, 2017 by No_Go Link to post Share on other sites
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