Author No_Go Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 I don't mean to throw a very wet blanket on everything - but is there any possibility that he could be gay? He might be bisexual, mentioned something that if he never fell in love with a man but it is not impossible. But I think that's more of philosophical approach comment than sexuality comment. He's interested in women to my best knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Are you always this nervous and unsure at the beginning of your rshipsno_go? Like your other ones. You always anticipate the guy has lost or will lose interest? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 Are you always this nervous and unsure at the beginning of your rshipsno_go? Like your other ones. You always anticipate the guy has lost or will lose interest? I had 3 LTRs and in all these cases I wasn't nervous at all. But guys were super pushy so they didn't give me the space to become nervous, last one introduced me to his extended family 5 states away within 8 weeks of dating... I freaked out for one guy I went on 2 dates with (my first thread in this forum), and long before then - 9 years ago - for a guy that I never actually managed to date. So in short, I haven't been THAT anxious in the beginning before... with 2 exceptions that didn't work out... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Last night I started drafting a response to you and included the line "this will probably be OBE because I'm sure he will have texted by the time I'm done writing". I opened a separate tab midway through and sure enough you had updated your post with his response. Maybe I am hopelessly old-fashioned but I really don't think it's normal to be talking to someone around the clock when you aren't even a couple, or even if you are. You guys have jobs, right? How do you even have time? I empathize with you. I'm an extremely serious person most of the time and little things stress me to death. But there are too many real stressors in life to invent more. You keep creating so much internal drama and anxiety when time after time there's clearly no need. There is no need for freakouts every time he goes more than half a day without texting you. You could be with this guy for three months, three years, three decades---there is no way to know and it's not something you can control. Plan dates with him and continue to see him if he makes you happy. Remember the outcome isn't in your hands, and that's okay. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 I've had some free time in my hands which may have backfired on my anxiety You're right my freakouts are over the top. And even if he's really pulling away I have no control. Plus we lead way too serious conversations over text so it is not a one-liner that can be typed with half brain.. BUT I'm extremely sensitive to changes in velocity and that's what is happening here. It might be normal, it might be not. Hard to say and that's exhausting... Last night I started drafting a response to you and included the line "this will probably be OBE because I'm sure he will have texted by the time I'm done writing". I opened a separate tab midway through and sure enough you had updated your post with his response. Maybe I am hopelessly old-fashioned but I really don't think it's normal to be talking to someone around the clock when you aren't even a couple, or even if you are. You guys have jobs, right? How do you even have time? I empathize with you. I'm an extremely serious person most of the time and little things stress me to death. But there are too many real stressors in life to invent more. You keep creating so much internal drama and anxiety when time after time there's clearly no need. There is no need for freakouts every time he goes more than half a day without texting you. You could be with this guy for three months, three years, three decades---there is no way to know and it's not something you can control. Plan dates with him and continue to see him if he makes you happy. Remember the outcome isn't in your hands, and that's okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 @lana - you are right! He got back to me as I was typing to you Now I'll drink two glasses of very cold water, calm down and move forward in a bit..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 @lana - you are right! He got back to me as I was typing to you Now I'll drink two glasses of very cold water, calm down and move forward in a bit..... Yeah, ask him out for saturday. Did I ever tell you that once I texted my husband on a friday and he didn't reply until Monday? He was out of town but still... I was generally just as anxious as you about dating every guy I liked...ugh so annoying Good luck, let us know what he says. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Excellent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 (edited) Yeah, ask him out for saturday. Did I ever tell you that once I texted my husband on a friday and he didn't reply until Monday? He was out of town but still... I was generally just as anxious as you about dating every guy I liked...ugh so annoying Good luck, let us know what he says. Hahaha that's cute I'm so happy you can stop panicking for now, no_go. Good luck!! Edited August 15, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 @lana - you are right! He got back to me as I was typing to you Now I'll drink two glasses of very cold water, calm down and move forward in a bit..... So now you have no excuse for not asking him out 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Yeah, ask him out for saturday. Did I ever tell you that once I texted my husband on a friday and he didn't reply until Monday? He was out of town but still... I was generally just as anxious as you about dating every guy I liked...ugh so annoying Good luck, let us know what he says. If I'm not mistaken, your hubby is also on the shy/socially awkward side (apologies if I remember incorrectly). Did you have to take the initiative in terms of making a physical move when you were dating? Maybe you can shed some light on this for the OP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 If I'm not mistaken, your hubby is also on the shy/socially awkward side (apologies if I remember incorrectly). Did you have to take the initiative in terms of making a physical move when you were dating? Maybe you can shed some light on this for the OP OP and I exchanged some private messages on this. Yes, I did initiate the first kiss and the first sexual encounter. But the gist of it is that my hubby gave me the green light, by saying stuff like "I love every minute I'm spending with you", "I don't mind driving (and extra hour and a half out of his way) if I get to spend a little more time with you" and also gave me a red bouquet of roses, to which I thanked him with the first kiss. I initiated sex, I invited myself to his house but we were 3 months in an many many green lights lol from him by then. I also told the OP that in anther situation with a guy who didn't kiss me I couldn't initiate because he was standoffish and didn't give me any indication he actually likes me romantically. So it depends. I think she should ask him out and she should give it about 3-4 more dates and if the opportunity arises, kiss him and then she knows. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 OP and I exchanged some private messages on this. Yes, I did initiate the first kiss and the first sexual encounter. But the gist of it is that my hubby gave me the green light, by saying stuff like "I love every minute I'm spending with you", "I don't mind driving (and extra hour and a half out of his way) if I get to spend a little more time with you" and also gave me a red bouquet of roses, to which I thanked him with the first kiss. I initiated sex, I invited myself to his house but we were 3 months in an many many green lights lol from him by then. I also told the OP that in anther situation with a guy who didn't kiss me I couldn't initiate because he was standoffish and didn't give me any indication he actually likes me romantically. So it depends. I think she should ask him out and she should give it about 3-4 more dates and if the opportunity arises, kiss him and then she knows. Thanks. Just curious: Did you grill your hubby (in retrospect) on why he didn't make any physical move on you? Did he at least hold your hand in an affectionate manner? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Thanks. Just curious: Did you grill your hubby (in retrospect) on why he didn't make any physical move on you? Did he at least hold your hand in an affectionate manner? No, I didn't grill him on it, but we joked about it and the topic came up generally, sure. Not much hand holding either. The idea of our jokes was how shy and clueless he was and how he doesn't even understand when a woman is interested. He mentioned that he didn't want "to push himself on me". I had no doubt he was interested though. The body language and initiating dates and going out of his way, paying for everything etc. Overall, it was clear to me he was into me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 (edited) He was thinking YOU are not interested?? Maybe it is the case in my situation although this will be borderline impossible considering I'm very active responding etc... If I ask him out, can it be he agrees out of pity or something? Like not to disappoint me? I'm super afraid he's not interested just playing along with me... No, I didn't grill him on it, but we joked about it and the topic came up generally, sure. Not much hand holding either. The idea of our jokes was how shy and clueless he was and how he doesn't even understand when a woman is interested. He mentioned that he didn't want "to push himself on me". I had no doubt he was interested though. The body language and initiating dates and going out of his way, paying for everything etc. Overall, it was clear to me he was into me. Edited August 15, 2017 by No_Go Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 If I ask him out, can it be he agrees out of pity or something? Like not to disappoint me? I'm super afraid he's not interested just playing along with me... Are you afraid of it more than you want it? If not, than ask him out, also cause I keep on checking this thread waiting for some action! :D 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Ask him now plzz 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Even I say ask him out . You'll know soon if he's interested or just wants a chatting pal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 Tonight! I need to take a walk and relax a bit and will do it.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Nooooooooooooooooooo. Ok fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Nooooooooooooooooooo. Ok fine. Hahahahahahahaah I wanted to just type lol but it didn't let me ) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Seriously now I'm a big proponent of the traditional courtship rules with the guy paying and asking you out but here I think it's appropriate. One because he asked you out 4 times and second because it's time to s4it or get off the pot so sitting idle is t helping. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 He was thinking YOU are not interested?? Maybe it is the case in my situation although this will be borderline impossible considering I'm very active responding etc... If I ask him out, can it be he agrees out of pity or something? Like not to disappoint me? I'm super afraid he's not interested just playing along with me... I had to "unlike" this post after you added the second paragraph. If you have thid mindset, you're going to end up with those super pushy guys only!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 I had to "unlike" this post after you added the second paragraph. If you have thid mindset, you're going to end up with those super pushy guys only!! You asked me before why I always dated these type of guys - now you see why :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 Gulp the sh*t or get off the pot part is killing me - even the minimal connection is better than leaving. Well, maybe not. You're right... Seriously now I'm a big proponent of the traditional courtship rules with the guy paying and asking you out but here I think it's appropriate. One because he asked you out 4 times and second because it's time to s4it or get off the pot so sitting idle is t helping. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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