Lorenza Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Was it ok after your year long wait? What was his frequency after that? Pls don't say once a week I was getting insecure of course, but we would get intimate just no penetration. The frequency was once a week after that, yes... But I've low drive myself so it was fine... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 I was getting insecure of course, but we would get intimate just no penetration. The frequency was once a week after that, yes... But I've low drive myself so it was fine... Now I'm very scared this won't work out... maybe it's projecting and he's high drive but once-twice a week will drive me nuts in a couple of months... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 I have noticed that most red flags are flying very early on, sometimes as early as a first look at someone's profile. No_go, if you have a high sex drive (you mentionned daily sex with ex) then why start communicating with a man publically announcing sex is not a priority to him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Now I'm very scared this won't work out... maybe it's projecting and he's high drive but once-twice a week will drive me nuts in a couple of months... Oh, I wonder how this is gonna turn out... Your guy isn't giving me an impression of someone sexually driven :/ More than once or twice a week usually drives me nuts, haha, I'm the exactly opposite 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 I have noticed that most red flags are flying very early on, sometimes as early as a first look at someone's profile. No_go, if you have a high sex drive (you mentionned daily sex with ex) then why start communicating with a man publically announcing sex is not a priority to him? I didn't read it that way. I got the impression he is just cautious with partner selection and don't like women pushing themselves on him. I could be wrong and this will be a pity but now I'm more worried how to get there at all.... Let's hope he shows up this weekend, that's my immediate concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Sex aside, this wait is maddening. The communication died out and the date is tomorrow. I had similar experience in the time before the date last week, but this time is worse because I initiated so I'm not sure shall I be nudging or not... Every time with this guy finalizing plans is a pain in the *ss, every single time he was hesitant about where exactly to meet etc, so we had to do 3-4 exchanges at least to finalize. Even worse- we are supposed to be outdoors tomorrow but there is quite a good chance for rain ruining the plan... I'm thinking to get him indoors again then risking to look pushy... Ugh I'm on the verge to lose interest, really want to keep positive for tomorrow and not make assumptions before meeting in person but this is SO exhausting.. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 The drop in communication is not too bad. As long as there is some. You say you're losing.I worried about that, because I'd lose interest too...albeit earlier. We all like a little wait/hard to get, but there comesa point where it becomes too frustrating. It's just too hard. I feel like the beginning should pick up more speed to get off the ground, but a lot of people say slow and steady is good. Just not...this slow See how tomorrow's date goes. Have a great time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Some people will say it is not slow because it is our 5th time meeting and it has been a just little over 4 weeks (where he was on vacation for one). BUT the thing is I expected increase in interest and got decrease as time passed.... I feel like chasing him now. Unless a miracle happens and he somehow gets active tomorrow (I'm not even talking physical, just showing interest again after this dead week), I'm not going to be able to proceed... Which is really sad because I liked this one a lot and I was willing to bend. The drop in communication is not too bad. As long as there is some. You say you're losing.I worried about that, because I'd lose interest too...albeit earlier. We all like a little wait/hard to get, but there comesa point where it becomes too frustrating. It's just too hard. I feel like the beginning should pick up more speed to get off the ground, but a lot of people say slow and steady is good. Just not...this slow See how tomorrow's date goes. Have a great time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Sex aside, this wait is maddening. The communication died out and the date is tomorrow. I had similar experience in the time before the date last week, but this time is worse because I initiated so I'm not sure shall I be nudging or not... Every time with this guy finalizing plans is a pain in the *ss, every single time he was hesitant about where exactly to meet etc, so we had to do 3-4 exchanges at least to finalize. Even worse- we are supposed to be outdoors tomorrow but there is quite a good chance for rain ruining the plan... I'm thinking to get him indoors again then risking to look pushy... Ugh I'm on the verge to lose interest, really want to keep positive for tomorrow and not make assumptions before meeting in person but this is SO exhausting.. In this case here because you made the invite for the 4th date then it falls on you to make a follow up with him and to change plans if the temperature isn't looking good. Also, don't give him alternative if he's not a good decision maker, just come up with an alternative plan. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Some people will say it is not slow because it is our 5th time meeting and it has been a just little over 4 weeks (where he was on vacation for one). BUT the thing is I expected increase in interest and got decrease as time passed.... I feel like chasing him now. Unless a miracle happens and he somehow gets active tomorrow (I'm not even talking physical, just showing interest again after this dead week), I'm not going to be able to proceed... Which is really sad because I liked this one a lot and I was willing to bend. Exactly. It's slow physically by most internet relationship standards I've seen(BlueEyeL is an exception) But not just physically with touching romantically or kissing, slow in that the amount you communicate and see each other usually picksup at least by date 4(from what I've heard). What do you mean not going to be able to proceed? You mean if he doesn't escalate by tomorrow you're done? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 BUT the thing is I expected increase in interest and got decrease as time passed.... I feel like chasing him now. Unless a miracle happens and he somehow gets active tomorrow (I'm not even talking physical, just showing interest again after this dead week), I'm not going to be able to proceed... Which is really sad because I liked this one a lot and I was willing to bend. We should never be in a position where we're willing to 'bend' to have the affection of a man. Not at the beginning like this. I don't remember reading about a long successful relationship that started with someone bending on their needs right from the start. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 If he doesn't escalate I'd probably start multidating. If he comes back stronger, great, I'd be open to proceed. But I just can't get through another week of constant thoughts 'is he into me'. If he is - he needs to somehow show it, physical or otherwise, because otherwise I just feel strung along 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 We should never be in a position where we're willing to 'bend' to have the affection of a man. Not at the beginning like this. I don't remember reading about a long successful relationship that started with someone bending on their needs right from the start. By 'bend' I meant meet him in the middle in terms of pace. Not to become a pushover. Btw with my ex the beginning was very smooth, no anxiety, he'd organize each date in the end of the previous one... And still it was in retrospect a terrible relationship. It was just easy one and I though this is good. It was actually just... passionless enough (despite the daily sex) to leave me very anxiety-free.. and excitement-free . Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 By 'bend' I meant meet him in the middle in terms of pace. Not to become a pushover. Btw with my ex the beginning was very smooth, no anxiety, he'd organize each date in the end of the previous one... And still it was in retrospect a terrible relationship. It was just easy one and I though this is good. It was actually just... passionless enough (despite the daily sex) to leave me very anxiety-free.. and excitement-free . By 'bend' I understood you were willing to compromise in the sex department and date someone with a lower sex drive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 By 'bend' I understood you were willing to compromise in the sex department and date someone with a lower sex drive. I'm still not convinced he has low sex drive This is yet to be discovered of course, but I gauge from myself... I always had a high one but waited until my late 20s to have sex. We transitioned from first kiss to you-name-it sexual acts within 24 h or so, he never believed me I was a virgin (I didn't tell him he was my first kiss as well not to freak him out). I think some people overthink the first time with a new partner and I'm secretly hoping this is the case here. If he's genuinely low-drive person... We won't be able to be together long term... Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 We don't anything about his sex drive. We don't even know if he kisses yet and it's been a month x.x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 We don't anything about his sex drive. We don't even know if he kisses yet and it's been a month x.x :lmao: Ok, so tomorrow I should ask him??? It will be so weird conversation he may run in the woods I know he hasn't been dating past date 1 in over 2 years....... Maybe that's indicative? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Naw, I like your plan. See if he steps it up a lot and really shows interest or get back on the site 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Every time with this guy finalizing plans is a pain in the *ss, every single time he was hesitant about where exactly to meet etc, so we had to do 3-4 exchanges at least to finalize. It sounds like this guy is very passive. I actually know someone like that (also a perpetual doctoral student/postdoc, but not that bright). It's annoying just to be his casual friend. But to each his own. Is this guy punctual by any chance? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 p.s. Are you sure his ex-gf's were not made up?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 :lmao: Ok, so tomorrow I should ask him??? It will be so weird conversation he may run in the woods I know he hasn't been dating past date 1 in over 2 years....... Maybe that's indicative? Noooooo you don't have a conversation about kissing. When you get close to him tell him: Right now would be an excellent moment to kiss me. Lets see how he reacts to that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 It sounds like this guy is very passive. I actually know someone like that (also a perpetual doctoral student/postdoc, but not that bright). It's annoying just to be his casual friend. But to each his own. Is this guy punctual by any chance? No - self-professed that he's been always late for dates etc. He said now he's getting better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Noooooo you don't have a conversation about kissing. When you get close to him tell him: Right now would be an excellent moment to kiss me. Lets see how he reacts to that. Excellent suggestion!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 p.s. Are you sure his ex-gf's were not made up?? At least one is real - I snooped a little and found photos. But this is like 7-8 years ago.......... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 No - self-professed that he's been always late for dates etc. He said now he's getting better Omg!!! These things do come as a package, don't they? Link to post Share on other sites
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