Miss Spider Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 I'd pay to see ]no_go, the girl's arm we had to twist to initiate a fourth date, say that But that would be great. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Omg!!! These things do come as a package, don't they? :lmao: Yeah.... I'm getting myself into a movie... If he shows up at all, he's silent.... Btw I had a guy like this before (another postdoc I met online) but I wasn't attracted so I kept seeing him as a friend after 6 dates with no action (I told him and he agreed). Now I wonder if he thinks we're 'dating' now for over 3 years The guy in question is attractive though... I can't see him as friend because of that. Maybe he thinks I'm not attractive or something? This is just maddening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 I'd pay to see ]no_go, the girl's arm we had to twist to initiate a fourth date, say that But that would be great. Hey 5th date, not 4th But yeah, it will take me a LOTTTT of effort to say what Gaeta suggested....... Maybe some anxiety medications as well 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Hey 5th date, not 4th But yeah, it will take me a LOTTTT of effort to say what Gaeta suggested....... Maybe some anxiety medications as well Can you have a drink or two to relax? Or you absolutely don't drink? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Can you have a drink or two to relax? Or you absolutely don't drink? I don't really drink... I haven't finished a whole glass of wine in my lifetime Sometimes I'll sip a bit with friends but not a whole drink. Plus it will be morning most likely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 What are you guys doing for date? can you say Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 What are you guys doing for date? can you say Just outdoors... Some woods nearby Fingers crossed this plan doesn't fail due to rain... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Just outdoors... Some woods nearby Fingers crossed this plan doesn't fail due to rain... Just bring some raincoats and share an umbrella; would be romantic 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Hmmm sounds nice! I'm picturing (hoping) this exact scene happens. He says the exact thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 LOLOL I'm cracking here! Nash is just like him, so I won't be too shocked if this conversation happens :lmao: Hmmm sounds nice! I'm picturing (hoping) this exact scene happens. He says the exact thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 LOLOL I'm cracking here! Nash is just like him, so I won't be too shocked if this conversation happens :lmao: The Nash character depicted in the movie was adorable. But his real person was a bit of a jerk by all accounts 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Well it is coming tomorrow and exact plans are not confirmed yet despite the previous positive exchanges. If he's flaking on me I'd be pretty annoyed - he could have just said no. Or it is his absent-mindedness again?... Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Well it is coming tomorrow and exact plans are not confirmed yet despite the previous positive exchanges. If he's flaking on me I'd be pretty annoyed - he could have just said no. Or it is his absent-mindedness again?... Anything is possible at this point.... I dunno, NG....So if I am reading this right, you guys don't text/talk on a regular basis?? Not even once daily? TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Anything is possible at this point.... I dunno, NG....So if I am reading this right, you guys don't text/talk on a regular basis?? Not even once daily? TFY We text 1-3 times daily. It was more before. Today - silence. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 We text 1-3 times daily. It was more before. Today - silence. No phone contact?? And tomorrow date and no plans yet? You must be going a bit nuts...I dunno...maybe you should call him and see what the deal is..Don't text....I know you and some of the others are seeming to be giving the guy a pass for shyness, or whatever...but practically none of it that I have been reading makes much sense...To me. anyway... I have enjoyed this dialog, I am just hoping it doesn't have a sad ending for you.. TFY 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 No phone all text/emails. Last time we met at 7 we didn't have exact plan until 6 ! I'll text at 7, and if he doesn't respond by the time I go to sleep - I consider it cancelled. It will be a sad ending but I'll live. No phone contact?? And tomorrow date and no plans yet? You must be going a bit nuts...I dunno...maybe you should call him and see what the deal is..Don't text....I know you and some of the others are seeming to be giving the guy a pass for shyness, or whatever...but practically none of it that I have been reading makes much sense...To me. anyway... I have enjoyed this dialog, I am just hoping it doesn't have a sad ending for you.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 No phone all text/emails. Last time we met at 7 we didn't have exact plan until 6 ! I'll text at 7, and if he doesn't respond by the time I go to sleep - I consider it cancelled. It will be a sad ending but I'll live. Why is confirming the details like pulling teeth? Is he supposed to get back to you because he's not sure about the exact time he'll be available? I remember one of your threads got the title "Dating a Man-Boy". I sure hope he's not one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Oh for heaven's sake, TFY, shame on you for making her feel worse. I agree there is something strange going on with this guy but every single roller coaster on this thread has ended the exact same way: NG freaking out and giving up, only for him to text and everything be fine. Go out for a walk and enjoy yourself. I assure you he will text sometime tonight. And stop assuming he's uninterested every single time. It's exhausting to read; I can't imagine how tiring it is to experience. Be kind to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Alright, hold up. So far you've speculated that he's bisexual, low libido, will evolve into marriage and kids, is losing interest, and possibly has ED. All before the first kiss. Girl, you're creating a whole lot of drama and narrative that isn't even happening, filling in the blanks on a relationship that has not yet begun. Just focus on the time when you're together and evaluate whether you like his behavior. I was on another forum once and they had this saying, "A man doesn't exist until the 5th date." Specifically so that you would not prematurely create a runaway train like this thread. I don't think it's unusual to hear from a man a few times a week between dates in the beginning. Relaxxxxxxxxxxx. If/when he makes a move (and sucks--or doesn't!), then you can decide what you want to do after that. And if his dating style isn't working for you, you can step out of your comfort zone and pursue or move on. But don't let analyzing if he's been beamed up by a UFO or has made up girlfriends or ________, interfere with what's actually occurring and being brought to the table in the here and now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Well it is coming tomorrow and exact plans are not confirmed yet despite the previous positive exchanges. If he's flaking on me I'd be pretty annoyed - he could have just said no. Or it is his absent-mindedness again?... Didn't you planned the date? with a specific time and place? so all he has to say is 'yes' I will be there, right? Didn't he text you yesterday to confirm? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Oh for heaven's sake, TFY, shame on you for making her feel worse. I agree there is something strange going on with this guy but every single roller coaster on this thread has ended the exact same way: NG freaking out and giving up, only for him to text and everything be fine. Go out for a walk and enjoy yourself. I assure you he will text sometime tonight. And stop assuming he's uninterested every single time. It's exhausting to read; I can't imagine how tiring it is to experience. Be kind to yourself. Oh for heaven's sake, the whole point of people posting is to get viewpoints, so they can figure out what could possibly be happening......Its not meant to be a back slapping and high fiving fest... "everything is fine"....uhh....ok....if you say so.... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 And here is within a reason... If he could read my thoughts at that time he'd blush... He confirmed the date again (for no reason), but then got even less active than before. The remaining hours will be tough ... But he won't agree on 5th date if not interested, right? Or why would he... I'm assuming platonic friendship is ruled out based on meeting in OLD... Found it. He confirmed the date already, you don't need to speak to him just show up at the time and place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Oh for heaven's sake, TFY, shame on you for making her feel worse. I agree there is something strange going on with this guy but every single roller coaster on this thread has ended the exact same way: NG freaking out and giving up, only for him to text and everything be fine. Go out for a walk and enjoy yourself. I assure you he will text sometime tonight. And stop assuming he's uninterested every single time. It's exhausting to read; I can't imagine how tiring it is to experience. Be kind to yourself. 1000%, lana. No_Go is a completely lovable person. It's been hard to read all the presumptions of negative possibilities both that OP generated and others contributed to her spiraling. I second that the "difference" is being kind to herself and going with the flow some more. This pressure is immense and surely felt by the guy, in some way. I don't think TFY is out of line for stating his opinion or any of the others but it's really discouraging that many are jumping to such negative things and contributing to the anxiety. I mean some of it is truly jumping the shark. It's not that crazy that he hasn't kissed her yet. I'd give his shyness and maybe wanting to be slower with the relationship the leeway with regards to the kiss and not so much with the asking out, i.e. after all he did it once he is capable of asking out again. LOL, well that's my opinion at least. Once a week is a normal dating span for lots of guys (people) at this point. That's what schedule we are on (last Friday, this Saturday). IMO, there comes a point where contributing to illogical anxiety that has only the power to disrupt or destroy a promising relationship is counterproductive. Unfortunately, if this thing doesn't work out she going to buy into some of the theories listed on this thread whereas a strong dose of anti-anxiety encouragement to boost self-confidence and the assurance that everything would be all right, might (most likely) would have been the tipping point to the good. The only significant thing that i see different to other promising relationships that seem to be well-suited and aligned, is OP's anxiety spinning out of control. This absolutely will affect the outcome of what would have been or could be a promising relationship and to discount it or not acknowledge that it itself will have bearing (i.e. please relax) is disappointing. Not saying we all can't state our opinions, as varied as they may be, but it sure is disappointing that there aren't more things saying relax and to build her up. There are a percentage of relationships that won't work out no matter what we do perfectly AND a relationship is a fluid thing where her inputs matter too, not just the other side of the equation, what this guy thinks and wants. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Thank you guys, all is in control, I confirm I'm jumping the guns too quickly (I'm obsessively prompt when I make appointments - and often assume other function the same way). We didn't have the exact location set but I reached out and he confirmed immediately, so this turned not to be a problem. It is nice to see the spectrum of opinions on the forum, it is helpful and of course to some extent entertaining (it's a forum in the end of the day, not a therapy place). I think usually people see things better from the side. I'll live either way . Hope it works, if not... I have a bunch of orbiters to pass time, angry ex trying to get back, and a three figures number of questionable online prospects. Jokes aside, I enjoy this particular person but I'm not in any way attached to him. End of the day: I just don't function well in undefined environment. Let see how it goes tomorrow. It is definitely unusual situation to put it mildly. I know he cooled down, I don't know why. But it will sure be fun and awkward, and more awkward for him than me I'm refraining from physical / relationship moves, I'll try to use my intuition to gauge the situation. And will report for opinions after 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Oh for heaven's sake, the whole point of people posting is to get viewpoints, so they can figure out what could possibly be happening......Its not meant to be a back slapping and high fiving fest... "everything is fine"....uhh....ok....if you say so.... TFY I'm not against anyone sharing their opinions, and I tend to be the most contrarian and pessimistic person here! But as No_Go just confirmed, everything with this guy is absolutely fine (to the extent that things have been fine so far). Yes, he's a bit slow on the uptake and there's SOMEthing weird that is keeping him standoffish. I totally agree. But predicting doom and gloom when we don't know any better isn't too helpful. Unless he actually starts to show signs of disinterest---ignoring her, not offering dates, not trying to be with her---it seems sensible to assume that a dude who had been on several dates with her and wants to date her again is at least vaguely interested in some way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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