Author No_Go Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Damn:( :( Because I don't have the psychology to multi date and I prefer guys who don't multi-day either, I just could not deal with that much uncertainty. Over 2 weeks and not knowing if I would ever see the person again. It would just be too hard. I like it when we plan the dates on the date or like no more than a day after. I need guys to make their interest clear Yeah... I'm the same. Shall I stop contacting him? We have 2 weeks before separation Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 I think at this point, you can only class the behaviour as tomfoolery. If you listen to yourself, you are trying to figure out his interest after 5 dates by a conversation you had about insect sex. I think that's enough of that! Send him on the next train to Canada, and date someone else. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 2 weeks is plenty of time to get in another date or 2...are you guys texting now? Is he still initiating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Insects was a joke obviously in line with our conversation ... I'm very into insects for that matter;) For the rest I agree - it should be mutual I mean, I get it. If you liked the comment, that is fine. I personally would be turned off, but that is why I said I would be, not that you should be. It's very individual. He is hot and cold. He doesn't like sexually forward people but he makes sexual comments, a double standard. You are used to being in a relationship after 3-4 dates and this one hasn't become that. I actually think that is a very positive thing since he sounds - I don't even know how to describe it. He is not consistent, not making it clear whether he is interested except with some of his actions. He may be interested in men, or at least has thought about that since he mentioned it. You are not sounding comfortable with any of it. It is probably not a great idea to rush into a relationship until you know someone really, really well. Hope you can go on vacation and think about other things for a while, and focus on you and your life. I wouldn't contact him but that's just me. It just doesn't sound that promising. I hope that I'm wrong, of course, for your sake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 (edited) I didn't really take the bug comment as a sexual thing, more like a trivia fact. Who thinks of bugs mating and is like 'hnnngh making me so hot' Here's what I would do:. Since I initiated the last date,I would not initiate the follow up. And since I'm already unsure, I would wait for him to make the next step towards seeing each other again before you part. Which could happen! But I would get ready to get back on the site and start looking again if it's not made in the next week. I've had to do that myself I've been talking to a guy for like a week. I got tunnel vision on him, and stop talking to everyone else.I had the first date yesterday, and didn't feel The Click. I'm looking now but it's still hard to get back into gear.. So I totally feel you on how hard it is, but I think it does get little easier once you start doing it Edited August 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Yes, I agree it really is his turn. But if he doesn't initiate the next date for the next weekend, I'm sorry to say that I'd consider this dead and I would strongly advise to let him go, because he's just wasting your time. Wait a week, if not asking you out, start dating other men. A man who likes you will constantly see you, not skip weeks. A man who skips weeks while you're both in town is definitely not into you, but he could be in the categoery of the guys who just string you along so better to cut him off. So now it's time to wait and see. In a week you'll know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Nothing again? :/ Ok NG, time to step back a little bit... I still think there's nothing particularly weird about two people not rolling in bed the fifth time they meet, but at this point his feelings should be more clear so you can stop sweating bullets. It feels a bit unfair that you have to sit here and create strategies on how to make this guy get closer to you while he remains unobtainable. He's got you chasing him (well not directly, since you're not coming on to him or bombing him with messages, but emotionally you're on a chase, because you feel like YOU have to do something to get him). I agree with others, I'd sit back a let him: -Initiate the next date (with clear details) -Make his interest known While checking out other guys. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 The more you write about him, the more he reminds me of the casual friend I mentioned earlier, minus the good looks; coincidentally, that guy I know is also a perpetual grad student/postdoc in some STEM field(s). These guys tend to have some Peter Pan tendency and act 15+ years below their age. I personally can't stand them, but I also realize people have different tastes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Thanks for the advice guys. I'd initiate maybe one more text convo, but no more dates. If he wants to see me, cool - otherwise - I'd date others after I get back from my vacation. It was fun, it was exciting, maybe it wasn't meant to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Five dates and he hasn't so much as tried to kiss you on the cheek? Something is up. He's 36, not 16. I have no idea what the issue is, but "he's shy" doesn't cut it anymore. I would be highly cautious if I were you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 The more you write about him, the more he reminds me of the casual friend I mentioned earlier, minus the good looks; coincidentally, that guy I know is also a perpetual grad student/postdoc in some STEM field(s). These guys tend to have some Peter Pan tendency and act 15+ years below their age. I personally can't stand them, but I also realize people have different tastes. If your guy is anything like the above mentioned casual friend ^^, it's very likely he doesn't know how to handle dating a woman who already has her $hit together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Some men don't want relationships but still want some feminine company and attention. He starts to sound like a guy I had dated and didn't make even the slightest move in any romantic way. I confronted him and he said it was because he hadn't made a decision yet (whether to be in a relationship with me) and didn't want to hurt me (by being physically intimate and giving me the wrong idea about his intentions. I went out with that guy 9 times . Wasted time. He probably isn't sure . And should be by now. Texting hi does more bad than good. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Five dates and he hasn't so much as tried to kiss you on the cheek? Something is up. He's 36, not 16. I have no idea what the issue is, but "he's shy" doesn't cut it anymore. I would be highly cautious if I were you. Cautious for what? I mean worse case scenario he is not attracted, right? Not something scary. Or am I missing something...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Btw I have a platonic friend that I met on the same dating site. I met him 6 times, no move, cut him off, he acted very sad and offended for 2 weeks but then reappeared and I've been seeing him here and there every 2 months or so for 3 years now. Maybe this guy will turn into the same - platonic friend. The other one was in the same boat careeer wise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Cautious for what? I mean worse case scenario he is not attracted, right? Not something scary. Or am I missing something...? Yeah, I don't mean in the sense of safety or anything, just that I would seriously scale back my expectations for a relationship. In my experience when a man is into you he moves like hell to make sure you know it and he goes all out to take you off the market. I have never had to wonder if a man was truly interested. I still don't understand what's going on here but you don't have any concrete signs of interest so you have to dig deep into his comments about insects. This doesn't seem good. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Yeah, I don't mean in the sense of safety or anything, just that I would seriously scale back my expectations for a relationship. In my experience when a man is into you he moves like hell to make sure you know it and he goes all out to take you off the market. I have never had to wonder if a man was truly interested. I still don't understand what's going on here but you don't have any concrete signs of interest so you have to dig deep into his comments about insects. This doesn't seem good. Yeah I'm getting that hint he's not interested. I'm strangely in a place of acceptance. I enjoyed our time a lot so it wasn't a lost month. The insect stuff was internal joke. Nothing to worry here, I just did field biology in the past and we're joking around that. I think that's what attracted me in him to start with - the ability to unwind time and bring me to my past of bature, mud, bugs, no worries, no money concerns, no tripping about future... just enjoying life as I did long time ago but with aging... just forgot about it Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) awwww so disppointing No_go. At this point you are the one keeping this relationship on life-support. Time to pull the plug and see if the patient can survive on his own. I would send him a text thanking him for the wonderful afternoon and leave it at that, no more initiating. He's a grown up man, not a teen boy, he needs to at least pull his own weight into this. Edited August 20, 2017 by Gaeta 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 awwww so disppointing No_go. At this point you are the one keeping this relationship on life-support. Time to pull the plug and see if the patient can survive on his own. I would send him a text thanking him for the wonderful afternoon and leave it at that, no more initiating. He's a grown up man, not a teen boy, he needs to at least pull his own weight into this. Did that, got response immediately, now is on him... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Btw I have a platonic friend that I met on the same dating site. I met him 6 times, no move, cut him off, he acted very sad and offended for 2 weeks but then reappeared and I've been seeing him here and there every 2 months or so for 3 years now. Maybe this guy will turn into the same - platonic friend. The other one was in the same boat careeer wise. Did you ask this guy why he never made a move during those 6 dates? Did he end up meeting a girlfriend? Perhaps his answer would shed some light on your situation, not that it matters at this stage... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) No. He invited me on a Valentine's date very romantic event and then I told him I see him just as a friend. He retracted for a couple of weeks and then said yes. Now he's initiating meets every two months or so, but we never discuss anything romantic. I just mentioned once I'm in a relationship (when I was with my ex), no questions, no further comments. I don't think this guy, my friend I mean, have ever dated seriously/been physical/been in a relationship. Neither before me or now. He's 31 btw... The guy of this thread is more 'advanced' in dating so it's not comparable. Or is it?? Did you ask this guy why he never made a move during those 6 dates? Did he end up meeting a girlfriend? Perhaps his answer would shed some light on your situation, not that it matters at this stage... Edited August 20, 2017 by No_Go Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Did you ask this guy why he never made a move during those 6 dates? Did he end up meeting a girlfriend? Perhaps his answer would shed some light on your situation, not that it matters at this stage... The wonderful thing about men is we are often honest to a fault. Enlightened guys (like myself ) learn to filter but many men will just say what's on their mind. That said, you have a great chance of understanding what's going on by asking him. Meet up, get into a playful situation, and flat out ask him why have you not kissed me yet? You seem to like him enough to lob over one more volley- not much to lose. Either he will kiss you or explain why he hasn't. There are many men (again, like me ) who would have had your panties off so fast your head would spin. In the off chance he is interested and just shy or insecure I would be happy about that. Taking too long to initiate will not be an issue if you get past it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 If/when a next date is initiated (I think he should do it because I did the last one), I'll make it a home invite and flat out ask what's going on. Actually he told me on 2nd meet he wants to be slow and not skip stages whatever this means. Now he's quiet(er) but if he's even marginally interested - I think he will initiate. Then I can act up. Otherwise is like I'm trying to cage a wild animal - i.e. nonromantic... The wonderful thing about men is we are often honest to a fault. Enlightened guys (like myself ) learn to filter but many men will just say what's on their mind. That said, you have a great chance of understanding what's going on by asking him. Meet up, get into a playful situation, and flat out ask him why have you not kissed me yet? You seem to like him enough to lob over one more volley- not much to lose. Either he will kiss you or explain why he hasn't. There are many men (again, like me ) who would have had your panties off so fast your head would spin. In the off chance he is interested and just shy or insecure I would be happy about that. Taking too long to initiate will not be an issue if you get past it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Totally agree he should initiate. The waiting game is the worst. If you're anything like me your interest ticks down every minute. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 Totally agree he should initiate. The waiting game is the worst. If you're anything like me your interest ticks down every minute. It does! It sucks big time because I felt it for real this time and now... less and less. However, my gut is telling me this is not done. Too many references about the fall. Or he's a sociopath but I doubt it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 I am starting to wonder if he has some madonna/whore thing going on, where he really does like NG but doesn't want to ruin the purity of their relationship with sex. Or something like that. At this point, I can't imagine even thy shyest guy not having gone for at least a kiss. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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