Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 I'm not telling. Or am I? :lmao: He's coming home. If he dares. Unless he decides to run the hills, which will be probably a sane move of him. I will learn a lesson either way. Time to grow! You initiated another date didn't you? I think we will have to let you learn this lesson the hard way. Life and love is simple. There is no such a thing as 'too shy, too introverted, too slow, too occupied, too hurt, too clueless' There is 'Interested' and 'not interested'. It's that simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
limichelle Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 It's good you were direct with him. He should give you a straight answer and if it's not what you want to hear it will at least be closure and you can move forward. I personally think there should be an equal balance of interest. That's what makes my current relationship healthy. Before I met my boyfriend I was going after a guy who was misleading until I set him straight. I called him out on not initiating much. He gave me not what I wanted to hear but what I needed to have to move forward. It's cliche but there is always someone better until you find the best one for you. I personally don't think this guy sounds like the best match for you. He is dragging his feet. You can do better. Just know that if he doesn't respond or if he does in a negative way, he didn't deserve you to begin with. If he does say he's interested ask him why he isn't present in showing interest. He may have some anxiety or something you don't know about. Good luck! Lisa 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Well I guess he's bolting now... Maybe I was too direct but it was time to get clear. Hot shower & a glass of cold water and I guess I'll be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Well I guess he's bolting now... Maybe I was too direct but it was time to get clear. Hot shower & a glass of cold water and I guess I'll be ok. What makes you say that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 What makes you say that? We were supposed to chat this afternoon/evening and the guy is MIA. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Hmmmm. I don't know why you asked but maybe he is still pondering it Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Eh - too much analysis here. All the guy has to figure out is if he likes NG and would like to see her naked sometime soon. This is pretty simple stuff. Unless she asked him to run away and live out his remaining years on a houseboat, I don't see what could be so complicated or difficult to answer! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Hmmmm. I don't know why you asked but maybe he is still pondering it Yeah... Like I'm a crocodile that would bite him or something. I don't get why I'm scaring him off - I'm relatively kind person... Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Yeah... I haven't even proposed sex - if I did he'd be running away like a deer .... Seriously I'm weirded out more than anything else. Eh - too much analysis here. All the guy has to figure out is if he likes NG and would like to see her naked sometime soon. This is pretty simple stuff. Unless she asked him to run away and live out his remaining years on a houseboat, I don't see what could be so complicated or difficult to answer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Yeah... Like I'm a crocodile that would bite him or something. I don't get why I'm scaring him off - I'm relatively kind person... Girl you're not doing anything wrong. As in, you're not being unkind. This guy just seems like a flake and really unmasculine. Even if he didnt like you, he could at least have the balls to let you know. So lame... I predicted he was on his way out. Good, let him go. You dont need another guy likes your ex. Next time, let the guy lead. That way you're not disappointed when you're doing all the driving only to turn around he's no where to be found This guy is a half a$$er. Let him go. You deserve do much better girl *hugs* 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Dis I'm mildly annoyed because I gave him clear path to reject me yesterday - if he wanted to. He came with mid way I'll tell you tomorrow and now 'tomorrow ' is ending. What is his thrill not to let me 'hey, sorry, I am not interested/have other prospects/other priorities at the moment so I'm not looking for a relationship/don't have time to invest ' Case would be closed in a clean way. Now he left me questioning my sanity. Girl you're not doing anything wrong. As in, you're not being unkind. This guy just seems like a flake and really unmasculine. Even if he didnt like you, he could at least have the balls to let you know. So lame... I predicted he was on his way out. Good, let him go. You dont need another guy likes your ex. Next time, let the guy lead. That way you're not disappointed when you're doing all the driving only to turn around he's no where to be found This guy is a half a$$er. Let him go. You deserve do much better girl *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Yes, without knowing specifically what you asked it's hard to say what's going on. I have had a iffy feeling about this for quite a while, but I chose to reserve my judgment. I still do till now. But like others have said, in the past when a guy has been interested, it is never been something I questioned or was unclear about at all. And I am a very anxious person too and I pretty much only date very shy men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 To come over to talk in person. Nothing outrageous. He was 'yes but let specify tomorrow the details' ... Yeah. Unless he's deadly frightened I may have raped him or something his behavior is insane. It is so easy to say 'thanks but no thanks' Yes, without knowing specifically what you asked it's hard to say what's going on. I have had a iffy feeling about this for quite a while, but I chose to reserve my judgment. I still do till now. But like others have said, in the past when a guy has been interested, it is never been something I questioned or was unclear about at all. And I am a very anxious person too and I pretty much only date very shy men. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 To come over to talk in person. Nothing outrageous. He was 'yes but let specify tomorrow the details' ... Yeah. Unless he's deadly frightened I may have raped him or something his behavior is insane. It is so easy to say 'thanks but no thanks' To talk about where this is going, or just a date at your place? Honestly, you should have invited him over for your last date, instead of worrying about whether he would feel comfortable (I thought it's quite outrageous for a 36-year-old-man to feel uncomfortable going on another date at your place). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 To talk about where this is going, or just a date at your place? Honestly, you should have invited him over for your last date, instead of worrying about whether he would feel comfortable (I thought it's quite outrageous for a 36-year-old-man to feel uncomfortable going on another date at your place). Invited him over for free style date. You're right the talking is what I thought but I didn't say it. Ugh I'm so annoyed you have no idea... He may have problems - we don't know- so I tried to be gentle, but 'no thank you' would have been gentle to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 *hugs* I know you liked this guy. But he is so odd to me...annoying And to tell you he needs to wait until tomorrow to let you know and make you wait until the 11th hour? It's just rude and irritating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Dis I'm mildly annoyed because I gave him clear path to reject me yesterday - if he wanted to. He came with mid way I'll tell you tomorrow and now 'tomorrow ' is ending. What is his thrill not to let me 'hey, sorry, I am not interested/have other prospects/other priorities at the moment so I'm not looking for a relationship/don't have time to invest ' Case would be closed in a clean way. Now he left me questioning my sanity. Oh I'd totally be annoyed too Like I said, he has no backbone. He couldve let you know his intentions awhile ago He didnt let you know because he's a little.... *cough* Hahaha! You know what girl? You dont need him to give you an answer. His silence IS his answer! Take your power back and just be done. Dont give him one more questioning thought. He's shown you a lack of courtsey by not being clear Wash your hands of him 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Yep. Now is 8 pm. No response until midnight = it is over for me. Final countdown! Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Yep. Now is 8 pm. No response until midnight = it is over for me. Final countdown! Honestly, even if he responded to you before midnight (unless it was a clear, concise, miracle of an answer) I think you should call it quits anyway This guy is lame But we'll be with you for the countdown regardless No Go! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 To come over to talk in person. Nothing outrageous. He was 'yes but let specify tomorrow the details' ... Yeah. Unless he's deadly frightened I may have raped him or something his behavior is insane. It is so easy to say 'thanks but no thanks' I nearly screamed when I read this. I did this exact kind of thing when I was just out of college and in my warped hyperlogical-to-the-point-of-being-illogical way I assumed that ANY attention meant SOME kind of interest because wasn't it so much easier to just say "hey, I'm not feeling it"? So I'd give this guy a billion opportunities to slam a (metaphorical) door in my face and when he didn't I would use it as justification for pursuing him. See, he must really want me, because he isn't telling me to die in a fire! It's not easy for most people to say "thanks but no thanks". I know I have a hard time doing it myself. And without knowing what exactly you said, there's no way to know if this guy thinks he's actually coming over for a date tomorrow or if something is wrong. All I know is you asked him out again and he apparently doesn't even want to commit to nailing down details tonight. Dating should not be an exercise in frustration, especially in the beginning. Nothing about this man suggests he's worth the hassle and humiliation. Do you really want to tell the story at your wedding reception "well, I spent the first few months dragging him kicking and screaming on dates and I couldn't even tell if he was interested and he didn't seem to want to talk to me..."? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Aside from the fact that he's a nerdy introvert (which I get is totally sexy), what exactly do you like about this guy? What part of his treatment of you -- and his behavior is definitely deliberate; he's not an ingenue -- is appealing to you? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 :lmao: Maybe that's exactly what I deserve for being so patient! Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 Aside from the fact that he's a nerdy introvert (which I get is totally sexy), what exactly do you like about this guy? What part of his treatment of you -- and his behavior is definitely deliberate; he's not an ingenue -- is appealing to you? Pays extreme attention to detail, introspection, being vulnerable, getting me back to my youth ... Things like this and more but right now I'm too disturbed to give him credit... Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Pays extreme attention to detail, introspection, being vulnerable, getting me back to my youth ... Things like this and more but right now I'm too disturbed to give him credit... Those are nice things. Rare things, even. So I get why you are drawn to him. But in the same package with those nice things are some seriously not-nice things. There is no way this guy who "pays extreme attention to detail" and is capable of great introspection... doesn't know how you are feeling. And is making a conscious decision to keep you on the hook without clarifying his intentions. What he's doing since you asked him whatever you asked... is terrible. He HAS TO know what he is doing and the churn it is creating. I don't like this for you one bit. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 He's either clueless or something very serious is stopping him. I'm giving the benefit of the doubt that is the latter but from tomorrow onwards - I can't offer anything more than platonic friendship, if that... Those are nice things. Rare things, even. So I get why you are drawn to him. But in the same package with those nice things are some seriously not-nice things. There is no way this guy who "pays extreme attention to detail" and is capable of great introspection... doesn't know how you are feeling. And is making a conscious decision to keep you on the hook without clarifying his intentions. What he's doing since you asked him whatever you asked... is terrible. He HAS TO know what he is doing and the churn it is creating. I don't like this for you one bit. Link to post Share on other sites
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