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Quenching the fire?

No_Go

By No_Go,
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limichelle

limichelle

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Awwww NoGo I'm sorry he turned out to be such a coward.:(

 

It's better it didn't work out. Just think if you had gotten into a relationship and he bolted at the first argument, he seems like the type.

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No_Go

No_Go

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I don't think he's the bolting type though... It is something else that I'd f*cking never know. Hate having things unclear SOOOO much. At that point I'd appreciate more ' sorry but I'm married' or 'sorry but I am HIV positive' or 'sorry but I find you repulsive' more than... the crickets.

 

 

Awwww NoGo I'm sorry he turned out to be such a coward.:(

 

It's better it didn't work out. Just think if you had gotten into a relationship and he bolted at the first argument, he seems like the type.

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BluEyeL

BluEyeL

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If you don't contact him in any way he'll be in touch. Sooner or later. They always always do. But nothing will come of it.

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JuneL

JuneL

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Any bets will he call in the end? (even if it is to turn me down)

 

Curious how it appears from the side:)

 

Of course he's gonna call, since he has promised to do so. My guess is he's gonna give you a half-a$$ed answer along the line of he's busy. You know, guys (or women, for that matter) like this like to say they are busy :laugh:

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clia

clia

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To come over to talk in person. Nothing outrageous. He was 'yes but let specify tomorrow the details' ... Yeah.

 

Unless he's deadly frightened I may have raped him or something his behavior is insane. It is so easy to say 'thanks but no thanks'

 

You just asked him to come over and talk? :eek:

 

Eek...nothing scares a guy off more quickly in the early days of a relationship when things are supposed to be fun, light, and breezy, than a woman demanding a serious discussion about the status of a relationship.

 

You obviously now have your answer.

 

All of this sounds exhausting. One thing I learned is that it's not hard or stressful when it's right and when the guy is truly interested.

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Dis

Dis

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Any bets will he call in the end? (even if it is to turn me down)

 

Curious how it appears from the side:)

 

I dont think he'll call

 

Especially now that you put some pressure on him

 

He's probably busy getting a mani/pedi :laugh:

 

That was mean but I really dont like this guy

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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Oh dear, you did not need to ask him to clarify the situation, the situation is clear you just don't want to see it. You are blinded by infatuation so much you've lost your good judgment. The guy is laughing at you No_go. And why in the world would you like to be 'friends' !! He's not even friendship material.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I have my own theories....

 

Highly educated, sciency nerds that are also really shy and socially awkward, only really go for one personality type: extreme extroverts.

 

It's not enough for you to be attractive, express interest, ask him out, text him first, suggest date ideas and discuss science. What they want is someone that in the middle of their physics rant will take their hand run all the way to the beach while laughing, do cartwheels on the sand then take all your clothes off and with a coy smile ask him to go skinny dipping.

 

My guess is that he found you physically attractive and right for him "on paper" bit his gut instinct was missing the cartwheels.

 

I really hope that I am wrong but I have only ever seen those types end up with one type of girl.

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Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

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I have my own theories....

 

Highly educated, sciency nerds that are also really shy and socially awkward, only really go for one personality type: extreme extroverts.

 

It's not enough for you to be attractive, express interest, ask him out, text him first, suggest date ideas and discuss science. What they want is someone that in the middle of their physics rant will take their hand run all the way to the beach while laughing, do cartwheels on the sand then take all your clothes off and with a coy smile ask him to go skinny dipping.

 

My guess is that he found you physically attractive and right for him "on paper" bit his gut instinct was missing the cartwheels.

 

I really hope that I am wrong but I have only ever seen those types end up with one type of girl.

 

I have to agree with you, Eternal. Not just the sciencey, educated ones, but the quiet kind of shy/socially awk/ introverted dudes in general tend to like the bubbly, outgoing , 'manic Pixie dream girl'(?)I don't know, you put it better lol. I wonder what it is with that.

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No_Go

No_Go

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Ignored me. Blah.

 

Ok, let me lick my wounds for a couple of days and I'll comment. I think ES is right - that describes his ex-gf.

 

Ugh. I though I found my best match. Ok. Thanks for staying in this. Will revise when I get a bit less bitter.

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Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

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***Hugs*** sorry no _go. Dis was right. This guy is LAME. Not worth a second more of your thoughts

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Lorenza

Lorenza

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Ugh, sorry to hear NG *hugs*. But most of us saw this quite early in the thread... It's always easier to identify such things for us neutral observers.

 

Don't settle for being the chaser. I know I know, you're independent and in charge of your destiny, but seriously - don't deny the natural dynamics in every courtship phase. Next time you feel like a guy is unclear, passive, confusing and makes you doubt yourself - don't even waste your time.

 

And please, if he comes back to you, don't fall into the trap again! Low interest is no interest, you're worth much more

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I have to agree with you, Eternal. Not just the sciencey, educated ones, but the quiet kind of shy/socially awk/ introverted dudes in general tend to like the bubbly, outgoing , 'manic Pixie dream girl'(?)I don't know, you put it better lol. I wonder what it is with that.

 

Yes! "Manic pixie dream girl" is exactly what I was referring too.

 

Shy, awkward, introverted (but still academically successful or talented) guys are my type. I really enjoy their low-key, quiet presence. Some awkwardness or silent moments don't bother me in the slightest. Too bad it seems to bother them.

 

NG - I guess we have to stick with extroverts :/

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No_Go

No_Go

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The thing is after this episode I'm totally over the extroverted pushy annoying playing by the book courting dudes. I don't enjoy them and I feel like I stayed with these because it was the path of least effort for me.

 

If they want to 'court' me and enjoy my majesty or whatever they do, it doesn't really do nothing for me, I'm not getting a kick of it and find laughable this type of 'validation' they're supposedly 'giving' me.

 

This guy, for better or worse, opened my heart that was dysfunctional for years and years while trying to play courting/mating games. Yes games because I was never really into it, just bit was easy and uncomplicated. Blah I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to be caught into the trap of some disguisting 'courting' dude again that makes it oh so easy and... lifelesss.

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clia

clia

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The thing is after this episode I'm totally over the extroverted pushy annoying playing by the book courting dudes. I don't enjoy them and I feel like I stayed with these because it was the path of least effort for me.

 

If they want to 'court' me and enjoy my majesty or whatever they do, it doesn't really do nothing for me, I'm not getting a kick of it and find laughable this type of 'validation' they're supposedly 'giving' me.

 

This guy, for better or worse, opened my heart that was dysfunctional for years and years while trying to play courting/mating games. Yes games because I was never really into it, just bit was easy and uncomplicated. Blah I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to be caught into the trap of some disguisting 'courting' dude again that makes it oh so easy and... lifelesss.

 

So you want to be in the traditionally masculine pursuer role?

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lana-banana

lana-banana

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The thing is after this episode I'm totally over the extroverted pushy annoying playing by the book courting dudes. I don't enjoy them and I feel like I stayed with these because it was the path of least effort for me.

 

If they want to 'court' me and enjoy my majesty or whatever they do, it doesn't really do nothing for me, I'm not getting a kick of it and find laughable this type of 'validation' they're supposedly 'giving' me.

 

This guy, for better or worse, opened my heart that was dysfunctional for years and years while trying to play courting/mating games. Yes games because I was never really into it, just bit was easy and uncomplicated. Blah I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to be caught into the trap of some disguisting 'courting' dude again that makes it oh so easy and... lifelesss.

 

I don't get this. The point of "courting" is NOT playing games, it's making sure the other person knows you're interested. It means texting them a lot, scheduling them for dates early, being kind and complimentary, and making it absolutely clear that you want to put them above everyone else. It's exactly what you did with this guy and he rejected you. So if you don't want to be pursued are you only going to pursue from now on, and reject any guy who shows you he's interested?

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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The thing is after this episode I'm totally over the extroverted pushy annoying playing by the book courting dudes. I don't enjoy them and I feel like I stayed with these because it was the path of least effort for me.

 

If they want to 'court' me and enjoy my majesty or whatever they do, it doesn't really do nothing for me, I'm not getting a kick of it and find laughable this type of 'validation' they're supposedly 'giving' me.

 

This guy, for better or worse, opened my heart that was dysfunctional for years and years while trying to play courting/mating games. Yes games because I was never really into it, just bit was easy and uncomplicated. Blah I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to be caught into the trap of some disguisting 'courting' dude again that makes it oh so easy and... lifelesss.

 

 

I am very sorry for your disappointment No_go *hugs*.

 

Don't look for a type, or an INJ's something or a this and a that, just date till you find a man that makes you feel good through all the process.

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No_Go

No_Go

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I don't get this. The point of "courting" is NOT playing games, it's making sure the other person knows you're interested. It means texting them a lot, scheduling them for dates early, being kind and complimentary, and making it absolutely clear that you want to put them above everyone else. It's exactly what you did with this guy and he rejected you. So if you don't want to be pursued are you only going to pursue from now on, and reject any guy who shows you he's interested?

 

No, I mean the lovey-dovey dudes that call me all the time, write me love letters, are pawing all over me like a lovable puppy, can't stop looking at me - overboard, disguisting, likely fake, never again.... Just not my style. I prefer to be single over this.

 

I don't want to be put above everyone else - I don't suffer from goddess complex or something :D I just want a man to inspire me and be inspired by me. If he has other priorities in life - that's expected, and admirable.

 

This guy was texting me a lot, kind, complimentary, attentive etc. Maybe just not into me which is fine, no mean feelings except that he wasn't upfront and honest with me to say that. That I don't understand and don't respect :(

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No_Go

No_Go

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I am very sorry for your disappointment No_go *hugs*.

 

Don't look for a type, or an INJ's something or a this and a that, just date till you find a man that makes you feel good through all the process.

 

I am thinking if I can't find comparable spark, I'm rather much happier being single:) I was playing games in the past 5 years - trying to believe I'm into the dudes because they were giving me attention and some kind of fake 'feel-good/feel-safe' emotion. This dynamics me into lifeless shell of a person. Now at least I feel alive again... (anger is included into that :D)

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No_Go

No_Go

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*** Disclaimer ***

 

If I'm a bit snappy today - nothing personal :)

 

It takes time to process the death of a dream :)

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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*** Disclaimer ***

 

If I'm a bit snappy today - nothing personal :)

 

It takes time to process the death of a dream :)

 

Ok ok! so take a whole hour to get over him and come back to us so we move you to better things ;)

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