Quenching the fire?

[No_Go]

I see in this thread people that get personally offended, project, can't perceive jokes and/or sarcasm as such. People! It is a f*cking forum, not a therapist office. All I wanted to do is to share experiences and try to understand another human being. If I wanted psychoanalysis - I'd have asked a) specialist or b) a close friend one-on-one.

 

I'm entertained and it is quite interesting discussion but it would have been even more helpful to comment on things that I asked for. Would this be possible? It is a genuine request.

[Mkn1010]

He is one of the most introspective people that I know. He writes down his thoughts every single day - he has been doing it for 15 years! He's not afraid to admit his shortcomings. He's not afraid to be alone. He is smart but not arrogant. He builds his own rules but he's respectful to the rules that other's have. He lives a life connected to nature, senses and his inner self without following any organized religion. His soul is pure and it shows.

 

 

This, to me, is quite telling of someone going through some sort of inner turmoil... I'm in the camp of this guy having some serious issues be it with sex, his sexuality, or being part of an adult relationship in general!

[No_Go]

Has he revealed yet what his 'alleged' issue with sex is? Or was he just not keen all along? I'm intrigued to find out the answer here!

 

I'm intrigued as well but people here would put labels on me if I comment on that :lmao:

 

Jokes aside - no idea. It is possible he's just doesn't like overtly sexual behaviors as he stated long time ago.

 

As a biologist sex discussions for me are no different than discussing the current weather (my neighbor - an MD, and I often have discussions that will make the majority of people blush :lmao:), but because it can be a sensitive topic - I won't ask.

[kittencupcake]

We'll see

 

(I'm writing this to have some fun reactions I mean what else - this thread digressed so much from what I ask for advice for, but I can still have some fun here )

 

What's there to see? You started this thread nearly 4 months ago and your relationship does not seem to have progressed. Unless you're not being forthcoming with us?

[Gaeta]

I'm intrigued as well but people here would put labels on me if I comment on that :lmao:

 

Jokes aside - no idea. It is possible he's just doesn't like overtly sexual behaviors as he stated long time ago.

 

As a biologist sex discussions for me are no different than discussing the current weather (my neighbor - an MD, and I often have discussions that will make the majority of people blush :lmao:), but because it can be a sensitive topic - I won't ask.

 

Didn't he say at some point he is also attracted toward men? or I am starting to confuse threads?

[No_Go]

This, to me, is quite telling of someone going through some sort of inner turmoil... I'm in the camp of this guy having some serious issues be it with sex, his sexuality, or being part of an adult relationship in general!

 

If it is the case - is there a way to help him feel more at ease? This (sexual behaviors, disfunctions etc) happens to be a hobby of mine, but it is a too sensitive topic to breech with a platonic friend.

[No_Go]

What's there to see? You started this thread nearly 4 months ago and your relationship does not seem to have progressed. Unless you're not being forthcoming with us?

 

I guess depends what you call progression. It progressed to a more platonic one. There was a lot of interaction. That gives enough material to comment on that is unrelated to my 'dating disfunctions'

[No_Go]

Didn't he say at some point he is also attracted toward men? or I am starting to confuse threads?

 

He said he'd be open to falling in love with a man if it happens. It hasn't happened but he's open minded. That's how I read it.

[kittencupcake]

I guess depends what you call progression. It progressed to a more platonic one. There was a lot of interaction. That gives enough material to comment on that is unrelated to my 'dating disfunctions'

 

But is that what you want? A platonic friendship?

 

If that's the case then why do you need a 60 page thread about him?

[Mkn1010]

If it is the case - is there a way to help him feel more at ease? This (sexual behaviors, disfunctions etc) happens to be a hobby of mine, but it is a too sensitive topic to breech with a platonic friend.

 

In theory, being a friend is a great idea....but in reality, he already knows you were (perhaps still are) romantically interested in him. So therefore it has worked out well for him that the romantic element ended before sex/any intimacy (ie before his potential vulnerabilities were exposed). So why would he expose them to you now when he likely is loving the attention and you being on his hook and probably thinks he can only continue to string you along 'as friend' while the illusion is in place (you not knowing the real deal with his issue/s).

 

 

My guess is that while dating you he thought you'd bail once you learnt the truth and keeping you at arm's length is a way for him to hide!

[NuevoYorko]

We'll see

 

(I'm writing this to have some fun reactions I mean what else - this thread digressed so much from what I ask for advice for, but I can still have some fun here )

 

You asked for advice on “quenching the fire.” Seems that some of us, probably the more uptight, have failed to follow along with the new topic which appears to be “dousing the fire with gasoline.” We’re still hung up on quenching. Speaking just for myself, I believe that stoking an unreciprocated obsession is unhealthy and that all this talk about how unique and valuable it is is spurious.

 

Regardless of my opinion, you have created the perfect situation for yourself and you are ecstatic, so I’m off. I apologize for being a buzz killer. Enjoy.

[Gaeta]

He said he'd be open to falling in love with a man if it happens. It hasn't happened but he's open minded. That's how I read it.

 

So he is 36 years old right?

 

And at 36 years old he is exploring the possibility of falling in love with a man. The way you phrase it it sounds as if it has not happened before so it's something he's been contemplating recently or in the recent years.

 

I find it's a bit old for a man to discover he may be attracted toward men. It's possible he's gay and he's been in denial up to now. It would explain why he dislikes women pursuing him so much and he prefers women's friendships instead of dating them.

[No_Go]

An interpersonal relationship.

 

Why not? Loveshack is defined as 'interpersonal relationship center'. This is much broader than dating in the traditional sense, the thread is in the Dating section because it started as a dating situation.

 

But is that what you want? A platonic friendship?

 

If that's the case then why do you need a 60 page thread about him?

[kittencupcake]

An interpersonal relationship.

 

Why not? Loveshack is defined as 'interpersonal relationship center'. This is much broader than dating in the traditional sense, the thread is in the Dating section because it started as a dating situation.

 

I'm confused. What does the definition of Loveshack have to do with your original question?

 

So you're saying that you are not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with this man, correct?

[No_Go]

So he is 36 years old right?

 

And at 36 years old he is exploring the possibility of falling in love with a man. The way you phrase it it sounds as if it has not happened before so it's something he's been contemplating recently or in the recent years.

 

I find it's a bit old for a man to discover he may be attracted toward men. It's possible he's gay and he's been in denial up to now. It would explain why he dislikes women pursuing him so much and he prefers women's friendships instead of dating them.

 

Yes. He's just saying it *may* happen. He has feminine traits but I think his (strongly) preferred gender to date (and interact) is female. He's more likely saying it in a philosophical way. I don't sense gay/bi vibes, of course you can never know.

 

As an example, one of my close guy friends was looking for a wife but fell in love with a man at 30-something. They are still together years down the line. He dated many women in his past. But he's also sapiosexual, and just felt stronger connection with this man.

[No_Go]

I'm confused. What does the definition of Loveshack have to do with your original question?

 

So you're saying that you are not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with this man, correct?

 

The question was why I'm making a thread here and what is the relationship. I said interpersonal relationship because this is it Interested or not, interpersonal relationships develop based on the decision making of all parties involved: we agreed on platonic one.

[No_Go]

“dousing the fire with gasoline.” Love this Sorry if I offended you.

 

You asked for advice on “quenching the fire.” Seems that some of us, probably the more uptight, have failed to follow along with the new topic which appears to be “dousing the fire with gasoline.” We’re still hung up on quenching. Speaking just for myself, I believe that stoking an unreciprocated obsession is unhealthy and that all this talk about how unique and valuable it is is spurious.

 

Regardless of my opinion, you have created the perfect situation for yourself and you are ecstatic, so I’m off. I apologize for being a buzz killer. Enjoy.

[kittencupcake]

The question was why I'm making a thread here and what is the relationship. I said interpersonal relationship because this is it Interested or not, interpersonal relationships develop based on the decision making of all parties involved: we agreed on platonic one.

 

It still seems like you're pretty obsessed with him..are you sure you're ok with a completely platonic relationship?

[No_Go]

he already knows you were romantically interested in him - possibly but it has never been outwardly discussed. Another possibility is that he didn't pick the initial interest (I can be awkward as heck )

 

it has worked out well for him that the romantic element ended before sex/any intimacy This is very likely. It will be extremely sad if it is that: I'm very understanding on issues of that kind (I have helped exes in the past, and given advice to platonic friends of both genders).

 

So why would he expose them to you now when he likely is loving the attention If enough trust is built, why not? Attention will be the same regardless. Even if we were dating, something like this would have never phased me, and for friendship - it is irrelevant.

 

In theory, being a friend is a great idea....but in reality, he already knows you were (perhaps still are) romantically interested in him. So therefore it has worked out well for him that the romantic element ended before sex/any intimacy (ie before his potential vulnerabilities were exposed). So why would he expose them to you now when he likely is loving the attention and you being on his hook and probably thinks he can only continue to string you along 'as friend' while the illusion is in place (you not knowing the real deal with his issue/s).

 

 

My guess is that while dating you he thought you'd bail once you learnt the truth and keeping you at arm's length is a way for him to hide!

[No_Go]

It still seems like you're pretty obsessed with him..are you sure you're ok with a completely platonic relationship?

 

I'm not closing doors to dating him or other people. That's the most genuine response I can give.