girlinNYC Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Before anyone says, "depends on the guy" I know this.. lol, just generally speaking here - are guys more hesitant or less confident taking the next step (ie asking out on a date) around a girl they genuinely like as opposed to a girl they see as a one night stand? Looser women tend to get numbers galore obviously from men who want a good time which is completely fine, but I'd like to know if the above question stands? Especially considering there's no mental investment in one night girls. Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
John40 Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Let's meet up Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Guys don't ask you out for the intention of dating unless they see you as desirable GF material rather than a good time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 If you're looking for a relationship, why would getting lots of numbers from guys just looking for hookups ever be desirable? If that were happening to me, I would be super concerned! It would mean I'm sending out the wrong signals. Basically, it would mean guys who were looking for something longer-term were also probably not seeing me as relationship material since I was giving off the wrong vibe. Not to mention, it's just a total waste of my time to have to constantly rebuff these undesirable guys. There are way better uses of my time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tetrahedral Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Before anyone says, "depends on the guy" I know this.. lol, just generally speaking here - are guys more hesitant or less confident taking the next step (ie asking out on a date) around a girl they genuinely like as opposed to a girl they see as a one night stand? Looser women tend to get numbers galore obviously from men who want a good time which is completely fine, but I'd like to know if the above question stands? Especially considering there's no mental investment in one night girls. Just curious. In generalities, I don't think there's a meaningful difference. The bottom line is that both things (ONS and relationship) involve wanting to charm you out of your pants. I don't think you can differentiate intent by how things start out. But, if the date invite is a more couples activity, then you might be able to infer romantic interest. Like, if he's taking you to a museum in the middle of the day, he probably isn't just trying to f**k you and never talk to you again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I'm a woman but my brother is over here now so I asked him your question. He said Guys do not spend money (going on a date) with looser women they just invite them over or go over to their place for sex. He says when a man actually asks a woman on a date where he is spending money this is the girl he's considering a relationship with. Hope this helps. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 For me, as an introvert, I would be more confident asking out a girl I had a strong connection with, and a strong connection would usually be with someone I wanted to date, not with someone I wanted to have a one night stand with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I'm a woman but my brother is over here now so I asked him your question. He said Guys do not spend money (going on a date) with looser women they just invite them over or go over to their place for sex. He says when a man actually asks a woman on a date where he is spending money this is the girl he's considering a relationship with. Hope this helps. to add: He just said if the looser woman was pretty he would take her on a date also. Oh God it all depends on how she looks. Typical. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I'm a woman but my brother is over here now so I asked him your question. He said Guys do not spend money (going on a date) with looser women they just invite them over or go over to their place for sex. He says when a man actually asks a woman on a date where he is spending money this is the girl he's considering a relationship with. Hope this helps. I understand the investment part BUT from my experience I've had guys take me out on a decent date and expected sex at the end of said date. I think it goes beyond just taking someone out, like the type of conversation, how interested they are in you personally, and actions that match what they say, no love bombing, not saying obvious things a lady would want to hear, interested in introducing you to friends, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted July 29, 2017 Author Share Posted July 29, 2017 If you're looking for a relationship, why would getting lots of numbers from guys just looking for hookups ever be desirable? If that were happening to me, I would be super concerned! It would mean I'm sending out the wrong signals. Basically, it would mean guys who were looking for something longer-term were also probably not seeing me as relationship material since I was giving off the wrong vibe. Not to mention, it's just a total waste of my time to have to constantly rebuff these undesirable guys. There are way better uses of my time. Oh no, I think you have misconstrued what I was saying. I do agree with your sentiments. I was asking if guys don't get as nervy around looser women because they don't care about them? Whereas do they take their time asking out a girl they genuinely respect because there's more at stake re emotion/rejection etc? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted July 29, 2017 Author Share Posted July 29, 2017 For me, as an introvert, I would be more confident asking out a girl I had a strong connection with, and a strong connection would usually be with someone I wanted to date, not with someone I wanted to have a one night stand with. As a guy, say you were hypothetically into one night stands, would you feel more nervous and therefore hesitant making a move on a girl you genuinely like as opposed to one you only see as a quick hook up? Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 Yep , most definitely. lt can be very very nerve racking if you really , really, like her. Might take a few goes at spitting it out too . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 I don't want to blow it if I really like her, definitely more nervous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Urbanyst Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 If a guy waits until he REALLY likes you to ask you out, he is usually an insecure wimp. (Definition of wimp: a weak and cowardly or unadventurous person.) Confident men pursue women they find attractive immediately. Whether it leads to just sex or to a relationship is not relevant that early. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 Depends on the guy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 the more you like someone the higher the emotional stakes and the harder it is to initiate 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 I've never seen women as penile receptacles and have historically asked women out on dates if and when I recognized that I found them attractive. Historically, any hesitance was a function of determining independently whether or not they were married because, well, enough lied to me to impel that strategy. Most recently, perhaps a five years ago or so, I ran into this and was right on the cusp of the 'date' thing when, yup, boom, the marriage thing was there. I learned over many iterations that women are not always transparent about their relationship status. That's OK but, not viewing them as penile receptacles, rather as relationship prospects, that kind of stuff is important, to me anyway. Was I ever 'slow'? Sure! In high school, definitely. After a girl I liked who made some personal stuff for me in shop and who I took to the cruises and races, made out with and, well, other stuff, turned out to be engaged to a guy in the military who was deployed, good early lesson. It got uglier from there. Link to post Share on other sites
tetrahedral Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 As a guy, say you were hypothetically into one night stands, would you feel more nervous and therefore hesitant making a move on a girl you genuinely like as opposed to one you only see as a quick hook up? Deep down inside, people as a species are more nervous about outcomes they are more invested in. That's common sense. But from your perspective, there are separate issues: 1. Is this dude, in his heart of hearts, nervous around you? 2. Can you penetrate the depths of this person's soul and tell, with any precision? No matter what the answer to #1 is, the answer to #2 is realistically no. In your example, you conflate hesitant and nervous. One reason why a man might move hesitantly with you? Because he isn't sure what he's doing is a good idea. It happens. Ultimately, you need to look for actions that represent investment in you, rather than try to divine intent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 the more you like someone the higher the emotional stakes and the harder it is to initiate Makes plenty of sense. You do run a risk though of the girl assuming you're not interested in taking anything further. Fine line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 Yep , most definitely. lt can be very very nerve racking if you really , really, like her. Might take a few goes at spitting it out too . Yeah I totally get that. Could explain my situation! Ha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 I don't want to blow it if I really like her, definitely more nervous. Completely fair enough. I couldn't imagine how it would feel to embarrass yourself in front of said crush and have that regretful feeling at the same time. Guys taking their time is understandable. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 I am eld, but I know this...if a guy is already sure of getting sex, the only thing he is spending is time. Men and women definitely have different ideas about easiness of the conquest. G 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 I can't speak for everyone, only myself. If I am not really interested in a girl, I can be smooth, funny, confident and charming. If I am really interested in her, really like her? Not so much. When talking to a girl I am not so interested in, it's easy to be charming. You have nothing to lose. If she doesn't dig you, oh well, on to the next girl. When talking with a girl I am really into, it's different because the stakes are higher. It's easier to say the wrong thing, or to just plain go blank when you're talking to her. Really good point! G 1 Link to post Share on other sites
viatori patuit Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Guys are simple. Sex? Yes. Want a relationship? Act like it. Personally three or four dates and I would think I would be into a more physical adventure. But.... I am patient. If I like someone then I might wait for them. To be honest, I view someone who wants to wait too long as having issues. I find that girls who are overly sexually restrained due to their own views as too uptight. I always appreciate the "talk" prior to sex. What do you want? What are your expectations? Is this the start of a more exclusive situation? I might turn you down if I am not there but I appreciate the candor. Fwiw, OLD is much better than the bar scene. It makes the weeding process easier than going rob bars and what not. Oh, and secure chicks will always get attention. As I guy I am super attracted to woman who knows she has something and is interested in me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) If a guy waits until he REALLY likes you to ask you out, he is usually an insecure wimp. (Definition of wimp: a weak and cowardly or unadventurous person.) Confident men pursue women they find attractive immediately. Whether it leads to just sex or to a relationship is not relevant that early. What a load of bs,everyones different buddy , not everyone is a robot reading how to books, internet and instruction manuals, you gotta get out more.find yourself some originality, life. Now that's what l'd call wimp. Edited July 30, 2017 by Chilli 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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