What do you think?

[greenbee81]

I was hanging out with my GF at her place as usual.

 

Sometimes the neighbors come out and we hang out late at night drinking beers and chatting away.

 

One of her neighbors is a good looking guy and funny and really charismatic.

 

Whenever my GF is talking to him, she starts getting very excited, postures herself different, fixes her hair, and doesn't even look at me. If I try speaking to her, she doesn't hear it.

 

Is this a cause for concern?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Is this a cause for concern?

 

Yup. How long have you been dating?

[greenbee81]

Yup. How long have you been dating?

 

Almost 7 months.

 

She tells me I'm the love of her life and she's planning to buy a house for us in the next year.

[Cookiesandough]

I think you're probably reading too much into it. If she wants to cheat she probably won't do it in front of you

[greenbee81]

I think you're probably reading too much into it. If she wants to cheat she probably won't do it in front of you

 

Well I know she won't cheat, especially with a neighbor since her 3 sisters live with her and really good friends with me.

 

I'm worried that she's not attracted to me anymore.

 

When he's around, I'm invisible.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well I know she won't cheat, especially with a neighbor since her 3 sisters live with her and really good friends with me.

 

I'm worried that she's not attracted to me anymore.

 

When he's around, I'm invisible.

 

Have you told her how you feel? It may be that she IS attracted to this man and isn't aware that her being obvious about it negatively affects you.

[greenbee81]

Have you told her how you feel? It may be that she IS attracted to this man and isn't aware that her being obvious about it negatively affects you.

 

I have about a month ago.

She says she has no idea what I'm talking about.

 

I mentioned it again last weekend and she seemed a little upset, wasn't angry.

 

She again, reassured me that she wants to spend her life with me.

 

It's painful though.

[Cookiesandough]

Well I know she won't cheat, especially with a neighbor since her 3 sisters live with her and really good friends with me.

 

I'm worried that she's not attracted to me anymore.

 

When he's around, I'm invisible.

 

I complete understand feeling a bit disrespected, but could she just be focus on talking to and entertaining the neighbor? Or maybe she is naturally flirtatious.If she is not attracted to you anymore, it will be evident in other ways than how she acts when handsome neighbor comes over. Sex will decline, etc. Have you noticed anything else?

[smackie9]

the reality of it is....there will always be someone more attractive and interesting than you or her. I have seen it myself that real attractive people have that affect on everyone. People get all goo, and treat them differently. I worked with a few women that were really attractive....they were treated like worshiped goddesses....all guys, married one too, would just drop everything just to talk to them. women wanted to be around them, be their friend....very interesting to watch people's reaction.

 

Your situation tho should be addressed if she is completely ignoring you like you don't exist. It might be the alcohol too. Have a talk with her about it.

[greenbee81]

The sex has declined.

Why I'm worried.

 

The neighbor has a child on the way and unable to have sex with pregnant wife.

Why I'm wondering if they are a thing.

[preraph]

Well, if your gf would have sex with a man with a pregnant wife, she's not worth wiping your boot on anyway, nor him obviously. I think you're worried for nothing though. He probably has zero interest in her. On here, we hear all the time about guys who are constantly staring at and flirting with every woman who passes by and then act like it's "just natural" and no big deal. But men have even less tolerance for it than women do. Neither should do it, of course. She may feel she's just being polite giving a visitor her attention and you may be just overreacting because he's good looking.

 

But seriously, if it does turn out to be a real concern, reread my first sentence and consider yourself lucky you found out before marriage and kids.

[greenbee81]

Well, if your gf would have sex with a man with a pregnant wife, she's not worth wiping your boot on anyway, nor him obviously. I think you're worried for nothing though. He probably has zero interest in her. On here, we hear all the time about guys who are constantly staring at and flirting with every woman who passes by and then act like it's "just natural" and no big deal. But men have even less tolerance for it than women do. Neither should do it, of course. She may feel she's just being polite giving a visitor her attention and you may be just overreacting because he's good looking.

 

But seriously, if it does turn out to be a real concern, reread my first sentence and consider yourself lucky you found out before marriage and kids.

 

I'm am sure he is not interested. He has a beautiful wife with child.

 

I am worried about my Gfs behavior.

She acts like this in front of me.

She says she doesn't notice, and maybe she is like this with many guys but with no intention of cheating.

 

It just sucks that I don't get this response from her.

I am introvert and not a 'manly' type of guy.

[Space Ritual]

Well I know she won't cheat, especially with a neighbor since her 3 sisters live with her and really good friends with me.

 

I'm worried that she's not attracted to me anymore.

 

When he's around, I'm invisible.

 

 

Read around here, young man. There are thousands of stories form people who never believed in a million years their S.O or spouse would cheat....yeah we didn't know em as well as we thought we did.

[Cookiesandough]

declined as in it's virtually nonexistent?? That's your first problem...Talk to your GF

[basil67]

The sex has declined.

Why I'm worried.

 

The neighbor has a child on the way and unable to have sex with pregnant wife.

Why I'm wondering if they are a thing.

 

It's normal for sex to decline after the initial infatuation period. But the question is, how much has it declined? Does she still desire you at all?

 

And how do you know this guy can't have sex with his pregnant wife? It's a very odd piece of information to become public. What medical situation prevents her from having sex?

[greenbee81]

declined as in it's virtually nonexistent?? That's your first problem...Talk to your GF

 

From 2 to 3 times a week, now about once or twice.

 

I get the 'I'm tired' Or 'theres not enough time'

[lolablue17]

Nobody here can know whether she's cheating or not. She could be cheating with a different guy that you don't know. So, I won't get into that.

 

But let's assume she's not cheating (what appears to be the case). I think you reflect your own insecurities, and your introvert personality on that matter. There will always be guys more attractive than you. And all of them have a big advantage - they are fresh and new. Fresh guys are always more thrilling and exciting than the regular spouse at home. You can't change the nature of humanity.

 

But this distraction can be used in a productive way. Use it always as a reminder that you gf is not really yours. Each and every minute he has the option to go after another dude. Keep that in mind. It means you have to cherish her love and work on your relationship all the time. Never take her for granted. Surprise her, do things and gestures for her.

 

Think of this guy as a gift for you, to remind you all these things that many of us sometimes forget.

[ExpatInItaly]

She might be attracted to him, but that doesn't mean she's going to cheat on you with him. It would be nice, however, if she didn't forget that you were there when he is around.

 

How old are you both?

[greenbee81]

I guess I do have to work on myself then, its just hard for me. I have social anxiety and missed out on social interactions when younger.

 

I am 36 and she is 33.

[preraph]

I'm am sure he is not interested. He has a beautiful wife with child.

 

I am worried about my Gfs behavior.

She acts like this in front of me.

She says she doesn't notice, and maybe she is like this with many guys but with no intention of cheating.

 

It just sucks that I don't get this response from her.

I am introvert and not a 'manly' type of guy.

 

Well, she's with you and not him, so you must be doing something right! Put the shoe on the other foot. So if Gizelle came up and talked to you, wouldn't you be just a little bit oggley?

[preraph]

From 2 to 3 times a week, now about once or twice.

 

I get the 'I'm tired' Or 'theres not enough time'

 

There's really nothing low about that number. It is natural for sex to decline the longer you are together. For one thing, you stop being as desperate to please someone and just try to get back on what is really your own pace. I wouldn't worry about it meaning she's interested in someone else. Everyone has sex like rabbits in the early days, but that pace doesn't usually last.

 

And men can have sex with pregnant wives, so some of them may not want to.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

I'd be worried given what you said. Charisma + funny/sense of humor + looks is lethal around women. My best friend growing up was a "runt" but he had cute face according to girls I knew + charisma and was a real funny guy. He slept with a TON of girls. He even was banging this girl who had dated an NBA player. My friend was under 6' and around 150 lbs and had to be laughable compared to a 6'9" muscular NBA player but his charisma and charm got her into bed several times.

 

 

You need to balance your concerns and insecurities bc that is a turn off for girls.

[central]

There's really nothing low about that number. It is natural for sex to decline the longer you are together. For one thing, you stop being as desperate to please someone and just try to get back on what is really your own pace. I wouldn't worry about it meaning she's interested in someone else. Everyone has sex like rabbits in the early days, but that pace doesn't usually last.

 

And men can have sex with pregnant wives, so some of them may not want to.

 

I disagree. Once a week is pathetic at only 7 months. After 18 months to 2 years, maybe 2-3x a week becomes "normal." If it's once a week now, it will soon be once a month, if you're lucky. In the first year, you shouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other. IMO, 2x a week is more typical of a long term relationship of 10+ years. But, if you're satisfied with this, then you may be well matched. If you're not, it's time to move on.

 

Anyway, she is clearly infatuated with the neighbor, even if she's not aware of it consciously. He's her type physically and in personality. You'll do, but don't inspire that kind of lust. There's probably nothing going on between them, but I'd think hard before continuing this relationship. Find someone who is into you the way she's into him.

[greenbee81]

I disagree. Once a week is pathetic at only 7 months. After 18 months to 2 years, maybe 2-3x a week becomes "normal." If it's once a week now, it will soon be once a month, if you're lucky. In the first year, you shouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other. IMO, 2x a week is more typical of a long term relationship of 10+ years. But, if you're satisfied with this, then you may be well matched. If you're not, it's time to move on.

 

Anyway, she is clearly infatuated with the neighbor, even if she's not aware of it consciously. He's her type physically and in personality. You'll do, but don't inspire that kind of lust. There's probably nothing going on between them, but I'd think hard before continuing this relationship. Find someone who is into you the way she's into him.

 

Yeah I'm more uses to the girl who's almost obsessed with me.

She's not the type I would usually date, she's a bit on the bigger side, not overweight, but I usually date girls around the 110 lb side.

She has a huge heart and is very generous and caring.

I know she's not cheating on me (99% sure anyway) but it just hurts when you're invisible.

 

I talked to her about the sex thing, she says she wants to romanticize her more often, instead of just going to sleep. I guess I'm used to the girl initiating sex, she wants me to initiate it more often.

[preraph]

Well, if it's you not initiating, then YOU'RE the one causing the sex slowdown, sounds like. So it's within your control and that should make you happy.