How to shake the loser-with-women self image?

[JuneL]

Through LS I've heard of "responsive desire".

 

but pure raw honest passion is gold.

 

I wanted to add that I'm not sure if it's possible to fake this kind of raw passion or primal desire. OP: From what you've described, you have never been attracted to your wife that way, but have merely grown to really like her as a person or partner.

[GoodOnPaper]

This doesn't quite make sense for someone who has had trouble attracting guys due to her weight (according to your description), tbh.

 

She's a low-number person like me but she never showed any concern about the number of guys she did or didn't attract. I do know that she dumped the guy before me largely because he showed too much interest too fast.

[GoodOnPaper]

There is a big difference between "fawning" all over her and expressing desire and passion.

Fawning all over her IS a turn off, as is constant demands for sex, or whining or sulking - but pure raw honest passion is gold.

 

Well, the few girls I did date never seemed to be interested in me for raw passion yet my LTR-mindedness made me "boring", so I couldn't win.

[hammyy2k]

some feminists will object but i say you make her lose weight, its for her own good.

[elaine567]

some feminists will object but i say you make her lose weight, its for her own good.

 

Why would any "feminist" condone a weight that is so unhealthy and frankly dangerous?

 

Even if she was 6'10" tall her BMI is still in the "overweight" category at 29.27 and knocking at the door of obesity..

At 5'5 which is around the average height for women, she would be seen as morbidly obese with a BMI of 46.59.

 

http://www.diabetes.co.uk/images/article_images/BMIChart.gif

 

This has no longer anything to do with cosmetic appearance, this is serious and her health and how long she will actually live is on the line here.

[wmacbride]

some feminists will object but i say you make her lose weight, its for her own good.

 

She's an adult. you cna't make her do anything.

[camillalev]

"Honestly the only thing I really wanted out of marriage was to not feel like an inept loser when it came to women*"

 

Wow.....your poor wife.

 

I'd say personal counseling might help

 

I'm going to have to mirror this sentiment. What a terrible, selfish reason to get married. It's also sad that a part of what keeps you from cheating is that you "wouldn't have the guts or know-how to go through with it".

[kiss_andmakeup]

Yeah, there are two issues to acknowledge here.

 

1. Your wife's weight is a legitimate medical problem. Not only because of its impact on your relationship, but because of its impact on her life, both daily and long-term.

 

2. You married your wife for, seemingly, nothing but questionable reasons. This to me is the bigger issue here. If I knew that candidly, my husband had admitted that he married me simply because no one else would give him the time of day and he was sick of feeling like a "loser" with women, I'd be gutted. What a terrible reason to choose a partner. Does your wife have any idea that you feel this way about her?

[GoodOnPaper]

She knows I was very unhappy with my single life and that I was never much of a ladies man. She chose me and there really wasn't anything I could do to dissuade her. I'm a textbook good husband and father but it's not as satisfying as society tells us it's supposed to be - it was having those qualities in me that made me seem so "boring" in the single world.

[kiss_andmakeup]

She chose me and there really wasn't anything I could do to dissuade her.

 

I'm sorry, that's not really how it works. You are an autonomous human being. You had a choice in the matter.

 

I don't see how this relationship has a happy ending - regardless of your wife's weight. If she has an inkling about your true reasons for choosing to be with her, it's likely that it has colored her self-confidence for the worse. It's not surprising that she is inhibited in the bedroom and largely uninterested in sex.