Ex acts like nothing ever happened ***Updated***

[Vanity1]

It doesn't. All you think about who what where when how.

 

 

im thinking about the past and it's upsetting me.

Like day one again. I'm not feeling good about myself, unworthy, like a piece of crap.

 

Anyone else feel like they won't heal?

Time heals all wounds no it doesn't swear I'm still pissed about my first relationship.

[Buriall]

What you are experiencing is another bump in the process. Do not give into these thoughts, remember thoughts come and go like clouds. Dont hold onto any thought but simply be the watcher of these thoughts and let them come and go come and go dont identify dont dig into it..

 

You must let go of the clinging, you are living in the past its done and gone with there is nothing you could do. Change how you view things look at them from different point of view but dont cling to any

 

most important of all, YOU ARE WORTHY of everything. Its a shame to make one feel this way and im sorry you are experiencing this but trust me when i say this..At the end of all this you will be WISER and stronger its a win win for you buddy..Hang in there, better times are ahead

[Art Vandelay]

You'll get over this. If you don't maintain NC it's going to take a lot longer, if it happens at all.

[Zahara]

It does -- it helps you heal and reach a place of indifference. If you apply it consistently and with discipline. During that time you will go through a host of emotions, ups and downs but that is part and parcel of the healing process. And while you do that you invest that time finding self-awareness and introspecting, along with working on your own self-development.

 

An abusive relationship takes much to heal from because you've conditioned yourself to adapt to very negative patterns and to accept less than you deserve. Undoing those ingrained behaviors takes effort and commitment -- seeking therapy is helpful. Regaining your self-esteem should be your priority.

 

There is no quick fix. You've only recently been NC with your ex? It took me nearly a year of strict NC to get to some level of emotional balance with a cheating ex. I'm not saying it's going to take you that long but you're being unreasonable thinking that a few weeks of NC is going to reverse the effects of an unhealthy relationship.

 

Healing takes time. Don't rush the process. Grieve it, embrace all that you feel and learn from it.

[Beachead]

How long has it been since you broke up with your ex?

 

No Contact is a one size fits all strategy used to help you put distance between you and your ex whom I assume is the source of your pain. The amount of time you spend in NC depends on your relationship and how bad you feel over the break up. You have to tailor it specifically to your needs. In addition, you have to assist it by getting on with your life. Let your cry and be angry and feel what you need to feel. Let yourself get out of the house and spend time with friends and family. Shake up your routine by trying something new. Take on a new hobby. Work out. Set small, manageable goals. Don't do this all at once but in small increasing doses over time depending on how good you feel. You will hit a LOT of bumps along the way where you feel hopeless. I feel this too. Many of us do. With distance, you gain some clarity about how your relationship was.

 

There is so much bad information out there published by people who pray on desperate, heartbroken people searching for answers. NC can't be used to win your ex back and anything about the one, two, or three month NC rule is absolute crap because healing takes a long time! Sometimes it can take several months just to kill the hope which is the hardest part.

 

For my personal situation, I did NC for 3.5 months before unblocking my ex on facebook. When I did, I saw a picture of her and her ex and her updated relationship status. Let me tell you, it hurt real bad. I'm still suffering over it but I was strong enough by then to face that picture and deal with the reality that it was over. And it was because of the time I spent out of sight in NC. I haven't messaged her and don't plan to either. It has destroyed my hope which was the best thing that could have happened to me because I have found I am slowly starting to feel better each day.

 

If used correctly, it will work.

Edited November 26, 2017 by Beachead

[Physx]

I think you have already received a lot of good feedback on here, but figured I'd add my two cents as well...

 

Occasional regressions are inevitable. However, over time, they will be less frequent and shorter in duration. The best you can do is process the feelings, acknowledge them, try to learn from them, and realize that one day, you WILL find someone better than them, as they clearly weren't the right person for you.

 

Also, keep in mind that we all CHOOSE how we feel. While it can sometimes be difficult to keep certain thoughts from popping up in our head, it is ALWAYS our choice how to respond to those feelings. If you truly want to keep from being depressed and truly want to be happy again, you simply choose to redirect your thoughts towards more positive things. Or, if you are looking back on happy memories with that person, be happy that you have those memories you enjoyed in the past, accept that they are just that (the past), and stay positive in that you WILL find someone else and there WILL be more positive experiences in the future.

 

Good luck and keep your head up.

[Vanity1]

How long has it been since you broke up with your ex?

 

No Contact is a one size fits all strategy used to help you put distance between you and your ex whom I assume is the source of your pain. The amount of time you spend in NC depends on your relationship and how bad you feel over the break up. You have to tailor it specifically to your needs. In addition, you have to assist it by getting on with your life. Let your cry and be angry and feel what you need to feel. Let yourself get out of the house and spend time with friends and family. Shake up your routine by trying something new. Take on a new hobby. Work out. Set small, manageable goals. Don't do this all at once but in small increasing doses over time depending on how good you feel. You will hit a LOT of bumps along the way where you feel hopeless. I feel this too. Many of us do. With distance, you gain some clarity about how your relationship was.

 

There is so much bad information out there published by people who pray on desperate, heartbroken people searching for answers. NC can't be used to win your ex back and anything about the one, two, or three month NC rule is absolute crap because healing takes a long time! Sometimes it can take several months just to kill the hope which is the hardest part.

 

For my personal situation, I did NC for 3.5 months before unblocking my ex on facebook. When I did, I saw a picture of her and her ex and her updated relationship status. Let me tell you, it hurt real bad. I'm still suffering over it but I was strong enough by then to face that picture and deal with the reality that it was over. And it was because of the time I spent out of sight in NC. I haven't messaged her and don't plan to either. It has destroyed my hope which was the best thing that could have happened to me because I have found I am slowly starting to feel better each day.

 

If used correctly, it will work.

 

We broke up in July. We go weeks with talking then not talking.

We share the same friends sort of so there's always ppl around when we hang out.

Throughout those months of not being in a relationship, he wanted to get back together and fix things, said he would stop partying and all the drugs. I never took him back but remained " friends". A couple weeks ago he wanted me to go to a wedding with him, I rejected. Also he smashed my phone again, got violent with me- my nose is still sore....because he thought I was talking to guys. He's been seeing other girls, having sex ect.....so why is it so important that we are in a relationship ....why can't I move on the same way he has!

 

So yes I'm doing full on no contact . Can't make sense out of none sense .

[Vanity1]

Don't get me wrong , he's not a complete monster he has a good side.

And he's so much fun. Just everything's got to be on his terms!

 

Why can't he just be cool! Everything is so much better as friends, we go out for food watch movies just regular stuff. Then boom relationship talk fix this fix that ....HEARD THAT BEFORE... I go back to him and he just hot and cold like he wants the relationship then he doesn't . So why be in a relationship?

 

Why smash my things.

 

He doesn't really want a relationship so why is he taking his anger out on me!!!

 

When he asks me what he wants to do with this...I tell him I just want to have fun.

That should be music to his ears, he says he likes having me around because I'm the only normal person he knows so I still come around and hang out. He's out there having sex and chilling with other girls so what's the problem !!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I'm just ranting .

[Art Vandelay]

Don't get me wrong , he's not a complete monster he has a good side.

And he's so much fun.

 

Of course, nobody is a complete monster. Even famous historical psychopaths had good qualities. You have 14 pages of advice herefrom LSers who know what they're talking about; you need to take their advice or you're in for months or years of misery.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

What good side? The cheating, the mind games, the drugs, the exes, the damaging your property, the physical abuse!!

 

This guy is vile!

 

He comes keeps trying his luck with you because you'll take whatever he dishes out. That's a huge power trip for someone like that.

 

Seriously, this isn't romantic in anyway. It is messed up, and it is sad to think that you don't believe you deserve better than someone like this.

 

For your own sake, you need to stay away from this guy.

[Vanity1]

What good side? The cheating, the mind games, the drugs, the exes, the damaging your property, the physical abuse!!

 

This guy is vile!

 

He comes keeps trying his luck with you because you'll take whatever he dishes out. That's a huge power trip for someone like that.

 

Seriously, this isn't romantic in anyway. It is messed up, and it is sad to think that you don't believe you deserve better than someone like this.

 

For your own sake, you need to stay away from this guy.

 

"A huge power trip for someone like that "- can you elaborate on that ?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

People with aggressive and controlling tendencies like an easy target. If they can get away with it once, they will do it again.

 

It makes them feel powerful.

 

His behavior has been unacceptable, yet you have allowed him to remain in your life, which would suggest to him that he still has some hold over you.

 

It wouldn't surprise me if he played similar games with his other exes.