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Ex acts like nothing ever happened ***Updated***

Vanity1

By Vanity1,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Vanity1

Vanity1

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His behavior is that is narcissistic & immature. There, now you understand him. Stop talking to him or caring about this. He's still a problem because you continue to let him be one.

 

You're right todays first day of no contact.

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Vanity1

Vanity1

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If he didn't truly want me or couldn't see a future with me why did he string me along for a year...he always said that I'd end up marrying an old fat old rich guy that will cheat on me with hookers I'm so mad.

 

 

He still wants to work on things. ...aka use me.

 

 

Questions questions questions. He's not a good person he a druggy ....alcoholic he has demons within himself that prob has nothing to do with me even tho he puts me down every second .

Edited by Hurtx10
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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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He did those things because he could.

 

 

When you are not getting your needs met in a relationship or you are being mistreated, you vote with your feet: you break up with that mean person & go on to someone nicer. You don't stick around to allow them to repeatedly mistreat you.

 

 

Stick up for yourself.

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basil67

basil67

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I feel worried for his well being I've seen someone stab hIm. He hangs out with bad people. And I've overheard him tell his friend that at least he has me that I'm normal. Yet he rips on me and does stuff behind my back. And even when I choose to be ok with him drama free, just distant and not coming to his every demand he seems not to understand why. Just that I'm a child .

 

This is why you stay in contact with him?

 

Personally, this would be a red flag which would send me running in the other direct.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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Goodness me, OP.

 

You need a big hug. And then you need to get away from this horrid man, forever. Stop allowing him to have any access to you. He will only continue to abuse you.

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Vanity1

Vanity1

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Goodness me, OP.

 

You need a big hug. And then you need to get away from this horrid man, forever. Stop allowing him to have any access to you. He will only continue to abuse you.

 

Why does he choose me to abuse when I been there for him .

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whatnot

whatnot

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Why does he choose me to abuse when I been there for him .
you've been there for him to use. That's the only kind of relationship this kind of person knows how to have.

 

"being there for him" has two different meanings for him and for you.

 

He takes. You get taken from. It's a business arrangement with him getting the spoils and you getting taken. "Being there for him" means your role is to let him take from you and his role is to take it. We can all get into deals we never meant to sign up for. That's what's happening here.

 

Therapy will help you see the truth that hurts. But once seen....becomes freeing. The man doesn't care for your well being. He doesn't care for anyone's well being. He only cares for his own. An inconvenient truth.

 

This has something to do with your family of origin and the role that was expected of you by others in your family. It's what you were taught what love is supposed to entail. But...it's off base. Love isn't letting others take from you. See a therapist.. One man's opinion...

 

I'm sorry...

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whatnot

whatnot

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Leaving your door unlocked at night so someone can come in and take your television set is not a giving thing to do. You need to learn how to lock the door.

 

You can do this. You really can...

Edited by whatnot
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Vanity1

Vanity1

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Guys I hate no contact. I'm having anxiety and dreams my heart won't stop beating so fast.

The time alone and not talking to him just makes me think about it more...and my mind goes to back to the start of the relationship and realizing even more red flags I didn't put together before and it's giving me anxiety, worst cycle ever . I'm also pregnant, told him this two days ago and he said he would be here if I needed to talk about anything. But I hate talking to him. Every time I say I hate what he did to me he replies with " I did nothing wrong " which makes him so inhuman i can't stand it .

 

 

For instance , I'm realizing he never really wanted me...he wanted me around.

Three days before I found the text, was acting so off and sorta pushing me away, I'd cuddle him and he would nudge me away, then pull me back in. He would randomly slap me randomly " playfully" but it still hurt .

 

Throughout the relationship he acted like he didn't know what he wanted :(

 

I hate being in my own thoughts.

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Blanco

Blanco

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Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to finally make the necessary changes in our lives.

 

I guess you will find yours eventually.

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Blanco

Blanco

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I'd like to add that you continuing to contact him in spite of everything he has said and done to you just reinforces his bad behavior. Why would he even consider treating you with an ounce of respect or decency when you are showing him that it's not necessary to keep you around?

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Vanity1

Vanity1

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Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to finally make the necessary changes in our lives.

 

I guess you will find yours eventually.

 

This isn't rock bottom already ??

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Vanity1

Vanity1

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Friday he said he wanted to hang out, something happened and it never happened. The next morning he said he wanted to hang out again, we got into a little argument about his plans being so wishy washy.

 

We were cool again and he snapped at me saying that nothing makes me happy, that's he's been trying ( no he has not) thinking we can be this and that but I won't won't let it happen because of my immature bull**** ( he's delusional) and doesn't understand why I can't let things go, that he always has to bite his tounge saying I flirt with guys. He confronted some guy at a house party I had asking him " why do you keep looking at my GF" . Obviously that's not my fault. So because of stuff like that I shouldn't be mad for what he's done.

 

Anyways fast forward to night time we when we're suppose to be hanging out....been waiting for him to let me know I get a random text from him saying " going once going twice sold" I called him asking him whats that suppose to mean. And he was so ignorant saying he was in my home town ( he was suppose to pick me up) and was so close to my house but he was acting stupid and basically saying it was too late he can't come get me. I hung up on him . Feelings are hurt if I meant anything to him wouldn't he want me there. He said get an Uber if I wanted to hang out, but I didn't even know where he was and he was so distracted being an ass...his buddy asked who was on the phone he said my name and referred to me as his gf. I told him I was not.

He hung up on me cuz " he needed his phone to get drugs" in his cocky arrogant voice, his friends laughing in the background .

 

 

Whys he tormenting me like this? We had been planning to see each other and he kept asking ...just to let me down . Why bother text me going once going twice....u didn't even tell me u were in town!!!!!! Just don't say anything at all!!!

Edited by Hurtx10
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Blanco

Blanco

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You need to ask yourself why you feel like you are not worthy of someone who treats you with a modicum of human decency.

 

You should not be communicating with him. You should not be seeing him. You cannot fix him or figure him out. You aren't his mother.

 

This dead relationship is just toxic drama. It's time to disengage and figure out why you have let yourself become so enmeshed with such a man.

 

Continuing to engage him or see him is just putting off that much needed introspection.

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Vanity1

Vanity1

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You need to ask yourself why you feel like you are not worthy of someone who treats you with a modicum of human decency.

 

You should not be communicating with him. You should not be seeing him. You cannot fix him or figure him out. You aren't his mother.

 

This dead relationship is just toxic drama. It's time to disengage and figure out why you have let yourself become so enmeshed with such a man.

 

Continuing to engage him or see him is just putting off that much needed introspection.

 

Why am I not worthy in his eyes .

 

If a scumbag like him can't see anything in me then really....

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Zahara

Zahara

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Why am I not worthy in his eyes .

 

If a scumbag like him can't see anything in me then really....

 

Why are you not worthy in your own eyes? If you don't see any value in yourself, no one will.

 

You're starving to be loved and to receive attention, that you'll settle for a scumbag. Start working on why you don't love yourself and believe you deserve nothing.

 

The issue is no more him but how you view yourself.

Edited by Zahara
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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Whys he tormenting me like this?

 

Because you keep letting him. If you would simply stop accepting his calls & texts & block him this would not be an issue.

 

Why am I not worthy in his eyes .....

 

Because you don't have enough self respect to tell him to bug off. If you stopped being a doormat who lets him treat you this way, he'd have more respect for you. Unfortunately it's too far gone now. He will never respect you because you allowed him to use you & be mean to you for so long. He's also just a bad, callous person who only cares about himself so he will always look for a GF who allows him to get away with this bad behavior.

 

It will stop when you put a stop to it by walking away, not before.

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Vanity1

Vanity1

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Why am I not worthy in his eyes .

 

If a scumbag like him can't see anything in me then really....

 

He says things like, guys only like you for your looks.

You have a face and then what?

He says I'll end up with a fat old rich guy who will cheat on me with hookers.

He says guys will stick around until they actually get to know me.....but anytime I've acted out of line or nasty was for legit reasons, for the way he has treated me. He sees I'm really nice to other people, he says I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm " proper".

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Blanco

Blanco

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I get that being entangled in an abusive relationship can break down a person to a point where it's no longer as easy as someone saying, "Break free and leave that person behind."

 

But you have to understand that this guy has broken you down to the point where you now believe you don't deserve any better than emotional and physical abuse. You are now willing to chase him. Instead of standing tall and affirming that you deserve more, you feast on whatever scraps he drops down at your feet. In other words, he's accomplished exactly what he wanted to.

 

He is just one person. Who he says you are does not define you unless you allow it.

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