Can someone be this stupid in relationships?

[MelodyRye]

My male cousin seems to have the most pathetic logic regarding how relationships work and he's already 22 years old.

 

He's been dating his gf for 4 years. They would dropped their ''I love you'' so much, both promised to always be there for one another and never give up no matter what.

 

Well seems like my cousin took the ''no matter what'' either too literally or the wrong way. Three weeks ago, he got drunk at a club and cheated. His gf found out and has dumped him ever since; she also took him off all her contact lists.

 

In his logic, he thinks that if he's remorseful and promises never to do it again that she'll forgive him because of the ''be there no matter what'' phrase. He thinks even if you cheat, if it was once and you'll never do it again, that you're suppose work that out as well too.

[basil67]

He will learn the hard way.

[mikeylo]

My male cousin seems to have the most pathetic logic regarding how relationships work and he's already 22 years old.

 

He's been dating his gf for 4 years. They would dropped their ''I love you'' so much, both promised to always be there for one another and never give up no matter what.

 

Well seems like my cousin took the ''no matter what'' either too literally or the wrong way. Three weeks ago, he got drunk at a club and cheated. His gf found out and has dumped him ever since; she also took him off all her contact lists.

 

In his logic, he thinks that if he's remorseful and promises never to do it again that she'll forgive him because of the ''be there no matter what'' phrase. He thinks even if you cheat, if it was once and you'll never do it again, that you're suppose work that out as well too.

 

He is only 22! He hasn't lived enough yet !

[gaius]

He sounds like he's just stupid in general.

[PegNosePete]

Many couples reconcile after cheating has occurred. And many don't.

 

I don't think he is stupid, just optimistic.

 

The decision is totally up to his ex, whether she takes him back or not. There is no universal rule and no such thing as "supposed to".

[Redhead14]

My male cousin seems to have the most pathetic logic regarding how relationships work and he's already 22 years old.

 

He's been dating his gf for 4 years. They would dropped their ''I love you'' so much, both promised to always be there for one another and never give up no matter what.

 

Well seems like my cousin took the ''no matter what'' either too literally or the wrong way. Three weeks ago, he got drunk at a club and cheated. His gf found out and has dumped him ever since; she also took him off all her contact lists.

 

In his logic, he thinks that if he's remorseful and promises never to do it again that she'll forgive him because of the ''be there no matter what'' phrase. He thinks even if you cheat, if it was once and you'll never do it again, that you're suppose work that out as well too.

 

Ask him to wear her shoes . . . see how they fit? If he says he would forgive her, he's still using the same unenlightened, incomplete, short-sighted, flawed brain/thought-process he's using now.

 

Can someone be this stupid . . . ? -- I wouldn't call it stupid, just naive and short-sighted due to immaturity and lack of life experience.

[MelodyRye]

Many couples reconcile after cheating has occurred. And many don't.

 

I don't think he is stupid, just optimistic.

 

The decision is totally up to his ex, whether she takes him back or not. There is no universal rule and no such thing as "supposed to".

What really sucks is I get along very well with her and we're friends. She made it clear that she wants nothing to do with him.

 

A couple days ago, he tried knocking on her door and coming with a box of chocholate and flowers. He closed the door and refused the gifts. In her own words, she felt insulted by that gestures because according to her, giving gifts is something you do in a great relationship, not as a way to relieve your guilt nor apologize, esp if you did something serious.

[MelodyRye]

Ask him to wear her shoes . . . see how they fit? If he says he would forgive her, he's still using the same unenlightened, incomplete, short-sighted, flawed brain/thought-process he's using now.

 

Can someone be this stupid . . . ? -- I wouldn't call it stupid, just naive and short-sighted due to immaturity and lack of life experience.

I have to agree with that. I asked him that and he said that yes, he would take her back and work it out if she cheated but wouldn't ever do it again and she was really sorry.

[MelodyRye]

He will learn the hard way.

He's learning now. He lost her for good. Her family now dislikes him too.

[knabe]

There are a lot of wayward spouses (I know he isn't married) that feel the same way. Just look on the internet. It's sad but true.

[Redhead14]

There are a lot of wayward spouses (I know he isn't married) that feel the same way. Just look on the internet. It's sad but true.

 

Married couples are bound by their vows legally and in the eyes of God/religion to at least attempt to work it out, but a couple who is not married, is still in the evaluation stage and should drop their cheating partner without blinking . . .

[preraph]

You might want to tell your cousin that he's a selfish idiot who doesn't even begin to know the meaning of love and that love means you would never want to hurt the person you love but that is exactly what he did. I hope she dumps his sorry butt for good. That said 22 is pretty young to be in a long-term committed relationship but there's a simple rule to navigate those Waters and still have serious relationships and that is one thing at a time and break one off before you start another.

[knabe]

Married couples are bound by their vows legally and in the eyes of God/religion to at least attempt to work it out, but a couple who is not married, is still in the evaluation stage and should drop their cheating partner without blinking . . .

 

I guess my point was that her brother is not alone in his thinking that somehow SHE is the one being unfair for not forgiving him. People get skewed perspectives when they toss aside their moral code.

[Redhead14]

I guess my point was that her brother is not alone in his thinking that somehow SHE is the one being unfair for not forgiving him. People get skewed perspectives when they toss aside their moral code.

 

Of course, you're right. It's the thinking that saying they are sorry absolves them from their "sins" and that they do not have to suffer consequences that bothers me. This kid would do it again.

 

There are some holes in this kid's upbringing too I'd say.

[MelodyRye]

Of course, you're right. It's the thinking that saying they are sorry absolves them from their "sins" and that they do not have to suffer consequences that bothers me. This kid would do it again.

 

There are some holes in this kid's upbringing too I'd say.

Exactly. I'm guilt of hurting someone in the past when I was much younger than him (I was somewhat of a bully in HS). It took me nearly a year to get his friendship back, which I did but it was never the same. Even at that age, I knew saying sorry wasn't enough.

 

I can't imagine how many others would say sorry if that simply word erase every single sin.

 

He said he wouldn't ever do it again but that this was the first time he ever cheated on a girl. As for the other poster saying you have to end a relationship before starting a new one. He wasn't on his process of starting one. It was a ONS where he got drunk.

[Redhead14]

Exactly. I'm guilt of hurting someone in the past when I was much younger than him (I was somewhat of a bully in HS). It took me nearly a year to get his friendship back, which I did but it was never the same. Even at that age, I knew saying sorry wasn't enough.

 

I can't imagine how many others would say sorry if that simply word erase every single sin.

 

He said he wouldn't ever do it again but that this was the first time he ever cheated on a girl. As for the other poster saying you have to end a relationship before starting a new one. He wasn't on his process of starting one. It was a ONS where he got drunk.

 

ONS where he got drunk

 

So besides thinking sorry is enough, he's using alcohol as an excuse. The kid is on a great path . . .

[Imajerk17]

What your cousin should realize is that people get divorced after saying "I love you no matter what for poorer or richer in sickness and in health" in a legally binding way in front of family, friends, a minister, even a judge. And cheating is considered quite acceptable grounds for doing so.

 

Good for his (ex-)girlfriend for dumping him!

Edited July 26, 2017 by Imajerk17

[carhill]

 

In his logic, he thinks that if he's remorseful and promises never to do it again that she'll forgive him because of the ''be there no matter what'' phrase. He thinks even if you cheat, if it was once and you'll never do it again, that you're suppose work that out as well too.

 

Sure, that might work for guys like #35, JFK, but ordinary men, especially those who lack social power and smooth talking skills, get curbed in most cases. The stronger and more entangled the bond, the more likely she would be to 'take him back'. Else, the abyss. Stronger bonds can be children shared or legal bonds like marriage. History can be a factor too. If an aberration of an otherwise fulfilling and satisfying relationship with good foundation and strong emotional bonds, more likely to reconcile.

 

They're young, they'll move on and hopefully both learned some lessons. Sounds like things worked out for the best. Lots of people on the planet. His relationship 'logic' will be honed over time.