Just can't win if I message him or don't message him!

[Mapper71]

I'll message H on Facebook a few times a day if I'm bored at work because I can see when he's on at work. He'll say something snide when he gets home about how often I send him a message because we see each other every night anyways, even though he will send messages just as much some days. Well yesterday I didn't send him anything and I haven't yet today. So he just messaged me and said "Is everything alright? I haven't heard from you in a while". So when I do message him he thinks I'm being too much, but when I go a day without it then he questions if I'm okay or if I'm upset with him. So I just can't win!

[whichwayisup]

You and your husband have an odd dynamic and nothing will change until you change how you react. Either stop letting little things he does or doesn't do get to you or fight back and stand up for yourself or get yourselves to marriage counseling.

 

You both sound miserable in your marriage, every post (I get that you vent) is negative things, not sure I've ever read a happy or positive post by you about your husband and marriage.

[xenawarriorprincess]

It sounds like your husband gets a little annoyed by your multiple messages, but has gotten so used to receiving them that he assumes that something is wrong when you do not message him. He’s used to the habit of receiving your messages and now that you’ve stopped it has him feeling a bit concerned because it is out of the norm. I wouldn’t read too much into this.

 

I used to leave my husband notes if I left the house so he’d know where I was when he got home and noticed that I wasn’t there as a courtesy. But I stopped doing it because I was under the impression that he didn’t really care about the notes as he never mentioned it. So I stopped leaving the notes and I would get calls and texts asking where I was and why I hadn’t left a note. At first I was annoyed, but then I realized that I had established a normal routine and a habit that my husband was used to and then all of a sudden without warning I changed the routine and he became flustered and requested that we go back to the “normal” way of doing things. I think that every couple has little habits and routines that they follow and when those routines get disrupted it can cause a minor bump in the road.

 

Despite your husband being snide about your multiple daily messages, it is part of his normal routine for you to send them, so now that you’ve stopped it has disrupted his daily routine and he is feeling confused and concerned.

 

I might say something to him like: “you know honey; I just enjoy sending messages to you throughout the day because I love you and it makes me feel closer to you when we are apart. If you are busy at work and don’t have time to reply then that’s fine, I can chat with my friends, no big deal. Also, I was under the impression based on your recent remarks that you feel a little overwhelmed by my amount of daily messaging, so I thought I’d give you a break, nothing is wrong”.

Just be kind, and don’t allow this tiny issue to blow up and cause real drama.

[BettyDraper]

Based on your other posts, I'm sure that you realize that frequency of messages is not the biggest problem in your marriage.

What do you plan on doing about the more pressing issues? I'm only asking because of your other threads. You and your husband don't seem very happy.

[knabe]

You are in this marriage because you enjoy the drama and enjoy being a victim. It is the same reason you don't like the people you volunteer with and don't like your step-daughter. You NEED to be in the center of a drama as the victim.

 

I think the best thing for you would be some counseling, possibly for BPD or NPD.