Is it past the point of no return? I broke her trust

[Lpbluejm]

I will try to keep this as brief as possible, I'm looking for some honest perspective about the relationship of 5 years I was in that has fallen apart. I feel absolutely terrible about the way things ended. Some backstory:

 

We met 5 years ago, both very young (in our teens.)

We fell head over heels in love with each other and everything for the most part was great for a long time.

 

About 2 years ago, a girl I had a crush on from high school started showing signs she was interested in me. I have always had an attraction for her. We began talking and eventually met up for a cup of coffee, as friends. My girlfriend found out about this and it nearly drove us apart.

 

She broke up with me having found out about my flirtations. She proceeded to rebound with a guy I will refer to as Bob. She went over to his house and they kissed, nothing more.

 

I went through hell knowing this happened and did what I could to convince her to forgive me. Though I hadn't actually physically cheated, I know I hurt her trust that I was spending time alone with a woman I was attracted to.

 

We ended up getting back together after a month or so, but the relationship became rocky shortly after. I blame this mostly on our abuse of alcohol. It led to several very ugly fights, both of us instigating the drama. I have since become sober. (In the beginning stages, but its a start.)

 

Around 4 months ago things seemed like they were finally going ok with us when I made the biggest mistake of my life. I went out to a bar and she didn't come with me. And I saw this girl that I had a crush on way back was there. She began talking to me, and I had a few too many drinks leading to us kissing. I was pretty intoxicated and don't really remember who initiated what or how it happened. Afterwards this girl asked me if I wanted to go back to my place to hang out. At this point I felt immense guilt at the thought of betraying my girlfriend, realized my mistake and called her a ride home. I stayed silent about the incident fearing my girlfriend would never forgive me based on our past.

 

Well, she found out and needless to say she is through with me at the moment. I confessed all the details after the fact and offered the most sincere apology I could muster from my heart. I truly feel terrible about betraying her. It might be the worst thing I have done to hurt someones feelings, and I feel so much shame. I told her I understand why she can't trust me. I have accepted the break up and am in the process of moving on.

 

I just want to know if anyone thinks I have a shot at repairing the immense damage I've done. I know that no matter what I would never put myself in a situation like that again or hurt anyone in the future like I did. I know how terrible and selfish it was.

 

I truly do still love this girl and we were together for 5 years. We've been through so much together. Do I have a chance at salvation here? We talked for 2 hours and I feel I may have broken through her shell at least 1%. I really was sincere with my apology.

 

 

TL;DR

-gf and i together for 5 years

-girl from my past comes along and flirtation begins

-almost break up but we worked it out

-years later I run into this girl and we kiss

-ex finds out 4 months later and tells me we're done

 

any advice is greatly appreciated.

[d0nnivain]

You & your GF met when you were in your teens. You are now old enough to go to bars. You have strayed, not once, but twice. The reality is you have outgrown this relationship but because it's so long lasting the idea of it being over is unfathomable to you. Some how you need to find a way to accept the reality that your libido knows it's time to move on.

 

Muster as much grace & dignity as you can salvage upon your exit as is possible under these circumstances but end it already. You & she are beating a dead horse. It was fun while it lasted but it's time to transition to adulthood without each other.

 

If you don't end it now, even on this down note, & you continue trying to resuscitate something that only sentimentality is keeping on life support you will destroy any chance you two have of looking back on this & laughing at your 25th HS reunion. You will both become bitter & untrusting. Don't do that to yourselves or each other.

 

Walk away with your head held high knowing your young love was pure but like many things not meant for forever.

[Space Ritual]

I blame this mostly on our abuse of alcohol.

 

It has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with your poor decision making and coping skills. They suck, buddy.

 

You seem to blame anything else other than you own choices for being in the predicament you find yourself in.

 

Part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for all of our actions, be they good or bad. You are nowhere near being an adult.

 

You've had it. Just go forward and work on yourself so you don't end up poisoning the next relationship you are in, this one is dead on arrival

[jonathanhayashi]

I have to agree with @SpaceRitual. Someone told me once, “Life is a series of choices” and the choices we make whether sinful or godly, will have a result because of that.

 

To answer you question, I think there can be reconciliation but that doesn’t necessarily mean restoration. There can be forgiveness but not forgetfulness. We can never divorce our background and experience from who we are. The relationship because of our choices always changes of the even flow of it.

 

What I do pray is that God will begin to lead you in the right path because of this. It is very difficult but there is grace in the midst of this and we are able to find strength to take the next step. I think you’ve done all that you could.

 

Praying for you.

[elaine567]

Reconciliation after cheating is for married couples with kids or people with 30 year marriages, not for dating couples. Cheating can take years and years to get over and usually life is never the same, people stay together because they are married, have a long history together and want to give their kids a good life.

 

YOUR gf is right to give up on you, you are not trustworthy and the pain she is feeling, worrying about whether you will cheat again, is just not worth it.

She sees no future and needs to find a man who will be true to her. a man she can trust. Trust once lost is hard or even impossible to regain.

 

YOU are young, learn the lesson and move on, nothing more for you here

[Darren Steez]

Nah you're done.

 

She may have barely forgiven you with the first incident probably after which you apologized, grovelled and played world's best boyfriend but to do it a second time with the same girl, the saying fool me once shame on you but fool me twice...

 

Let her go, do some growing up or explore your options with this chick you can't seem to say no to.

[ExpatInItaly]

This needs to be over, for good.

 

You don't love her. Not as a partner should, anyway. It's time to move on.

[smackie9]

You need to move on. If I was her, I would move on too.