Has anyone reached the breaking point and survived?

[TheBlingRing14]

I was out of the dating game for several years, and just now returned within the last few months. I am now realizing why I stayed away for so long, as frankly...men make me want to scream.

 

They are all flakes. All of them. Flakes and teases.

 

Met a guy whom I invested a lot of time in...months. And, he started pulling the fade/ghost on me. I even, when I could tell it was coming, pre-emptively offered to move on with my life, delete/block/unfriend, have a nice life with him...but he opposed me on that. He didn't want that. But, he still ghosted on me anyway.

 

So, in an effort to get over said guy, I go online and message a whole slew of guys. Got about 10-15 to answer seriously and have conversations with. But, ultimately one by one, most of those stopped answering. All except one.

 

He eventually asked for my number and asked me on a date, and still stinging from the original guy, I was hesitant, but I agreed. I suggested a day, and he said he'd get back to me. (Spoiler alert: he hasn't) The funny thing about this flaky guy is...he messages me every day...things like, "How was your day? How are you doing?" but after one or two messages, he's gone, until the very next day, when it is back to "How was your day?" Why is he even messaging me? What's the point, if he doesn't want to have a conversation, and he doesn't want to go on the date HE suggested...what's the point?

 

Anyway, at this point...I'm done. Congrats, men of the world, you've broken me. I am a generally positive person- an every cloud has a silver lining kind of person. An everything happens for a reason kind of person. A well, if this didn't work out, God must have better plans for me kind of person. But, at this point...my hope and faith feels shattered.

 

Has anyone ever reached that point and had a positive outcome in the end?

[Cookiesandough]

Very few decent guys want to date a "broken" person carrying a bunch of baggage, negativity, and desperation.. You didn't give yourself any time to heal from your last bad experience with that guy and tried to jump in with more guys, so of course you're just going to end up becoming more disappointed. What kinds of guys are you going for? Are you bringing to the table what they would want? If a guy online isn't meeting up with you, stop talking to him and go back to the drawing board.

 

 

But I really think you should take a break from dating because you don't sound like you're anywhere near the place you need to be to do it.

[guy45]

If you think you can just go on a dating site one night and message a bunch of guys and find someone decent your gonna be fairly disappointed.

 

First, you have to be the best you can be appearance wise.

 

Second you have to have good pictures that show that well to people online, no vague images.

 

Third, patience.

 

I sent probably 10,000 messages before I met my first gf lol. Probably won't take you that long but anyways the point is to keep trying.

 

And if you really can't find someone (you will trust me) just buy a cat.

[preraph]

I was out of the dating game for several years, and just now returned within the last few months. I am now realizing why I stayed away for so long, as frankly...men make me want to scream.

 

They are all flakes. All of them. Flakes and teases.

 

Met a guy whom I invested a lot of time in...months. And, he started pulling the fade/ghost on me. I even, when I could tell it was coming, pre-emptively offered to move on with my life, delete/block/unfriend, have a nice life with him...but he opposed me on that. He didn't want that. But, he still ghosted on me anyway.

 

So, in an effort to get over said guy, I go online and message a whole slew of guys. Got about 10-15 to answer seriously and have conversations with. But, ultimately one by one, most of those stopped answering. All except one.

 

He eventually asked for my number and asked me on a date, and still stinging from the original guy, I was hesitant, but I agreed. I suggested a day, and he said he'd get back to me. (Spoiler alert: he hasn't) The funny thing about this flaky guy is...he messages me every day...things like, "How was your day? How are you doing?" but after one or two messages, he's gone, until the very next day, when it is back to "How was your day?" Why is he even messaging me? What's the point, if he doesn't want to have a conversation, and he doesn't want to go on the date HE suggested...what's the point?

 

Anyway, at this point...I'm done. Congrats, men of the world, you've broken me. I am a generally positive person- an every cloud has a silver lining kind of person. An everything happens for a reason kind of person. A well, if this didn't work out, God must have better plans for me kind of person. But, at this point...my hope and faith feels shattered.

 

Has anyone ever reached that point and had a positive outcome in the end?

 

Seems to be a lot of this going around. There are so many people online who aren't anywhere close to who they say they are and are just wasting the day away. They could be 10 years old for all you know. He could be a 56 year old female truck driver or a married guy who gets his jollies this way, thinking that some online woman is hot for him. If they don't make a date real soon, block them and move on so that when you do finally get "a live one" as my dad used to call it, this waste of breath doesn't text you in the middle of your date and put up your date's antennae for no reason.

[TheBlingRing14]

Very few decent guys want to date a "broken" person carrying a bunch of baggage, negativity, and desperation.. You didn't give yourself any time to heal from your last bad experience with that guy and tried to jump in with more guys, so of course you're just going to end up becoming more disappointed. What kinds of guys are you going for? Are you bringing to the table what they would want? If a guy online isn't meeting up with you, stop talking to him and go back to the drawing board.

 

 

But I really think you should take a break from dating because you don't sound like you're anywhere near the place you need to be to do it.

 

I've always been a firm believer in the idea that there are only two things that will help a broken heart- 1) Time and 2) Moving on.

 

Like I said...I got out of the game for a long while before. I got out of the game and I hoped love would find me organically. It didn't.

 

You are right, in that I may not be mentally in the best place to find a relationship. But, the only way I know is to get back on the horse. It's just the thought of it, is draining. As I said, I feel done. I am torn between feeling totally done and not knowing how to move on.

 

 

 

 

If you think you can just go on a dating site one night and message a bunch of guys and find someone decent your gonna be fairly disappointed.

 

First, you have to be the best you can be appearance wise.

 

Second you have to have good pictures that show that well to people online, no vague images.

 

Third, patience.

 

I sent probably 10,000 messages before I met my first gf lol. Probably won't take you that long but anyways the point is to keep trying.

 

And if you really can't find someone (you will trust me) just buy a cat.

 

I wish I could laugh about the crazy cat lady thing if it weren't so close to my biggest life fear.

 

This messaging bonanza wasn't all in one night....more like over the course of a couple of weeks. I didn't get a ton of responses, 1 or 2 a day maybe...and it didn't worry me. It just seems like they have all gone silent at the exact same time, so I think it's a perfect storm kind of deal.

 

And frankly, I am not looking for THE guy....just A guy. Or multiple guys. Even if not romantically. Just someone who can help me believe that there is in fact more out there.

 

My pictures are fine. My looks...are my looks. They are what they are. I understand that it may give me an uphill battle, but, that's life.

[guy45]

I've always been a firm believer in the idea that there are only two things that will help a broken heart- 1) Time and 2) Moving on.

 

Like I said...I got out of the game for a long while before. I got out of the game and I hoped love would find me organically. It didn't.

 

You are right, in that I may not be mentally in the best place to find a relationship. But, the only way I know is to get back on the horse. It's just the thought of it, is draining. As I said, I feel done. I am torn between feeling totally done and not knowing how to move on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wish I could laugh about the crazy cat lady thing if it weren't so close to my biggest life fear.

 

This messaging bonanza wasn't all in one night....more like over the course of a couple of weeks. I didn't get a ton of responses, 1 or 2 a day maybe...and it didn't worry me. It just seems like they have all gone silent at the exact same time, so I think it's a perfect storm kind of deal.

 

And frankly, I am not looking for THE guy....just A guy. Or multiple guys. Even if not romantically. Just someone who can help me believe that there is in fact more out there.

 

My pictures are fine. My looks...are my looks. They are what they are. I understand that it may give me an uphill battle, but, that's life.

 

There's a problem with online dating though. You can't accurately represent a person with 2D images and text on a page. Stick to meeting men in real life. The quality of women I can meet in real life that like me as compared to the ones online are 50x better.

[LuckyLady13]

In this day and age, it's 2017 now and 2018 is coming up fast. Text messages are a great way to weed out the nutjobs, the boring people and the people we're just not compatible with because we have too many differences. No need to meet up with ax-murderers, serial killers with people tied up in their basement or weird, gross and insanely boring people. No need anymore to go out to dinner with a stranger only to find they pick their nose at the dinner table in public and smell like burned cabbage and mothballs.

 

It's an awesome time to be dating. The good old days...weren't so good.

 

If someone is texting you or sending emails or messages online asking how you're doing and they fall silent quickly, there's a lack of chemistry. If they do this quite a few times, they're giving it a few shots.

 

They may be wondering if you are:

• Shy
  
• Had a bad day today
  
• Need time to warm up
  
• Not very good with texts/emails/messages
  
• Sharing similar interests with them
  

 

Testing you repeatedly is a sign that at least they are giving things with you multiple tries and are hoping they can shake something good out. It shows a desire to have something with you or they wouldn't reach out at all. They are looking for you to say that magic thing that tells them you have something great in common or you say things they want to hear about them (they are good looking or your type).

 

If the texts keep falling flat - no spark occurs - they will give up.

 

If you don't like this approach from someone, then you aren't compatible. Find someone you like better who texts in ways you like.

[guest569]

What are the conversations like? Do they fizzle out? Why?

[Blanco]

Did you use the same generic message for the dozens of guys you contacted? Carpet-bombing a bunch of people on OLD is a move generally used by dudes looking to play the numbers and get laid. In other words, I don't know if it's an approach I'd use to try and find anything substantial with one person.

[Chilli]

There's a problem with online dating though. You can't accurately represent a person with 2D images and text on a page. Stick to meeting men in real life. The quality of women I can meet in real life that like me as compared to the ones online are 50x better.

 

Yeah found exactly the same thing.

l split with gf not long ago and poked my head into the old site l was on for a few mths after my divorce, and l nearly threw up.

Sadly things can't work out with gf but l don't think l can face a date site again.

l see more and 50x better out for the night in 10mins and plenty of them like me , than l saw in 3 mths on that damn site.

[goldenlotus]

This has been my experience too. It's frustrating.

[Bastile]

Three times in my life. First when I was about 20, then when I was about 26/27, and right now.

 

Have enough life experience now to understand that it's just a growing pain with the result of a big change/improvement - rather than be confused about it. That feels quite good, actually. I love being in my 30's because of things like that.

 

Got to expose yourself to experience and then grow as a person from it.

[MonkeyLogic]

First, there's no such thing as a breaking point.

 

Second, what you're describing is just normal dating life. Truth is, you won't be compatible with most strangers.

 

So date a lot of people. Don't get discouraged. If somebody isn't interested, it just means they aren't a good match.

 

And I'm assuming you're looking for a good match. Are you?

[Bastile]

First, there's no such thing as a breaking point.

 

I beg to differ.

 

I think there are times when doing something (especially dating), where having a break is a good thing. Stops bad behaviours or cycle, allows one to process and reassess.

 

The hyperbole ("breaking point and survived") was noted, though.

 

If she were a guy, I could probably offer something more useful. But it's likely a phase, and you'll be alright.

[Chilli]

l dunno much about dating breaking point because l've never dated , just met people and any relationship has started from there.

 

But l think l'm at relationship breaking point. l've been lucky enough to know two spectacular women in my life , well , the others don't count.

But , both have now not worked out.

Don't think l could be lucky enough to meet a third now.

l'd just grow old partying instead and to hell with it all, but l don't have enough of a social life haha.

Everyone else is sitting at home with the misses.

[SevenCity]

l dunno much about dating breaking point because l've never dated , just met people and any relationship has started from there.

 

But l think l'm at relationship breaking point. l've been lucky enough to know two spectacular women in my life , well , the others don't count.

But , both have now not worked out.

Don't think l could be lucky enough to meet a third now.

l'd just grow old partying instead and to hell with it all, but l don't have enough of a social life haha.

 

Although I often feel like this, I am giving you a virtual slap so you get this out of your head!

 

One pattern I've seen in my experience, and reading yours it seems similar, is that each one was better than the prior.

 

So, if history is any indicator, the next one will be even BETTER than the proceeding.

 

Everyone else is sitting at home with the misses.

 

My brother said something to me that I didn't realize. He said "Do you know how many guys I know who are married who would KILL to be in your position now??" You've got your own house and no confines of a relationship. The only peace these guys get is when they are in the bathroom!

 

Not everyone sitting at home with the misses is happy. As a matter of fact most are not.

[SevenCity]

I was out of the dating game for several years, and just now returned within the last few months. I am now realizing why I stayed away for so long, as frankly...men make me want to scream.

 

They are all flakes. All of them. Flakes and teases.

 

Met a guy whom I invested a lot of time in...months. And, he started pulling the fade/ghost on me. I even, when I could tell it was coming, pre-emptively offered to move on with my life, delete/block/unfriend, have a nice life with him...but he opposed me on that. He didn't want that. But, he still ghosted on me anyway.

 

So, in an effort to get over said guy, I go online and message a whole slew of guys. Got about 10-15 to answer seriously and have conversations with. But, ultimately one by one, most of those stopped answering. All except one.

 

He eventually asked for my number and asked me on a date, and still stinging from the original guy, I was hesitant, but I agreed. I suggested a day, and he said he'd get back to me. (Spoiler alert: he hasn't) The funny thing about this flaky guy is...he messages me every day...things like, "How was your day? How are you doing?" but after one or two messages, he's gone, until the very next day, when it is back to "How was your day?" Why is he even messaging me? What's the point, if he doesn't want to have a conversation, and he doesn't want to go on the date HE suggested...what's the point?

 

Anyway, at this point...I'm done. Congrats, men of the world, you've broken me. I am a generally positive person- an every cloud has a silver lining kind of person. An everything happens for a reason kind of person. A well, if this didn't work out, God must have better plans for me kind of person. But, at this point...my hope and faith feels shattered.

 

Has anyone ever reached that point and had a positive outcome in the end?

 

What you described is basically what 90% of guys experience when using OLD.

 

At first I used to be bothered, but now I don't even care. You have to have a thick skin to use OLD but it more sounds like you are not ready for a RL.

 

I had a date setup with this one girl and when we were texting she went on and on about how hurt she was hurt by her last RL and saying "If you are just looking to have fun don't waste my time".

 

Holy crap! Not only was she sharing way too much information prior to meeting in person, but she was so obviously damaged there was no way I could have anything normal with her. I'm sure I could have had sex with her if I wanted but it just was not worth the drama. I backed out of the date.

 

Perhaps some guys are picking up on this from you? It's a big turn off. And the only guys who will go forward with it are guys who are looking to pump and dump.

[Chilli]

Ahh thanks SC , l must print that up and stick it on the wall .

But hey your spot on actually that has been my pattern so who knows what might be around the corner for us both eh, never know l guess.

 

But funny, l've got a brother like yours too, tells me all the same stuff.

[OatsAndHall]

To be honest, I don't know you or the contexts in which you are dating/communicating with guys so I can't really comment. But, I did hit my "breaking point" awhile back and it was actually a good thing. I wasn't nearly as frustrated as you are right now but I just grew weary of the whole scene. My issue wasn't with the women I was seeing; it was just the amount of time, energy and money I was putting out there. I was seeing very little return for my investment so I kind of bagged on it.

 

I thought that I was truly comfortable being single but a part of me wasn't. Getting fed up with dating and bailing on it allowed me to take a step back and to start enjoying my solitude again.

 

And, it made dating more enjoyable for me when I got back into it. I had been seeing a woman on a regular basis up until about a month ago. We get along well but she told me she wasn't really ready to start dating again as I was the first guy she'd been out with since her divorce from an abusive husband.

 

Before I took my break, I would have taken it kind of hard but that time away was good for me. I took it in stride, kept in touch with her off and on and last weekend she got a hold of me and asked me out. I don't know if it is going to go anywhere, for a variety of reasons. But I'm just going with the flow and seeing what happens. If it works out, GREAT! If it doesn't, que sera.