First time posting- Have read so many threads, decided to make my own!

[Lady glitter sparkle]

Apologies for the long post!

Basically I have been going out of my mind for the last 2 weeks. I have a daughter and I have not been coping well, friends and family have been there for me as much as they can, but I have made myself ill with worry and stress. I have even had 2 weeks off work. I don't feel like my normal self I keep getting moments of sheer panic and my heart feels as if it has been shattered into tiny pieces. I know this won't last forever and it gets better but right now it feels as if my whole world has fallen apart

So here goes... I have been a single parent to my daughter for many years, after escaping an abusive relationship with her father and him walking out of our lives for good, it has just been me and her! We were a little team and I was so happy to be single, I felt as if I could never trust a man into our lives again. And put up this 9ft wall to keep us safe.

 

I had become a confident independent women, I got a full time job with a salary, took my daughter to Disneyland and was truly happy. One night I went out to a club for my brothers birthday, I joked to my friend that this was the night I was going to meet my Prince Charming!! It turns out I actually did lol but he was my brothers friend, he was younger than me only 21. But we clicked instantly and I felt a connection with him that I have never had before. We exchanged numbers and he kept messaging me frequently. I voiced my doubts to him and made him aware of what I had been through in the past. And he told me he was going to make me the happiest women alive and treat me the way I deserve. I decided to let him in and knock down my big wall! He even asked my brother for permission to go out with me! We went on a date and there was so much chemistry there I was so attracted to him and something about him Made me feel so safe and secure! We started messaging each other every day, 24/7 morning and night. We fell in love very quickly and our relationship progressed, after 6 months he started talking about marriage and buying a house. He said he saw my daughter as his own. I was the girl of his dreams. The first girl he has ever been in love with. I felt so lucky to have met such an amazing man who loved my daughters as much as he loved me.

 

Then around 8 months in it started going wrong! We would have small little arguments, about things that didn't even matter! He was still very loving towards me, he wasn't distancing himself at all in fact he tried even harder! The thing was we were both very inexperienced in relationships. I had never been in a healthy relationship, I didn't know how to handle being treated properly.

 

I started getting on his case about things that weren't there, we would have a row and he would cry and tell me he never wants to loose me. He wants to be with me forever. I just could not stop myself from pushing him away. No matter what he done for us it was never good enough. I wasn't a bitch but I was making his life very stressful for no reason!

 

One night we had the worst row we have ever had!! He was looking at his phone in bed and he was looking through his photos when I got in next to him he quickly locked the phone. Obviously I then assumed he was hiding something, even though he had never given me any reason not to trust him. This really upset him and he got very angry at me, he stormed out the room and then came back for a row screaming at me, saying he couldn't believe that I don't trust him!! He felt deeply offended by it, instead of trying to resolve it I went into a sulk! Looking back this was my worst ever mistake this is what was the final straw for him and the more he screamed at me the more I dissolved into my shell, I hate confrontation and I wasn't doing it to be immature or annoy him. I was doing it because I was actually frozen and didn't know the best way to react, he then started crying in the bed. And he told me we were over!! And for some reason I couldn't even reach out to him and comfort him. I just went to sleep and thought it would all go away in the morning. When we got up he was so cold to me, he asked me if it was over and I said ' yeah after what you said last night it is' and that was it, he left:sick:

 

I immediately regretted letting him walk away, he asked me if we could sort things out and I said No. that was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life!

 

I sent him messages reaching out to him, apologising, telling him I've realised how much I Love him and he is the one for me. No one has ever loved me like he has and he showed me what true love was! He told me this is for the best, he said it's too much stress for both of us and I will be happier without him.

 

I told him he was wrong that I couldn't live without him, that I was sorry for my behaviour, I know I need to make changes and I'm willing to fight for this and do what it takes to get us back on track. He then said- he just couldn't see it anymore, he still loves me but his head is a mess. I asked him if he needed space and be said it not fair on me to wait for him.

 

I went about 3 days of leaving him alone. I thought if he could miss me then we would have a better chance of sorting things out, after 3 days I broke down. I was literally broken, I poured my heart out to him and he told me he wanted me back. He said "it's not over it will never be over, we will always find a way to sort things out, I don't blame you for any of this. I love you both more than anything and I want to keep your heart, lock it away with mine and throw away the key" he told me I could stop worrying now cos he's got me. He even said your the girl I'm going to marry. I was so relieved he had given us a chance, I felt at peace like it was a miracle coming true! I promised myself I would change and communicate with him Better and not stone wall him in an argument. I knew this breakup was the making of us and we would come back stronger then ever!

 

He told me he wanted to see me at the weekend, I obviously agreed. We were texting constantly again, him sending me good morning and good night texts. He said he couldn't wait to see me again. He then text the day before saying something is telling him that this is still for the best, he loves me but he isn't sure this is what he wants and he just needs to see me to clear his head, I was a little confused but I agreed that it would be best to meet face to face before making any major decisions. He then turned cold on me and the day of us meeting he text me last minute asking if we could re arrange as he was working late, I asked him if he truly wanted to see me or if he was making excuses and he said to be honest he still feels like this is for the best. I told him I respected his decision and I couldn't force him to see me! He said he still loves me deeply but we both need to move on. Obviously I was heart broken. I prayed to god to take the pain away. I even wished I would get hit by a car at one point anything to stop this pain! Luckily I have a very good friend who took care of me. She rang and text me every day, she even managed to get me out of the house! We went out for drinks and had a laugh. We took pics of me looking hot and posted them on Facebook as he was still friends with me on there. She had been through something similar before so she knew how I was feeling. With her help I went a week of no contact. Then I found out some news that broke me.. he was speaking to an ex from a year ago. He had messaged other girls first and when they turned him down he moved on to this girl. Apparently she was more than happy to talk to him, she was still into him. This is where I got I'll, I got a chest infection and the flu and it was awful!!! I knew he was at least speaking to her because he has not been in contact with me. I feel as if he is looking for a rebound to forget me and is using this girl as she is an easy option. It does not have to be like this,he has chosen for it to be like this. I accept that I am to blame in the past but now he is acting now is killing me!!

 

I started to feel better, my head was clearer and I knew if I wanted him back I would have to put in some serious work! So I decided to message him after more than a week. I asked him to give me a hand taking our old bed down as I was getting a new one, he said he thinks it's best if we leave things as they are as it is not fair on me. I told him I was In a much better place now and I had accepted his decision and understood. I told him I would be fine to see him and I had no bad feeling towards him, he asked me what I was Guna do for a new bed? And I said I would get a smaller one, but if I sold this bed I would give him half the money, he agreed and I asked again- so can you give me a hand taking it apart? He said yeah okay if no one else will. I thanked him and that was last night. He has not got back to me yet, but I will wait until he does. I know In my heart we just need to see each other because we will then both know exactly what we want! I know he is not in a relationship with this girl but talking to her which is why I need to move quickly, all I need is for him to come and as me, I know that me and him are soulmates and I cant live without him!

Do you think I can win him back?

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Edited July 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

How old are you? I just want to know the age difference.

 

He is 21 and just starting his adult life. He probably does love you but once away from you reality set him for him that he is probably too young to take on the responsibility of a wife and child. Someone may be advising him against the relationship also because of his age. I'm sure at some point you two will see each other again but I don't know that he is going to want to continue the relationship.

[Lady glitter sparkle]

I'm 28, I had my child when I was 19. The thing is we are very much on the same page, he wants children of his own and he is very mature for his age. He was the one suggesting marriage and moving in together. I told him I was happy to wait for a bit so that he could enjoy being his age as I know what it feels like to have to grow up too fast, I always encouraged him to go out with friends but he is the kind of guy that does a long hard days graft and then likes to come home and chill, he loved coming back to mine and cooking dinner with me, he would help me around the house, even washing up and changing the bed covers. He always done sweet little things for me which I took for granted, like he would bring me a cup of tea when I was in the bath or give me a massage. All he wanted was for me to be happy constantly. I miss him so much