Befriending through facebook someone you never met?

[Pocketstar]

Hi

 

I saw a girl through facebook "friend recommendation" who I fairly interest in (I only had two of her facebook friends). My guess is she just moved in somewhere around my neighbourhood. I have been going to many local parties, some with her friends attending, but still haven't met her once.

 

Should I send her a friend request through facebook? And if so, what should I say to not sound too creepy? She does not look like a flashy type, so I don't want to move in too hard and scare her out.

 

Admittedly, I am attracted to her look, but my motive is pure through. I always befriend someone first and see how everything goes before considering moving to next level. Lots of times it didn't work out, but many have become some of my best friends till now

[Michelle ma Belle]

May I ask how old are you?

[Pocketstar]

May I ask how old are you?

21, 22 coming next month

 

I just does not use any dating site. Or even social media much until this year so I am clueless when it comes to this. I used to try to separate my online network to my real life social network. But that personal policy eventually obsoleted

[Michelle ma Belle]

21, 22 coming next month

 

I just does not use any dating site. Or even social media much until this year so I am clueless when it comes to this. I used to try to separate my online network to my real life social network. But that personal policy eventually obsoleted

 

Okay well that makes more sense why you'd want to reach out via Facebook and send a friend request to someone you don't know. I think it's pretty normal for your generation do that.

 

You might start off by saying or pointing out that you have some friends in common, that her profile came up and you thought you'd reach out and say hello. Maybe ask how she knows these other friends to get the ball rolling.

 

This isn't really how I operate so my advice is somewhat limited here. Perhaps others might be more helpful.

 

Good luck.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think it's fine and it's becoming more normal these days. Just be sure to also message her to say hi, introduce yourself, etc. if she accepts the friend request if you are truly interested in getting to know her. I've had this happen to me a handful of times and I'll accept the request if the person seems normal enough, but I don't remember it ever carrying over to an actual friendship in real life because they never followed it up with any kind of message. Just occasional likes on posts or whatever.

 

As an aside, if I get a friend request like this, I often wait several hours or a day before accepting because sometimes it was done by accident. I've done this by accident before myself and it can be embarrassing lol!

[Pocketstar]

Okay well that makes more sense why you'd want to reach out via Facebook and send a friend request to someone you don't know. I think it's pretty normal for your generation do that.

 

You might start off by saying or pointing out that you have some friends in common, that her profile came up and you thought you'd reach out and say hello. Maybe ask how she knows these other friends to get the ball rolling.

 

This isn't really how I operate so my advice is somewhat limited here. Perhaps others might be more helpful.

 

Good luck.

I think it's fine and it's becoming more normal these days, I think. Just be sure to also message her to say hi, introduce yourself, etc. if she accepts the friend request if you are truly interested in getting to know her. I've had this happen to me a handful of times and I'll accept the request if the person seems normal enough, but I don't remember it ever carrying over to an actual friendship in real life because they never followed it up with any kind of message. Just occasional likes on posts or whatever.

 

As an aside, if I get a friend request like this, I often wait several hours or a day before accepting because sometimes it was done by accident. I've done this by accident before myself and it can be embarrassing lol!

Hey thank to you both.

 

I plan to take your advice and just send a friend request along with some introduction message. Should I keep it short (only introduction)? Or should I provide as much information as possible to make sure I does not sound suspicious (introduction + something to start conversation)?

 

If I can write something . Because she just moved in the neighborhood somewhere, so I thought about mentioning the name of a couple of friends "in case you need helps, just ask me or any of them". Just to make it less individually and feel a bit community~ish. Would it be good?

Edited July 27, 2017 by Pocketstar

[tetrahedral]

Okay well that makes more sense why you'd want to reach out via Facebook and send a friend request to someone you don't know. I think it's pretty normal for your generation do that.

 

You might start off by saying or pointing out that you have some friends in common, that her profile came up and you thought you'd reach out and say hello. Maybe ask how she knows these other friends to get the ball rolling.

 

This isn't really how I operate so my advice is somewhat limited here. Perhaps others might be more helpful.

 

Good luck.

 

It isn't, though.

 

Normal 21 year olds do not add people on Facebook they've never met. Young people aren't aliens.

 

OP, don't make an electronic pass at a total stranger. It's creepy at worst, and unflattering at best. It's one thing if you're on a dating website. That way, she's putting herself out there to be contacted.

 

But it's not a dating site, it's Facebook. She's trying to post selfies of her friends and read Listicles on BuzzFeed, not get propositioned by unknown thirsty dudes.

 

You say you have two mutual friends. Are you close to either of them?

 

If you're reasonably close to one of the friends, be like "yo, who is _________? She showed up on my people you may know and she's cute".

 

If the friend is a guy, or closer to you, he'll invite you both to something. If the friend is a girl, and/or closer friends with the girl, but still somewhat close to you, she'll ask the stranger if she finds you cute, and hook you up if she says yes.

[normal person]

I've never done this myself but I don't think it's a bad move. I would keep it short and sweet, "less is more."

 

"Hey! Saw that you moved into the neighborhood and that you know Sarah. Does she (do some uniquely "Sarah" annoying but endearing thing) to you too?"

 

Or, you could just ask her friends about her and just mention that you saw her on Facebook and thought she was cute and let things go from there. I think that's pretty harmless.

[Miss Spider]

People do this all the time when they have mutual friends

[Pocketstar]

So I got through her. Managed to chat up some friendly stuffs. She was willing to write some long text so hopefully that means she is not annoyed with chatting with random unknown guy she never met. At least now we are sorta pen friend so can keep it at that

 

Proposing to lend her some DVD, if she say yes, then probably can meet her for the first time.

 

No good cafe anywhere between mine and her place to meet up through. Any suggestions? Invite her over or come over to her place (where she share with a friend) seems to push it too much for meeting someone over first time, right?

 

Lunch or dinner would feel a bit heavy in my book?

 

At least she has my Facebook now so I guess if she does actively try to get in touch, then I have some hopes. Certainly not a good looking guy though, so gonna be a long shot )

Edited July 28, 2017 by Pocketstar

[niji]

No good cafe anywhere between mine and her place to meet up through. Any suggestions? Invite her over or come over to her place (where she share with a friend) seems to push it too much for meeting someone over first time, right?

 

Lunch or dinner would feel a bit heavy in my book?

 

At least she has my Facebook now so I guess if she does actively try to get in touch, then I have some hopes. I am certainly not a good looking guy though, so gonna be a long shot )

 

Not even like a Starbucks or Peets or whatever chain coffee that are in your area? That's tough, but I would say lunch/dinner is overkilling it, and inviting one over to the other's place is definitely creepy in my book.

 

You've gotta have a public park somewhere to meet each other for the first time. And please choose an area with lots of people traffic passing by so she knows you mean well. Nothing scares the heck out of me as much as a "friendly" guy saying hi in a dimly lit alley with nobody else in sight

[OatsAndHall]

I don't think Facebook is a proper "dating venue" unless you actually know someone. It's pretty clear when someone is trolling for a date via social media and it can be taken as creepy. If you're going to use the "cold call" approach (which is basically what you are talking about..), I suggest finding ways to talk to women in RL.

 

Every once in awhile, I'll scroll through a female friend's post and snicker when I see the guys who are blatantly trying to pick them up.

[JuneL]

How about ice-cream or yogurt or bubble tea?

 

So I got through her. Managed to chat up some friendly stuffs. She was willing to write some long text so hopefully that means she is not annoyed with chatting with random unknown guy she never met. At least now we are sorta pen friend so can keep it at that

 

Proposing to lend her some DVD, if she say yes, then probably can meet her for the first time.

 

No good cafe anywhere between mine and her place to meet up through. Any suggestions? Invite her over or come over to her place (where she share with a friend) seems to push it too much for meeting someone over first time, right?

 

Lunch or dinner would feel a bit heavy in my book?

 

At least she has my Facebook now so I guess if she does actively try to get in touch, then I have some hopes. Certainly not a good looking guy though, so gonna be a long shot )

[Pocketstar]

How about ice-cream or yogurt or bubble tea?

Not even like a Starbucks or Peets or whatever chain coffee that are in your area? That's tough, but I would say lunch/dinner is overkilling it, and inviting one over to the other's place is definitely creepy in my book.

 

You've gotta have a public park somewhere to meet each other for the first time. And please choose an area with lots of people traffic passing by so she knows you mean well. Nothing scares the heck out of me as much as a "friendly" guy saying hi in a dimly lit alley with nobody else in sight

Thank for suggestions.

 

Right now the most natural way is just dropping by her door to give it, but if she does not invite me in (which rightly so) then the whole things end.

 

There are shops around, but the problem is it's not on the way. Probably will ask if she gonna go to any local events for the next few days. See how it go

[Pocketstar]

I don't think Facebook is a proper "dating venue" unless you actually know someone. It's pretty clear when someone is trolling for a date via social media and it can be taken as creepy. If you're going to use the "cold call" approach (which is basically what you are talking about..), I suggest finding ways to talk to women in RL.

 

Every once in awhile, I'll scroll through a female friend's post and snicker when I see the guys who are blatantly trying to pick them up.

Don't worry, it's not like I am asking for a blind date or anything. Just meet up, make new friend and etc. She may end up not being my type after all.

[Chris2016]

Hey OP. We're in a similar boat, though I'm older. I friend requested a blackjack dealer from a casino, who I thought was cute. I'm sure she doesn't remember me. I forgot about the request, and some months later she accepted. No biggie, because I'd forgotten about it. I'm interested in striking up a conversation and see where it goes. I like your attitude, things may change if/when you meet in person, which statistically it will not work out.

 

"Proposing to lend her some DVD" ... I would avoid that? Seems like a ploy. If she's interested in meeting, she'll meet. If not, it doesn't matter what is proposed.

 

As advise given, stick to public places. Seems odd to be at either one's places, for people who don't know each other.

[ManOfLove123]

OP, that's how I met this one girl.

 

There was a girl around my age who's mom was friends with my mom. I decided to add her on Facebook because she has an art business. I struck up a conversation about her artwork and we hit it off pretty quick. I talked to her for about a week before asking to meet up and she said yes, we actually met this Sunday. Long story short, i'm not sure if I like her or not but it can still become a friendship or something.

 

It is possible to meet girls through Facebook but if you're going to do it, you need a plan on how you're going to start the conversation with her. If you don't know her, then what you say is important. Don't say hi, or hey. Also be aware that the success rate is rather low. If you're going to hit up girls on Facebook, just be prepared to get rejected a lot. Honestly, striking up a conversation in real life is better. I would only message her on Facebook if you're never going to see her in real life.

 

This one girl I was talking to since she has a business, it was pretty easy knowing how to strike up a conversation with her. I simply said something in the lines of, "wow your artwork is nice! how long did it take you design that particular piece?" and it worked. Not to mention that business people are generally looking to network more so they're much more likely to be receptive to your conversations.

 

 

Hey all you can do is try right? As a wise man once said, all you can is try because you never know what's going to happen. Had I of never hit that girl up, had I of told myself that why try because it's never going to work, then I would have never gotten to meet her and years later I would be asking myself what if?

 

And if she thinks you're some creep or weirdo just for hitting her up, just don't care. As long as you're nice and respectful, you don't have to be ashamed if she thinks you're some weirdo simply because you tried talking to her.

 

But seriously, don't wing it. Come up with a good plan.

Edited August 2, 2017 by ManOfLove123

[Chris2016]

OP, that's how I met this one girl.

 

There was a girl around my age who's mom was friends with my mom. I decided to add her on Facebook because she has an art business. I struck up a conversation about her artwork and we hit it off pretty quick. I talked to her for about a week before asking to meet up and she said yes, we actually met this Sunday. Long story short, i'm not sure if I like her or not but it can still become a friendship or something.

 

It is possible to meet girls through Facebook but if you're going to do it, you need a plan on how you're going to start the conversation with her. If you don't know her, then what you say is important. Don't say hi, or hey. Also be aware that the success rate is rather low. If you're going to hit up girls on Facebook, just be prepared to get rejected a lot. Honestly, striking up a conversation in real life is better. I would only message her on Facebook if you're never going to see her in real life.

 

This one girl I was talking to since she has a business, it was pretty easy knowing how to strike up a conversation with her. I simply said something in the lines of, "wow your artwork is nice! how long did it take you design that particular piece?" and it worked. Not to mention that business people are generally looking to network more so they're much more likely to be receptive to your conversations.

 

 

Hey all you can do is try right? As a wise man once said, all you can is try because you never know what's going to happen. Had I of never hit that girl up, had I of told myself that why try because it's never going to work, then I would have never gotten to meet her and years later I would be asking myself what if?

 

And if she thinks you're some creep or weirdo just for hitting her up, just don't care. As long as you're nice and respectful, you don't have to be ashamed if she thinks you're some weirdo simply because you tried talking to her.

 

But seriously, don't wing it. Come up with a good plan.

 

ManOf, what became of that girl?

 

OP, another interesting thought. Have you friend requested women who you met (once) in real life, because they seemed cool. But once you see their posts on social media, you're like "uh no". So maybe give it a week or two, and if she's active on social media you might get to see a side of her you're not particularly keen on, without having to strike up conversation/meet/date?