Mongo68 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 in process of divorce via mediation. All was moving along until i got bad news. i had to re-apply for mortgage to buy my house (buy her out)- I make over 6 figures and I can afford the mortgage- Here is the issue- She only makes about 30K a year- The mediator calculated I would have to pay her $600 a week for alimony + possibly $200/week child support- The bank looked at this and turned me down. What recourse do I have? It seems to me it's not fair that I should be penalized for making a decent amount more $$$ than her. If she made more $$$- my alimony payment would be less no? Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 With alimony and support like that she won't ever want to remarry. Especially if she has it in for you. Mine Ex got into my wallet for 17 long years and enjoyed every time she could ding me for something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mongo68 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Share Posted July 31, 2017 understood- Just wondering if there is any recourse? I can't afford an attorney. Seems very unfair. Why do I get penalized for making more $$$? She has a college degree and potential to make more Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 understood- Just wondering if there is any recourse? I can't afford an attorney. Seems very unfair. Why do I get penalized for making more $$$? She has a college degree and potential to make more This is not a given. My uneducated ex husband used to say the same exact thing about me. The line of work I was in at the time (non profit) simply didn't pay well. It's not as easy as some thing to just go get a hire paying job just because you have a college degree. Have you talked to her about this? Would she be willing to take alimony off the table, or at least off the "books?" I didn't want a dime of alimony from my cheating ex-husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 You make 6 figures. You can afford an attorney. Get one. You are being penny wise & pound foolish. Your recourse is to approach this with representation. Advice on the internet from not lawyers is Worthless. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 It's not as easy as some thing to just go get a hire paying job just because you have a college degree. My goodness; shame on me! I'm actually an editor now, believe it or not . Let me try that again....it's not as easy as some THINK to just go get a HIGHER paying job..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mongo68 Posted July 31, 2017 Author Share Posted July 31, 2017 d0nnivain- pardon me??? you are able to speak for what I can/cannot afford? A mortgage-taxes- 3 kids- 3 college educations etc etc..... you think I can afford all that plus 600-650 a week alimony? Please keep your opinions to yourself until you have all the facts. If I had extra money I would be consulting an attorney hence why I posted here...... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Get the attorney & that person will help you get the other numbers to a more manageable level. Right now you are railing because you think you are losing this negotiation. You are. Because you are playing in an arena that is designed so that only lawyers understand the rules & can win. You are artificially handicapping yourself. If you pay some money for quality legal advice you will better understand how to transfer more financial responsibility to your STBX. It's highly unlikely that you will achieve what you want on your own. You may have to give up the marital home. Sell it. Take the proceeds & put a downpayment on something else. Mentally not having a building full of ghosts of when your marriage was happy, has to be healthier. Prioritize. People can make budgets & afford what is truly necessary. You don't see the value in a lawyer & insist on doing this yourself. That is your mistake & why you are getting squeezed. Pick a priority 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 d0nnivain- pardon me??? you are able to speak for what I can/cannot afford? A mortgage-taxes- 3 kids- 3 college educations etc etc..... you think I can afford all that plus 600-650 a week alimony? Please keep your opinions to yourself until you have all the facts. If I had extra money I would be consulting an attorney hence why I posted here...... That seems like an absolutely crazy amount of alimony unless your "six figures" is close to 900K than 100K! An attorney would pay for itself within a month or two at that rate. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Trying to divorce without an attorney when there are children and assets is crazy. You will get screwed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 The numbers you are being given don't make sense. Alimony is disfavored anymore although in some states rehabilitative alimony is allowed for a short period. Not forever. If she has a college education a good lawyer should be able to argue that she isn't entitled to alimony and/or that some higher level of income can be imputed to her, thereby reducing your obligation to pay alimony. That is not an argument that can be made in the abstract; it will require expert testimony in the form of a forensic accountant. Pro se litigants such as your self rarely can use experts effectively. This is another reason to consult an attorney. I want to be on your side but I still think you are being penny wise (saving money on the lawyer) while being pound foolish (getting hammered on alimony & child support) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 You can't afford NOT to get an attorney. Get one asap even if you have to borrow the money. There are hundreds of thousands at stake. Don't cheap out on 10K to risk 200K. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Dude, if you make 6 figs you can... Please... The collage fund may have to wait. Cut back. What ever. BUT GET REPRESENTATION. Or she will take you to the cleaners. Believe me, do not do it the way you are trying. Think of it this way. If you get your alimony to her down 250, you are saving 3000 a year. Over just 10 years that is 30,000. Spend now, save big later. Trust me on this, hire a barracuda... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Chances are a quality divorce attorney will have that alimony number knocked down significantly. You have to remember; mediators are lawyers as well and some of their "calculations" are subjective. Child support is pretty set in stone; you make X amount of money, you have Y number of children, so you pay Z amount of money. Alimony is very subjective for a wide variety of reasons and a calculation can be knocked down significantly by a good attorney. You're looking at paying over $31k per year in alimony, essentially doubling her income. Tack on the $10.4k you're paying in child support and she basically doesn't have to work... All and all, you're looking at $41k per year in support and a top notch divorce attorney will run you a quarter of that. Lawyer up my friend and fight this down to the wire. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyDriven Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 I went thru a divorce mediation, so much cheaper than dealing with individual attorneys but BOTH parties need to compromise, or it won't work. So, is your soon to be ex willing to compromise? Isn't it in her best interest for you to get a mortgage so you can pay her off? Can you check other banks for a mortgage loan? IMO, if you have a soon to be ex who is willing to compromise to get the divorce done quickly and amicably, then mediation is the way to go. Sure, a divorce attorney can possibly get alimony reduced but attorney fees will be high. I would rather have the divorce mediator (most times an attorney) negotiate a lower alimony. Maybe she would be willing to do it just to move things along toward resolution? One of my coworkers had a nasty divorce. He made a lot more money than his ex, so ended up having to pay both attorney fees. I think he paid over $100K in attorney fees, got a second mortgage on his house. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 d0nnivain- pardon me??? you are able to speak for what I can/cannot afford? A mortgage-taxes- 3 kids- 3 college educations etc etc..... you think I can afford all that plus 600-650 a week alimony? Please keep your opinions to yourself until you have all the facts. If I had extra money I would be consulting an attorney hence why I posted here...... Yes he can and I second this as well. Three kids in college now or savings for college later? You are willing to lose your house, get financially ripped off long term by your ex wife as cheaper then hiring a lawyer. Penny wise though a dollar foolish. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 I went thru a divorce mediation, so much cheaper than dealing with individual attorneys but BOTH parties need to compromise, or it won't work. So, is your soon to be ex willing to compromise? Isn't it in her best interest for you to get a mortgage so you can pay her off? Can you check other banks for a mortgage loan? IMO, if you have a soon to be ex who is willing to compromise to get the divorce done quickly and amicably, then mediation is the way to go. Sure, a divorce attorney can possibly get alimony reduced but attorney fees will be high. I would rather have the divorce mediator (most times an attorney) negotiate a lower alimony. Maybe she would be willing to do it just to move things along toward resolution? One of my coworkers had a nasty divorce. He made a lot more money than his ex, so ended up having to pay both attorney fees. I think he paid over $100K in attorney fees, got a second mortgage on his house. Didn't you read his first post? He's getting screwed in the mediation. Collaborative divorce can be more economical when both parties are reasonable. Here it seems that the EX wants the sun & the moon. There is only so much to go around & the OP is getting the short end of the stick. Thus he needs an advocate & in the long run that ought to save him money even if he pays high attorney's fees now. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 d0nnivain- pardon me??? you are able to speak for what I can/cannot afford? A mortgage-taxes- 3 kids- 3 college educations etc etc..... you think I can afford all that plus 600-650 a week alimony? Please keep your opinions to yourself until you have all the facts. If I had extra money I would be consulting an attorney hence why I posted here...... You will need an attorney. My boyfriend is just finishing paying his spousal support. He doesn't make quite as much as you do, but his ex doesn't work at all. How long and how much he had to pay depended on her income and how long they were married. That amount seems high to me. You really need to consult a lawyer and get an accurate answer. I will say, he managed to pay for a lawyer, he bought the house from his wife, and he pays spousal and child support. Depending on how much the house costs and what you financial situation is... it can certainly be done. But, it starts by getting a good lawyer. And, it will likely mean a change in your quality of living. Be prepared. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 You will need an attorney. My boyfriend is just finishing paying his spousal support. He doesn't make quite as much as you do, but his ex doesn't work at all. How long and how much he had to pay depended on her income and how long they were married. That amount seems high to me. You really need to consult a lawyer and get an accurate answer. I will say, he managed to pay for a lawyer, he bought the house from his wife, and he pays spousal and child support. Depending on how much the house costs and what you financial situation is... it can certainly be done. But, it starts by getting a good lawyer. And, it will likely mean a change in your quality of living. Be prepared. It is pretty easy to get screwed over financially in a divorce if you aren't careful and have a decent attorney. Support/alimony is so subjective, it's ridiculous. I can see paying it in certain circumstances; one spouse has no education, has been taking care of the kids and not working throughout the entire marriage, and has basically allowed the other spouse to flourish financially. But, I have seen/read about too many situations where both parties are completely capable of taking care of themselves yet one ends up shelling out cash instead. This is the worst case I have ever read about as the OP's alimony actually exceeds what his ex-wife is making each year. My state doesn't have alimony laws and I was extremely grateful for that or I would have gotten nailed to the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 (edited) Why are you not selling the house that is ostensibly big enough for 5 people? If she cannot afford it, why are you keeping it? How long did request the spousal support to continue for? How old are you, your STBX, and your children? How much is your annual income? Are you asking for joint custody? Honestly, if you agree (key word) to the mediated figures, you are screwing yourself. If you had a serious illness would you not go to the doctor to get it treated? How much is your financial health worth to you? Edited August 4, 2017 by OneLov Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyDriven Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 To dOnnovain: "Didn't you read his first post? He's getting screwed in the mediation." (sorry, I have not read how to quote properly on this site) And....yeah, I read OP's first post. Certainly, OP could further discuss options with the mediator. The mediator could further discuss other options with the soon to be ex-wife. OP could check with other banks re: mortgage Did you not read his 2nd post, where he said he could not afford an attorney? I do agree with you regarding possibly selling the family home. Note, mediation is not doing it yourself. Many mediators are attorneys working in the interest of both parties. If OP does not like the bottom line, then he does not have to sign any divorce/settlement agreements. If the mediator does not appear to be working for both sides, consider a new mediator. IMO, the fact the soon to be ex agreed to divorce thru mediation, suggests she'd like to resolve the divorce amicably via compromise. But who knows..... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 He said he makes 6 figures, pays enormous amounts of support & is saving for the kids' college. He can afford an attorney. He is foolishly choosing to spend his money differently. That is his choice but he's not unrepresented because he genuinely doesn't have the money for a lawyer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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