Done trying to have male friends.

[hotpotato]

I hear in here often how men and women should be friends. Does that even work? It has never worked for me. Its resulted in me being stalked and sexually harassed.

 

No matter how old (sometimes up to 70) or unattractive a guy was, he always thought there was a chance. In fact,ive noticed the less attractive a guy was the more confident he seems.

 

Even just talking, being friendly, and agreeing to work out with a guy, men seem to take very, very wrong.

 

I think it could work if both people are friends who have sex with each other, but to me, thats not a friendship.

 

One of my latest attempts at friendship with a guy was with an older man of 68. He tried to get sexual with me even though hes married. I refused, and i never saw him again.

 

The last time i tried to be friends with a guy, i was on the verge of being cyber stalked. He lives far away, and we chatted on social media. He started hitting on me. I told him i wasnt attracted to him in the least. He invited himself on one of my vacations, and he even thought id go to miami beach with him. I told him if a person isnt fam, my bf, female friends, thats not happening! In true stalker fashion, he kept hitting on me and even tried calling me via social media. This is unfortunately the norm when i try to have male friends.

 

See, when i pick male friends, i dont care what they look like. In fact, they are usually very unattractive. They always seem to think im.being nice to them bc i want them. I goof when i say im single which they see as a green light. I dont think at that moment that 70 year old guy or a guy id never touch is trying to holla (projection).

 

Thats my experience. Trying to have platonic friends has caused me a lot of problems and drama over the years.If i wanted sex and drama id get a bf.

 

Ive never had a man talk to me for nothing. If a man starts talking to a woman, its probably bc hes attracted to her, even if shes 20 and hes 50,60, 70.

 

Having male friends isnt a good choice for some women...

[stillafool]

I guess it is best to only acquire male friends who you grew up with so it's more brother/sister relationship or be friends with your male relatives. Now that you know most males do not want females as just friends you should only try to befriend women.

[Rockdad]

One of my closest friends for 35 yrs is an attractive female. We have shared a bed in years past after a night out and we slept.

 

A female and once again very attractive that we are neighbors with at our club is a near and dear friend. We hang out very regularly over the past 5 years.

 

It can be done but I don't see it successfully happen all that much.

[Steve51]

I have posted all over the internet that I never had a female friend. I view every female as a potential mate as I am genetically designed to do. Women are designed the same way except they look for male mates.

 

Like you, I was nice to a woman that I saw on my commute home from work. We lived near each other and she worked for our lawyer. Next thing I know she wants me to meet her in a motel. She never wore a wedding ring or had any mark on her finger to indicate that she once had a ring. She never mentioned a husband so I thought she was single. Next thing I know, her husband is banging on my car window. I was giving his wife a ride home. She was in the back seat while I was in the driver's seat. Seems that she had a boyfriend for 10 years of their marriage and he dumped her. She was looking for a new boyfriend and her husband thought I was her ex boyfriend.

 

I set him straight and the next day she calls me up to ask me again to meet her in a motel. I said no and that is when she started to stalk me. This was before any stalking laws. Heck, I stalked my wife to accidently run into her at a bank. It worked. I started to get phone calls at night to wish me good night but she would not identify herself. This was before caller ID. One night my wife an I came home to find a rose on our doorstep. I told my wife what was going on and she was understanding.

 

I changed my bus stop and times I left to and from work but it did not take her long to find me again. She knew where I worked so she would wait for me to leave. I made sure to sit next to someone so she could not sit next to me. She would ask them to move so she could sit by me. I finally moved out of State to get rid of that problem.

[RecentChange]

Ahhhh you don’t pick male friends because of their looks… Do you pick your female friends based upon their looks, or try to hang out with women a couple decades older than you? What did you and the 68 year old have in common?

 

I have some male friends,

 

Let see, my good friend Chris, a love of hiking, camping, road tripping, cooking and throwing great big old BBQ parties brought us together. We have similar intellects and humor. We both love telling a good story and enjoying a laugh. In all of our years together, including sharing a bed (or a bed of a truck) on many trips, drunken college parties, we have never had an inappropriate moment, not a touch, not a kiss not a wink. And he is a perfectly fine looking man, and I am a decent looking woman, but we have never shared any romantic interest.

 

I have other male friends. A few from horse back riding, we will ride together and share pointers.

 

The thing is, I share something in common with the guys I am friends with. If they were in a female body, I would be just as likely to be friends with them. I didn’t pick them BECAUSE they were guys, they are people I share things in common with, and enjoy talking to, who happen to be men.

 

And you are right, perhaps being friends with men isn’t a choice for some women, and some men.

 

I do think there are more successful friendships out there than stalkers.

 

As for WHY some can pull it off and some can't, I don’t think its because of your looks. My sister is GORGEOUS, absolute head turner, yet she is like me, and a tom boy at heart, and has always had some male friends.

 

I think there must be something in the way you carry yourself, something in the way you set boundaries that men misinterpret.

[Mysterio]

I was just about make Post like this. I may in the future. Its hard. My male friends that are married. They don't have female friends, except one. My female friends all have male friends.

 

I personally think its just easier for Women to have male friends than vice versa. I always want a woman for me to be more loving and physically affectionate with me.

 

My women friends range from 36 to 66. The 66 yr old could have her way with me if she wanted. It would be tough to turn her down. The rest are easy to be friends with. One is like a sister to me. The other is married to my friend and she and I are basically Brother/Sister - In-Law. The others are basically quarterly friends.

 

The Only real way Men and Women can be friends is if they really have a Brother/Sister vibe between each other. My 66 yr old female friends and I. We use the Aunt/Nephew vibe to cut out the Sexual tension. It sort of works. She is very playful with me and its hard.

 

To be honest. If most men could just have one woman to take care of the romantic side to them. Then having a female friend would be easy. I do have to play mental tricks in my mind sometimes. My women friends are very attractive. If life was different. They wanted me that way. I could see it. Now I just want my own romantic relationship with a woman.

 

I was hanging out with my ex GF the other day and there was a part of me, that wanted to knock boots with her. She told be she is dating someone and I felt a light pang of jelousy, but then I put my head on striaght saying that if I get back with her. I will have to fast track having a kid and she can be dour sometimes.

 

I will chime in later, but Men and Women being friends is tough.

[somanymistakes]

It's very difficult to be friends with someone who's romantically/sexually lonely. Even if you think you're just friends, if they have high unmet drives they are likely to be sizing you up, consciously or not, and hoping for more.

 

I have male friends with no awkwardness. I had people that I thought were male friends where awkwardness definitely happened and we stopped being friends. I have male acquaintances that I'm a little wary of because I'm not 100% sure their interest is platonic and it keeps me from wanting to get close to them. I don't want to send the wrong signals.

 

And there are friends that I've found myself attracted to when I was needy, whether it was a good idea or not. In some cases we were able to just work through it by laughing about it : I have a little crush on you, hah!

 

If you're meeting people for 'friendship' in ways that attract a lot of lonely singles it's probably a given that many of those people are seeking 'friendship that might develop into more'.

[SevenCity]

I don't believe men and women can be friends. Like real friends.

 

If you ask 100 guys with female friends if the girl was spread eagle on his bed begging for NSA sex, how many would say no? Not many.

 

They will give you reasons why it would never work or be a bad idea but the biological urge is ever present. That said, it's difficult for men to completely turn it off.

 

More the case is a guy who was romantically interested but was relegated to orbiter status.

 

Are there exceptions? Sure. But you'll notice more women have guy friends than the reverse (guys don't often have many female friends). If the sexual aggression was initiated by women (say in another reality) then I believe the reverse would be true.

 

Having common hobbies can be a basis, but ask yourself if you were to offer NSA sex, what would your male "friends" response be?

[hotpotato]

Ahhhh you don’t pick male friends because of their looks… Do you pick your female friends based upon their looks, or try to hang out with women a couple decades older than you? What did you and the 68 year old have in common?

 

I have some male friends,

 

Let see, my good friend Chris, a love of hiking, camping, road tripping, cooking and throwing great big old BBQ parties brought us together. We have similar intellects and humor. We both love telling a good story and enjoying a laugh. In all of our years together, including sharing a bed (or a bed of a truck) on many trips, drunken college parties, we have never had an inappropriate moment, not a touch, not a kiss not a wink. And he is a perfectly fine looking man, and I am a decent looking woman, but we have never shared any romantic interest.

 

I have other male friends. A few from horse back riding, we will ride together and share pointers.

 

The thing is, I share something in common with the guys I am friends with. If they were in a female body, I would be just as likely to be friends with them. I didn’t pick them BECAUSE they were guys, they are people I share things in common with, and enjoy talking to, who happen to be men.

 

And you are right, perhaps being friends with men isn’t a choice for some women, and some men.

 

I do think there are more successful friendships out there than stalkers.

 

As for WHY some can pull it off and some can't, I don’t think its because of your looks. My sister is GORGEOUS, absolute head turner, yet she is like me, and a tom boy at heart, and has always had some male friends.

 

I think there must be something in the way you carry yourself, something in the way you set boundaries that men misinterpret.

If your sister is gorgeous, then guys probably want sex with her.

 

The 68 year old guy and i are both interested in motorcycles. He has two. He even took me for a ride. Everything was fine until he tried to take it further.

 

I dont do anything to make these guys want me. Im not flirty. Im just nice to them. One guy thought bc i wore athletic shorts in 90 degree weather while exercising that i was flirting.

 

I told cyberstalker i wasnt into him repeatedly, and he still thought i wanted him.

 

I tried to talk to younger guys, but i mostly get pics of their junk. Also, i hang out in bookstores and walking tracks where its easy to meet older people. I also met older women bc thats who hangs around at bookstores a lot. Actually i dont mind hanging out with older women either.

 

Yes, i do pick make friends on their looks. I dont want any sexual tension on either side, ever. I dont want a friendship that could turn into more unless maybe im intending to date.

[hotpotato]

I don't believe men and women can be friends. Like real friends.

 

If you ask 100 guys with female friends if the girl was spread eagle on his bed begging for NSA sex, how many would say no? Not many.

 

They will give you reasons why it would never work or be a bad idea but the biological urge is ever present. That said, it's difficult for men to completely turn it off.

 

More the case is a guy who was romantically interested but was relegated to orbiter status.

 

Are there exceptions? Sure. But you'll notice more women have guy friends than the reverse (guys don't often have many female friends). If the sexual aggression was initiated by women (say in another reality) then I believe the reverse would be true.

 

Having common hobbies can be a basis, but ask yourself if you were to offer NSA sex, what would your male "friends" response be?

Yep. Its a scientific fact-mant women tend to underestimate a mans sexual interest in her. Many men overestimate a womans sexual interest in him.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ive never had a man talk to me for nothing. If a man starts talking to a woman, its probably bc hes attracted to her, even if shes 20 and hes 50,60, 70.

 

.

 

If their mothers didn't tell them, most women figure this out pretty early in life...

 

And he may not even be attracted, btw...

 

TFY

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I can't think of any of my single male acquaintances who would NOT want something more if I gave the nod. I do think women are capable of this, but not totally convinced the same is true for men.

[guy45]

Isn't the solution simple? Make female friends? Why does it have to be guy friends? Are you looking for an ego boost from the less attractive ones?

[Shanex]

Yep. Its a scientific fact-mant women tend to underestimate a mans sexual interest in her. Many men overestimate a womans sexual interest in him.

 

Right-o. Of course. That makes either gender a bit naive, innit?

 

I am not going to write a tomb, but we all, unless those who never had close friends or acquantainces had many many girls around us in our 20s, at a time when we were more careless, that we lost to jealous boyfriends and husbands.

 

It's more difficult past 30 to make new friends, I don't know why, maybe that's because we are more settled in our lives, so making new friends of the opposite genders should be even harder - especially if you are single. We almost all try to look for a mate at this age, and for some women the biological clock is ticking too.

 

It's a very good question that you are asking and there isn't an universal answer, for some it can work, others not. I suppose it takes some thinking and understanding for a man to acknowledge such and such woman will be a friend only.

[hotpotato]

If their mothers didn't tell them, most women figure this out pretty early in life...

 

And he may not even be attracted, btw...

 

TFY

 

Thats why i call bs when so many people usually women on ls who think you can be just friends with a guy.

I did make mistakes in trying not to assume these men were interested in me.

 

Maybe men and women can be truly platonic friends in certain cases. If the woman is older and unattractive and the guy is 20 years old, that could be a friendship.

 

The 68 year old guy admitted he asked younger girls on dates,but they thought he was joking. Lol no, he wasnt.

[TaylorW]

Seriously what's with all the sexist comments about men. I'm a guy and I have plenty of female friends I'm close to. I can talk about anything with them and I have absolutely 0 intrest in getting in their pants. Actually turned down a female friend (we have been friends for like a few years) recently who wanted something more than friendship. What does that make me?

[hotpotato]

Isn't the solution simple? Make female friends? Why does it have to be guy friends? Are you looking for an ego boost from the less attractive ones?

 

Like i already said, i talk to women as well. I hang out on walking tracks and bookstores while younger people are at clubs or married or what not.

 

I met the 68 year old guy while searching for a platonic motorcycle pal. Its mostly men who ride motorcycles.

 

Trust me, its not an ego boost when someone who could be your grandfather is hitting on you! I dont want any kind of sexual tension so i dont care that im not attracted to a guy.

[GorillaTheater]

I have plenty of female friends. I've only imagined having sex with some of them. Maybe half. Two-thirds, tops.

[Art_Critic]

I never get tired of posting this..

There is so much truth in this series of words it should be the "Can you be friends? bible"

 

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally:Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: Guess not.

Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York

[Art_Critic]

I have plenty of female friends. I've only imagined having sex with some of them. Maybe half. Two-thirds, tops.

 

What about the third you haven't imagined having sex with ? nothing ? zip ? nada ?

 

I'm an equal opportunity fantasy type of guy, I imagine having sex with ALL my women Friends..

[GorillaTheater]

What about the third you haven't imagined having sex with ? nothing ? zip ? nada ?

 

 

It's probably a matter of workload. I'm too busy imagining having sex with all of the others.

[guy45]

How about this, what do you expect from a guy friend? And maybe you should meet some gay guys?

[hotpotato]

How about this, what do you expect from a guy friend? And maybe you should meet some gay guys?

 

I expect no sexual tension and no romantic feelings. I actually did start talking to one guy bc i thought he was gay. He wasnt. I dont go out of my way to meet people, except for a riding pal maybe. I just happen to meet them at certain places.

[Shepp]

I've never TRIED to have a female friend, i just happen to have some friends who are female.

 

That said, of the couple of girls that i would say i really do class as friends they are all girls that I've known since childhood, and that i really do see in a brother/sister way.

(obviously there are other girls i hang out with like from work, and mates gf's and that, but that's a very different kind of relationship because we hang out in groups and although i like them, its more circumstantial that a one on one friendship)

 

And, they are my age group, objectively attractive girls, i think it would have MORE chance of not working as a platonic friendship if they were say dramatically older than me etc

 

After all I don't have any 60 year old male friends, so why would i have any 60 year old female friends.

 

And for the record of those couple of girls, if they jumped me naked and requested NSA sex, then i'd say no, even when i was single id of said no, because it'd be weird, they are like sisters!

[knabe]

Thats why i call bs when so many people usually women on ls who think you can be just friends with a guy.

I did make mistakes in trying not to assume these men were interested in me.

 

Maybe men and women can be truly platonic friends in certain cases. If the woman is older and unattractive and the guy is 20 years old, that could be a friendship.

 

The 68 year old guy admitted he asked younger girls on dates,but they thought he was joking. Lol no, he wasnt.

 

Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't means it's "bs." Isn't that kind of arrogant?

 

I don't really have male friends, but I don't think everyone who says they do is delusional or lying.