Done trying to have male friends.

[preraph]

You are right for the most part. I mean, I have managed to have a few male friends who didn't go overboard, but you have to really kind of wade into it and cut it off if they start showing signs. Certainly older men are going to go for broke if they think there's the slightest chance they will get anything from a young woman or even to be seen with them. So I would just avoid older guys because they got nothin to lose by trying and that's exactly how they think about it.

 

It's maddening when men completely ignore what you tell them, but as soon as you see them doing that, cut them off because they're thinking they can ignore your wishes and just pressure or manipulate you.

[hotpotato]

Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't means it's "bs." Isn't that kind of arrogant?

 

I don't really have male friends, but I don't think everyone who says they do is delusional or lying.

 

I guess a woman can be friends with a guy if hes guy, if shes older and unatttactive, and maybe a few instances. Many women undersestimate a mans sexual attraction to her.

 

If shes a woman of remotely attractive, her male friends are most likely attracted to her sexually. For example, if a woman is 60 and the male friend is 25, maybe that would stay platonic.

 

Theres a lot of science backing what im saying, too. Its not just something that happens to hot tater.

 

Frankly,trying be just friends can lead to many misunderstandings and even be dangerous.

Edited July 27, 2017 by hotpotato

[guy45]

What do you expect to do with a male friend though? Friendships aren't always so simple since they're borderline relationship. Most people are searching for more than just friends. Friendship doesn't really hold much value to people unless maybe your 13.

 

And you said you don't go looking to make friends they just sort of come your way, well ...the ones that come your way usually go out of their way for something.

 

Overall unless the other person is the same gender or gay it can be very hard to maintain a friendship.

 

It really depends what you expect from a friendship with a guy, I mean as in what you hope to get.

[hotpotato]

What do you expect to do with a male friend though? Friendships aren't always so simple since they're borderline relationship. Most people are searching for more than just friends. Friendship doesn't really hold much value to people unless maybe your 13.

 

And you said you don't go looking to make friends they just sort of come your way, well ...the ones that come your way usually go out of their way for something.

 

Overall unless the other person is the same gender or gay it can be very hard to maintain a friendship.

 

It really depends what you expect from a friendship with a guy, I mean as in what you hope to get.

I dont view a friendship as a borderline relationship. To me a friendship is a friendship. If i wanted more, id go date. The guys ive tried to befriend, i would never date. Im happy with just talking.

 

sort of come your way, well ...the ones that come your way usually go out of their way for something

 

Bingo!

 

I learned this the hard way. If a man comes up to and talks to a woman, no matter how old or unattractive she thinks he is, hes trying to holla. Already the 'friendship' is starting off sexual.

 

I admit thats where i made my mistake. These old guys or very unattractive guys would come to me. Id be friendly. At some point theyd ask if i was single. Id say yes not thinking that this elderly man or whoever was hitting on me (projection). Id be nice, and theyd get that glimmer of hope. Bam! Id get stalked or sexually harassed.

[thefooloftheyear]

I guess it's just me....I dunno....

 

IME, ANY female "friend" ive had was really only keeping me as a friend because she either wanted the ego boost, or thought she may need me for something...I am one of those type of "can do" guys...I'm big and strong, I have a truck, I'm pretty well off, I can fix or build anything and I just have a lot of experience in finance, business, etc,,...I find women see comfort in that...So much so, that they refer to me on a lot of these things, even when I tell them to go ask their bf's or husbands or Google it.....

 

I really don't need a shoulder to cry on, or a female perspective on anything...If I did, I have plenty of close, like aged female relatives.. I don't like shopping or The Bachelor, so it usually just winds up being a one sided deal...And I don't have much free time, don't drink or do drugs, and I am not really all that fun or exciting....Interesting, maybe??..

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

I dont view a friendship as a borderline relationship. To me a friendship is a friendship. If i wanted more, id go date. The guys ive tried to befriend, i would never date. Im happy with just talking.

 

 

 

Bingo!

 

I learned this the hard way. If a man comes up to and talks to a woman, no matter how old or unattractive she thinks he is, hes trying to holla. Already the 'friendship' is starting off sexual.

 

I admit thats where i made my mistake. These old guys or very unattractive guys would come to me. Id be friendly. At some point theyd ask if i was single. Id say yes not thinking that this elderly man or whoever was hitting on me (projection). Id be nice, and theyd get that glimmer of hope. Bam! Id get stalked or sexually harassed.

 

HP...

 

I think a lot of it depends on what you look like...

 

I know a woman that is pretty petite, but has enormous tits...Guys just never see beyond those cannons....She is actually quite interesting and intelligent...but they just are blinded...

 

I know you have described yourself as athletic/maybe voluptuous?? You could be suffering the same fate as that woman I described..

 

TFY

[TaylorW]

 

If shes a woman of remotely attractive, her male friends are most likely attracted to her sexually. For example, if a woman is 60 and the male friend is 25, maybe that would stay platonic.

 

Theres a lot of science backing what im saying, too. Its not just something that happens to hot tater

 

This is complete bull****. Yes there are guys who would want to sleep with every woman that is remotely attractive for them but please don't generalize. Like I have said I have a ton of female friends and like some other guys said even if they paid me for it I wouldn't want to see them naked because its more a brother sister kind of friendship. I know a lot of male-friendship where their is no sexual interest from both parts.

 

Your situation could have 2 explanations: or without knowing you are giving some signals those guys interpret as interest (I have a female friend like that) or your friends are not kind of guys who can be friends with women without wanting to have sex with them (there are probably a lot of men like that). From what you said I think its probably the second explanation. I would suggest looking for guys who are confident and have lots of friends because they will probably have some experience with male female friendship.

[hotpotato]

This is complete bull****. Yes there are guys who would want to sleep with every woman that is remotely attractive for them but please don't generalize. Like I have said I have a ton of female friends and like some other guys said even if they paid me for it I wouldn't want to see them naked because its more a brother sister kind of friendship. I know a lot of male-friendship where their is no sexual interest from both parts.

 

Your situation could have 2 explanations: or without knowing you are giving some signals those guys interpret as interest (I have a female friend like that) or your friends are not kind of guys who can be friends with women without wanting to have sex with them (there are probably a lot of men like that). From what you said I think its probably the second explanation. I would suggest looking for guys who are confident and have lots of friends because they will probably have some experience with male female friendship.

 

Dont believe me look it up.

 

Youre being very naive. If a man approaches a woman, he most likely wants sex. Hes not talking to her for nothing. Ill go as far to say that sonetimes maybe a woman should generalize. If i had generalized, i wouldnt have had so many issues with being stalked and sexually harassed abd assaulted. There are situations that can be a nuisance or even dangerous for a female.

 

We have already said there are a few ways a male female friendship can work. Usually, it doesnt.

[carhill]

OP, think about it. Half the world's population, roughly, is the same gender as yourself so there are billions of opportunities to have wonderful, loving, life-long friendships where the questions of sex and romance rarely (maybe with a lesbian) or never are played out.

 

With solid female friendships, considering nearly every female I've ever known has been married or had a boyfriend, you get a bonus of having friendly relationships with their spouse or SO. Win-win.

 

Once I got out of my religious fog la-la land about women, I came to see reality is just like A_C posted. Sure, when guys are married they might not act on any stray thoughts which occur but our brain still publishes the pictures. It's part of being a healthy male. The most healthy of us in the area of sex and romance are successful at reproduction and those genes build future generations of like-minded males, and so on and so forth.

 

If you're done trying to have male friends, I say good on you and good luck.

[RecentChange]

HP...

 

I think a lot of it depends on what you look like...

 

I know a woman that is pretty petite, but has enormous tits...Guys just never see beyond those cannons....She is actually quite interesting and intelligent...but they just are blinded...

 

The OP got breast implants recently, that could be playing into the way she is perceived by men.

[hotpotato]

HP...

 

I think a lot of it depends on what you look like...

 

I know a woman that is pretty petite, but has enormous tits...Guys just never see beyond those cannons....She is actually quite interesting and intelligent...but they just are blinded...

 

I know you have described yourself as athletic/maybe voluptuous?? You could be suffering the same fate as that woman I described..

 

TFY

I try to stay in shape. Ive gone curvier over time, but i dont usually show it off. If i dress plainly and dont wear makeup, i still get the weirdness. *shrug*

[hotpotato]

The OP got breast implants recently, that could be playing into the way she is perceived by men.

 

I had this problem for years, waaaay before the boob job.

[elaine567]

I think it is also an age thing.

In HS/college/university, male/female friendships are extremely common, everyone mixes easily and there is no pressure. Some hook/couple up and others are just friends who hang out together, no big deal. A big crowd of males and females.

 

Once dating and relationships get more serious, then opposite sex friends tend to cause complications and once married and/or living together, then opposite sex friendships are not nearly so welcome. Mate guarding and jealousy comes into play.

So whilst at uni, a male (who is part of the larger friend group) going for coffee with John's gf, Jennie was fine, then a few years later, the same friend going for coffee with John's wife, Jennie is not looked upon in quite the same way.

The friends tend to separate into same sex groups and activities are far more "gendered" or "coupley", than just one big mixed up crowd.

 

As opposite sex friendships are not so common then there is the emergence of the feeling amongst some men, that an opposite sex friendship is probably not truly platonic, and that is I guess where they get the idea that "If she wants to be my friend, then she MUST want me sexually..."

 

Fully adult women tend to get the whole opposite sex platonic friendship thing and are relaxed with it and expect nothing more, men (in general) it appears to me, not so much and are often looking for "more".

[Chilli]

Yeah , think l've given up on the idea too.

The last one was a great lady, as a friend, got drunk one night though and spent the whole night trying to rape me.

So much for that one.

Another one, 4 yrs, and one day she sends me a letter saying she's been in love with me the whole time.

l just didn't see her in that way, ever.

 

So yep, l'm with ya, not much success in that department for me either.

[TaylorW]

Wow seriously...

 

I'm still convinced that it's possible and I'm very happy with my female friends, it's really an advantage as a guy to have female friends, for example they can help you with dating/relationship related stuff and you can talk freely about emotion related stuff without feeling the need to act "manly" like with most male friends.

Edited July 28, 2017 by TaylorW

[Chilli]

Yeah right and l know it is very handy.

l still do have one or two and no dramas yet so here's hoping,l do like having a female friend..

[O'Malley]

 

I'm still convinced that it's possible and I'm very happy with my female friends, it's really an advantage as a guy to have female friends, for example they can help you with dating/relationship related stuff and you can talk freely about emotion related stuff without feeling the need to act "manly" like with most male friends.

 

Even more "manly" men can be quite supportive in their own way. I think that some men are more prone to become friends with particular women for misguided reasons, but there are also those who are just more adept and at ease with being friends with some women and lovers with others. Even with a generic attraction, boundaries aren't crossed and both parties are successful at developing outside sexual and romantic connections.

[knabe]

My ex had tons of female friends and almost no male friends. In fact, he pretty much had disdain for the "typical" male.

 

Then again, he is likely either asexual or gay, so....

 

I like what Elaine said. I had male friends in high school and college, but past that, any male friends I had were like secondary friends by default because I was friends with their wives.

 

I do know people who have close friends of the opposite sex, but now that I think of it, most of them are single, gay, or their opposite sex friends tend to cause problems in their marriages (because what man wants his wife's primary confidante to be another man???? Or vice versa)

[CptInsano]

I always had female friends, and I'm by no means gay. I also worked a lot in fields where women outnumbered men, I had female bosses for about the last seven years, and I managed women as well. I would basically have to be an idiot to deny co-workers friendships just because they are female.

[Chilli]

Actually my first post was unfair because gotta admit, been a few times l've wished with a female friend too or felt like jumping some bones.

[Miss Spider]

I never had a male friend before. The closest one I have is gay. They are more acquaintances, but not like friends where I call up and talk and have lunch and a chat. I just have more in common with women, and I noticed men friends most of the time get real weird on you if you get close enough like you have explained!!!Sorry that happened.

 

I mean I'm nice and cordial to men but I don't come at them for friendship generally. Just some small talk maxes it out.

 

It's a shame because guys are a lot more friendly to women than women are to each other sometimes. But yeah, I wonder why...

[jay1983]

Heterosexual men and women being friends, it can happen......somewhere.

 

I ain't never seen it though.

[guest569]

Yeah most male friends eventually come clean about their intentions. I have a few who are fine but most have cracked onto me or expressed interest or made some sleazy comment at some point. This is probably why i was so uneasy about my ex boyfriend's extremely close female best friend and their totally inappropriate relationship. Stick to women and gay men for friends.

[Chilli]

Because you have boobs. We don't hang around for the conversation. Like you said, you have more in common with other ladies. Most men are the same way.

 

 

weird how your stuff got so many likes, sounds pretty warped and limited to me.

Mate l'm by no means busted or desperate but a bit of female company is nice sometimes and l can't see why not.

HOWEVER,granted , its' never worked out too well for me in the past, that l must admit.

When l mentioned sometimes,that was only one or two , in a lifetime. But l've also had two or three females with intentions too.

No way l'd be hanging around like mr friendly for hand outs though, that'd get ya nowhere if you really want in she would've known about it long before.

Edited July 29, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

But funny , this came up in the divorce forum l was in for awhile.

And l was quite surprised that just about everyone in there agreed that it doesn't work.

Talking people 30s, 40s, 50s.