Done trying to have male friends.

[hotpotato]

I man trying to use the friend strategy to get a girlfriend is

no where the same level as a stalker.

 

First thing a woman is to do is tell him she is calling 911

and getting a restraining order against him.

 

It was more than him trying to be a friend

 

He started inviting himself on my trips

I tell him to stop hitting on me, not only does he keep hitting on me he upped the ante (hitting on me harder and trying to call me on messenger). He'd ask for sexy pictures. Id say no, then he'd send these weird messages about how he was pissed. Ive been stalked several times, and I know the signs. If you tell someone to stop doing something or leave you alone, and they try even harder, that's the hallmark of a stalker.

 

The proper way to end a stalking situation is to ignore them. Making threats or blocking them on social media may make them think you want them. The best way to handle the situation is to completely ignore them.

 

If you talk to them in anyway, that is considered furthering contact.

[road]

Not sure about this. Why would a man want to be friends with a homely, overweight woman? Sure there might be zero attraction, but men still don't want to be just friends with them. They have their male friends... with women it's sex or nothing.

 

A hungry man once said an ugly loaf is better than no loaf.

 

There are men out there that will do anything wearing a skirt.

[hotpotato]

Oh your the type to have the older guy be your friend, take you out for coffee and chat with you. Etc. But really why have such a guy friend in the first place. One of my prior GF had such a Guy-Friend When I left she made two older Guy-Friends. She told me she like the attention they gave her. I think she like more than that. I couldn't see why she would if you had me then why have them too. When I left and gone back to my house she would see them for coffee and such. I had tried the same with too with older woman as Gal Friend. She was doing it why can't I do it. But she got upset with me because I had Gal-Friend she had Guy Friend. I had learned that having Guy-Friend she could be doing more than ever.

 

So why did you have all these Guy-Friends OP to look good around your girl friends. Their how to be a reason why. You didn't have to living like this waste your time with these jerks so you place yourself in your own mess. You can't tell guys they're this and that and they're looking for attractive woman like yourself. So you played them. They gone after you. Of course what the did was wrong and what you did was wrong. You should have dropped them all and forget them. Nothing wrong with guy friends if you keep it that way. Can't mix both and use them as BF or FWB. Either way you need to figure that out.

 

I have more woman friends than guy friends. I mean woman I could really date. I do have one that I can't drop off the radar. I must have did something in a way for her to always want me the way she does. I can't be with her for a a few reasons. 1 she's still married, I just told her we can be friends only nothing else. The husband is too playing around and not even in this state. He does everything a husband does.

 

But in you know what we do can cause things to happen. People take things the wrong way!

 

How am I playing these guys by having a few conversations with them? I don't have these guys taking me out to lunch, coffee, or anything like that. I don't talk to these guys for years and years. After they have their outbursts, i'm done with them. I have my own money, i can take myself out.

 

If I want sexual attention, i don't have to go to a 75 year old man or someone i find very, very unattractive. Trust me.

 

The guy who likes motorcycles one time got me a cup of water from burger king for $0.

 

i already said, i go to places like book stores and meet women, too. They don't cause issues like the men do.

 

I don't do anything for these guys to want me except be a little nice. One guy thought i was dressing sexy for him bc i wore athletic shorts in 90 degree weather while walking. I actually thought this man was gay. What kind of ego boost do i get from hanging around with gay men?

[Usename12]

Not sure about this. Why would a man want to be friends with a homely, overweight woman? Sure there might be zero attraction, but men still don't want to be just friends with them. They have their male friends... with women it's sex or nothing.

As a guy, no you're not seeking out women you find zero attraction with as friends. But if you're working with them, have classes with them, or are in the same social groups, you could find yourself as having things in common and become a friend.

 

OP, if you're an above average looking woman, you're just going to have to accept the fact that you're not likely going to have a platonic guy friend who doesn't have ulterior motives no matter how innocent he might seem at first.

[Springsummer]

To understand this go to MGTOW or Intel sites. Some men simply don't see women as human.

G

 

seriously? don't they have a mother and/or sister(s) and/or female relative? or any female they care about?

[Springsummer]

I don't believe opposite sex could have friendship either. Never have had any success with it.

[road]

How am I playing these guys by having a few conversations with them? I don't have these guys taking me out to lunch, coffee, or anything like that. I don't talk to these guys for years and years. After they have their outbursts, i'm done with them. I have my own money, i can take myself out.

 

If I want sexual attention, i don't have to go to a 75 year old man or someone i find very, very unattractive. Trust me.

 

The guy who likes motorcycles one time got me a cup of water from burger king for $0.

 

i already said, i go to places like book stores and meet women, too. They don't cause issues like the men do.

 

I don't do anything for these guys to want me except be a little nice. One guy thought i was dressing sexy for him bc i wore athletic shorts in 90 degree weather while walking. I actually thought this man was gay. What kind of ego boost do i get from hanging around with gay men?

 

The problem is you do not have trouble getting dates. This

prevents you from seeing that men that are having trouble

getting dates will try to work every friendly hello into something.

 

You see normally they don't even get hellos.

 

Combine that when a woman wears short shorts and they look

good on her or is it she looks good in them they will find her

attractive.

 

Yes it is every women's right to be choosey when it comes to

dating.

 

Many lonely men want a dream girl yet are seen only as nightmares

by many women.

 

What is a woman to do?

 

Just shut these men down firmly and to the point. Sorry I am not looking to date.

Edited July 31, 2017 by road

[hotpotato]

The problem is you do not have trouble getting dates. This

prevents you from seeing that men that are having trouble

getting dates will try to work every friendly hello into something.

 

You see normally they don't even get hellos.

 

Combine that when a woman wears short shorts and they look

good on her or is it she looks good in them they will find her

attractive.

 

Yes it is every women's right to be choosey when it comes to

dating.

 

Many lonely men want a dream girl yet are seen only as nightmares

by many women.

 

What is a woman to do?

 

Just shut these men down firmly and to the point. Sorry I am not looking to date.

Ive shut them down, and sometimes they dont want to take no for an answer. Here comes the stalking and cyber stalking.

 

The cyber stalker said he knew id never talk to him in real life. Yet he kept asking me out, flirting with me, and inviting himself on my vacays.

 

They usually dont cone right out and ask me out at first. The usually have some bizarre outburst.

 

From now on, i wont talk to a guy unless im sexually interested in him.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ive shut them down, and sometimes they dont want to take no for an answer. Here comes the stalking and cyber stalking.

 

The cyber stalker said he knew id never talk to him in real life. Yet he kept asking me out, flirting with me, and inviting himself on my vacays.

 

They usually dont cone right out and ask me out at first. The usually have some bizarre outburst.

 

From now on, i wont talk to a guy unless im sexually interested in him.

 

 

I dunno....Not that I don't believe you, but there are women I know that would absolutely stop traffic because they are so attractive/sexy...yet don't get ANY unwanted male attention...They don't have stalkers, cyber stalkers or even interested casual admirers bothering them...There never is a need for "not taking no for an answer"...They only "let in" those they want, without so much as a word...They control this game..

 

These women have figured out a way to put up this "force field" that just shuts men down before they even think about making a move...Not that they are unfriendly or b!tchy, btw, they just know how to carry themselves in such a way that this crap doesn't become an unwanted and unnecessary part of their lives..

 

I can't say what separates you from them and I wouldn't accuse you of this, but there also have been some women I know that constantly complain of the same things you are, yet when you watch them, they are always seeming a bit flirtatious and overly talkative with every guy on the street, and its obvious that they are getting off on the attention, even if its "undesirable"....

 

TFY

[road]

I dunno....Not that I don't believe you, but there are women I know that would absolutely stop traffic because they are so attractive/sexy...yet don't get ANY unwanted male attention...They don't have stalkers, cyber stalkers or even interested casual admirers bothering them...There never is a need for "not taking no for an answer"...They only "let in" those they want, without so much as a word...They control this game..

 

These women have figured out a way to put up this "force field" that just shuts men down before they even think about making a move...Not that they are unfriendly or b!tchy, btw, they just know how to carry themselves in such a way that this crap doesn't become an unwanted and unnecessary part of their lives..

 

I can't say what separates you from them and I wouldn't accuse you of this, but there also have been some women I know that constantly complain of the same things you are, yet when you watch them, they are always seeming a bit flirtatious and overly talkative with every guy on the street, and its obvious that they are getting off on the attention, even if its "undesirable"....

 

TFY

 

Damn right!

 

There is a way they give off the vibe to not even ask them

what time is it, or even say boy it is hot out today.

 

And if you ask them a question or make a comment

their whole response to answer in few words as possible

and body language that this conversation is over and

we will never have any more conversations, ever.

[CptInsano]

seriously? don't they have a mother and/or sister(s) and/or female relative? or any female they care about?

 

I met a guy who did indeed break off contact with all female family members after becoming part of MGTOW. But that is not limited to men. I know women, a lot of them, who cannot relate to men at all, and see them as romantic interests at most.

[takeoff]

It's about having healthy boundaries. Most attractive women have learned by a certain age how to tell if a man has feelings for you and how not to give them the wrong idea. Yes it is unfair that we have to do that but it is a reality of being a woman.

[tetrahedral]

I have girl friends. Always have had mixed gender friend groups. Sometimes, cool people have vaginas.

 

And yes, I find a couple of them attractive. There's women EVERYWHERE. If you can't bring yourself to cross off a few of them, to enjoy the benefits of having cool friends, you've got bigger problems.

 

The best "wing-people" I've ever had were girls anyway. There's something about going out with girl-friends. Maybe it's a jealousy thing, I don't know? Plus they actually dance. It's hard to get guys to dance.

[CptInsano]

The best "wing-people" I've ever had were girls anyway. There's something about going out with girl-friends. Maybe it's a jealousy thing, I don't know? Plus they actually dance. It's hard to get guys to dance.

 

I agree, but I don't think it's about jealousy. It's more that your stock rises when women see you around other girls who enjoy your company. Plus, you also come across as less threatening and much safer to talk to.

[GunslingerRoland]

Clearly these men have no interest in being friends with you, they are trying to date you from the start. You'd have a much different experience having a friendship grow naturally with a man who actually wanted friendship.

[hotpotato]

I dunno....Not that I don't believe you, but there are women I know that would absolutely stop traffic because they are so attractive/sexy...yet don't get ANY unwanted male attention...They don't have stalkers, cyber stalkers or even interested casual admirers bothering them...There never is a need for "not taking no for an answer"...They only "let in" those they want, without so much as a word...They control this game..

 

These women have figured out a way to put up this "force field" that just shuts men down before they even think about making a move...Not that they are unfriendly or b!tchy, btw, they just know how to carry themselves in such a way that this crap doesn't become an unwanted and unnecessary part of their lives..

 

I can't say what separates you from them and I wouldn't accuse you of this, but there also have been some women I know that constantly complain of the same things you are, yet when you watch them, they are always seeming a bit flirtatious and overly talkative with every guy on the street, and its obvious that they are getting off on the attention, even if its "undesirable"....

 

TFY

 

Trust me, i dont act flirty lol

 

I think i have a force field. I really dont want to date. The guys i would be interested normally leave me alone, but the guys i would never want come at me. At first they seem nice then they become sexually aggressive.

 

I admit i was wrong in projecting my feelings on them, that is because i wasnt interested in them sexually is assume they were not interested in me.

 

The guy who stalked me who was close to my age, i thought was gay.

 

Trust me, if i really wanted the sexual attention, id go to a club and meet guys my age. Theres no need for me to flirt with guys im not interested in. Im actually very intriverted and kerp to myself. I dont need a lot of attention at all. Truthfully, its not an ego boost to be young and have elderly men hit on me!

 

Ive learned the hard way not just in these situations but in others, if you talk to a guy, he may think THERES A CHANCE.

Edited July 31, 2017 by hotpotato

[hotpotato]

Damn right!

 

There is a way they give off the vibe to not even ask them

what time is it, or even say boy it is hot out today.

 

And if you ask them a question or make a comment

their whole response to answer in few words as possible

and body language that this conversation is over and

we will never have any more conversations, ever.

I give off that vibe. Thats the secret of being a female and not dating for years.

 

However, sometimes a guy who i didnt view sexually for whatever reason, theyd talk to me and id be nice. Theyd think i was nice bc i was interested in them. Sometimes these guys are grandfatherly, seem very effeminate, or are extremely unattractive.

 

Id be nice bc i dont view them in a sexual way and also thought they didnt view me sexually (projection). The last time i almost had a guy friend, we talked once. I could feel it coming. Next time i saw him i ignored him. Guy was like 65 or so. I was not in the least flirty with him.

[Shining One]

Fully adult women tend to get the whole opposite sex platonic friendship thing and are relaxed with it and expect nothing more, men (in general) it appears to me, not so much and are often looking for "more".

Many of the women who wanted me to be their friend wanted the non-sexual benefits of a relationship without actually having one. It's not just men (in general) who have trouble getting the whole opposite sex platonic friendship thing.

[Shining One]

I have a few thoughts on this topic. I currently have a few female friends whom I haven't slept with. I value their friendships enough that I would not risk ruining it now for one moment of fun. The key here is value. If I had the option to sleep with most of these women in the past when I did not value their friendship as much, I admit, I would have taken the opportunity.

 

I'll freely admit that I could not be a good friend to a woman in my younger years when I was lonely and sex was something I could only dream about. I had female friends, but I lusted after all of them. Frankly, I lusted after almost everything in a skirt back then. It's no wonder most of them kept me at arm's length.

 

Almost all of my current female friends are women I met after I started having success with women. One of them is a woman I went on one date with. Another is one I used to work with. They are both younger than me and very attractive. I am capable of being a better friend to a woman now that I'm no longer constantly picturing her naked in my bed.

[Mysterio]

I go by who is in my phone. If your not on my phone at best your an aquintance. With the exception of out of town Facebook friends.

 

Off the top of my heard. I have 14 male friends.

 

I have 7 female friends. I am 46 so I will contrast their ages to me

 

DD is 40, my ex GF. We went out for 5 months in 2012. I have managed to stay friends with her. I see her about 6 times a year.

 

DS is 66 I have know her for 20 yrs. We are very close. She has a BF. He is #3 since I have met her. Everytime we meet she give me a hug and aq uick kiss. We have an Aunt/Nephew type of relationship. I find her very attractive and I told her. She said she know I have a thing for her and she has a slight thing for me as well. Its playful.

 

JC is 36. We are friends. It has crossed my mind to date her from time to time. She is very attractive, but I know its the way my mind works and plays tricks on me. Its more of a semi lust thing, but I remain friends with her. I don't have that sister/brother dynamic. I just keep it as friends and i don't try to push us in a romantic direction.

 

SO is my age 46. She is a single mother. She and I get along and its great. No problems.

 

AG is 45 and is my best female friend. We have a Brother/Sister friendship and even though she is very beautiful women. I just feel brotherly towards her.

 

JK is my friends wife. We have a Brother/Sister In Law friendship.

 

R is 40. I just have become friends with she is married. I did tell her that I have a crush on her as I did not know she was married. We are new friends and I am just leaving it like that.

 

AM is 40, and is a friend that I met when she came to Canada. She is from Australia. We are good friends. She did have a thing for me. Our lives did not go that way. So everything is good.

 

Bottom line. Its harder for Men and Woman to be friends on the same level as Men to Men and Female to Female. I think unless there is some Brother/Sister, Mom/Son, Aunt/Nephew etc vibe to the friendship. There will always be that sexual tension between the sexes.

 

I don't think that both sexes are striving to be just friends. A lot of it is default. Its going to be really hard for me to meet a new single female friend from the start, and not wish in someway that it could be more. Also. My female friends are not out there making any new male friends.

 

I don't mind having female friends. I just want the next woman I meet to be more of a GF if possible. Some woman that I can have a romantic vibe with. I think having about 7-8 female friends is enough. I don't need anymore than that.

[hotpotato]

I go by who is in my phone. If your not on my phone at best your an aquintance. With the exception of out of town Facebook friends.

 

Off the top of my heard. I have 14 male friends.

 

I have 7 female friends. I am 46 so I will contrast their ages to me

 

DD is 40, my ex GF. We went out for 5 months in 2012. I have managed to stay friends with her. I see her about 6 times a year.

 

DS is 66 I have know her for 20 yrs. We are very close. She has a BF. He is #3 since I have met her. Everytime we meet she give me a hug and aq uick kiss. We have an Aunt/Nephew type of relationship. I find her very attractive and I told her. She said she know I have a thing for her and she has a slight thing for me as well. Its playful.

 

JC is 36. We are friends. It has crossed my mind to date her from time to time. She is very attractive, but I know its the way my mind works and plays tricks on me. Its more of a semi lust thing, but I remain friends with her. I don't have that sister/brother dynamic. I just keep it as friends and i don't try to push us in a romantic direction.

 

SO is my age 46. She is a single mother. She and I get along and its great. No problems.

 

AG is 45 and is my best female friend. We have a Brother/Sister friendship and even though she is very beautiful women. I just feel brotherly towards her.

 

JK is my friends wife. We have a Brother/Sister In Law friendship.

 

R is 40. I just have become friends with she is married. I did tell her that I have a crush on her as I did not know she was married. We are new friends and I am just leaving it like that.

 

AM is 40, and is a friend that I met when she came to Canada. She is from Australia. We are good friends. She did have a thing for me. Our lives did not go that way. So everything is good.

 

Bottom line. Its harder for Men and Woman to be friends on the same level as Men to Men and Female to Female. I think unless there is some Brother/Sister, Mom/Son, Aunt/Nephew etc vibe to the friendship. There will always be that sexual tension between the sexes.

 

I don't think that both sexes are striving to be just friends. A lot of it is default. Its going to be really hard for me to meet a new single female friend from the start, and not wish in someway that it could be more. Also. My female friends are not out there making any new male friends.

 

I don't mind having female friends. I just want the next woman I meet to be more of a GF if possible. Some woman that I can have a romantic vibe with. I think having about 7-8 female friends is enough. I don't need anymore than that.

I get nonsexual vibes from these guys, but i guess it's not mutual. Heck, some of these guys give me grandfatherly vibes.

 

I won't assume anymore that they feel like I do. Nooope.

 

So no more trying to be friends with a guy no matter what! Id be nice to them sometimes only once or twice. Theyd think i was nice to them because i wanted them. Actually, i talked more to guys i wasn't interested in sexually because i don't want sex or relationship issues. It was like a really big mix up.

 

So only women or certified gay guys for friends.

[Sweetfish]

Trust me, i dont act flirty lol

 

I think i have a force field. I really dont want to date. The guys i would be interested normally leave me alone, but the guys i would never want come at me. At first they seem nice then they become sexually aggressive.

 

 

Welcome to being a female and over 30... Lol I swear you gals don't listen.

 

 

 

and do you think getting breast implants and playing victim of male attention is working? No one here including me knows what kind of interactions your having with these males and the real questions is why are you befriending 50-70 old males who normally would not have access to younger females and playing naive. Are you calling up on these males and having one on one time with them and going out.. that's on a slippery slope of dating and why are these males particular unattractive? Can you not acquire attractive male friends which in theory keep them unattractive to you? You are not being friend with these people you are being calculating for your own benefit...selecting people old and unattractive for your benefit. Would you tell your so call friends that? That is why everything is back firing on you.

 

Do you thinking riding on the back of some guys motorcycle is not some form of sexual tension on someones part. That the guy is going to be like... oh yeah I just want to be friend with her. Your not 15 potato... lets be realistic here.

 

Funny how you also shame an unattractive guy for being confident. What should he be?

 

Yes, i do pick make friends on their looks. I dont want any sexual tension on either side, ever.

So you don't pick attractive friend because than you will act as the unattractive males act towards you.

 

Great plan.. yet you are bashing men!

 

 

So your hanging out with dudes who do not get female attention. You want to be friends with them and complain they become attracted to you? You gave us an example of men who can be your grand father and a cyber stalker? The other cases are men who hardly get female attention. But its perfectly fine when you are attracted to them right?

 

Male or female you cannot expect either gender will not start being attractive to one or the other.. Stop being solipsistic and realize you are not the center of the earth and that this happen in both genders.

Edited August 13, 2017 by Sweetfish

[hotpotato]

Welcome to being a female and over 30... Lol I swear you gals don't listen.

 

 

 

and do you think getting breast implants and playing victim of male attention is working? No one here including me knows what kind of interactions your having with these males and the real questions is why are you befriending 50-70 old males who normally would not have access to younger females and playing naive. Are you calling up on these males and having one on one time with them and going out.. that's on a slippery slope of dating and why are these males particular unattractive? Can you not acquire attractive male friends which in theory keep them unattractive to you? You are not being friend with these people you are being calculating for your own benefit...selecting people old and unattractive for your benefit. Would you tell your so call friends that? That is why everything is back firing on you.

 

Do you thinking riding on the back of some guys motorcycle is not some form of sexual tension on someones part. That the guy is going to be like... oh yeah I just want to be friend with her. Your not 15 potato... lets be realistic here.

 

Funny how you also shame an unattractive guy for being confident. What should he be?

 

So you don't pick attractive friend because than you will act as the unattractive males act towards you.

 

Great plan.. yet you are bashing men!

 

 

So your hanging out with dudes who do not get female attention. You want to be friends with them and complain they become attracted to you? You gave us an example of men who can be your grand father and a cyber stalker? The other cases are men who hardly get female attention. But its perfectly fine when you are attracted to them right?

 

Male or female you cannot expect either gender will not start being attractive to one or the other.. Stop being solipsistic and realize you are not the center of the earth and that this happen in both genders.

Who is going out with these guys? It's not like, "Oh let's meet up for lunch!" type deals.

Like i said before, I don't think of them in a sexual way. So when they'd ask certain questions, i'd say the wrong things. I've said many times in this thread already that i was wrong to project my feelings onto these guys.

And yes, I do tell them I don't want them. The last one got my drift that i would never talk to him in real life. This was online. i did tell him many times that i didn't want him.

Younger guys get themselves automatically dq'd by sending inappropriate pictures. I used to hang around in bookstores a lot so it was easier to meet older guys.

 

Exactly what do you think i'm gaining from this? I could just be alone. Im a loner by nature.

 

Guys should be more realistic. I don't have to date someone who is balding, pot bellied and 70.

 

Also, riding on the back of a motorcycle is not sexual to me at all. I made it clear from the get go what i wanted and didn't want, and he didn't respect that. And he was married.

 

It's not fine when i'm attracted to them. Hello! That's why i don't have hot male friends. I don't want that.

 

What exactly do you want? Ive already said it's better to stick with gay men and women for friendship.

 

If you wanna keep it real, i do operate at a high school level as far as relationships. I'm not very experienced with men. So there, i guess i am inexperienced and naive!!!

[AriesDude]

Yeah I disagree with most people here. Girls can have guy friends. I have a few and I really don't wanna hump them bc they treat me as a man. Not a sex freak that can't keep his pants zipped up.

My advice....

Don't get a friend that chose you "because you're too unattractive for me"

And OP, yeah you met a lot of old men and weirdos.

There are decent people out there. Very few, but there are. Just get more EXP

[hotpotato]

@sweetfish

Actually guys have never really asked me out even in high school. It has nothing to do with my age. Im fit and look 20, and i could date younger guys easily if i wanted. In fact, i could easily go to a club or even a store and and get attention, but i dont want to date. And the boobs are new and have nothing to do with whats happened off and on for years. I tell these stalkers that i dont want to date and dont want them, but tgey think i still want them. *shrug*