sparkles_80s Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) I have a collegue who I am close friends in work with. We banter, open up to each other, teasing, flirt etc. He hinted a while back he wanted to marry me & is quite possessive of me & gets very jealous openly if a guy hits on me. He can even get in a bad mood about it. He wanted to come out for my birthday but as the time has got nearer he is saying maybe, even though he invited himself & really wanted to come. He says one min we are just friends, then the next min I am his wife & asks if I have a boyfriend. His quite insecure about his body & opens up to me about it a lot, sometimes everyday. His not the same with other women. Yesterday he asked me about dating advice with women & I thought his friendzoned me so I gave him some advice on a friendly level then he seemed upset I gave him advice. I thought I can accept being just a friend if that's what he wants. We do touch each other a lot & he has 'accidently' brushed my butt everyday since the 1st day he did it a few weeks back. He teases me all the time & says my name over & over. His best friend told me he is trying to make conversation with me & gave me that look as if to say he likes you. I feel like he likes me but is playing mind games, partly because his insecure about his body & maybe some other reason. He asked me yesterday all serious do I find him ugly & fat & I said no way. He is tallish & built only slightly chubby. I like his appearance a lot but he seems to think otherwise. But his mind games are wearing me down now & I would rather know what's going on but I know if I ask him he will deny it or admit it then reverse his answer around. If he just wants to be friends I am fine with that, but I am not fine with his jealousy because if we are just friends he will have to accept I will move on. I am very confident around men & lots of guys ask me out & like me at work. I know he hates this. Should I stop being his friend & how do I deal with his mind games? Edited July 27, 2017 by sparkles_80s Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Well, in his mind he probably feels he's stuck his neck way out there teasingly saying he wants to marry you. He sounds a bit of a mess, honestly, but if you see some potential in him, why not just ask him on a date. I don't usually recommend it because I had my fill of withering guys I had to lead, but he has a brash side to him with all his teasing, so maybe he just needs a nudge. But if you do, be clear it's a date. Now, also you're working together, so this will get very awkward if it doesn't work out ,but then it already is, so your call. Just say "Let's go do something Saturday." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkles_80s Posted July 27, 2017 Author Share Posted July 27, 2017 See I thought him coming to my birthday would have helped but the maybe thing has now confused me. He has been opening up to me lately about work problems & people upsetting him. His not the type to talk like this with anyone, only me & the type who pretends to be emotionless to others Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Well do you like him? Do you want to date him? If you do then just ask him out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkles_80s Posted July 27, 2017 Author Share Posted July 27, 2017 Yes but he says one thing then another so I don't know how to deal with it Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Well then if you ask him out...and he says no. Then you know. Maybe he's confused or nervous or questioning things just like you are Some one needs to get some balls and just go for it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Working with him may have something to do with him being afraid to ask him out, too, but seems like he's already crossed any lines with the marrying teasing, so not sure what the deal is. Only one way to find out, though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 He likes you but is insecure about his looks. Start talking to some other guy whom you are attracted to and if this Mr.posessive turns up , tell him that you are free to have a relationship with whom you want! Play his game onto him. How old is he? You ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 l don't think he's playing mind games , 90% of this so called mind game thing all over the net is just, and l hate this word but, trending bs if you ask me. lt's like every 2nd person is dating a narc these days too, yep. He just sounds messed up and not sure wth he wants or how he feels and so all the mixed messages and chopping and changing, pretty typical of someone stuck somewhere midway about their feelings. l don't think he really knows how he feels . You gotta bring it to a conclusion one way or another, ask him out or get him to ask you and see what happens. lf nothing comes of that or he won't go out with you your wasting your time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I am very confident around men & lots of guys ask me out & like me at work. I know he hates this. Should I stop being his friend & how do I deal with his mind games? Am I the only one surprised at the drama and romance going on at work? I mean who has time? Lucky you to have such a laid back job. Whatever it is. As for 'him' well, wishy washy drives me nuts. Either go out with me or back off. That's what I'd tell him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 As for 'him' well, wishy washy drives me nuts. Either go out with me or back off. That's what I'd tell him. True. The stuff that OP is finding sweet at the moment, will turn annoying after a while when this guy continues this behavior but doesnt step up. He doesnt realize that sooner or later its going to be a huge turn off for OP and will chalk him up as the creepy guy.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Am I the only one surprised at the drama and romance going on at work? I mean who has time? Lucky you to have such a laid back job. Whatever it is. As for 'him' well, wishy washy drives me nuts. Either go out with me or back off. That's what I'd tell him. I was thinking the exact same thing. Doesn't anybody work anymore? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Yes but he says one thing then another so I don't know how to deal with it Well just imagine how you would feel if you were dating and he continues these mind games... Do not confuse jealousy with caring, many men get jealous, but it often has more to do with them not wanting you to give your attention to other men, rather than them actually caring about you. As he is not easy to deal with, even just as a friend...and he is a co-worker and I guess he will be the type to make things very difficult for you, if you do split up, then I would pass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkles_80s Posted July 29, 2017 Author Share Posted July 29, 2017 My job is far from laid back, I work in a very busy retail store in the city & do a lot of management & training. The other guys who have asked me out are not my type due to immaturity etc. But we get our breaks & quiet periods mid week to talk & banter. I have had a think about it all & thanks everyone for responding but I think this guy isn't right for me Link to post Share on other sites
Author sparkles_80s Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 I thought I'd update everyone what happened in the end. The guy played games saying he wanted to come my party then didn't so I banned him. He brought me chocolates & things went downhill from there. One min being there for me during stressful work times, the next I was his enemy. He began insulting me infront of other guys & putting down my looks. I tried to resolve it all but being tired of the work company's bullsh*t & working closely with him & his games. I decided to leave & pursue a new career. I deleted his number & haven't contacted him since. I feel a lot better & happier I realised he had feelings for me but was immature & seemed abusive. GOOD RIDDENCE! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 He does sound very changeable not just insecure. I think that would drive me crazy in the end. Sounds like you did the right thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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