Author Cookiesandough Posted July 28, 2017 Author Share Posted July 28, 2017 What did you tell him when you cancelled. I mean, this is twice you flaked on him. I said "Hi. I'm sorry but I don't think I will be able to make it next Saturday." There has not been a response but I guess it's not necessary Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 (edited) I said "Hi. I'm sorry but I don't think I will be able to make it next Saturday." There has not been a response but I guess it's not necessary Well, I really think what should have been included from you (but was not) is some sort of explanation/apology: "It's not you, I did some thinking and I realize that I'm just not ready to date, I do apologize for the confusion". I mean, you ghosted on him last time and then YOU contacted him again. I suggest you send him that additional text and then be done with it. Edited July 28, 2017 by Imajerk17 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted July 28, 2017 Author Share Posted July 28, 2017 Well, I really think what should have been included from you (but was not) is some sort of explanation/apology: "It's not you, I did some thinking and I realize that I'm just not ready to date, I do apologize for the confusion". I mean, you ghosted on him last time and then YOU contacted him again. I suggest you send him that additional text and then be done with it. Thank you so much! That is so perfect. I will do it now . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted July 28, 2017 Author Share Posted July 28, 2017 But wait, I'm on a dating site. Are you saying I have to... Remove my profile? Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 But wait, I'm on a dating site. Are you saying I have to... Remove my profile? As it stands that you aren't ready to date now, I really think it would be a good idea. Take your profile down for the time being. All you seem to be doing on the site is causing yourself angst, AND causing confusion to the guys you end up talking with, such as this most recent one. That's not fair to anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 (edited) Thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate your advice! You're welcome. Honestly I feel like giving you a big hug and telling you it'll all work out. I also think you are accepting criticism a bit too readily. You're not that broken. Your lack of confidence is very obvious, and the irony is that you get slatted for taking advice that was overwhelmingly given to you , for having poor decision-making skills yet you are still being dictated what to do or say. I don't know how old you are, but as a general rule it is better to do what you think is right. It's okay to consider the advice given to you but I think you're selling yourself short by relying on it or holding onto it for dear life. Of course we posters on LS mean well but we are not gods; some may appear to have more experience or wisdom but you should still have the last word on what's going on in your life. Edited July 29, 2017 by littleblackheart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oasis Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 I would have gone on the date and see where things ended up. After all, it is my life and will have to live with the consequences whether the results are good or bad. Cancelling gives the appearance of being wishy-washy. And moving forward, pay attention to your own intuition, since no one knows you the way you that you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 But wait, I'm on a dating site. Are you saying I have to Remove my profile? Yes. What's the point in being on a dating site when you aren't in the right frame of mind to date? I'm not getting what purpose is being served by doing this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 For some people, getting validation isn't as simple as going on nice dates with men who treat them well. I think you only get validated if you get attention from those who initially didn't really want you or, as you say, shattered your ego. Or, in this case, someone you yourself rejected. Really Cookies, so many people have advised you to stop dating and focus on yourself... Yes^^^ this, there was a whole thread on this literally days ago! Seems like you've come along way (rolls eyes). Also don't pretend you're looking for something "casual" at this stage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) Thank you for the all the input. I am grateful for it. Profile remains up Yes. What's the point in being on a dating site when you aren't in the right frame of mind to date? I'm not getting what purpose is being served by doing this. I have cleared out my inbox, i thought that if I keep it up and come back later, I will have racked up enough messages that I can go through and find several people who interest me physically and attempt (and fail) to multidate again. The reason I have such trouble is because, as shallow as it sounds, its rare to find a man that does it for me physically from pics, which is my first criteria If my profile is up and inactive I can go back and message if they're still around? That's my logic. Yes^^^ this, there was a whole thread on this literally days ago! Seems like you've come along way (rolls eyes). Also don't pretend you're looking for something "casual" at this stage. What do you mean? Idk I seem to feel like what I want is a casual relationship with a lot of space and me time, but maybe I am wrong and you can englighten me on what's happening Edited July 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
MonkeyLogic Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Random bit of advice for OLD. Forget your inbox. Search for profiles and see which ones you are interested in. Then, search your inbox to see if any of those have said "hi". And if not, say "hi" yourself! And don't just stop at one... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 You play Overwatch? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted July 31, 2017 Author Share Posted July 31, 2017 You play Overwatch? Haha YesYou? @monkey I would but Im afraid of being too forward and I'm still really confused about the search feature/finding guys. All the guys seem decent to me, just hard to pick one that catches my interest Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Haha Yes��You? Nope. Cool, though. I hear about it a lot, so been thinking about checking it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MonkeyLogic Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 @monkey I would but Im afraid of being too forward and I'm still really confused about the search feature/finding guys. All the guys seem decent to me, just hard to pick one that catches my interest A guy either will be interested or he won't; whether you're forward or not won't make a difference either way. If you're just scanning your inbox, you don't get a realistic view of the guys that are on the site. Searching through profiles yourself and waiting for one that does catch your interest is way more efficient. Sometimes just looking at a profile will elicit an opening message from the guy as he sees that you viewed him... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Since you just kind of disappeared and after only one date, he may not have realized that you actively ghosted him, and just kinda forgot what happened. But if you went to the effort to block the guy, why would you consider giving it another shot, clearly you had strong reasons for your choices. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 (edited) You're welcome. Honestly I feel like giving you a big hug and telling you it'll all work out. I also think you are accepting criticism a bit too readily. You're not that broken. Your lack of confidence is very obvious, and the irony is that you get slatted for taking advice that was overwhelmingly given to you , for having poor decision-making skills yet you are still being dictated what to do or say. I don't know how old you are, but as a general rule it is better to do what you think is right. It's okay to consider the advice given to you but I think you're selling yourself short by relying on it or holding onto it for dear life. Of course we posters on LS mean well but we are not gods; some may appear to have more experience or wisdom but you should still have the last word on what's going on in your life. Well, I for one don't think OP is "broken" per se, I think that there are a lot of daters out there who are kind of like OP, in that they don't really take responsibility for their actions, expectations, and decision-making. It can be aggravating dealing with them. I was one of the posters who responded critically in this thread. As I said on my first post on this thread, I actually think it would have been fine for OP to go on a date with the guy in question, apologize for her actions, and give things another shot. I get that most people (not everyone) was telling OP to cancel and so OP did just that. What I didn't like was that when OP cancelled, it didn't occur to her how confusing her actions were to her date, that she needed to give some sort of explanation. Anyway stuff like that is a reason why OP gets so much heat. I think OP is pretty intelligent, but she really does need to think her actions through on how they come across/affect others. That is the big thing she needs to work on. Edited July 31, 2017 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Well, I for one don't think OP is "broken" per se, I think that there are a lot of daters out there who are kind of like OP, in that they don't really take responsibility for their actions, expectations, and decision-making. It can be aggravating dealing with them. I was one of the posters who responded critically in this thread. As I said on my first post on this thread, I actually think it would have been fine for OP to go on a date with the guy in question, apologize for her actions, and give things another shot. I get that most people (not everyone) was telling OP to cancel and so OP did just that. What I didn't like was that when OP cancelled, it didn't occur to her how confusing her actions were to her date, that she needed to give some sort of explanation. Anyway stuff like that is a reason why OP gets so much heat. I think OP is pretty intelligent, but she really does need to think her actions through on how they come across/affect others. That is the big thing she needs to work on. You are free to give whatever advice you want . FWIW, I didn't get the impression she's not taking responsibility for her actions, and actually think she is very candid about putting it out here for all to criticise, and honest in her assessment. In that instance, I felt the replies given to the OP's actions were based on quite a bit of projection and maybe her past threads (out of fairness I personally only reply to individual posts unless the OP specifically requests their past threads be taken into account, so as to remain as judgement-free as possible). No-one knows how the guy in question feels about being cancelled on, but if he's a normal, secure guy, chances are he'll be fine. He had replied to her message even after being blocked so he can't have been that traumatised in the first place. I personally have no stake in what OP decides to do, which is why I encourage her to make her own mind up and stick to it, because I believe that in the long run, putting OP back in control of her own decision-making is better than telling her what to do. Anyway, it's done now and I see she has decided to keep her profile up. Good luck in your dating endeavours, OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Since you just kind of disappeared and after only one date, he may not have realized that you actively ghosted him, and just kinda forgot what happened. But if you went to the effort to block the guy, why would you consider giving it another shot, clearly you had strong reasons for your choices. Agree. Think the ghosting was bad enough but the BLOCKING????? He'll almost certainly want to know why you did this! I suspect he might just be curious about it all, as opposed to having a genuine interest in resuming things with you again! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 I will have racked up enough messages that I can go through and find several people who interest me physically and attempt (and fail) to multidate again. I think that could be the greatest thread in the history of this forum. It could possibly break the interwebz. It must be done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 I think that could be the greatest thread in the history of this forum. It could possibly break the interwebz. It must be done. This post makes no sense to me. Like, I literally don't understand what point you're trying to make. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 What do you mean? Idk I seem to feel like what I want is a casual relationship with a lot of space and me time, but maybe I am wrong and you can englighten me on what's happening I mean that 'casual' relationships mean that the man has ZERO obligations to meet ANY of your expectations and I've seen your posts FILLED with expectations on how a man 'should' treat a woman, and also how you really got manic when that previous guy was pulling a ghost/fade. Casual relationships mean that the guy can message you WHENEVER he chooses or doesn't, can pop back up after a week or two of nothingness and anything goes. There is no way you would handle that given how much you need to seek feedback here BEFORE you've even met a guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted July 31, 2017 Author Share Posted July 31, 2017 (edited) This post makes no sense to me. Like, I literally don't understand what point you're trying to make. I think he mean like a horrible accident you feel bad for looking at but can't look away from at the same time. Agree. Think the ghosting was bad enough but the BLOCKING????? He'll almost certainly want to know why you did this! I suspect he might just be curious about it all, as opposed to having a genuine interest in resuming things with you again! Well I block on my iPhone, I don't use WhatsApp or any of that stuff. When I block someone on my phone there is literally 0 way for them to know unless they call me it will go straight to voicemail and they deduce that, which I doubt most people would do. But I was thinking the same thing and worried he might bring it up I mean that 'casual' relationships mean that the man has ZERO obligations to meet ANY of your expectations and I've seen your posts FILLED with expectations on how a man 'should' treat a woman, and also how you really got manic when that previous guy was pulling a ghost/fade. You mean the guy in my last thread(guy unexpectedly lost interest..)? I did not know I came off manic! , but we had not even met face to face, So mainly I was just not wanting waste my time waiting around/texting someone who had 0 interest even in a casual rship or meeting me anymore, that was all. Edited July 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 (edited) This post makes no sense to me. Like, I literally don't understand what point you're trying to make. The other threads have been somewhat controversial. You might have missed it talking about x-box. Edit: you do have to laugh when someone questions your relevance after talking about Nintendo. Edited July 31, 2017 by Bastile 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted July 31, 2017 Author Share Posted July 31, 2017 (edited) and I've seen your posts FILLED with expectations on how a man 'should' treat a woman. If a woman is seeking a serious, long-term relationship, she should have expectations. Lots of girls here are in casual rships with guys and want serious ones, and do not see the treatment they are getting is not indicative of a man who wants that. Like 3 days without a text and "busy", that sort of stuff. My advice is case by case based on the specific type of rship they want Like my case, there's no casual relationship, we hadn't met even, and though he made attempts to, he stopped being interested to meet and so he tried to string me along for a week later because work blah blah blah ) I would have told any woman talking to a guy online to not let him drag out meeting for a week, penpalling, it's a lack of interest, could be just a priority thing, but why waste your time when there are so many eligible men out there? Edited July 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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