goldenlotus Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I just can't seem to make this transition. I'm on several dating sites and the conversation rarely goes beyond a few sentences. Even if it seems to go well, the conversation is rarely continued on after a day or two. If I meet someone out, it usually never seems to be a mutual attraction. On the rare case that it is a mutual attraction, something goes wrong - problems at his work, I'm 40 min away and that's too far, he's interested at first but I guess loses interest, etc. I have hundreds of messages, have been on dozens of dates, and I have yet to actually have it turn into something. I know the problem can't just be me because before I turned to online dating (I work with all women and live in the burbs where there aren't many opportunities to meet people) I was pretty successful at finding relationships. I had one boyfriend who moved away, and he said I was pretty much the best relationship he had ever had. I'm reasonably attractive which is why I'm getting so many messages and dates. I'm smart and very nice, very normal...these dates usually never progress beyond one or two and nothing weird ever happens on them to make me feel like...yeah, I messed that one up! I guess I sort of feel that with all the opportunities OLD potentially has to offer, no one wants to just pick one person to focus on anymore, not enough to actually get to know me. Am I wrong about this? I'm feeling so frustrated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guy45 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Apparently I'm 50 times more attractive to women I met in person that online, point is don't take online dating seriously, I still think there's something wrong and unnatural about it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I feel I am literally surrounded by people who are in relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I feel I am literally surrounded by people who are in relationships. Same here, a lot of my friends and co-workers are married or in relationships. So yes, people are still looking for relationships. I think that OLD may give a slightly distorted impression on this regard, as it is somewhat of a playground for people who can't decide, looking for something on the side, or are just there to get attention. I'm not saying that you can't find somebody on OLD, but you can't take all that background noise that comes with it too seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I met my fiancee on OLD. And we'be been together for 2 and 1/2 years. Just saying, it happens. On dates I went on while actively involved in OLD, I learned that you can't take it seriously. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. Go into it with no expectations other than to have a pleasant conversation with someone, and maybe a funny story to tell. If you go in thinking you are looking for a life partner, you'll more than likely be disappointed. I always figured a drink or meal with someone is better than another night at home watching TV, right? Just have fun with it! If you are looking for a LTR, it might happen. But don't count on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Pretty much all my friends are in relationships, so it's certainly possible Link to post Share on other sites
MonkeyLogic Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Actually the large majority of adults in North America are in relationships. Over 50% are married, and when you include those living together, and others that are exclusive, the number has to be around 75-80%. Then take out people that aren't necessarily looking for a relationship and the percentage of people wanting a relationship, but remaining single is relatively small. Seems it's actually harder to stay single than get into a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I just got married last week, from OLD, 3 years together, so it is possible . It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life though, finding love over 40 and online dating in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 I just got married last week, from OLD, 3 years together, so it is possible . It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life though, finding love over 40 and online dating in general. I already said congrats in your wedding thread, but grats again. ?It's so great to hear stories like this. Can I ask how long you did online dating for before you found your match? Or how many dates Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 I already said congrats in your wedding thread, but grats again. ?It's so great to hear stories like this. Can I ask how long you did online dating for before you found your match? Or how many dates 18 months and about 30 men I went on at least one date with. But I read your thread and I think I went about it in a completely different way than you do. I do think that the things that matter to you and how you approach it make a lot of difference but I've been on boards like this since January 2013 and I get a lot of disagreement when I expose my theories and practices so I shut up about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MonkeyLogic Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 18 months and about 30 men I went on at least one date with. But I read your thread and I think I went about it in a completely different way than you do. I do think that the things that matter to you and how you approach it make a lot of difference but I've been on boards like this since January 2013 and I get a lot of disagreement when I expose my theories and practices so I shut up about it. Basically you have to focus on qualities that would make for a good life partner, and downplay the superficial stuff. Much easier to find a relationship if you're focusing on the right things!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 (edited) I feel the same way. At this point I'm not sure what the hell it's going to take to find someone. I'd prefer real life... meeting the old fashioned way, in other words. People can be anyone they want to be online and no one really trusts each other, or is ever the main focus of anyone else. Plus I find people ultra picky... they think they can make this stringent list of things they want in a partner, and if you don't meet the criteria they think they can afford to throw you away, because there'll always be more... someone potentially more suited to them. Don't take it personally. Not taking it personally doesn't make it easier to be alone, I know... but you're not alone in your OLD experience. Edited July 29, 2017 by Fair 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 It is hard. My lastest Romantic Prospect told me today that she was married. So I leave it alone and we are just friends now. Perhaps a lot of us should just leave it alone. Perhaps making too much of an effort is not working for us. Why can't we just leave it alone. I wish life was like this. No one is in to you romantically. You don't care or it never crosses your mind. Some one is. You semi cator to it, with out you having to compromise everything in your life. I don't know why we can't override the Love desire. If I was in Heaven making my life on earth. I would have had the great big love of my life wrapped up by now. r late 30's. I just don't see how at age 46. The ideal love is going to come into my life. I don't want a woman that is too young. I don't want someone that is too old. I just don't see that for myself. I think that perhaps its just easier for men to be fathers at a older age because of our biology where Women have to have everything wrapped up by mid 30's so for them. They don't have to work it as hard for men. So Bio wise. Maybe there is no rush for men settle down. When Men do. Its usually someone younger and with modern medicine. We are looking at age 89 to 95 before we kick off to heaven. Think about what we are all doing We are trying to put intellect to our love lives and it really can't be done. We have to let it come when it comes.. Its our restless nature that we have to battle. To me all being single means is that I can do whatever I want and I don't have to run it by someone. At the same time. I get no verbal/physical affection on a regular basis. I also don't want to end up in a relationship where I get so wrapped up with the woman, that we have kids and then are not gelled as a couple. One thing I have noticed. If I am the driving force of trying to get into a relationship. It never goes my way. I would be better off letting love find me. Its like the universe does not want me to go looking for it. It has to come. SO I am baiscally not fighting loneliness. I am fighting my own restless nature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Personally , l think like a lot of things now, sign of the times and internet era l reckon..like date sites , that's exactly what they are. And people are just messed up, poking and prodding and analyzing and reading all this crap all over the net, adjusting and trying to change themselves to be all this stuff advised everywhere , being influenced, everything has a name , throw away mentality , l dunno, coming into it now from being married 20yrs , l tell ya, never seen such a mess. People have lost their core, the simplest of instincts , grounding, it's pretty mind blowing. And then it all seems to be date site date site now, yet they're even more surreal than everything else on the net and fk with people and their heads even more. Normal people in real relationships, marriages and whatnot out there in any mall or shopping center, they're just people, ordinary people of all shapes and sizes and personalities and combos you could dream up.They never heard of or needed or been messed up by all of this , just like l was in mine. But it seems for so many single people now, it's a whole nother story and to me, from the outside looking in, all this stuff is to blame. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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