central Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I'm being merely critical of the guy because I want her to see who really cares about her wellbeing. And it's not him. I think you're being unfairly critical. You want her to be able to USE him. He barely knows her, and would be stupid to let a near-stranger move in. I wouldn't let anyone move in with me for nearly a year of serious dating, nor would I move in with someone I hadn't known for at least a year. There are too many potential problems and liabilities involved. He's not her friend - he's in the early stages of dating her, and they can't know if they will still be dating a month or so from now. It would be a risk for BOTH of them for her to move in. As her friends - who are doing a lot for her, which is wonderful; she is lucky to have such friends - can't she stay with one of you for that month, or with each for a week? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Honestly if learned that a guy I was dating for just one month was about to be homeless and had a multitude of other problems, not only would I not let him move in with me, I'd also think he has too much on his plate to be starting a new relationship and I'd step way back or stop dating him altogether. That might sound harsh but dating is different than friendship. In order for a casual dating relationship to blossom into a healthy longer term relationship it can't be rushed and it can't be extremely unbalanced where one person is literally rescuing the other. I know if my brother told me he was going to let some unemployed homeless woman move in with him after only knowing her for one month, I would be very concerned and would likely tell him to rethink his decision. It sounds like you and your other friends have been stretched pretty thin helping this girl out. She is very lucky to have friends like you in her life, however it also sounds like you were hoping that this new guy would relieve you of the burden of worrying about and caring for your friend. It's understandable but your expectations of this guy are not reasonable. Just because he has had sex with your friend it doesn't mean he has to be responsible for her. I think this situation has taken a toll on you and as a result you are unreasonably using this virtual stranger as a target to vent your frustration. Your worry and frustration is totally understandable but this guy isn't the problem or the solution and it's unfair to hold him responsible. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Honestly if learned that a guy I was dating for just one month was about to be homeless and had a multitude of other problems, not only would I not let him move in with me, I'd also think he has too much on his plate to be starting a new relationship and I'd step way back or stop dating him altogether. That might sound harsh but dating is different than friendship. In order for a casual dating relationship to blossom into a healthy longer term relationship it can't be rushed and it can't be extremely unbalanced where one person is literally rescuing the other. I know if my brother told me he was going to let some unemployed homeless woman move in with him after only knowing her for one month, I would be very concerned and would likely tell him to rethink his decision. It sounds like you and your other friends have been stretched pretty thin helping this girl out. She is very lucky to have friends like you in her life, however it also sounds like you were hoping that this new guy would relieve you of the burden of worrying about and caring for your friend. It's understandable but your expectations of this guy are not reasonable. Just because he has had sex with your friend it doesn't mean he has to be responsible for her. I think this situation has taken a toll on you and as a result you are unreasonably using this virtual stranger as a target to vent your frustration. Your worry and frustration is totally understandable but this guy isn't the problem or the solution and it's unfair to hold him responsible. Excellent point. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Her boyfriend of one month? How many times have they even seen each other? It is very unfair to dump her problems on someone she's dated just a few times. I dont blame him in the least. He doesnt even know her. She needs to figure out things on her own. Why is she not working until this new job is available? Arent there any motels that rent out by the week? Do any of her friends know anyone who would rent her a room for a month or two? Maybe she's also vested more into the relationship than he is. She's calling him her boyfriend, is he calling her his girlfriend? If you're her best friend, can't you help her find some place to stay? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I am uncertain as to what this diagnosis could possibly be, but if YOU as her best friend cannot deal with her diagnosis in YOUR home, then how on earth is some 45yo guy that she only met a month ago going to deal with it? I was coming to write exactly the same thing. For many reasons, I believe you and your friends are being unreasonably harsh on this man she's known for 30 days, OP. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I was expecting the parties to be in their early 20's. She is 45 with no savings, no job, no support system (beyond strapped friends) and needs to turn to a man she has known for a month to rescue her? Honestly, if at 45 I met someone in the same situation I don't think we would be dating any more. I would need a partner, not someone who needs rescuing. Is the cost of living really high where you are at or something? She can't even afford to sublet a room somewhere? Again, no way I would let her move in if I was him. She doesn't have anything lined up to get out of there, and once you let someone, it's very hard to get rid of them. She would littterally have tendency rights. He could be facing having to go to court to kick her out if this all went to pot. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I'm confused as to how this friend will be able to even hold down a job if her condition is as serious as OP says. I can definitely understand the bfs concerns. She definitely shouldn't be dating but trying to get herself housing and taking care of her health. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Letting her stay with him is one thing......but getting her out could be another thing altogether. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I have to agree with the others. It would be insane to let someone you barely know move into your home for an indeterminate period of time. You are expecting far too much from a 30 day relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 A boyfriend of one month who isn't asking a girl to move in with him isn't stingy. He's rational. Absolutely. This speaks to good judgment and boundaries - I'd be very impressed. It's a tough situation though and I feel for your friend. I would hope that one of your friends could offer up a temporary place for her to stay... I don't really blame the boyfriend of one month from saying its tools soon - because it is... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 She told him she didn't want a relationship. He heard that loud and clear. But there is an expectation that he would take her in off the streets? Only the most Beta of Beta Orbiters would do that. What's in this proposed living arrangement for him? Have you thought of the possibility that his other girlfriend(s) would be somewhat displeased with any female roommate of his? Have you offered your couch? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hammyy2k Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 (edited) American govt can spend so much money on bombs and wars but doesnt have money to provide homes to its homeless people and has no welfare system like europe in UK if you are jobless, you get paid by govt, you get to afford home rent, even if you have a a family, govt pays for it until you are jobless. i dont understand how the world's super power doesnt have such welfare system i think you are an american Edited July 29, 2017 by hammyy2k Link to post Share on other sites
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