smackie9 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 Maybe she wants to apologize formally because she has been feeling guilty about how things happened...and curious how you have been doing with dating and whatnot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 If you think you can meet her without being hurt, I'm always favor of amicable communication. Why not meeting her for a coffee? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Better.Man Posted July 31, 2017 Author Share Posted July 31, 2017 Please enlighten me as to your take on NC. Much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Please enlighten me as to your take on NC. Much appreciated. NC is about healing yourself. You stay away from the object of your desire so you can get over them. You don't act like the kid with his/her face pressed up against the glass window of the candy store knowing you can't go in. You don't beg. You regroup. NC is not about manipulating the other person into chasing you. NC Is not about the other person at all 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Well, as what many told me would happen, finally has. I cut off all contact with my ex once she voluntary admitted to kissing another guy. That was in late March. So basically it's been four month of NC. Of late she started texting and liking / commenting on my FB post. I let it linger a bit, then started responding politely and in brief. Our 3 yr anniversary would have been this week. I've not seen her since the breakup and never liked the suddenness of how the relationship ended. I've actively dated since the breakup, being very successful with online dating, and careful to not get into any LTR. I've actually unintentionally hurt a few girls who were getting too close. Question. Why all the sudden does contact typically reemerge after the 3 to 4 month mark? Is she missing us, perhaps bored with whomever she is/was with (I have no idea what she has been doing since the breakup), or is she simply nuts...lol. I've contemplated suggesting coffee to simply chat. What would those experienced with this do? I wouldn't even say it's the 3-4 month mark for you. I think that it's the 3 year anniversary. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 Well, as what many told me would happen, finally has. I cut off all contact with my ex once she voluntary admitted to kissing another guy. That was in late March. So basically it's been four month of NC. Of late she started texting and liking / commenting on my FB post. I let it linger a bit, then started responding politely and in brief. Our 3 yr anniversary would have been this week. I've not seen her since the breakup and never liked the suddenness of how the relationship ended. I've actively dated since the breakup, being very successful with online dating, and careful to not get into any LTR. I've actually unintentionally hurt a few girls who were getting too close. Question. Why all the sudden does contact typically reemerge after the 3 to 4 month mark? Is she missing us, perhaps bored with whomever she is/was with (I have no idea what she has been doing since the breakup), or is she simply nuts...lol. I've contemplated suggesting coffee to simply chat. What would those experienced with this do? You are asking the wrong question about her motivation, as you should be questioning your own The answer to your question as to why she came back after 3 or 4 moths is the same as it always is...because you allowed it to happen. You just set your healing process back to zero. Anything that happens now from this point forward is totally on you for leaving the door open when you should have blocked her and never responded to anything. You eventually are going to be paying for this in Spades. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Please enlighten me as to your take on NC. Much appreciated. It means No Contact. Whereas you've been having a lot of contact. The NC guide thread explains it well. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Better.Man Posted August 1, 2017 Author Share Posted August 1, 2017 Thanks for putting my dumb ass straight again. I seriously appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Yeah, you're not over her yet. Keep a few things in mind. My ex cheated, and not just a kiss, and she was the master of apologies: tears, promises, I love yous, gifts, cards, I don't want to lose you, etc... I went back and guess what...I found out they were still seeing each other. Do you want the pain again? It hurts even worse the second time around. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Better.Man Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Thanks, I can only imagine how painful round 2 must be. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Better.Man Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Yeah, you're not over her yet. Keep a few things in mind. My ex cheated, and not just a kiss, and she was the master of apologies: tears, promises, I love yous, gifts, cards, I don't want to lose you, etc... I went back and guess what...I found out they were still seeing each other. Do you want the pain again? It hurts even worse the second time around. The perplexing thing is, although my GF was a visibly shaken mess when she voluntary told me of the "kiss", she's never apologized. Again, I believe the act was a way to press the relationship. I honestly don't believe she expected me to end it. We had never argued, not once. Link to post Share on other sites
Deidre Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Nope, you did the right thing. If someone can't show you how into you they are when dating, which should be the person's best efforts lol...how will it be as time goes on? You did the right thing for you, it sounds like. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 The perplexing thing is, although my GF was a visibly shaken mess when she voluntary told me of the "kiss", she's never apologized. Again, I believe the act was a way to press the relationship. I honestly don't believe she expected me to end it. We had never argued, not once. Wow, not an apology even. I'm sorry, man. Speaking from experience, if you are ever tempted to give it another go with your gf, please think of how this would all feel in the context of a marriage and possibly with kids involved. When dating, it's much easier to part ways. In marriage, there is much more involved and it is far more complex. In the U.S no fault divorce is the norm so the judge would care less if she cheated. She's entitled to half of everything (and that means EVERYTHING) and she will probably get the kids with child support (naturally) and alimony if she isn't working. Not to mention if she remarries, another man will be raising your own kids. It's hell on earth, bro. Thank goodness my ex and I never had kids. I can't even imagine. Nope, I recommend finding a woman who can stay on the straight and narrow, one you can trust with your future, because that is what marriage is about...entrusting your futures to each other. Marriage is super serious sh$&. It sounds like you realize that but I just wanted to speak my peace here in case it helps or you needed a reminder. Good luck, man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Better.Man Posted August 3, 2017 Author Share Posted August 3, 2017 You nailed it in an earlier post, saying I'm not over her. Time is definitely doing it's thing, although "events", such as our would-be anniversary spark those old emotions. I suspect it'll be until the end of the year (9 month mark) before full recovery. I also believe I must go through a year cycle of doing things without her we once did together, such as holidays and vacations. Hey it's all gonna be good! Thanks as always for the support. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 You nailed it in an earlier post, saying I'm not over her. Time is definitely doing it's thing, although "events", such as our would-be anniversary spark those old emotions. I suspect it'll be until the end of the year (9 month mark) before full recovery. I also believe I must go through a year cycle of doing things without her we once did together, such as holidays and vacations. Hey it's all gonna be good! Thanks as always for the support. Stop giving her so much headspace! Make her insignificant by blocking her form contacting you at all and your healing will pick up speed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Better.Man Posted August 3, 2017 Author Share Posted August 3, 2017 Stop giving her so much head-space! Make her insignificant by blocking her form contacting you at all and your healing will pick up speed. I know I know...damn I was doing so good until she started texting like nothing ever happened. Time to BLOCK! How long did it take to mentally rid your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
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