3 months post BU longing and guilt

[vurtne]

Me and my ex broke of a 4 year relationship 3 months ago.

 

She went into UNI 1.5 hours away last september and we started drifting apart began seeing eachother less and less and not caring for eachother i lost feelings for her and she lost feelings for me.

 

We saw eachother 2 times a month perhaps which is indeed very little for 1.5 hour distance. When i was not with her i did not miss her that much tbh (redflag?).

 

I was no longer attracted to her and each time i went there i almost felt like "I have to go there" always went home early on the sundays after our weekend etc.

 

She broke it off and i really regret my actions of not moving in there with her even if i know when i was with her i always had some wierd anxiety i just wanted her to go away, it was a very wierd feeling.

 

Overall we had a good relationship, many trips many laughs many restaurant visits many vacations etc etc, we never had an argue in 4 years (redflag)?

 

I have now gotten into another UNI 4 hours away from her and i feel such a terrible guilt, it feels like i forced this myself.6

 

I said to her early in December that i probably wont get into the same UNI and that it would be hard for us to keep seeing eachoter. It's almost as i kept her as a safe card knowing we were gonna breakup sooner or later we just kept eachother as a damn furniture.

 

For the first 1 month of the breakup it felt like my world had collapsed, i felt such a loss i have never experienced before.

 

Now 3 months afterwards i feel extreme longing for her, nostalgia of what USED to be, and very angry at her as well. I

 

Still cry every day a little when i think how we used to be so happy before she went to UNI. What bugs me the most is that she seems so unaffected by this, i asked her if she had been sad and she sad "yeah for two days".

 

How can i get rid of the guilt, the envy, the thoughts of her being with someone else and the longing for her?

 

I know the breakup is for the best but it is just wierd how her stocked went from 0 to 100 when she broke up with me....

 

I am so regretful we did not communicate with eachother so regretful i did not spend more time with her so regretful i felt the way i felt when i was in a relationship with her....

 

I could not help it

[Zul]

My friend,

 

We always long for that which we have no longer. I too suffer from this, as do many others. It is only natural once normality has been stripped from your daily life. It is a difficult thing to overcome, but pain always ceases with time. I know exactly how you feel when you said that you are longing for what "used" to be. I do the exact same thing. What we need to realize is that while in the moment things were perfect, that feeling cannot last forever. Those moments are few-and-far-between and we need to remember them in a good light, but also remember that new moments will also come from the future.

 

I understand that you are feeling guilt and envy, unfortunately I cannot see why you should feel guilty. You both have so much in your lives that you need to do, and right now the path that each of you are carving is not the same for you both at this time. Our paths will wind, double-back and change throughout our lives; whether that means that the other person will follow your path, or carve their own is impossible to predict.

 

I know that you feel all these things, as we all do; but trust that it will get easier with time and that the regret is only because you are putting blame on yourself. You did nothing wrong and should not be feeling any regret because of it.

 

Take it easy on yourself, my friend.

 

-Zul

[vurtne]

Feels so strange how this can be so easy for her no signs of regret no signs of sadness according to her she was sad for two Days...

 

To ****ing Days and 4 years relationship why the **** would she say something like that.

 

How can she say things to my family like "we meet again soon" "i hope everything works our" "i hope we get back together"

 

And then just treat me like a piece of ****.

 

Our last talk she saids she wanted something New and to feel the butterflies. She is like a completely changed person i dont recognize her at all.

 

No one of my friends understands what has haooened to her.

 

According to her it was like someone flicked a switch and the feelings was gone.

 

She Said to me "when i meet someone i dont want you to come in between" wtf is that an indication she is seeing someone New?

 

I dont get how she can have Turner to cold and cruel towards me we used to be so Nice to eachother....