She is seeing someone else

[clist8511]

For those who take a little longer to heal than the rest, it's best to be careful not to wait too long to start dating again. There is a certain therapeutic value to meeting new prospective partners. It's amazing how past pain can melt away when new hope abounds.

 

This is so true, and you're right, it does work. I just feel like I've got things to work on before I do that. I don't actually want to date, not because of my ex but just because it's not really something I'm interested in, anymore/right now. I've been hurt a bit too many times to think that happiness lies in dating/women (that's probably something I have to work on)

[clist8511]

Did you forget how horrible she was to you? Even during your relationship? Why are you confused on this? Nc is the only way, to be free, to be happy with yourself, and find someone who loves and appreciates you.break free once and for all.

 

Thanks Vicky. I think I did forget a bit. You were there since day 1 so I know you know what you're talking about, lol

[clist8511]

In reference to highndry's point about dating; I just think that's not really for me. I think my healing is probably coming along further than I say - it's only during my really low moments that I post here, and most of the time in my actual life I'm starting to feel more in control - this is sort of a diary/reflective blog that helps me to understand my feelings.

 

I've spent most of my life dating/seeing/talking to women, with little time for my own personal goals - I've also spent the last four years in two different relationships. I'd just like to be on my own for a bit, tbh.

[Thingsfallapart]

I broke up with my BPD partner who had BPD in September. I only found out after September that she had BPD. I only recently went NC after we both went in and out of each others lives.

 

Downtown I have found a lot of your replies excellent. Thank you very much.

 

The thing about girls with BPD is that you know they are awful but for some reason you are addicted to them.

 

Even nearly 5 months after I’m still thinking about her a lot. Even though she has a bf came back to me and tagged me along as her back up or something. God only knows what she wants.

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

In reference to highndry's point about dating; I just think that's not really for me. I think my healing is probably coming along further than I say - it's only during my really low moments that I post here, and most of the time in my actual life I'm starting to feel more in control - this is sort of a diary/reflective blog that helps me to understand my feelings.

 

I've spent most of my life dating/seeing/talking to women, with little time for my own personal goals - I've also spent the last four years in two different relationships. I'd just like to be on my own for a bit, tbh.

 

I'm struggling with the question of dating/Meeting someone new, really not sure what to do. I know 100% i want to heal as quick as possible(Its the most important thing for myself right now). Am i 100% certain i want to me someone atm, not sure? Part of me does, part of me doesn't.

 

I've had some offers, Asked one person out myself. Just wasn't feeling it. Being frank, a mindless sexual in encounter(Or few. Lol) is starting to appeal to me. I feel pretty numb atm. A release might be quite nice. And if i'm really honest just having a night off where i'm not thinking about things or what happened is something i'd kill for. Its all i think about. Wish i got just a little break :-(

 

It something i don't think that i'll do. Just don't sit well with me. And there is always time for things like that, when the time is right and i feel im in a good place. But i am tempted.

 

Hope you have a good day?

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

I've re-read my last post. Its pretty crude. Truth is i really would just do anything to take the pain away. Hurts some much.

 

Guess up until now i didn't know how some people just jump straight into something else. Reason goes out the window in a time this this. Really doubt doing it solves anything.

 

I wont be one of them. Just need to focus on myself and heal.

[clist8511]

I mean, it's odd, isn't it? This 'dating on request' thing - we just sign up to a website and start firing off messages? I've actually already done that, and there was no one, on pretty much any website or app, that I was interested in. I started talking to one woman and it ended horribly and she was to be honest a bit crazy (she broke down crying in a cab on the way home from a club because I caught her dancing intimately and flirting with someone else and yeah, I didn't think that was appropriate to do on a date with me)

 

I also decided after the demise of my last relationship (OLD) that I would aim to meet someone organically, in real life. My question is how do you start 'dating' in the real world? You can't just approach lots of people, especially if your lifestyle isn't full of socialising/clubs whatever wherever people meet with the idea of dating in their heads.

 

I have hardly any friends and I'm still suffering from loneliness etc as well as not 100% being over my ex. Although I can recognise that I wouldn't get back with my ex due to how bad the relationship was, I still have emotions tied up in her which will die in time. I'm at university, trying to focus and sorting myself out. I am starting to go running, to get fit. I'm starting new hobbies.

 

I don't think dating is something that's the answer. I don't think it's right and I don't think dating people to try and get over someone is the right thing to do. Just replacing one thing with something else. Also, my last relationship started off this very way; I plunged into dating straight after being heartbroken and erm... no it didn't work, did it? I am now grieving TWO relationships as I didn't wait to get over the first.

 

Sorry for going on a rant, but I don't think dating is the answer and I am not subscribing to this whole dating-on-request fake forced online dating. There's no one in my life I'm interested in - if I meet someone out and about, OK, cool. But there is no room in my life right now for fake online dating. Then you have to start worrying about ghosting, what to say in messages, blah blah. No thank you.

[clist8511]

I've re-read my last post. Its pretty crude. Truth is i really would just do anything to take the pain away. Hurts some much.

 

Guess up until now i didn't know how some people just jump straight into something else. Reason goes out the window in a time this this. Really doubt doing it solves anything.

 

I wont be one of them. Just need to focus on myself and heal.

 

I think as a society we've just become used to y'know - signing up to apps after we break up with someone but in reality that's not how we used to deal with things and I don't believe it's natural.

 

You are doing the right thing completely by focusing on yourself and your healing. It is hard, and at times horribly lonely (I know!) but it's the healthiest way. Meeting people online is artificial anyway. If you stumble across someone you like while you're living your life that's much better. I hate how we are all so accustomed to online dating.

[vickyp]

I think you need to ask yourself, why are you still so hung up on your ex.

[clist8511]

I think you need to ask yourself, why are you still so hung up on your ex.

 

Loneliness, depression, attachment issues, abandonment issues.

 

Three months NC from a 2.5 year emotionally traumatic relationship and break up.

 

2.5 years she spent breaking up with me and coming back, often leaving substantial time (two months) between break up/coming back and 'love bombing' me - I believe this has led to me not being able to fully let go as I have done with previous relationship.

 

Trauma bonding. Extremely painful break up that I am still processing. Grieving the loss of other relationship before the last one. Two sets of grief in one.

 

Development of distrust with romance.

 

I don't believe there's a set time I should be over someone.

 

I have read that it can take up to 12/24 months to get over an emotionally abusive relationship..

 

I'm just going to stop posting on here if people are going to start asking me why I'm still hung up on her; isn't this a relationship/break up forum? I'm not crying every day, I use this to process my feelings. This is my only outlet. I do not have any friends to talk to, neither do I have family. Most people that post here probably just get initial advice then go off and speak to their mates.

 

My posts aren't asking advice, they are an outlet/expressing my feelings. I post in the coping forum and don't expect replies. I'm not fresh out of a break up madly seeking advice. I wanted this thread to be moved to coping but it didn't happen. I use this thread because it's here otherwise I'd start a new one in coping.

 

The fact that I've been posting for a while isn't indicative of my feelings. I'm not over my ex, no. I'm not 'hung up' on her, though. I don't expect her to come back. I'm not in contact with her. I post literally once a day unless I get replies. I tried journalling but it doesn't work for me as I prefer feedback. So that's what I use this for.

 

It's not helpful to come and ask why I'm not over it yet, or to repeatedly tell me to start dating. I don't want to date, nothing to do with my ex. I just do not want to date as an activity it is not something I want to do in the same way I don't want to go fishing - I have no interest in it.

 

Thank you to all who have been sympathetic and empathetic but there is no time limit on how I should be feeling.

[clist8511]

Hello Moderators, is it possible to move this thread to 'Coping'? I am no longer seeking advice on a break up but using this thread to talk about how I feel and I find the replies within this thread useful so don't want to make another. Also I think people are under the impression that I still want advice on my break up and that isn't the case.

 

Thank you

[clist8511]

I'm actually making more progress than I might let on.

 

I'm no longer suicidal, I no longer stay in bed all day crying, I no longer eat copious amounts of junk food.

 

I've signed up to a 5K run, I run daily, I keep my house clean, I keep up with hygiene, I don't sit around all day sleeping.

 

I post here when I am feeling sad. These are my thoughts. I feel like making contact but instead of doing that I come here. I'm sorry if this thread is going on too long but there's isn't as far as I know a set limit to posts nor is there a set time frame to being over someone.

 

I'm not over my ex but I'm not 'hung up' on her. I'm about to go and see my family then go for a run. I'm getting on with my life. I miss her but there's nothing I can do.

 

I still have feelings for my ex and I think about her but I'm not wistfully staring out of windows and listening to love songs and pining for her, and I've accepted the break up.

 

I thought it was meant to be healthy to talk about feelings. That's what this is.

[Jdoublenn]

That’s awesome you’re doing and feeling better!

 

Just takes time, is the way I see it.

 

I finally hit my “end”, aka the last straw with my X and I feel lovely. No longer Co verbals about him or what he’s doing. He found a new way to dispoint me everytime I gave him another chance, and finally I just gave up. And I’m happier for it!

 

PS don’t rush into dating again if you’re not ready. Sure, having a distraction works for some people. But I’m similar to you. I have to be mentally DONE with someone before I see another person romantically, or even want to give them the time of day lol. Just focus on your mental health and when it’s time for you to meet someone new, it’ll happen.