discarded00 Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 I saw my stbxh for the first time in 5 months since our separation from a distance today. My heart literally sank and I could not stop the tears. He looked good, still muscly, clean cut hair and shaven. I feel like i have gone backwards in my recovery, seeing him has made me miss him more than ever. An hour later I see my Brother in law (his brother), his partner and their child for the first time since the split. I froze and quickly turned the other way before they could see me. I thought to myself what are the chances of seeing them in one day! Just when I thought that was the end to my crappy day, I saw his Aunty while I was dashing around doing shopping, she called out my name, gave me a big hug and we chatted for about 15 minutes. She was really upset about our break up and she started crying which put me in tears too! As per my first post two months ago, we were married for 1 year and together for a total of 8 years no children. I feel like I have lost my focus after this day, I'm wishing I could be back with him I know this is crazy and I feel disappointed in myself why would I want to be with someone who treated me as poorly as he did?? no one in my life has ever treated with so much disrespect. Where the hell is my self respect??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 Your self respect is still intact. Your ego just took a hit because you saw everybody. The Aunt sounds sweet. Hang onto the fact that she thought enough of you to be upset & to offer you comfort. Since you think you went backwards, what can you do to go forwards? Do something to improve your mood or situation. If finances allow buy a new outfit, get your hair styled, get a makeover, get a massage. If finances are tight, exercise. Go for a walk. Volunteer somewhere doing something that makes you feel good, like walk a shelter dog, working at a soup kitchen, building homes at Habitat for Humanity, raising money to fight a disease or rally for a cause. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
l8estnews Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 The pain demands to be felt. There's nothing you can do about it. But yes, do a complete NO CONTACT. Focus on yourself and just take away all the negativities. This will pass 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeganButEatMyMeat Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 The human brain is weird during a breakup. The way it normally works: you're no longer in a relationship with an abusive person. Your brain forgets the bad stuff first leaving the good memories to linger for a looong time. Doesn't matter if he beat you, if you see him your brain will focus on the time when you were driving, holding hands and madly in love. Mental strength is key here. Don't let the good memories flood your thoughts. Keep forcing yourself to focus on the bad. If you let the good memories enter your thoughts for even a breif moment it will take a while to snap out of it (hours/days). I'm no pro. I still struggle with this too. Better to be alone than with someone who treats you like less than a human. Maybe apply for jobs in different cities. A new scenery may help.. it did me. I live across the country from my ex and knowing that there is zero chance I'll see her when I go to anywhere is freeing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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