Should i break up with my bf ?

[Bsbgirl]

So me and my bf have been dating for about 4 and a half years. We're both 22. I'm his first gf and he's my 3rd bf. So from the very beginning my bf has been a pretty independent person. I, on the other hand, complete opposite. He has a huge circle of friends, like too many. I just have like 2 best friends. So we both recently finished our college this year. I asked him whether he still wanted to date me now that college is done and we don't know what future lies ahead so he was like yeah we're not gonna break up. His best friend from school who he's known longer than me is currently staying in a city which is 12 hours away from our home town. And he rented out a new place too. So my bf decides he wants to do a new course now at this city for 2 months. He talked about it with his friend and then told me. I was totally devastated. I just started crying on the spot and he was like "Its just gonna be for 2 months I'm not moving to another country". But what upsets me the most is that he didn't even try to discuss with me, he discussed with his friend and then told me. And i overheard a conversation with his another friend too. He was like "Man you come too over here, we'll rock and have fun on weekends". I was so heartbroken. He doesn't even wanna be with me. Plus this city that he's going to is kinda like the las vegas of our country. So idk if he'll cheat on me. So far he's been loyal and hasn't given me a reason to doubt him but i'm so insecure about all the pretty girls that are gonna be there so i'm freaking out. My question is am i overreacting about this ? should i break up with him seeing he'd rather be having fun with his friends than being with me ?

[d0nnivain]

Nobody on the internet can tell you whether to stay or break up.

 

IMO, you are over reacting. Your BF is trying to find out what to do next. He wants to take a course to better himself. It's 60 days, not a lifetime. If you try to hold him back, he will resent you forever.

 

The Q is do you trust him or not. If you think you can't let him out of your sight for a few months, you must not have a very strong relationship.

 

The fact that he's a social person with a lot of friends doesn't seem to be a good reason to break up with him. He's always had friends.

 

Let him be. Get yourself a job with your fancy new degree. Congrats on that btw. Once you get yourself settled, figure out where or if he fits in. Do not designed your life around him at this point.

[Simple Logic]

You are reacting the way you feel. At the end of this separation you may feel differently. The only constant in our lives is change.

[road]

No reason to break up he has not cheated yet.

 

Though you need to have the talk about are the both of

you wanting to marry each other. If the answer is yes then

include that all important decisions are to be talked about

before doing them. Such as him leaving for two months

to go live in another city.

 

How important is that course to his career?

 

You both have to learn about the difference between a need

and a want. Then put the needs first.

[smackie9]

You need to have a conversation about your relationship commitment/expectations and what this being 12 hours away is going to do to it. Tell him how it makes you feel and what your fears are. Do not accept a simple "you have nothing to worry about" from him....you both need to sit down and figure what's next.

[Space Ritual]

So me and my bf have been dating for about 4 and a half years. We're both 22. I'm his first gf and he's my 3rd bf. So from the very beginning my bf has been a pretty independent person. I, on the other hand, complete opposite. He has a huge circle of friends, like too many. I just have like 2 best friends. So we both recently finished our college this year. I asked him whether he still wanted to date me now that college is done and we don't know what future lies ahead so he was like yeah we're not gonna break up. His best friend from school who he's known longer than me is currently staying in a city which is 12 hours away from our home town. And he rented out a new place too. So my bf decides he wants to do a new course now at this city for 2 months. He talked about it with his friend and then told me. I was totally devastated. I just started crying on the spot and he was like "Its just gonna be for 2 months I'm not moving to another country". But what upsets me the most is that he didn't even try to discuss with me, he discussed with his friend and then told me. And i overheard a conversation with his another friend too. He was like "Man you come too over here, we'll rock and have fun on weekends". I was so heartbroken. He doesn't even wanna be with me. Plus this city that he's going to is kinda like the las vegas of our country. So idk if he'll cheat on me. So far he's been loyal and hasn't given me a reason to doubt him but i'm so insecure about all the pretty girls that are gonna be there so i'm freaking out. My question is am i overreacting about this ? should i break up with him seeing he'd rather be having fun with his friends than being with me ?

 

Sorry this happened, however this may in fact be a Godsend for you.

 

 

Look, sure he should have discussed this with you instead of just telling you, especially after you have been together for nearly five years. But in a way he literally telegraphed his itinerary for you. So you know from ear hustlin' his convo that he is going there with fun and other things that 22 year old guys have in mind, and that's getting drunk, high and laid.

 

What this does is give YOU 2 actual months of searching your soul to answer some questions:

 

After Five years, is this the guy I want to spend my life with?

 

No...lol

 

If he just decided on this trip and told me after the fact about his decision, after you have been together this long, was I about the last thing he was thinking about?

 

Yeah, pretty much. A hard pill to swallow but you can actually spit the pill back out if you choose.

 

Is this a predictor of nefarious activity in the future?

 

Maybe not, but if I was going to get wasted and bang other chicks and my girlfriend not be the wiser about it, something like this situation would be "made to order" for a summer sex romp in Sin City.

 

Is there any conceivable reason why I should wait for him, when I have 2 months of striking out on my own to see what I want in life?

 

No. He made his decision, why do you not choose to make your own decisions about what you want in life and regarding this relationship.

 

Instead of looking at this as a crushing moment, take this as a chance for you to take some time to see what you really want. The guy is setting himself up to have some questionable behavior in a bachelor pad, so again, in his mind, he'll be able to mess about for 2 months and when he has had his fun he can come back to good old Bsbgirl and continue right where you 2 left off.

 

A rocket scientist, he is not. The one thing you don't do if you want to keep a relationship intact with your long term GF is to allay her fears and to not set yourself up in a Jersey Shore living arrangement.

 

No, young lady he gave you perhaps the greatest gift he ever gave you. And that is showing you exactly who he is without any work to find it out for yourself.

 

Young Lady, life is too short to put your happiness on hold, even for 2 days, let alone 2 months, for such a disadvantageous intermission and a fairly predictable outcome upon his return.

 

Go out and meet some new people. Take it as a time for you. And my advice is to punt him to the curb.

 

Of course you can decide that I am way off base, don't know my head form my arse and an old cynic and dismiss my advice out of hand, and stay with him. If that is indeed the case, may I suggest that upon his return,do not have unprotected sex with him until you see results of his STD panel that you will be demanding he take..

 

Good Luck

[Space Ritual]

Nobody on the internet can tell you whether to stay or break up.

 

What do you mean D0nnvain? That's pretty much my goal here at L/S, telling em what to do....LOL!

[darkmoon]

"freaking out" is over-reacting, keep your dignity, get thru this by keeping busy, keep your cool when talking with him

 

have you thought of what you will say?

Edited July 29, 2017 by darkmoon

[Arieswoman]

Bsbgirl,

If you've been dating for 4 and a half years then you were both 17 and a half when it began. In that time you have both been imperceptibly learning, maturing and changing. So neither of you are the same people you were at 17 and may not want the same things in life.

 

What is telling in all this is not that he is going away for a couple of months, but that he didn't discuss it with you first. This tells me that he's still in the "me first stage" and has some more maturing to do. He's not acting like he's in a partnership here.

 

As tough as it sounds, I agree with others that say you shouldn't put your life on hold for him.

 

You're his first g/f so he hasn't got much dating experience. So it's natural he will want to "play the field", that what 22 year old guys do,

 

To me I see a chance to strike out on your own and see what you do want in life. And maybe that's a life without him in it?

Now you have finished college and have a qualification, you'll be looking for a job. He, on the other hand will still be involved in the student life, and you may find when he comes back you don't have so much in common.

 

I dated a guy from 16 to 18. When I went away to uni that relationship became unsustainable.

When I was at Uni I dated a guy for 2 years. I was older than him and qualified first. I was building a career and he was still out partying - it didn't work any more.

 

I can't see a future with him, sorry x

[Poutrew]

Well, you already know what he is going to do. Work hard at school, and play hard on the weekends. Now, what exactly does 'play hard' mean to your boyfriend. Only you can answer that question. As a guy, I will tell you what it means to me - I will be able to act independently, and sow my wild oats with many bad girls as well as do things no one at home will ever suspect me capable of doing. And when I am done, I still have my good little girl pining away for me at home. Yes, two months is quite a respectable amount of time, and hopefully, anything I catch can be killed by a round or three of antibiotics... I would tell him that you think him being gone for two months is a great thing. It will make a man of him. And you can also use that time to find yourself as well. Tell him you are actually looking forward to a break in the relationship, and that you both can discuss if it is worth continuing as a couple after he gets back. Then forget about him, because he has already forgotten about you.

[Bsbgirl]

Ok technically he told me a week ago when he was thinking about it. But he finalized his decision after talking to his friend and then letting me know.

[Space Ritual]

Advice is still the same. Get rid of him.

[usa1ah]

Not all guys play the field when they are in a relationship.

 

My wife and I started dating in high school. I went into the military and was gone for most of a year while she was in college back home. Both of us were faithful to the other. Even though one of her friends was trying to get her to cheat. She told me all about her and she distanced herself from this so called friend. We have been married for 29 years now, together for over thirty. Each other's first on everything.

 

If you have a strong relationship and trust, then you will be alright. Be open and discuss your feelings and fears with your bf. Always talk about things, it is the only way a relationship will work.