Girlfriend cheated, meeting wednesday

[Been]

And remember if even if you did meet her she would have spun it to make her look justified in what she did. Or left out important facts.

I did this once and it was a waste of time. Once someone cheats you are not ever going to trust them fully again. You will always second guess things or read into things that aren't there.

[ExpatInItaly]

Great work, OP.

 

You won't regret the choice not to meet her. I promise.

[sandylee1]

Brilliant. Don't take her nonsense.

Loyalty isn't much to ask.

[michael_92]

Hi guys,

 

A quick, kind of messed up update: she came to my house in the afternoon (today). It's so crazy: when I act all needy and hurt she steps on me, but when I sent her a sincere text telling her I don't need this nonsense all of a sudden she is chasing me. What nerve..

 

She came to my house, crying, and I swear to God actually begging me (even using the words '' I beg you'') and told me she kissed a guy. Multiple times. It is some stupid nobody, so it didn't even hurt my confidence.

 

Ofcourse the reason was because I was the one who made her do it because of our fights. She was crying for 6 hours straights without any breaks (freaking ridiculous) and I still told her that I don't want her because I can't trust her.

 

The messed up part is that I actually believe that she is very sorry for what she did, but I can't ever trust a word that comes out of her mouth. Also she told me that if I left her, she would not survive in life, which was kind of a scary statement (she was hinting on hurting herself).

 

It is the craziest thing I have ever seen. Any advice would be nice but maybe this also shows: chase and you will be stepped on, tell her you don't care and don't show any emotion and the one who never chased is all of a sudden the chaser.

[Chi townD]

HEY MICHAEL!!!

 

Good job getting your head out of your butt and seeing what this really is. But, you should also be aware that she just may show up anyway. Just be aware of it. From what you wrote, it sounds like she has to take charge of everything. She dictates which directions a argument goes and she seems like the type that would try to lay down the law in the relationship. What she's going to have a hard time accepting that you are taking your power back.

 

She's trying to dictate when and where and you're saying "Ummmm....no thanks" in her screwed up little head, she's probably thinking, "Wait, no this isn't how this is supposed to go." Plus, you have no reason to see her. Her actions spoke louder than words.

 

And what do I always say about "Closure meetups"? They are stupid. Why subjugate yourself to her telling you that the demise of the relationship is somehow YOUR fault. YOU didn't do this...or YOU didn't do that....or what I did is a direct result of what YOU didn't do...blah...blah....it's all BS and you know it. So, it would be a meetup to justify her actions, ease her guilt and dump it all on you. Waste of time.

 

Sorry you got tangled up with a serial cheater, but don't lose hope! You are just one more heartbreak away from the person you're truly meant to be with.

[Zahara]

Hi guys,

 

A quick, kind of messed up update: she came to my house in the afternoon (today). It's so crazy: when I act all needy and hurt she steps on me, but when I sent her a sincere text telling her I don't need this nonsense all of a sudden she is chasing me. What nerve..

 

She came to my house, crying, and I swear to God actually begging me (even using the words '' I beg you'') and told me she kissed a guy. Multiple times. It is some stupid nobody, so it didn't even hurt my confidence.

 

Ofcourse the reason was because I was the one who made her do it because of our fights. She was crying for 6 hours straights without any breaks (freaking ridiculous) and I still told her that I don't want her because I can't trust her.

 

The messed up part is that I actually believe that she is very sorry for what she did, but I can't ever trust a word that comes out of her mouth. Also she told me that if I left her, she would not survive in life, which was kind of a scary statement (she was hinting on hurting herself).

 

It is the craziest thing I have ever seen. Any advice would be nice but maybe this also shows: chase and you will be stepped on, tell her you don't care and don't show any emotion and the one who never chased is all of a sudden the chaser.

 

Textbook cheater.

 

Don't even fall for the "She is very sorry" -- this is all a ploy to tug at your heartstrings. And they will say anything to guilt you -- hurting herself? If you had such an influence in her life, she wouldn't have cheated and discarded you that way.

 

These types only act this way because they are losing their attention booster. That is why when you beg, they treat you like crap. When you ignore, they need their attention fix.

 

Block her and move on.

Edited August 2, 2017 by Zahara

[ExpatInItaly]

She is the worst type of girl to date. Cheats, then cries and threatens to hurt herself if you leave.

 

Forget her. She's a completely selfish jerk, OP. If you stay, you'll have nobody but yourself to blame when she does it again. Not if, when.

[Redhead14]

Thanks all for your advice. Usually I don't take the advice because of the heartbreak. But I can honestly say that I am fairly sure I'm going to do this. You guys are right.

 

I do have one question: she said that there might be a another guy (who lives in the USA), shouldn't I go to see what the case is, to get closure for myself and knowing. Or do you guys think it is too painful.

 

Honestly I'm seriously loving the advice because it's hard to think on your own during these times and you guys make it seem so simple. I'm going to think about this all day tomorrow and if I go ghost, I go ghost. Thanks guys!

 

Closure comes from within. It comes from acceptance. Seeking closure from the other person never goes the way you hope it will, I promise you that.

 

she said that there might be a another guy -- There is another guy PERIOD. Saying "might" is really just a disclaimer. She doesn't know what his level of interest is and if it doesn't work out, she wants to keep a placeholder with you. She's really putting you on a back burned essentially. If she did come back, do you really want "sloppy seconds". Because you are being placed in second and she's being really sloppy about it.

 

Don't bother to go to that meeting. Block and delete her right now.

[fieldoflavender]

The only other thing I would say is - while she was in the wrong cheating and all, it doesn't hurt to reflect on your own on your own actions. You probably were not perfect in the relationship either - and you may want to change those behaviours for the future. It is not an excuse for her to cheat, but at the same time, you did choose to be in a relationship with her, so self-reflection is not bad either. Don't beat yourself up, but just because someone did one horrible action doesn't mean everything you did was perfect in the relationship (maybe it was I don't know but unlikely).That's the only way you will improve for the future.

[BluesPower]

First off...

 

You did the right thing. I may have just asked her to leave after about 5 minutes of this crap, but other than that you did great.

 

Second, she is still lying to you. Odds are that they slept together and I know you don't believe it but let's be real. She screwed him. She just told you they kissed multiple times because she thought that you were stupid enough to believe that. So all of that is BS.

 

Third, all the other stuff is her putting you on a guilt trip so that she can manipulate you and keep her little BF (you) under control.

 

Forth, when you act like a strong man with women, this is the behavior that you usually get. You blew her mind when you acted properly. What will happen now is, if you maintain your balls, is that she will tell he friends what happened and how mean you were to her.

 

What that will actually do is make you more attractive to the rest of the females because the can see that you will not put up with this type of BS.

 

So all and all, you are going to come out a winner by learning to be strong. If you learn to live this way, your next GF could be a good one that already knows not to jerk you around.

 

Keep up the good work...

[harrybrown]

Move.

 

no forwarding information.

 

N/C with her.

 

If she comes again, do not answer, tell her to go to her lover.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

Also she told me that if I left her, she would not survive in life, which was kind of a scary statement (she was hinting on hurting herself).

 

She has strong tendencies of Borderline Personality Disorder. Google it and watch your jaw drop.

 

Sounds like the call of the siren worked and she's got her claws back into you. You can do what you want but let me warn you now.... there will be another horrific end to this relationship, and it will be of Titanic exploding in mid air proportions.

 

Run now or she will devalue you until you have nothing (friends/money/dignity/possibly freedom) then leave you. Even people that have long term relationships with Borderlines are miserable.

 

You've been warned. Good luck.

[michael_92]

The only other thing I would say is - while she was in the wrong cheating and all, it doesn't hurt to reflect on your own on your own actions. You probably were not perfect in the relationship either - and you may want to change those behaviours for the future. It is not an excuse for her to cheat, but at the same time, you did choose to be in a relationship with her, so self-reflection is not bad either. Don't beat yourself up, but just because someone did one horrible action doesn't mean everything you did was perfect in the relationship (maybe it was I don't know but unlikely).That's the only way you will improve for the future.

 

Absolutely, I agree fully! I wasn't perfect by any means. I should have dated her more, been there more and stopped fighting so much. However, we fought because there was no trust. Also we lived together for a while but that didn't work out because we fought too much so I moved out aswell. But I was very loyal and never even thought about cheated. I am going to reflect, when the dust settles. But still, no matter how bad I was: you never cheat. She cheated, not once, twice. There is never an excuse for cheating.

[michael_92]

Again guys: thanks a lot. Talking here really opened my eyes. I was ready to meet her today and convince her to give me another chance. No more bull**** as of today.

 

I was kind of afraid for her statement regarding ''that she would not survive in life without me'' but as someone else already said: if I had such an influence on her life then she would not cheat. Simple as that. As far as I'm concerned this post and this chapter is closed.

 

I hope this does show that you can leave a cheating (ex) girlfriend by just showing you don't put up with that ****. And you can do it with your pride and honor intact! I'll just start NC forever and in all honesty: her acting needy, crying, begging and manipulating makes it at least ten times easier to cope with this break up. Again I owe you all!

[Been]

I'll bet money she SLEPT with him. She had to tell you something so "they just kissed" is what she came up with so in HER mind she didn't fully cheat as she didn't go all the way.

These are the worst type to date. Always hot and cold. One minute its the best the next its horrible. One minute your the "one" and in the same breath she starts questioning if she should continue to see you.

And I guarantee you if you get back together the something will happen of not quicker this time. Think of it as when they don't have you they want you and once they get you they become uninterested.

[magnesium]

I'll bet money she SLEPT with him. She had to tell you something so "they just kissed" is what she came up with so in HER mind she didn't fully cheat as she didn't go all the way.

 

Agreed.

 

Of course they kissed. This is trickle-truth right here. She had to reveal something. She feels better about admitting partial truth, but she will never give up the full truth.

Edited August 3, 2017 by magnesium

[PegNosePete]

Agree with the above 2 posters.

 

The messed up part is that I actually believe that she is very sorry for what she did

No, the crazy messed up part is that you actually opened the door for her and listened to her crying, and talking rubbish. This is how the conversation should have gone:

 

Her, knock on the door: "Hey Better.Man can we talk?"

You: "I have nothing to say to you. Goodbye"

Her: "Bu........"

Close door.

[lolablue17]

First, you see that when you do the right thing, it pays off. You were begging, heart broken and weak, and by refusing to meet her, you turned the picture up side down and now she's cryhing, begging, and you're strong and feeling better.

 

Let me translate her statement for you: The main thing she can't stand is that you got the upper hand. She liked the situation in which she blocked you, you were begging and boosting her ego, etc... This was great for her.

 

Now , you've managed to dodge her manipulation, and declared the winner upon achieving a judgment of ippon. She's in pannic - "How to hell did I get to the point in which I'm lying with my shoulders on the ground, defeated like a rookie".

 

This is the thing she cannot survive. She will do EVERYTHING to lure you into her trap, and then, when she catches you, and you will give her your heart again, she will smash you like a bug. I've seen this happened so many times. and it also happened to me more than once.

 

Don't fall for it. Be smarter.

Edited August 3, 2017 by lolablue17

[Been]

Lolablue17-That was great advice. Couldn't have put it any better.

People don't realize that with people such as this mans ex is that they have a HUGE ego and when they feel the other person gaining control they will do ANYTHING to get back that control just so they can be back in "control".

[sour_pikle]

Again guys: thanks a lot. Talking here really opened my eyes. I was ready to meet her today and convince her to give me another chance. No more bull**** as of today.

 

I was kind of afraid for her statement regarding ''that she would not survive in life without me'' but as someone else already said: if I had such an influence on her life then she would not cheat. Simple as that. As far as I'm concerned this post and this chapter is closed.

 

I hope this does show that you can leave a cheating (ex) girlfriend by just showing you don't put up with that ****. And you can do it with your pride and honor intact! I'll just start NC forever and in all honesty: her acting needy, crying, begging and manipulating makes it at least ten times easier to cope with this break up. Again I owe you all!

 

 

 

I hope you stick to your guns. I know in the past when my ex was cheating I let the manipulation hook me back in. Everything she told you was a complete pile of bull**** bud, I guarantee it....

 

 

Sounds like you know what to do. it's not easy but nothing worth doing is ever easy. The only thing I can see that you did wrong is not enjoy slamming your front door in her face when she showed up crying....you missed the opportunity to laugh in her face. What I would have given for that opportunity when going through my break up!! lol

[Growing_Changing]

Hey brother, I really appreciated the kind words you took time to write, I wrote back.

 

I figured I'd look up your posts and try and give you my perspective.

Man, you're in a situation that must pull at you from multiple sides.. One minute you miss her and ration with yourself that maybe she'll change and then another minute you know she wont and you know you shouldn't go back.

 

I've only been cheated on once, I feel that pain man. But it is true, the trust broken.You spent a year with someone and you trusted that person to be faithful, then she betrayed you multiple times man.. You should never be the one in this situation to beg her back. She disrespected you to the upmost degree, she doesn't deserve someone that would fight for her like you do brother.

You'll find a chick that will respect you and the love you give.

 

We're 25, We both deserve people that care about us and our trust, people that wont flake and bail at the worst point. Just like you said man, No contact is sacred. If you ever need to chat about anything, feel free to talk to me on my thread. I'm not sure how to message on here.