Guitarisgood Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 We're work colleagues. At work, it was major flirtatious behavior. Holding eye contact and her constantly licking her lips when we stare at each other talking. We'd lean into eachother keenly when reviewing each others work. As we're work colleagues, I am taking things slow and cautious. We caught up for an informal meeting the other day and went for a meal after. As we walked to the register, we both whipped out our cards and just as I was about to insist, she pulled out cash to pay first faster than a cheerleader friendzoning the highschool nerd. This is the first time a girls ever paid for anything for me. She dropped me off home after too. Admittedly I felt emasculated. It was the first time we'd found an excuse to catchup outside of work one on one and I could tell she loved it. Obviously I know as work colleagues I either take things slow or I be cautious before I commit. But thoughts when a girl pays instead of you?
Els Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Different meaning for different women. I don't think you can extrapolate anything from her paying for you, except that perhaps you two might not be compatible in that aspect. 3
Scarlett.O'hara Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 I think it is a sign of her personality, more than a sign of her interest. However, you would have to assume that there is some interest, be it platonic or romantic because of the effort she made. My only advice would be to consider whether you can deal with an assertive woman before taking things further, because it will probably always be in her nature to take charge unless you beat her to it. Women like this don't usually do it to make a guy feel weak, but as a sign that she cares and an attempt to make him feel special. This may not appeal to all men, but there are some men who love women like that and enjoy the challenge. If you do decide to make a move, I think you are going to need to be assertive an direct with her, and possibly two steps ahead wherever possible. 1
2much4 Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 It depends. I'm a woman and sometimes I'll pay for both. This is just me trying to be nice. I don't want the guy I'm seeing to feel like I'm taking advantage of him financially and it feels nicer than splitting the bill all the time. 5
coolheadal Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 We're work colleagues. At work, it was major flirtatious behavior. Holding eye contact and her constantly licking her lips when we stare at each other talking. We'd lean into eachother keenly when reviewing each others work. As we're work colleagues, I am taking things slow and cautious. We caught up for an informal meeting the other day and went for a meal after. As we walked to the register, we both whipped out our cards and just as I was about to insist, she pulled out cash to pay first faster than a cheerleader friendzoning the highschool nerd. This is the first time a girls ever paid for anything for me. She dropped me off home after too. Admittedly I felt emasculated. It was the first time we'd found an excuse to catchup outside of work one on one and I could tell she loved it. Obviously I know as work colleagues I either take things slow or I be cautious before I commit. But thoughts when a girl pays instead of you? I like it when they pay for the meals. Same thin happen to me with a Columbia woman. We both whip out business cards to pay for meal. I don't know what happen but the rest of the bill had gone her car instead of mine. I know another lady she pays for everything. Gave me money for gas, got me out of bind with too. Let's caller the Blonde Bell. She buy's me things too. I have to say I will pay first as I was raised that way, but on the second hand if the woman want to pay let them.
mikeylo Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Watch her behavior the next week at work. That would be more indicative of what's in her mind.
fred123 Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 The only indicator to know if a girl likes u romantically is if she sleeps with you. Nothing else
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 The fact that you feel emasculated by this kind gesture is the part I find most troubling. Her gesture was not an attack on your manhood. It could mean she likes you. It could also mean that she was quick to pay because she knows you, understands how macho you are & was sending an unequivocal signal that she owes you nothing because she is not going to allow you to buy her. 3
Ieris Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 There are woman who just sit there expecting you to pay so I would much prefer someone who got their wallet out with intention to pay (not alligator arms). Simply say thank you and offer to pay next time, setting up your next date. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 This is the first time a girls ever paid for anything for me. She dropped me off home after too. Admittedly I felt emasculated. It was the first time we'd found an excuse to catchup outside of work one on one and I could tell she loved it. I simply don't get men today (I'm a man). So many of you are SO insecure and full of schmatas! A woman pays, you're emasculated. A woman doesn't pay and you guys are complaining that she isn't paying. Ugh. It could be that, based on experience, she is preempted any unwanted expectations or hassle for not paying. It could be that she is not really interested in a romantic relationship right now and so, pays to avoid any romantic expectations from you. 8
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) Just see it as the kind gesture that it is and say thank you... and offer to pick up the bill next time. Edited July 30, 2017 by BaileyB
mortensorchid Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 Dicey. This is a great topic of debate of course but here's how I see it, as it's complicated... 1) Scrooge - Years ago I went out with someone who did not offer to pay my tab. Since he was obviously wasn't going to pay for me, I paid and felt a little ... Annoyed. Then he proved to me what a loser he was in another situation soon afterward. A man who does not pay for a simple meal or drink is a scrooge and won't treat a woman (or others in general) right. 2) Financial trouble - Years ago I was out with someone else. He paid and the credit card was rejected. I then took out mine and paid and my card went through. I later found out he was deep in debt, he was a greedy person now looking back. He would not spend or go places on purpose and cried poverty at all times, then he would go out and spend on some toy. But it was only something that he played with, no one else. 3) Friendzone - I have been out with guy friends, I pay for mine and he pays for his. But this is clearly a platonic friendship situation and that's fine. And that sounds like what she has done with you as a gesture towards you. I hope this turns out otherwise for you if you like her. Observe her behaviors in the days afterward.
rightondude Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 I wouldn't read too much into this singular incident. But yeah, watch what happens next week. It could be that's she wants to be asked out on an actual DATE and not just "end up on one" with you because you happened to pay.
SolG Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Who invited who? If I invite a guy out on a first date, I will generally insist on applying the protocol of he/she who invites is responsible for the bill and pay. If he invited me I will offer to pay half, but won't insist if he wants to pick up the whole tab. I find that if there are subsequent dates it then falls into a pattern of sharing or alternating the costs. One thing I do in more established Rs is when it's my turn to pay, give him the cash or my card and let him settle the bill. And if I'm the mood ask him to order for me. I find a lot men enjoy that. Why is it my preference to share costs? Because I believe that, unless there is a huge wealth disparity, that dating should be an equitable endeavor with mutual return on investment in this respect. I've never had it be an issue.
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 Are you both on the same level work wise? What you may see as flirting, she may see as competition and the fact she whipped out her cash and beat you to the payment may be part of the game she is playing. It was not a "date" in her eyes but a work meeting and she, as the "superior" made very sure she paid for the meal and then she took charge, drove and dropped you off at home too. Even if she does find you attractive and is not playing any competitive games, then I guess she is not going to be someone who is going to adhere to traditional gender roles. As that seems to upset and "emasculate" you, then think carefully as to her suitability as a love interest for you. Also as you obviously work very closely together then consider the mess you will get into at work, if you do date and then split up acrimoniously.
Versacehottie Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 You say you want to take it slow. Maybe paying is her same way of doing the exact same thing? I mean it depends how you ended up there together. Did she ask you? If yes, that's probably why she paid then. It's also possibly that she is not interested so that's a platonic move (but she probably would have split it, unless it was clear cut that she asked you to go out). Maybe she paid hoping you would ante up for the next outing? Just a guess. I think it's too early to tell. I do think it's very possible that she likes you and just wants to take it slow, i.e. keep it a little vague, just like you have been doing--this is one way that might have manifested itself, in her paying. Good luck
girlinNYC Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 I think you're overthinking the paying part. A lot of women are financially independent and want to let that vibe off to a man because most men find that attractive. Maybe she doesn't want you to think she's one of those needy girls who wants you to pay for everything. Next time you go out, make sure you pay, that way you can use the 'you paid last time' line. It is always nice when it's 50/50. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted July 31, 2017 Posted July 31, 2017 But thoughts when a girl pays instead of you? She's the one!
Author Guitarisgood Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 Thanks all! Didn't realise this topic would get so big! Umm first up yeah sure I felt emasculated but I was impressed as this is the first time a girl has ever offered to pay first. As someone mentioned, the next part was to observe how she acted over the coming days at work. So we ended up messaging eachother constantly. Then one day at my desk there appeared a gift. She'd knitted me a scarf after I'd made passing mention a while back at a work function how much I liked one that was hanging somewhere. She did get teased a bit by the staff and started being a bit more distant that day. I mean I've noticed a decrease in the flirting and more closeness developing between us. But I'm actually not sure how to go abouts things. Eventhough it's work, I have no concerns as I am only here temporarily.
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