Is my bf being obsessive with food?

[dragon_fly_7]

So I'll ask again, what do you like/love about this man?

I will start saying that he was and is still my first love. At the age of 30, I've only been with him physically. Basically it's been 10 years (since the day I left to my country) since I haven't gotten physical with another man.

Apart from that, sometimes he does advices in other areas, is affectionate whenever he isn't in his annoyed mood with the foods and compliments me in front of his co-workers and family members whenever we talked on messenger. He's also against abusers and in his words, there isn't any reason to hit a woman and was laughing at the Madea's family reunion grit scene (he said that guy deserved the grits thrown on him on that scene). In a way, the positive seems to outweight the negative.

 

I always made it clear that my two main deal-breakers are cheating and direct abuse.

[Redhead14]

I don't think so. He's just being too much into food every since a year or two years before we got back together.

 

Yes, we used to date in Miami, Fl years ago way back in 2006. I left to my country with my parents in May 2007 for reasons out of my control (and it wasn't out of choice). We broke back in 2010 over the phone and got back in Oct of 2016. When we were broken up, we were friends but nope, haven't seen each other in person for the longest.

 

He works at Publix supermarket and that's part of where he gained knowledge about cutting fruits, meats, veggies anything to do with foods.

 

He works at Publix supermarket . . . he gained knowledge -- I worked at a pharmacy many years ago, but that doesn't make me a pharmacist. When he goes to culinary school and gets his own cooking show, then he can maybe make some suggestions at least. But hanging up on you when you don't follow his "instructions", is just plain ludacris.

 

This thread is not about food.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I will start saying that he was and is still my first love. At the age of 30, I've only been with him physically. Basically it's been 10 years (since the day I left to my country) since I haven't gotten physical with another man.

Apart from that, sometimes he does advices in other areas, is affectionate whenever he isn't in his annoyed mood with the foods and compliments me in front of his co-workers and family members whenever we talked on messenger. He's also against abusers and in his words, there isn't any reason to hit a woman and was laughing at the Madea's family reunion grit scene (he said that guy deserved the grits thrown on him on that scene). In a way, the positive seems to outweight the negative.

 

I always made it clear that my two main deal-breakers are cheating and direct abuse.

 

You need to experience relationships apart from this controlling man. There are so many other fish in the sea apart from a man who is so focused on what's for dinner he's stressing you AND your parents out about it. Please understand, his behavior is weird. It's WEIRD and NOT OK....and you haven't seen him in person in years!!! WTF??

[SammySammy]

What about gluten free base with vegan cheese? I had a vegan pizza recently and I swear, the "cheese" was as good as any dairy based cheese I've eaten. It was a little creamier too - divine stuff.

 

Don't tempt me. I didn't know there was such a thing. I tend to avoid substitutes though because they are processed.

 

I just left the grocery store a couple of hours ago. You're going to make me go back.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I will start saying that he was and is still my first love. At the age of 30, I've only been with him physically. Basically it's been 10 years (since the day I left to my country) since I haven't gotten physical with another man.

Apart from that, sometimes he does advices in other areas, is affectionate whenever he isn't in his annoyed mood with the foods and compliments me in front of his co-workers and family members whenever we talked on messenger. He's also against abusers and in his words, there isn't any reason to hit a woman and was laughing at the Madea's family reunion grit scene (he said that guy deserved the grits thrown on him on that scene). In a way, the positive seems to outweight the negative.

 

I always made it clear that my two main deal-breakers are cheating and direct abuse.

 

So "indirect abuse" is OK? What does that mean? Verbal and emotional abuse is OK as long as you don't have bruises? I've experienced both. I can say with certainty physical abuse is easier to get over.

[Popsicle]

I eat unhealthy but am happy. I get guys who are health nuts telling me what to eat or not eat or to exercise all the time. I'm thin and happy and it's my life so I tell them to get off my azz and focus on themselves.

[Redhead14]

I will start saying that he was and is still my first love. At the age of 30, I've only been with him physically. Basically it's been 10 years (since the day I left to my country) since I haven't gotten physical with another man.

Apart from that, sometimes he does advices in other areas, is affectionate whenever he isn't in his annoyed mood with the foods and compliments me in front of his co-workers and family members whenever we talked on messenger. He's also against abusers and in his words, there isn't any reason to hit a woman and was laughing at the Madea's family reunion grit scene (he said that guy deserved the grits thrown on him on that scene). In a way, the positive seems to outweight the negative.

 

I always made it clear that my two main deal-breakers are cheating and direct abuse.

 

He's also against abusers and in his words -- Said every controlling, abusive boyfriend/husband until they reach their "limit" and then . . .

 

That being said, he hangs up on you. That's emotionally manipulative and abusive and he's affecting you long distance no less. This actually says more about you than it does him.

 

You are here writing about his "obsessive" need to try to control how you cook from thousands of miles, apparently, and you are actually struggling with it. That's a problem. If he has this kind of affect on you long distance, if you two ever actually spent some significant time together, you would likely be in for a rude awakening. I fear for you, not physically, but emotionally over the long run. Not just because of this "issue" but just because you're limiting yourself and your future in this situation.

 

Why don't you try dating some other guys and get a better idea of what a relationship could/should look like anyway. I don't really believe you love this guy. You love the IDEA of him.

[spiderowl]

You need to consider other guys. You seem to have just fallen into assuming he is the only one. He is very controlling over this food issue but don't think it will stop there: controlling people want to control everything.

[preraph]

It's abuse. Don't doubt it.

[guest569]

Stand up for yourself. Drop this controlling loser

[normal person]

I wanted to literally say the F word at the moment but I would lose by then and it would be over.

 

Sounds like a perfect solution, to be honest.

[Els]

When I expressed my frustration, he hung up on me.

 

This is the most concerning part to me, not the food. If one partner has a "my way or the highway" attitude, especially about somethings the OTHER partner is doing - things are really not looking good for that relationship.

 

If it weren't for that part (if he was just picky about food instead of being a giant asshat), I'd think the solution is simple - he can do all the cooking if he is that picky. You can reciprocate by either buying the groceries or doing the dishes whenever he cooks.

[Els]

I have to admit some meals from my country I did like doing it but as time went by, he's been exaggerating. Sometimes I feel like our conversation is limited to food and the reminder that it's been a year now since I started cooking and that by Nov, I'm expected to do an elaborate Thanksgiving dinner (then send pictures). That it has to look good and I can't make any mistakes otherwise he'll just hung up and don't speak with me for days...I dunno.

 

I just read this....

 

Seriously, girl, do yourself a favour and dump this sorry piece of ****. He's doing you a favour by showing you who he really is and who he would be if you ever got more serious with him. It's a terrible picture, right? Thank him for showing you his true colours before you got more invested, then block him and go NC.

[dragon_fly_7]

After the argument just this Friday just because I couldn't find a post he posted on fb on time (he was nearly not gonna speak to me for 7 days because of that), I'm starting to reconsider the relationship.

 

I told my father practically everything yesterday night. He now hates him even more than before. Today, I didn't take any pictures of my breakfast because I didn't feel like it. I'm sick of tired of doing things to only please him. I'm figuring out that it's time to be my own person. I'm already 30 years old and not someone that has to please others.

 

If it's meant to be then I'm going to assume he'll accept me for how I am, my qualities, my skills and weaknesses. If not then I don't care anymore. If it's meant for a break up and not going to the US, so beat it. The thing is I don't think I even want to have a child with him anymore.

[Els]

After the argument just this Friday just because I couldn't find a post he posted on fb on time (he was nearly not gonna speak to me for 7 days because of that), I'm starting to reconsider the relationship.

 

I told my father practically everything yesterday night. He now hates him even more than before. Today, I didn't take any pictures of my breakfast because I didn't feel like it. I'm sick of tired of doing things to only please him. I'm figuring out that it's time to be my own person. I'm already 30 years old and not someone that has to please others.

 

If it's meant to be then I'm going to assume he'll accept me for how I am, my qualities, my skills and weaknesses. If not then I don't care anymore. If it's meant for a break up and not going to the US, so beat it. The thing is I don't think I even want to have a child with him anymore.

 

I'm very glad you are reconsidering the relationship. I sincerely hope for your sake that you find the strength to end it soon.

[preraph]

After the argument just this Friday just because I couldn't find a post he posted on fb on time (he was nearly not gonna speak to me for 7 days because of that), I'm starting to reconsider the relationship.

 

I told my father practically everything yesterday night. He now hates him even more than before. Today, I didn't take any pictures of my breakfast because I didn't feel like it. I'm sick of tired of doing things to only please him. I'm figuring out that it's time to be my own person. I'm already 30 years old and not someone that has to please others.

 

If it's meant to be then I'm going to assume he'll accept me for how I am, my qualities, my skills and weaknesses. If not then I don't care anymore. If it's meant for a break up and not going to the US, so beat it. The thing is I don't think I even want to have a child with him anymore.

 

Definitely not stable or nice enough to have kids with. He'd drive them nuts being controlling and abusive. They'd grow up thinking he was normal. he's not.

[dragon_fly_7]

I'm very glad you are reconsidering the relationship. I sincerely hope for your sake that you find the strength to end it soon.

Thank you and yes I'm going to eventually end it. He's definitely not someone I now imagine myself getting married and having a child with.

 

My mother has been informed by now. Now he's greatly disliked by both.

 

I can't wait for the day I start dating again and have face-to-face contact...with a real date.

 

Let me add that in all those 10 years we've been long distance, he never once send me anything, not even a ''Hi, how are you'' postcard. He's been always a cheapskate (I don't recall getting any gift from him all these years). I once send him a bunch of stuff long ago and he took too long to pick them up. His reason was that he had a super busy working schedule.

Edited August 11, 2017 by dragon_fly_7

[preraph]

^ Which is why you don't give more than the other person reciprocates. They just act entitled and don't even appreciate it.

 

I had something similar start the downfall of a 35 year friendship for me. A few years ago, one of my best friends, who's been long distance for the past couple of decades, let me know her 30th marriage anniversary was coming up. Since she told me, I scrambled around and ordered something for her that was inscribed for them and rushed it to her. Well, literally a year later, I get a call from her thanking me for the gift which she openly admitted she had merely torn the corner wrapping off of and never fully opened until she was cleaning house just now. So she didn't even bother to open the gift and look at it or see the inscription for a whole year because she cared so little and appreciated me so little. I was livid. And the relationship went downhill from there.

[dragon_fly_7]

It's over as of today. It wasn't even worth giving him an explanation as apparently he didn't even care to ask what was wrong with me.

 

I just changed my profile pictures and the status back to single. This idiot not only took me out of his fb but blocked me while still having my parents as friends. Apparently he has no common sense that by not even having me as a friend, he's going to get deleted by my parents soon.

[Redhead14]

It's over as of today. It wasn't even worth giving him an explanation as apparently he didn't even care to ask what was wrong with me.

 

I just changed my profile pictures and the status back to single. This idiot not only took me out of his fb but blocked me while still having my parents as friends. Apparently he has no common sense that by not even having me as a friend, he's going to get deleted by my parents soon.

 

Blocking/deleting is the healthy way for someone to move on. And, he doesn't care about your parents either.

[dragon_fly_7]

Blocking/deleting is the healthy way for someone to move on. And, he doesn't care about your parents either.

According to my mother, he has put a bunch of ''I like'' on my parents' pictures. My father already told me to block him from his fb, which I did.

 

Next is my mother. She will delete him soon afterwards. He thinks he can still have a friendship with my parents even when I'm blocked. That is a stupid logic to me. My parents won't be friends with anyone that blocks me.

[preraph]

Congratulations on dumping him. You did it in a smart way, involving your parents, letting them know what was going on since he was on their social media. He is lucky your dad isn't going to go find him.

[dragon_fly_7]

Congratulations on dumping him. You did it in a smart way, involving your parents, letting them know what was going on since he was on their social media. He is lucky your dad isn't going to go find him.

Thank you.

Though to be honest, my father's been advising me to start solving my own battles as a grown woman and never let myself get taken advantage again by no one (man or woman).

 

I have to agree when he said the reason my ex bf was acting like that is because I was allowing him to treat me that way.

[basil67]

Thank you so much for coming back to tell us of your decision. I'm so proud of you for turning your back on him.

[preraph]

Thank you.

Though to be honest, my father's been advising me to start solving my own battles as a grown woman and never let myself get taken advantage again by no one (man or woman).

 

I have to agree when he said the reason my ex bf was acting like that is because I was allowing him to treat me that way.

 

Your dad is a wise man who has trained you to be a wise woman. Doesn't get much better than that!