BikerMike Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 women's opinion needed on this one. Do you girl ever dress up to grab the attention of a good-looking guy or guys at work even though you're already in a relationship or married? Some guys like me would feel awfully weird in a situation like this. But my girl's insecure about her looks, although she's in good shape. Although I assure her, she feel she looks old. In the past she's told me that a couple guys at work give her second looks when she dresses up. She stopped telling me after she knows I didn't like it. She still dresses well and I know it's for the couple guys. I don't wanna stop her cos I know she's insecure; she's really a good mother to the kids, though. But I think she's insecure and need to know she can still rope in some attention. You think there's something wrong with her? Do I have something to worry about, like when girls do that does that mean they automatically wanna cheat? You girls do the same thing? Is it just something innocent? Link to post Share on other sites
noname Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Originally posted by BikerMike women's opinion needed on this one. Do you girl ever dress up to grab the attention of a good-looking guy or guys at work even though you're already in a relationship or married? Some guys like me would feel awfully weird in a situation like this. But my girl's insecure about her looks, although she's in good shape. Although I assure her, she feel she looks old. In the past she's told me that a couple guys at work give her second looks when she dresses up. She stopped telling me after she knows I didn't like it. She still dresses well and I know it's for the couple guys. I don't wanna stop her cos I know she's insecure; she's really a good mother to the kids, though. But I think she's insecure and need to know she can still rope in some attention. You think there's something wrong with her? Do I have something to worry about, like when girls do that does that mean they automatically wanna cheat? You girls do the same thing? Is it just something innocent? sorry, i'm not a girl. but the answer is yes. they need attention. but i don't think you have anything to worry about. it doesn't mean they want to cheat. it just means they are a woman. i'm sure she would dress up even if she worked with all women. women like to look and feel nice and attractive, no matter what their style is. they don't just try to look nice in order to rope in a guy and decide to be a bum once they have him. relax. she is probably just trying to be and feel beautiful... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 A good deal of people like to know that they are objectively attractive, and not just attractive to their mate (who is of course, biased). Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvsiamese Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 I am a firm believer in the theory that how you dress affects your mindset. Is she dressing up and looking professional? This makes her feel better and stronger. If she is dressing sexy, it makes her feel more sexy. It goes on and on. What I am seeing in the business world these days is a whole lot of inappropriate dressing and it runs the gamut from sloppy to skanky. The behaviour is following the manner of dress, as well. Maybe I am old fashioned but I am put off by someone who looks like they just got out of bed, or came from the gym or in from the local red light district when I walk into an office. I have often joked that I have seen hookers dressed with more class than in some offices (or the local junior high is another example.) You don't indicate your ages but there are times for both men and women when you suddenly feel old and the days when you could eat what you wanted and go out and have fun without worrying seem very attractive. We tend to forget all of the problems that those days carried with them. It's not that we seriously would want to go back to that, but we just need to feel that we haven't lost "it" altogether and it's ourselves we are trying to impress. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 You know how they say it's natural for men to look at other women? Well we like to be looked at too. My husband isn't bad about looking at eye candy all the time, he actually tries really hard not to. I tone down the way I dress so that I don't draw as much attention. If you show respect, you'll be more likely to get it back. If you are really into porn and looking at other women, she is going to want some of the attention from other men that you are giving to other women. At least that's how I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by BikerMike women's opinion needed on this one. Do you girl ever dress up to grab the attention of a good-looking guy or guys at work even though you're already in a relationship or married? Some guys like me would feel awfully weird in a situation like this. But my girl's insecure about her looks, although she's in good shape. Although I assure her, she feel she looks old. In the past she's told me that a couple guys at work give her second looks when she dresses up. She stopped telling me after she knows I didn't like it. She still dresses well and I know it's for the couple guys. I don't wanna stop her cos I know she's insecure; she's really a good mother to the kids, though. But I think she's insecure and need to know she can still rope in some attention. You think there's something wrong with her? Do I have something to worry about, like when girls do that does that mean they automatically wanna cheat? You girls do the same thing? Is it just something innocent? Short answer? Yes. Many women have self esteem issues and are reassured by random attention from men. It is also a shyt test to see what you will put up with. Tell her to knock it off. If you are not married to her, then you can walk. if you are, well, that's your own fault. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 EEK! She dresses up so OTHER men will look at her at work? I have a problem with that, for sure! I don't come to work to be oogled, I come to make money. I dress professional so I will be treated the same. Women who wander the halls in their club gear make it harder for all of us to be taken seriously. You don't see professiona men toodling around in their sweats and tank tops - there's a time and place for everything! As to is it normal? I think it's normal if she's got some huge self-esteem issues, which it sounds like she does. I like to vamp for my husband, and especially on date nights. I don't mind so much if other guys look at me, but I'd never tell him if someone was. Link to post Share on other sites
Jolene Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 You are merely being presumptuous that she is dressing up for these other guys at work. Stay with me on this.... A good deal of people like to know that they are objectively attractive, and not just attractive to their mate (who is of course, biased). This hits the nail right on the head. We are all human and we all have what is called an EGO. It can be the root of many evils, but generally, we decide what things will feed into it. Since women are valued highly and respected for physical beauty (please, guys, let's not get into that thread again as I am still exhausted from the last ride into that frustrating hell), we make ourselves feel better by making an effort to be the best we can be. When we are in a relationship, we continue to do this or else we are accused of being lazy or letting ourselves go. I know I get looks and stares. But at the end of the day, the best reward is when my fiance/hubby gets to take a gander at my package. It makes my day to do that for him and him only. Sorry that there are other guys out there, but I'm not covering up and depriving my own man just because another might sneak a peek. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius Short answer? Yes. Many women have self esteem issues and are reassured by random attention from men. It is also a shyt test to see what you will put up with. Tell her to knock it off. If you are not married to her, then you can walk. if you are, well, that's your own fault. I am an attention seeker. My exHusband never said or did anything to make me feel beautiful. My friends in school got all the cute guys and/or stole the ones I had my eye on even if they weren't cute. My siblings teased me to no end calling me baby, ugly, and other discriminatory names since I had my dad's darker complexion and they had my blonde-haired blue-eyed mom's looks. My brother's friends sexually abused me and for some sick deranged reason I liked it (I was only 12). I am dealing with this. I have paid for this. It's not my fault. So don't tell guys to WALK just because their SO is insecure. DO make her feel beautiful, whether or not it's less apparent on the outside. TELL her she is beautiful AND tell her WHY you think so and never stop telling her. As soon as she feels she is not getting your attention SHE WILL CHEAT. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 As soon as she feels she is not getting your attention SHE WILL CHEAT. Another reason not to be involved with people whose egos require attention. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by Jolene You are merely being presumptuous that she is dressing up for these other guys at work. Not at all. I was responding to the original poster who said: She still dresses well and I know it's for the couple guys. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 As soon as she feels she is not getting your attention SHE WILL CHEAT. awww... come one MWC, you can't be serious on this one. I concede a woman is more prone to cheat if her SO is not giving her 'nuff attention, but that certainly's not the prerequisite to wanna cheat. That's tantamount to sayin' women have no self-control w/o their SO's attention. Haven't I seen enough women in happy marriages cheat. Hop over to the infidelity forum and take a look. So what does that tell ya? If a woman wants to cheat, she will. That's got not much to do with her being an attention seeker. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius Another reason not to be involved with people whose egos require attention. exactly Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey awww... come one MWC, you can't be serious on this one. I concede a woman is more prone to cheat if her SO is not giving her 'nuff attention, but that certainly's not the prerequisite to wanna cheat. That's tantamount to sayin' women have no self-control w/o their SO's attention. Haven't I seen enough women in happy marriages cheat. Hop over to the infidelity forum and take a look. So what does that tell ya? If a woman wants to cheat, she will. That's got not much to do with her being an attention seeker. Cheating has EVERYTHING to do with being an attention seeker. Why else would a woman cheat? If she didn't love the attention, she would back away. I don't agree that one should stay away from those who need their ego's fed. There is someone for everyone. Everyone is different and nobody is perfect. If that is their only flaw, if they're a caring, giving and kind person and/or a wonderful parent, if they have a kazillion other good qualities except a tiny flaw that they are insecure in some way, this is no reason to stay away. Some people LIKE to be with a person like this. Just as some people are drawn to abusers, or the same type of personality, or look. Each person has their own "datability" category and their "non-datable" category and it varies from person to person. You can't generalize on this. I admit to my new dates that I have cheated, and they still ask me out on a second date. Maybe they think they can change me? Maybe they CAN. But I have learned....if I'm not getting the attention I desire, I will tell them, and either they smarten up or I will move on (er..ending it first of course). Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Why would anyone bother dating someone who was so comparitively high maintenence, insecure and needy when there are so many people out there who are not? Sure there is a price point at which buyer and seller in the love-market might agree that a couple of insecurities aren't that big a deal, but why shoot for the discount rack? Insecure people are just comparatively less attractive than other people. AND they tend to cheat at the extremes. Just not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 As soon as she feels she is not getting your attention SHE WILL CHEAT. I originally disagreed with this view. Which, purportedly implies all women will behave this way. Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Cheating has EVERYTHING to do with being an attention seeker. Why else would a woman cheat? If she didn't love the attention, she would back away. summing up what you said above... you're sayin' a woman who is an attention seeker but doesn't get the attention at home will cheat? Really? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 I don't dress to impress other men however it makes me feel good when a nice looking man checks me out. Doesn't mean I will do anything about it. Men like it when women check them out too- we're all only human. A nice glance and a smile when you're exiting the elevator will perk up your step all day! Am I going to turn around and leave my man just because Mr. GQ might have smiled at me? Noooooooo. Men complain when women get sloppy and don't take care of themselves. Apparently if you take good care of yourself and dress well that's wrong too? Come on, we can't have it both ways! Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 If you're out with a guy, then it's nice to get one or two admiring glances from other men. Not only is it a boost, but in my experience men take it as a compliment to their taste in women (provided the look isn't overly lecherous or accompanied with catcalls/comments that are provocative towards them ). Any time I've been out somewhere with a good looking guy, I feel rather chuffed when other women look at him. Ultimately, it's your partner you're really interested in attracting - but it's nice to have their taste validated by other people from time to time. Less a case of needing attention, more a case of enjoying it if it comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I was thinking about this last night. I took my daughter with me to Walmart to pick up a few things for my husband for school. At the door, the firefighters were taking up money in their boots for MD. I gave her money to put in the boot and she was scared to do it so she asked me to do it. The firefighter was cute and a bit flirty. I could tell he liked what he saw. I smiled and went on in. No big deal. Made me feel good that hey, I'm a 35+ mom of two and I still get cute guys flirting with me, nothing more. If your gf is not acting inappropriately or dressing completely slutty then I'd be examining why you're so insecure that her looking nice and feeling good about herself is a problem for you. Link to post Share on other sites
sburtug03 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 I sound like your girlfriend to be honest. I dress up to attract men even though I have a boyfriend. It is for different reasons than your girlfriends though. I am insecure and my boyfriend ogles girls in front of me. I have told him a few times about this but it gets me nowhere, so my way of getting back at him is to make men ogle me. I also flirt too but not in his presence. It makes me feel attractive as I feel that my boyfriend finds other women more attractive than me. This sounds very different to your situation though. Make sure you tell your partner just how sexy, attractive she is, to an insecure person once in never enough. x Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 Originally posted by sburtug03 I sound like your girlfriend to be honest. I dress up to attract men even though I have a boyfriend. It is for different reasons than your girlfriends though. I am insecure and my boyfriend ogles girls in front of me. I have told him a few times about this but it gets me nowhere, so my way of getting back at him is to make men ogle me. I also flirt too but not in his presence. It makes me feel attractive as I feel that my boyfriend finds other women more attractive than me. This sounds very different to your situation though. Make sure you tell your partner just how sexy, attractive she is, to an insecure person once in never enough. x Ya what she said. If sburtug's situation got worse, as in NO attention from her boyfriend, why shouldn't she seek attention from another man? I know the "right" thing would be to end the relationship first so okay maybe not ALL insecure women cheat. I was being general... Link to post Share on other sites
Concern Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 It should have nothing to do with how she feels about your relationship. I've dressed up sometimes when I'm feeling extra bloated or having a bad day/week. Girls see clothes as ways to hide themselves be someone else, that's why if you go to the mall most of the stores are cater towards women and 99% of stores in the mall are for clothes. As long as she dresses nice and looking professional, I wouldn't worry about it. Now if you know she likes a particular guy she works with, and she dresses sexy (work inappropriate sexy) then I would worry. You know, you as her man can also compliment her and make her feel attractive. I am curious, are you worried that with her dressing up you might lose her? Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 sburtug03, I'd suggest that when your b/f pulls stuff like that, you actually encourage it. Say something about how hot she is -- in a very confident way -- and about how you bet her b/f is a god, or some BS like that. A lot of confidence on your part (faked at first, then eventually second nature) and his attention won't gravitate to others, except for the most minimal, normal ways. If it still does, then you have a problem that he is disrespectful. Link to post Share on other sites
sburtug03 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 I like your style! The problem is I don't think I could do it well as I may feel like a hypocrite however, if its going to stop him its worth a try. Any suggestions of what I should actually say so that I don't say something stupid in the heat of the moment? The other problem is he does it that often that I may sound like a broken record! x Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 If you are trying to be funny about it, then encourage him to go get her number because you want to see how much game he has. If you are bored with him doing this (and be BORED, not mad) tell him very dispassionately that it's kind of dull watching him do this -- and do you need to go find yourself a grown-up boy to hang with? Link to post Share on other sites
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